How to go about getting Barnaby to decide in his favor - that was the challenge.
Kotetsu knew what Barnaby liked. He liked…opera, and he liked strawberry daiquiris at night, he liked pink just a little more than red, and he liked Kotetsu at least somewhat. There was actually a longer list, but Kotetsu didn't think any of it helped him exactly. He could give Barnaby opera cd's, drinks, and pink stuff but it would incredibly transparent and not big enough.
What he really needed was a way to make Barnaby see how much he cared about him and how he would always do his best to make him happy, even at the cost of his own happiness. He just might not admit the last thing.
But what should he do?
Their day had gone by normally enough, but Kotetsu knew there was a strain on their relationship. And worse, he knew it was all him. Barnaby wanted things to go normally, and he acted normally, but Kotetsu just found himself unable to do the same. He found himself drifting, staring at the wall as his mind switched between what he could do to get Barnaby and how upset he felt about being turned down.
He really was not a fan of being alone anymore. He missed Tomoe so much, and he was still far from Kaede, his mother, and his brother. Barnaby understood him and was there for him. He briefly entertained that he might be asking too much, more than he deserved, but that made him feel worse so he pushed the thought away.
That night he entertained the idea of calling his brother yet again and asking him for his thoughts. But like Muramasa had said, he didn't have gay romance advice. Kotetsu didn't want to bother him anyhow. Instead he settled on his couch and opened his laptop. After about a minute of staring, he decided to do a search on how to woo someone.
He had to start somewhere…
He was greeted with quite the list of sites and started to click around.
First he came to advice: 'Show your good side, keep it casual…don't get your hopes up, learn to give up.'
That was less than stellar. He knew that stuff and tried to ignore the last thing. He just needed ideas. A lot of the stuff he found was just as plain and unhelpful as the first site, but he did find some things. He just would have to put them into action.
The first one was to do something helpful for Barnaby. Something he wouldn't expect and would help him have a better day.
Kotetsu had the perfect idea, and he arrived early at work the next day. He was always the reason they were behind in paperwork and other such things. So he gathered all the reports they had to fill out and set to work on those. When it got close to the time they needed to be there, he went to get a fresh cup of coffee so that it would be there waiting for Barnaby, without sitting long enough to get cold.
Then it was back to his desk and working, though he was paying more attention to the doorway and waiting for Barnaby's reaction. He nearly messed up his work several times while distracted. After what seemed like an eternity, however, Barnaby walked in. He greeted Kotetsu, went to his desk, and sat down.
Moments later, Kotetsu was rewarded when he spoke.
"Wow, you've done a lot of work! Is this coffee for me?" Barnaby asked in slight disbelief.
"Yea. I felt bad for all my slacking off, and I figured I might as well get you something to drink." Kotetsu said it so casually. He made sure he kept it casual, just like the site said. Casual casual!
"Well, thanks," Barnaby said with a smile and sat down at his computer.
"You're welcome," Kotetsu answered him and focused on his work once again, the exchange leaving him in high spirits.
He kept it up the rest of the day in the office. But as usual, they were called out. The did get called out far less than when they had worked with the other heroes, as it was the second league, but they still had to go out fairly often.
Unfortunately he was less successful on the call than he had been in the office. Kotetsu was extremely distracted the whole time, thinking about Barnaby and trying to impress him by, for once, trying to think about his actions fully.
It backfired pretty badly when he made a stupid move that knocked their enemy into Barnaby. The man they fought had a defense in the shape of something that definitely resembled a large scorpion tail. Kotetsu didn't know if he was a NEXT or if someone had managed to successfully cross a human with a bug, but it didn't matter as he watched the stinger cut smoothly through the side of Barnaby's armor, reminiscent of when the H-01 cut through his leg so many months ago.
Barnaby yelled in surprise and fell back.
Kotetsu blinked before charging the man with all his power. His screw-up wasn't a total loss he decided. He ended up with enough rage to completely take the man out, pinning him to the ground and holding him there until the policemen showed up and successfully handcuffed him - and secure that tail of course.
Then it was time to worry about Barnaby , sitting on the ground with his helmet off, and Kotetsu was instantly kneeling beside him. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry Bunny!"
