Zoe
My heart is still pounding. I've read the emotions of many a creature in my twenty three years but I've never… he wiped me out. It hits me like a tidal wave, the frustration, pain and anger and as it crests, there is everything behind it. He has so much to give, honesty, hope, passion, loyalty, and a desire for love and trust. As the wave recedes, I place his intent, his most prominent emotion. It's a bit private and heavily guarded but I can feel it and he means me no harm. If anything, it's the opposite and I know without doubt that I will be safe with him.
Then he opens the manhole cover and I think I may stop breathing. Maybe I do, but then he snatches me up in those huge arms. As he carries me and my baggage, emotional and literal, I feel myself dozing off.
"What happened?" That was the purple masked one… Donatello. Donatello, is his name. That's his voice.
I uncover my face and open my eyes as Raphael sets me on my feet.
"She's not hurt. Why'd ya bring'er home? No offense, Babe." Michelangelo drops a game controller and leaps to his feet, grinning.
I look around the vast concrete space. The couch Mike is sitting on is made out of pizza boxes, a tattered blue blanket and a yellow throw pillow are mounded up in the far corner. Two armchairs, also fashioned out of pizza boxes, rest on either end. There isn't one TV across from the couch but more like a dozen of different sizes. The coffee table is fashioned out of boxes too and there are several dingy bean bags strewn around the space. Beautiful concrete arches span along each side of me and across the space of the living area. As I am soaking up the room around me Leonardo appears in the archway across the living area, his eyes grow wide with concern but I'm so enamored with my surroundings I continue looking around. Each arch appears to lead into another alcove or room. There are stairs to my left leading up to a walkway that sweeps the left side of the room until it ends at the wall and there are five doors along it. This place is amazing.
"What is she doing here?" Leo snaps.
Raph tenses. "I need to talk to Sensei."
"What are you thinking? You brought her here? Are you crazy?" Leo closes the space between him and Raph in the blink of an eye.
Raphael swells next to me and I step back, into Mike.
"Come with me," Mike says cheerfully.
"Are they going to be okay?" I ask, as Mike leads me into the space Leo just occupied. As I step through, I realize I'm in a kitchen and dining area, with a scuffed up dining table that looks to be a discarded antique and is surrounded by mismatching chairs. This is all repurposed or recycled stuff. My heart swells. I had nothing and wasn't smart enough to think of this. They've created an entire home and furnished it, every discarded, forgotten thing, with new life and renewed purpose.
"Are you okay?" Mike asks and I realize he's been talking to me and I haven't heard a thing.
"Uh- sure," I say absently.
The sounds of yelling and a scuffle going on behind me shift my attention. "Are they fighting?"
"Yep," Mike says matter-of-factly, "Want a drink?"
"Uh, water, please." I watch as Raph punches Leo and Leo blocks then sweeps Raph's leg. Raphael rolls over Leo's foot then spins around and tackles him to the floor. "Is this my fault?"
"Well- yes and no," Donatello says, coming to stand beside me.
A giant russet colored rat seems to appear from nowhere right next to the fighting turtles. "What is the meaning of this?"
They freeze, roll apart, get to their feet then look at the ground.
The rat's head turns toward me. I take a deep breath and look to my own feet. Closing my eyes, I try to slow my racing heart. Okay, okay. I can handle this. I'm not going to freak out. Focus Zoe, focus. What is his intent? Breathe. Breathe. And then it comes, the wisdom drifts over me like a warm blanket and comforts me. It is soothing, peaceful, honorable, and patient but firm. Breathe.
"Are you alright, child?" The rat's voice is soft and calming.
I open my eyes and he's standing before me, Leo and Raph watch from behind, while Mike and Don linger nearby. I peer into his gleaming black eyes and find my own hopes reflected in them. My stomach dips and twists, with fear that he sees right through me, into the pitch that resides where my soul should lie. Tears well in my eyes and I blink them back and bite my lip. I don't want to be disrespectful. "Yes. I'm-" I stop myself. It is more disrespectful to lie than it is to tell him the truth. "No. I'm not. But I don't want to cause this- this kind of disruption in your home either. I should go."
