a/n-I hate writer's block DX
Chapter Two- Let It Be
47 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes ticked by. The first 4 days, 2 hours, and 38 minutes were spent in an Alliance hospital with stern military doctors lecturing him about how reckless he was and that he almost died.
"You're a lucky man, Lieutenant. With as much biotics as you were swimming in, your implants in your brain should have shattered. If that had happened, it would have severed the connective tissues and you would have bled to death."
Kaidan felt he would have been luckier if that damned L2 implant had shattered. Hey, no more migraines, right Doc? Admiral Hackett requested he take a minimum of 30 days sick leave in order to recover and pull himself back together.
And that he see an Alliance shrink.
Kaidan sat in the living room of his new flat in one of the recently rebuilt wards. Anderson had set him up in the 900 blocks, it was a nice place, certainly bigger than what he was used to. But he knew that the captain did it so he could keep an eye on him. Not that he blamed his former CO; he just didn't like the idea that people felt he had to be babysat.
He unbuttoned the jacket of his dress blues and leaned forward to pour himself a drink. Ice clinked around the small glass as he lifted it up to take a sip. Anderson had given him a bottle of scotch as a house-warming/sympathy gift and this was the first time he felt like he really needed it. It burned his throat on the way down. So, this is scotch, Captain? It tastes like fossil fuel. He took another sip; It's not that bad actually…
Taking another sip of his drink, he picked up a small holoframe and then leaned back against the sofa cushions. He thumbed the edge of the frame; inside it was a holo of a fair-skinned woman with platinum blond hair and the greenest eyes he had ever seen. He smiled to himself as he gazed at the holo of Alice, With eyes and hair like that; she always seemed more than human. Like a Valkyrie, or a demigod…
It was also the only picture of her that he had with her dressed in something other than her Alliance uniform. She wore a red lightweight long-sleeved shirt and dark denim jeans. It was windy that day and her hair blew around her face, but she still looked amazing.
Kaidan closed his eyes and thought about weekend that the picture was taken. It was shortly after the Battle of The Citadel, the Normandy resupplied in the nearby Boltzmann system, on Bekenstein. Shepard gave the whole crew a weekend pass and kicked them off of the Normandy, giving her and Kaidan some much needed alone time. The only time we really ever had…
Kaidan opened his eyes and looked down at his omni tool. He opened it and scrolled through his files, looking for one in particular. It was a song that she really liked; she told him it was her favorite. It was by some old Earth band called The Beatles and her father used to sing it to her all the time. After a moment or two, he found it and music began to softly play from his omni tool.
"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be…"
Kaidan took another sip of scotch and let his head loll back against the sofa and closed his eyes. His thoughts drifted to that weekend on Bekenstein. He could almost touch her soft, pale hair and taste her sweet skin. He wound himself up in his thoughts, pushing any sign of reality away. He was back on the Normandy, tangled with her. And unbeknownst to him, his biotics were flaring, lifting several objects around him and suspending them in the air.
A voice interrupted his daydream, "Kaidan?"
Kaidan's eyes snapped open and he sat up right. As he did, the holoframe and the bottle of scotch fell harmlessly onto the sofa. The lamp, on the other hand, smashed into the hardwood floor. "Shit!"
Kaidan looked to the direction of the voice; a familiar turian was standing in his living room, "Garrus?"
Garrus bent to pick up the shards of the broken lamp from the floor, "I've been trying to get you to answer the door for the last ten minutes. Your VI finally let me in."
A disembodied female synthesized voice filled the air, "My apologies Kaidan, I could not rouse you to open the door. And Officer Vakarian is a respected member of C-Sec…"
Kaidan rubbed his forehead, "It's fine, Erin. Garrus is a friend." He stood and placed his glass on the table, "What can I do for you, Garrus? I'd offer you a drink, but I don't think I have anything dextro-friendly…"
"You left the memorial, Kaidan."
Kaidan sucked in sharply, as if someone was pressing on his chest, "Yeah, I did." He bent to pour himself another drink and raised the glass to his lips, "I thought I'd have my own private memorial for her."
Garrus scowled and crossed his arms, "We all miss her, Kaidan."
Kaidan took another sip, "It's different for me."