Barnaby winced and looked at his side, through the hole in his armor to an ugly red and swollen sting. "I'm probably fine. It looks worse than it hurts."
His words did not calm Kotetsu, who was beyond pissed at himself while trying to restrain himself from hugging Barnaby. The sting looked tame compared to other injuries, but he felt just as bad as if he had been responsible for Barnaby losing a leg. "But, but Bunny…" He heard the sound of footsteps and looked behind him to see paramedics.
"They'll help take care of this, okay?" Barnaby said, effort clear in how he tried to keep his voice level but Kotetsu could tell he was a bit unhappy.
"But I should take care of you." The words slipped out before Kotetsu could stop them, and he kept his eyes on the sting.
"Kotetsu…." Barnaby sighed. "Please just let the paramedics do their job."
"But Bunny, I…" He wasn't able to say much more, as he was asked to move so they could treat Barnaby. Kotetsu stared rather miserably before he turned away. Maybe he could make up for it by doing something similar to what he had that morning? No, he was the reason Barnaby got hurt and he had to make up for that.
When Barnaby had been tended to, he sought Kotetsu out.
Kotetsu had settled into his sidecar, still in suit as he tried in vain to fall asleep in the heat. That was utterly ridiculous, ifalling asleep/i before even leaving the scene. He felt stupid and depressed though by then and just wanted to escape it.
"Kotetsu," Barnaby said as he set a hand on Kotetsu's shoulder. "Stop moping."
"I'm not moping."
"Yes you are." Barnaby stayed put. "Yea, you messed up back there, but whatever. It happens."
It actually hurt more to have it confirmed. "That doesn't make me feel better, Bunny. I'm supposed to take care of you as your partner, and I failed."
"Yes, as my work partner and friend, I can see how you feel that way," Barnaby said firmly, and Kotetsu got the vibe that Barnaby wanted it clear he was setting boundaries of sorts. It was an uncomfortable feeling. "But it won't help to just leave and sit here being upset about it."
"Well it doesn't help to hang out back there and watch you get treated for something I did either."
They reached an awkward silence where Barnaby continued to stare at Kotetsu. It was not a good feeling. Kotetsu remembered when they didn't get alone, and even when they had their fights about trust, but the feeling he got in that sidecar at that moment was different than any of them. It felt far more distant, like he knew Barnaby would slip away despite his assurances he would stay his friend.
"This isn't going to work," Kotetsu said finally. "I ruined everything Bunny. I should have kept my mouth shut."
"You didn't ruin anything with that old man. But you need to get a grip, and you need to know at the end of the day, I'm not yours to take care of." Barnaby's tone was gentle as he finally sat on his chaser. "I'm not anyone's. This doesn't have to be awkward."
"How can it be anything but awkward? I can't stop thinking about you, and then I get you hurt. And I can't watch my mouth." He always did have the second problem.
"Kotetsu, come on. Stop talking like that."
"But you know it's true!" Kotetsu insisted. His guilt had gotten the better of him. When Barnaby didn't answer, it confirmed his fears. "What do we do Bunny? I can't-I can't stop thinking about you."
"This never was an issue before."
"But now that you know, now that it's in the open sort of, it's harder not to think about it," Kotetsu pointed out. With Barnaby aware of his feelings he didn't have to hide them. He just had to get over them.
"I see."
"What do we do? Tell me anything I can do to make things better Bunny, and I promise, I'll do it."
"We should work separately for a while."
Kotetsu didn't expect that and his mouth dropped open. "Huh?"
"It's all we can do. I will still see you socially, but if you are going to be an obstacle on calls, I can't work with you. It's unsafe."
Devastated, Kotetsu couldn't find an answer.
"Kotetsu? It's only for work on calls. It's for the best, right now. We'll be worse off if something like this happens again."
He was right, but it would put them apart, meaning far less of a chance to get Barnaby's interest. "I, but you'll…" Another thought struck him, one that made him feel even lower. "You will probably be moved back to the main group." His shoulders slumped. If Barnaby wasn't fighting alongside him, there was no reason for him to be in Second League.
"I suppose so." Barnaby sounded unsure then. But it lasted only a second. "You must understand, though."
"I do. I don't like it."
"I didn't expect you to," Barnaby said stiffly. "We often don't like what's best for us. For now, we had better leave."
