"Let's check the Map!"

Dora and Boots were sitting on a tree stump. Dora tried to reach into her backpack to grab the Map. She strained and struggled until she went red in the face. Finally, a drop of sweat rolled down her forehead and she put her arm down. "I give up. Boots, can you get that for me?"

Boots easily plucked the Map from Dora's Backpack and started to unroll him.

"No! Stop! It BURRRNS!" Map hopped out of Boots' hands onto the ground. "Say 'Map', please!" he screamed with bloodshot eyes. "Pleaaase, say MaAaAaAaApPpP!¡!¡!"

"Map," said Dora and Boots flatly.

Map promptly skyrocketed onto another map in the sky and began bouncing around on it. And that music began to play.

"Oh, shit," uttered Dora.

"If there's a place you've got to go,

I'm the one you need to know.

I'm the Map..."

Boots' eyelids twitched dangerously.

"I'm the Map, I'm the Map, if there's a place you've got to get,

I can get you there, I bet..."

Dora pulled out a rifle and began to shoot at random buildings and objects. Boots cocked his gun as well.

"I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map..."

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER

"I'm the Maaap!"

By the time Map had finished his song, things had gone crazy-insane-violent. Fighter jets were launching missiles at an army of tanks, which were firing at a burning office skyscraper. Civilians tried to stop the tanks by shooting at them, but, of course, it was no use. Meanwhile, a helicopter got hit with a stray missile and careened out of control, tumbling down and crashing into a nearby mall, causing an explosion. Drivers got distracted by the scene and crashed into the flaming buildings. All the people were screaming and their ears were bleeding from the Map's song, and some people went homicidal, or even suicidal. You never saw or heard such a commotion!

Dora and Boots skydived down from a jet that was on fire and floated down on their parachutes. The unmanned airplaned spun out of control and was headed straight for the Empire State Building.

"Crap!" Boots groaned. "Not again!"

Thankfully, the wind changed the plane's direction and it landed on a crowded beach instead, so don't bash me for making fun of that fateful day, because I'm not.

"So, where do we go to get to Israel?!" asked Dora when they landed. In the background, a fat Spanish man got slapkicked and cracked his skull open upon impact with the ground.

The Map suddenly donned a long beard and a cane, looking like a wise Biblical man. "To get to Israel," he boomed in a deep voice, "you must first pass through the Valley of the Signs of the Times!" On the big map that Map was standing on, a valley lit up and showed a famine going on during an earthquake.

"What are signs of the times?" asked Isa, who had popped out of nowhere suddenly.

"Oh, they're the exact reason why you should avoid the news! They eventually end the universe!" said Map in his regular voice. "Next..." he thundered, "you must go to the airport and board a flight to Israel!" Once again, he reverted to his normal voice and his beard and cane disappeared. "Now, say it with me: valley, airport, Israel! Valley..."

"Dora, is it alright if I go with you on your Middle East trip?" Isa said to Dora as Map screamed out the obstacles for an ear-bleeding 40,000 times.

"Yes, please!" cried Dora and Boots in unison.

"All right, let's go!" exclaimed Isa. They walked off, leaving Map behind to repeat, "Valley, airport, Israel!" on a continuous loop. He eventually met his fate when a flaming beam from one of the burning buildings fell onto him and he died from brain injury.