Garrus stepped closer and took the glass out of his hand, placing it back on the table, "Dammit Kaidan! I know it's different for you! We all do!" Garrus pulled in a slow breath, "She wouldn't want this for you. And if you don't believe that…"
Kaidan narrowed his dark eyes at the turian's blue ones, "I know that. I have barely touched a dri—"
"Not the drinking," Garrus interrupted, "The locking yourself away. No one has heard more than two words from you since it happened."
Kaidan turned away from Garrus, "I just wanted to be alone."
"Well, you're not allowed to be, not today," Garrus placed his hand on Kaidan's shoulder, turning him back to face him, "Anderson asked me to find you. He says that there's someone you should meet."
Kaidan lifted an eyebrow, "And who's that?"
oOo
"Alenko, there you are!" Anderson called from his table in the embassy lounge. "We were wondering where you ran off to."
Kaidan and Garrus walked over to the table and took their seats. Kaidan looked across at the woman sitting next to Captain Anderson. Her nose and hair were all wrong, but she had the same green eyes. The demigod…
"Alenko, I'd like you to meet Captain Hannah Shepard, XO of the Kilimanjaro. She's Alice's mother."
The woman reached across and offered her hand to Kaidan, "Nice to finally meet you, Kaidan. I've heard quite a bit about you."
Kaidan took her hand and shook it, "Hopefully it wasn't all bad. But it is nice to meet you as well, ma'am."
Anderson stood from the table, as did Garrus, "Well there are some things I need to attend to. Alenko, you are to report to Captain Charles at 0700 tomorrow for your new orders. Captain Shepard," he held his hand down to Hannah, "It was a pleasure. I'm sure we'll see each other again before you leave the Citadel." Anderson nodded at Garrus and they both walked towards the door, leaving Kaidan alone with Shepard's mother.
"So, Kaidan, what are you drinking?" Hannah waved down a server that was walking nearby.
Kaidan wrung his hands under the table, "Erm, scotch, if they have it."
"Two scotches, please." Hannah turned back to face Kaidan and narrowed her eyes at him, "So, you're the lieutenant that my daughter was willing to risk her career for?"
Kaidan's cheeks grew uncomfortably hot, "I suppose I am, yes." Kaidan had never been serious enough with a woman to have to face her parents. Just my luck, right Alice?
The captain ran her hand through her light brown hair. Kaidan took notice of a few silver streaks as she did. The server came back and set their drinks down on the table, smiled, and then mercifully, walked away.
They both sat in silence sipping their drinks for a few long moments. Then Hannah spoke again.
"She loved you. I hope you know that."
All the air left Kaidan's lungs and the scotch burned his throat on the way down. He truly didn't know how to respond. Of course he knew. Didn't he? She said she did and he believed her. And now seemed like a silly time for him to question that, but that didn't stop his thought from turning down that dark road.
"I loved her, too. And I am so sorry. I should have done…something. Anything."
Hannah smiled softly and shook her head, "It couldn't be helped. If you had stayed, I'd be having this conversation with your mother, instead of you." She set her glass down on the table and folded her hands in front of her, "Wishing will not bring her back. Remember her, and do better for her."
Kaidan took another sip of his drink, "But it doesn't stop the guilt does it?"
Hannah was quiet for a long moment, "No, it doesn't." She drained the rest of her scotch and held her glass up, signaling their server, "Two more please." The server nodded and left and Hannah continued, "But if I know my Allie, she would be disappointed with you feeling guilty over something you couldn't control. From what she told me about you, you tend to over think yourself into an ulcer."
Kaidan chuckled into his glass, "Yeah that sounds like something she'd say. Wait…you called her Allie?"
The server set their drinks in front of them, smiled and left again. Hannah smiled to herself and seemed to be very far away for a few moments. Her eyes refocused, "She hated it."
"It must be a mom thing, then. My mom still calls me Kaidy."
"Well, Kaidy," she laughed at the light shade of red that Kaidan's face turned, "I am going to give you the same advice that I gave to my Allie after her father died. " She drained half of her scotch in one swallow before setting her glass back down, "There is grace after the fall. I promise you that this is not the end of everything."
Kaidan nodded and raised his glass, "To Alice."
"To Alice."
Kaidan took a sip, I don't know if I am the graceful type…