"Uh-huh."
"There's going to be additional paperwork due to the injury."
"I guess."
Barnaby finally shut up even though he was obviously unhappy about it. It wasn't the best way to leave a conversation, and Kotetsu knew it just left both of them feeling unhappy.
Regardless, he didn't say a word.
Working in the Second League on his own sucked, it really did. Barnaby was moved the very next day, and Kotetsu was afraid to ask what reason he had given in his request. It likely did not matter, because Lloyds had hinted several times he wanted Barnaby with the main group.
That left Kotetsu by himself a lot. They continued to share the same office, but Barnaby was rarely in it with him. He would be on a call, in an interview, or at some promotional event. Since they were temporarily not a team no one felt the need to tell Kotetsu when Barnaby was going to any sort of social function.
Upsetting was putting it mildly.
He tried to find tips on the great web of the internet, but he had lost his steam since the first effort. He couldn't do anything nice for Barnaby if he wasn't there. And he was always so busy they didn't see each other as much outside of work, despite Barnaby saying they would.
Kotetsu definitely felt like he had indeed lost his friend. It made him not want to talk to anyone, really. Antonio tried to call him a couple of times, even Ben. The only time Kotetsu picked up, three days after the change, was when his brother called him.
"I've been seeing a lot of Barnaby on TV, but not you," his brother said when Kotetsu picked up.
"Ah,yea." Kotetsu clammed up just as he knew he would.
"Mom and Kaede have been noticing too. What did you do?"
The accusatory question made Kotetsu's silence very brief. "DO? I didn't do anything! I didn't! We had a bad call and he decided it would be best if we worked apart for a while!"
"Well something must have happened," his brother snorted. "Why would he decide something like that?"
"I was distracted and he got hit by someone, okay?" Kotetsu said quickly, hoping his brother was smart enough to know what he meant by distracted. "That's all. This is only going to be for a little while."
"That's actually not as bad as I thought it would be," Muramasa muttered and Kotetsu felt a little offended.
"Wonderful," Kotetsu said dryly. "Is that all you called about?"
"Well, I'm worried about you," Muramasa admitted. "You haven't dated in such a long time, and now that you have this thing for your partner, I guess I'm just curious about how you're holding up with other things happening."
"Things." Kotetsu knew what he meant. His powers had stayed at a minute for a while, but seconds had been lost slowly. He was currently at 48 seconds. He tried to ignore it best he could, which was easiest when he was focused on Barnaby. Barnaby was the only one that helped.
Muramasa continued. "I don't want you to be upset, you are my little brother after all, and I don't want you to do anything stupid." The words sounded very slow, very careful.
"Stupid? Stupid like what?" Kotetsu asked, growing irritated.
"I don't know Kotetsu, just - stupid! You don't think when you get so upset!" Muramasa's voice rose.
"Of course I don't! I don't know what to do!" Kotetsu growled back at him. "What the hell would you do? Or can you even give me a reply?"
"Kotetsu! Kotetsu, calm down," Muramasa said, his voice still loud before he stopped and took noticeable deep breaths. "When is the last time you and Barnaby talked?"
Kotetsu thought back; the last time they spoke it was about Barnaby getting a new journal. He was still trying hard to recover his memories and when something flashed in his mind he would try to write about it as soon as possible. Overall it was a slow process, and sometimes cause Barnaby to have nightmares and panic attacks. Kotetsu wanted nothing more than to hold him when those happened, to tell him it was all okay. "Around lunchtime today."
"Okay. So it hasn't been days. Listen, you call him after we're done here and ask him to hang out."
"What!"
"You can't work on trying to get things back to normal if you don't try. I think you'll be sadder if you let this all slip away."
"Yea…"
"Call him, okay? See if he wants to grab a long lunch tomorrow or something."
"I - okay," Kotetsu relented. He didn't want to be creepy and desperate, even if he was desperate, but that didn't sound too bad.
"Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"I will. Thanks," Kotetsu said awkwardly.
He thought he could hear a small chuckle on the other end of the line. "No problem, little brother."
Barnaby agreed to hang out with him, and Kotetsu called that a small victory. His voice had shaken when he called Barnaby, and he was sure it was noticeable before he was able to sound more level. He was awkward, and stumbled over his words completely, but told Barnaby his missed hanging out with him – which was completely true, stupid crush or not.