"Oh this? The fight? Nah, this is totally normal, Babe." Mike smiles and hands me a glass of water.
"Michelangelo." The rat only says his name and he immediately steps back, lowering his gaze to the floor.
"I'm so sorry." I shake my head and hand Donatello the glass.
"Sensei, I brought her here," Raph blurts out.
"Raphael." He silences the other turtle who I notice shifting his weight and looking from me to the ground and back.
The rat looks at me, "I'm Splinter. Come. Bring your water and follow me. I sense we have much to discuss."
"ZZZoe. I'm Zoe," I stammer.
Donatello places the water back in my hand and offers me a shy smile.
Breathe. And, follow the rat.
Splinter leads me down an alcove to the left of the kitchen. We pass an arch that leads into a weight room, another looks like a laboratory, another a first aide type area, and finally we enter the last room. A dojo. It is the largest area. Old gymnasium mats are piled up against the back wall, and thinner wrestling mats cover the majority of the floor area. Weapons line the wall behind Splinter. The moisture in my mouth seems to evaporate as I back away from him and the wall.
"Come. Sit." He kneels and I tentatively step closer to him and come to rest in easy pose. Splinter looks at me thoughtfully. I wait for him to speak but he continues to study me.
Well I do this to people too, so why not?
I stare back at him for a few moments before his eyes seem to sparkle and I feel as if he knows something I do not. He strikes me as good-natured when he asks in a soft voice, "Why did my son bring you here?"
I sip my water and set it next to me, then I slip from easy pose to Indian style and search the floor for the answers.
The rat chuckles, "it's alright. You can talk freely here. I will not judge you."
I sigh with doubt but he reaches out a gentle paw toward me as if he knows what I am and I take it into my hand. Darkness. Fear. Guilt. Shame. Safety. Wisdom. Hope. Trust. Patience. Control. Control… control… CONTROL.
My mouth falls open as I release his paw. "You, you just fed me my own emotions and desires. How did you? No one's ever. Are you an empath?"
The rat smiles and his whiskers flicker. "No child. I just let you share what you needed. You did this yourself." He nods his head in approval. "Michelangelo, bring Raphael."
Mike sticks his head in the doorway with a guilty look on his face.
"Yes, Sensei." He says then disappears.
My heart flutters as I think about Raphael. Why? Splinter turns his eyes on me again. Can he hear my heart pounding? I lick my lips. My mouth feels like the Sahara.
Raph appears in the doorway towering over Splinter and myself. I can feel his eyes on me before they turn to his father. "Yes, Sensei."
"Zoe will stay with us for now. Please prepare your room for her. You may sleep on the couch. She is your guest." I can feel Splinter's eyes on both of us. He watches his son carefully. Raphael doesn't flinch. If he doesn't want me in his living space, I can't tell.
"Yes, Sensei." His bow is slighter than the others but he does so and turns to leave, but Splinter isn't finished with him.
"Raphael," Splinter says.
"Yes, Sensei?"
"I will speak with you when you are finished. By then Zoe and I will have completed our lesson for this evening." Splinter waves a paw to dismiss his son.
"Lesson?" Raphael asks.
"Raphael," Splinter repeats.
"Yes Sensei." Raph nods then disappears.
Splinter looks at me.
"Lesson, Sir?" I ask, suddenly terrified I'm going to be punished.
"On your feet, Zoe. We begin with katas," Splinter commands.
"But how do you know what I need? We haven't even talked about anything." I'm blabbering and it's rude and I know it. How does he even know that I know what a kata is? I mean I do- but how does he know that?
"Zoe," his firm voice breaks through my thoughts. "Focus."
I feel as though I've been called to attention and I want this. I want my energy focused on something, for someone else to guide me. Someone good. Apart from all the evil I know.
Raphael
By the time I've cleaned my room and made my way back to the dojo, I catch the end of what must be Zoe's umpteenth kata. Her movements are smooth and fluid. Everything they should be, except I recognize the coldness in her eyes. If a weapon was in her hand, blood would shed. She is dripping with sweat and from all the times I've watched her on her rooftop over the last month, she's breathing hardest now.
