Finn is lost, and where do boys who are lost end up? Standing in the hallway outside of one of their ex-girlfriend's dorm room. (Okay, he realizes that probably doesn't happen very often, but in his case, it is happening like, right now.)
He raises his fist and knocks on the door twice. Loudly.
He is just about to knock again when the door opens, revealing a slim blonde girl in a torn up Green Day t-shirt, much like one that Puck used to own, and... nothing else.
"Finn?" The questioning voice of Quinn Fabray forces Finn to tear his gaze away from her legs and focus on her face. Quinn is as beautiful as ever; her hair has gotten longer and she looks healthy. She looks happy. The sight makes Finn smile. At least someone he cares for deeply is happy.
"So, you and Puck are still together, huh?" he teases, glancing at her shirt again and chuckling softly.
"How'd you guess?" she says with a laugh before moving aside so he can step in. Once they are both inside, she shuts the door and practically skips over to the couch, gracefully plopping down onto it. How she makes everything look so graceful, even throwing herself onto couches, has always been lost on him.
He leans against the inside of the door and shrugs. "Eh. I think it was the torn up t-shirt that gave it away. Puck used to wear that all the time when he was too lazy to throw anything else on after a party."
Quinn laughs, but then her expression turns into that of a serious one. "Enough joking. What brings you here, Finn? I mean, I haven't really heard much from you since graduation. It isn't like you to just show up out of the blue unless something is wrong... and anyway, shouldn't you be in the army?"
At the mention of the army, Finn sighs and shakes his head. He is not sure he will ever forgive himself for screwing up his career in the army so royally. Shooting himself in the leg? Who the hell does that?
"It's complicated," he responds, all traces of a smile gone from his face. He wants to cry. He can feel it coming on, but he is trying to grow up. Crying has never fixed anything. It only seems to make things worse for him, and besides, he cried enough on Mr. Schue's shoulder.
Quinn rolls her eyes. "With you, it always is, isn't it?" She doesn't state it cruelly. He knows it to be the truth. More often than not, his life gets complicated, but that is life for just about anyone, right? "So, take a seat, and why don't you start with why you decided to come here in the first place."
Finn does as she suggests and takes the seat beside her. She turns so that she is facing him. "I... I don't really know where to begin, Quinn. Everything is so messed up. I got discharged from the army, I don't have a single clue what to do with my life, and to top it all off, Rachel dumped me."
His heart constricts painfully as the last words escape his mouth. Rachel dumped me. It has never happened before. He has always been the one to break her heart. Not that he is proud of it, because he isn't. It's just... now he gets why that look was always on her face because that is how he feels, like his whole world has just shattered. Rachel was the one good thing he thought he would still have in his life and now... he has nothing.
"Wait, what?" Quinn does not know which shocks her more; the part about the army or the part about Rachel dumping him. She opts for the latter. "Tell me about the army first... and then, if you're up for it, we can talk about Rachel."
He does not know where to start. Simply thinking about the way everything he had worked for had fallen apart so quickly made him feel useless and like a total fuck up. "Well, I... I kind of shot myself in the leg."
"How do you kind of shoot yourself in the leg, Finn?" Quinn asks disbelievingly. "Either you do shoot yourself in the leg or you don't."
"I did," Finn snaps. He quickly shuts his mouth and gives her an apologetic look. "Sorry. It's just, it's a touchy subject with me right now. I wanted to do my dad proud. I wanted to fix his dishonorable discharge and I ended up getting sort of honorably discharged for shooting myself in the leg while cleaning the guns. I know it sounds stupid, but... I am stupid. I mean, I believed some bullshit story about a hot tub in high school even though I should have known intercourse is the only way to make a baby, I don't know big words, and I couldn't even get into NYADA. And the only reason I wanted to go there in the first place is because of Rach. I don't ever really do anything for myself."
Quinn feels a pang when Finn mentions the baby gate incident from high school. She has not seen Beth in a few months. She has visitation rights, but it is complicated for her to take advantage of them because it hurts seeing her little girl and knowing she can't always be there because she gave her up.
She also feels terrible because she knows how badly she and Puck hurt Finn. She has forgiven herself. She knows that Finn has forgiven her, but it does not mean that she can't feel awful anytime that she thinks of how cruel she was back then.
"I'm sorry, Finn. I know how much being in the army means to you," Quinn apologizes, though she knows Finn does not want, nor need, her pity. "Do you have any clue what you're going to do? I know you didn't really have any back up plans other than NYADA..."
Finn shakes his head. "No, I don't... that is sort of why I'm here. I just, I needed a friend to talk to and I know you aren't bias about anything... at least, not anymore. You've grown so much more than any of us and I need someone like that right now."
She feels herself blushing. She hasn't received a compliment such as that one in quite a while. Sure, Puck compliments her constantly, but that's different, he's her boyfriend. "That means a lot to me, Finn," she tells him before clearing her throat awkwardly. "Now, uh... what about Berry? What happened with her?"
He grows quiet then and begins wringing his hands together. A nervous twitch. He is afraid that if he starts to talk about Rachel, he will never stop. He hasn't been able to get his mind off her since the moment she walked away from him.
He can't shake the thought that the last time he saw her really was the last time.
"Rach has grown close to this guy at her school... Brody is his name," he explains. There is so much venom in his tone when he says Brody's name. He hates how jealous he sounds, but he hates the thought that Brody could possibly be lying with Rachel right now... or worse, doing all the things that she used to do with him. "I surprised her after I was discharged and... I'm the one who got the surprise when I saw her there with Brody. They had a blanket on the floor and they were eating pizza and drinking out of fancy glasses. Rachel tried to make everything seem fine, but I knew that everything wasn't."
He pauses. He can feel tears stinging at his eyes already. He refuses to cry like a little baby. He needs to learn to talk about her and think about her without breaking down. "Still, I went along with it," he continues. "I pretended right along with her until she decided we couldn't anymore. I was feeling sorry for myself and she called me out on it. We want different things right now, I guess, and that isn't good enough for her. So she broke up with me."
Quinn hates how defeated Finn sounds. It is not the Finn she saw when she saw him last. She does not know how to fix him, but she knows she has to help him. First, he has to be willing to help himself.
"You want me to help you, right?" He nods. "I can't fix anything for you, Finn. I can lend an ear. I can be a shoulder. I can't be Mr. Fix-It. I know you feel defeated and stupid and like nothing can get better, but you have to stop thinking like that or none of it will ever change. So, you want my advice? Find yourself before trying to fix things with Rachel. That is why she let you go, so that you can do what she is doing. She's finding Rachel without you and now you need to find Finn... without her."
He hates to think it, but Quinn is right. What else did he expect? He came here just for that reason, didn't he? To get her input?
She has said everything that he already knows, but refuses to accept. He knows he needs to find Finn, but a sigh leaves him as he realizes he isn't sure who Finn is without Rachel Berry.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finn and Quinn friendship anyone? This is kind of random. I have plans for the story in general, but not necessarily how the chapters are supposed to go. Writing as I go along. Tends to work better for me.