And so the next day Kotetsu found himself sitting eagerly at a picnic table in the nearby park they walked to sometimes. It was warm out, but not overly hot and for that he was thankful. He had already picked up a couple of sandwiches and salads along with a coffee for himself and some gross looking health smoothie Barnaby got once a week.
"I already had one of those yesterday, but that's okay."
Kotetsu looked up to see Barnaby giving the smoothie a look. "Oh. Sorry."
"It's fine." Barnaby sat down across from Kotetsu, reaching for the smoothie anyway. "I guess I could stand to deviate from the routine once in a while."
"Oh." Kotetsu suddenly found himself with nothing to say.
Luckily, Barnaby picked up on that. "I had another memory flash last night."
That got Kotetsu's attention. "You did?"
Barnaby nodded. "It wasn't anything major, but I remembered a class I took back in my first year at the academy, on health and nutrition. I don't know why that came back to me, and I actually don't know why Maverick would have erased it."
"But the important thing is you recovered something," Kotetsu pointed out.
"Well, yes. I guess. I'll figure out what it means in time." Barnaby didn't look altogether pleased with the idea though, and he sipped at his smoothie.
"You will," Kotetsu assured him. "And you know I'll help if I can." He'd always offered that, even before his stronger feelings made themselves known.
Barnaby nodded as he unwrapped his sandwich. "I know."
"Other than that, things are okay?" Kotetsu asked, and he was genuinely surprised at how easy it was to talk to Barnaby. He thought it would be far more difficult, but their bond was better than he assumed. He felt a little angry at himself for that.
"Yes. Things have been going well." He paused. "I have been doing good outside of the Second League," he said slowly.
"Oh." Kotetsu wanted to hear about how he was doing still, even if it was painful.
"But I'm coming back," he said quickly. "I prefer working with you. I mean, I'm not coming back quite yet, but I plan to."
"Why not yet?"
Barnaby just gave him a look.
Kotetsu sighed. "Yea yea, I know. I just…well I miss you."
"Oh. I miss you too," Barnaby admitted and started to relax before he suddenly winced and squirmed. "Ow."
"What's wrong?" Kotetsu asked, alarmed.
"The sting still hurts. It doesn't want to go away."
"Really?" Well, that made him feel bad.
"Yes. I don't know what's wrong with it, it's been checked several times."
Kotetsu had to force down his intense worry, urge to go over there and be as affectionate as possible in some dumb attempt to make the pain go away. "No one knows why it's like that?"
Barnaby shrugged. "No, but aside from a jab of pain every now and then, it doesn't bother me much." He glanced at Kotetsu and must have noticed the look on his face. "Kotetsu I'm okay. It's really not your fault."
"Yes it is."
"You didn't hit me with a stinger," Barnaby said, sounding annoyed.
"Yea well I'm still the reason you got hit, because I couldn't pay attention."
"If I could return your feelings, I would."
Kotetsu startled, sitting straight up. "Huh!"
"I wish I could Kotetsu, I really wish I could. I don't like you blaming yourself like this and feeling upset. You shouldn't feel like that."
"I…"
"Look, like I said I won't be returning for work yet. But I'm not going to leave you alone either. Tell you what…" He leaned back. "Let's try to eat together daily. One meal, lunch or dinner, or if you could be persuaded not to ignore your alarm for several minutes, maybe even breakfast."
"You mean get up eeeaaarrrly?" Kotetsu mock whined, but he was happy.
"I mean getting up early! You can still be groggy and all, I'm not asking you to be alert exactly. It's just, you know, in the case we may not be able to meet for anything later in the day." Barnaby laughed a little, quietly. It was rare that he laughed.
Kotetsu felt warmth rush through him as he heard it, and he joined too. "Alright then. So you'll be a bright and bushy-tailed little bunny and I'll be a yawning tiger."
"Sounds about right, except for the part where I'm a bunny."
"Stop fighting it, you know I'll never stop that," Kotetsu said with a grin as he gazed across the table at Barnaby.
Barnaby just laughed more.
Luckily, Kotetsu did not have to deal with a morning meal with Barnaby. He would have, gladly, because it meant getting to see him first thing in the morning. If he couldn't wake up immediately next to him then at least he could see him at the beginning of the day.