"That's enough Zoe," Splinter says softly.
But she's still moving, as if in a trance. She flows from one kata into the next, completely one with her movements.
"Zoe," Splinter repeats, then watches her a moment before turning to me.
He nods.
Shit. This might suck. I don't want to hurt her. I won't.
I move towards her. Yep. It's gonna suck. Her fist comes at my chin with blazing speed. I duck and sweep her foot out from under her. Damn. She's quick. She rolls away and back to her feet sprinting toward me like a cat. Did she just growl? I swear I heard a low guttural sound. I flip her over my head and wait to hear the thud that never comes. As I spin around, she slides between my legs and back to her feet. That look in her eye, for some reason, literally causes a pain in my gut. Her face is smooth and emotionless except for her eyes. The distance in them tells me she's miles away inside herself. A shield. Not unlike my own.
"Zoe," I call to her. "Zoe." Her foot flies towards my face and I grab it then flip her around, pulling her into my plastron and wrapping her in my arms. She's struggling like a trapped animal, sweat pouring off her shivering body. "Jesus." I blink. For such a small thing, she's a fighter. Is she hissing? The hiss turns into screams and the guys storm the dojo, weapons drawn. The damn noises coming out of her are freaking me out. I'm going to let her go, even though I'm not hurting her, I know I'm not.
"Raphael, do not let her go," Splinter demands.
There's something about her eyes, that cold hard wall of stone that hurts to see. I find myself swallowing back a lump of emotions that aren't for me but for her and I think maybe it's because I know how it feels to need to put up a virtual wall, to protect your inner self. But I've never had to look at that same kind of misery on someone else, and she's so damn tiny, I can't help knowing what happened to me that caused that kind of damage and it disgusts me to think that she could've suffered through anything like it.
She flails in my arms for what feels like an eternity before the screaming stops. She's out.
"What was that?" Leo's eyes look like they will pop out of his head.
"Is she okay?" Mike asks kneeling beside me to look at her.
I glance at Splinter.
"Yes, now you may release her. If you had let her go, I fear she would have reached for a weapon. Someone could have been hurt."
Donatello looks at me and I nod. He points to the mats on the floor. "Lay her down here, Raph. Mike, will you bring a pillow? Leo, we'll need that water."
I lay her on the mat. Mike brings a pillow for her head and Splinter appears beside me with a blanket.
"She's sweating, Sensei." I take it from him but don't cover her.
"No, he's right. This is some kind of state of shock. She's traumatized. She'll be chilled. We should cover her." Don takes the blanket from my hands and lays it over her. He lifts each of her eyelids and looks at us. "She's in shock. What triggered this?"
"Katas," Splinter says simply.
Don looks at him incredulously. "A kata sent her into this?"
Splinter turns his eyes on me. "Zoe's conscious mind abandoned her the moment she took her first stance."
Everything we know is grounded in self control. I struggle with it the most, but not like this. Nothing like this. "Can we help her, Sensei?"
Splinter places his hand on my arm and I look at him.
"She will need all of us, but foremost she must confide in someone and I'm afraid it will not be me. Raphael, she will be your responsibility. You must decide how much of this you are ready for." He sighs and looks at Zoe who now seems kinda peaceful. "But yes. As long as we live I believe there is hope for us all, my son."
I nod.
Don finishes checking her vitals again. "She's stable. When she comes to, encourage her to take a shower, drink water and rest." He stands up and looks at me. "I'm willing to help anyway I can."
"Thanks, Don." I kneel next to her, watching her sleep, beads of sweat covering her brow.
What have I gotten myself into?
Mike's hand touches my shoulder, "You know I'm in, bro."
I swallow. "Thanks, Mike."
Leo stands over me. "Be careful, Raph. Your-" I glare at him. Really? Again? Now? I shake my head and look down at the girl beside me. "I'll do whatever you need me to," he says finally.
Great. Everyone's in. But am I ready for this?