But without that, he got to sleep in and thus he couldn't complain too much. Most of the time they met for lunch and that was convenient – and fun. Sometimes they got interrupted by a call and that was that, but there would always be the next day.
Kotetsu felt they were getting back to normal, and maybe even better than normal. He wondered if Barnaby was becoming more interested, at all. He was terrified to ask. So he stayed a little quieter on those lunches than he would have been months prior, and Barnaby never once pointed it out.
They found themselves finally on another dinner and on the topic of work a couple of weeks after their arrangement to make daily meets. "So, Llloyds had me host another dinner party, and tomorrow I'm expected at a photoshoot with the rest of the heroes."
"Oh yea? Well that sounds cool," Kotetsu stirred his water with his straw, as if it actually did anything. The only bad point really was still their jobs. Barnaby didn't talk about returning to Second League, and sort of danced around Kotetsu's questions.
"I guess. I think I might get bored, photoshoots aren't as exciting as they used to be."
"Ha! I knew it! You used to act like you liked them and they didn't bother you one bit."
Barnaby rolled his eyes. "They DIDN'T bother me…then. Now things are a little different."
That was true. Kotetsu just nodded and prodded at the bits of popcorn chicken on his plate, the remnants of an appetizer he didn't care to finish. "True. Then what else after the photoshoot?"
Barnaby shrugged. "I need to look at the planner."
"How far ahead does it plan?" Kotetsu asked casually.
"About a couple of weeks, right now."
"So you'll be there at least another couple of weeks." Kotetsu sighed and Barnaby fell silent as he no doubt realized where Kotetsu was going with it. "I guess I should have figured Lloyds would book you up with that stuff as soon as possible. How long will you let him do it for?" Kotetsu looked at him and waited for an answer.
"Um, well…"
"You did plan on coming back still, right?" Kotetsu asked, his mood evaporating quickly. He hadn't come to dinner feeling his best and it was starting to show.
"I did!"
"Did, or do?"
Barnaby again fell silent, which kind of gave Kotetsu his answer. He dropped his eyes back down to the chicken. "I see."
"It's not what you think, though."
How could it possibly not be what he thought it was? "Sure," Kotetsu said with a shrug.
"I want to pull some strings so you can come back too."
Kotetsu wasn't sure why, but that really irritated him. "Because I can't do it on my own? If I request they'll reject me? My powers are only45 seconds now. Soon they won't have a reason to even keep me in the Second League. Don't bother, Bunny."
They both went quiet as the server came to take the plate of chicken, promising them their entrees would be out momentarily. Barnaby looked at Kotetsu, who had to study his water again. "You didn't tell me they went down another few seconds," he finally said, softly.
"Nope."
"Just because we don't work together and see each other as much doesn't mean you shouldn't tell me."
"Why? It doesn't matter at all when we don't work together. You don't need to do things according to what time I have left."
"Look, you should still tell me, okay?"
"Have you had anymore nightmares?" Kotetsu asked suddenly, and knew he was right on the mark when Barnaby glared and then turned away. "You've been hiding stuff too."
"I haven't been hiding it! I just haven't been telling you!" Barnaby claimed.
"That's hiding it! You hated it when I did that!"
"DID? Let me ask you what you asked me old man, 'did or do'?"
Kotetsu felt heat rush to his face as he grew infuriated. "I told you it doesn't matter!"
"It still matters to me!"
"Why?" Kotetsu asked again. "Tell me why. You can't help me, and I don't need more pity. You already pity me for the decline, and probably pity me for the way I feel about you."
"That's not true!" Barnaby yelled loud enough that there was a clatter as someone dropped a dish and all eyes were on them. "I don't pity you for anything! You want to assume I look down on you so you have something elseto feel upset about, well stop! Just stop it! You think I don't at the very least miss working with you? You don't think I worry about you, the only person I trust still? What the hell is wrong with you?" he slammed his fist down on the table which made Kotetsu jump.
Kotetsu fully expected him to glow blue and pull a 'handsome escape' through the roof. Instead he remained sitting, cheeks red and angry. Kotetsu knew he should and could just apologize, try not to make it into a big deal.
Instead, he stood up and left.
