Yesterday silence had laid heavy in the air the whole walk back to the camp, upon arriving Bellamy went back to being his normal self, checking how things had been, giving orders and his face was just as stoic as always. After presenting what we had found to everyone, everything seemed to just go back to normal.
I didn't know what to do with myself today and after collecting my rations, I slipped away from the group and sat for a while in the drop ship, fiddling with various medicines and such. It occupied my hands but not my mind. I had slept until later afternoon, after the night before, no one bothered me and I heard Jasper and Monty come to see me in the morning, but left mumbling about me needing the rest and not wanting to wake me.
What were we to do now? It wasn't awkward between us, not for me anyway. Honestly I felt more relaxed than I had since before we'd come to Earth, although it was only briefly, for a little while, my mind was blank. I wasn't worrying about everyone, wasn't mourning our losses, wasn't torn over the situation with my mother and the very last thing on my mind was Finn. I knew I should go and check on him, but I couldn't face him, I needed some time to think. I caught my reflection in the mirror and gasped a little. With everything that had happened, I had forgotten the fight with Dax, I was filthy, dirt all over me, my lip was bust and my hair was knotty and had leaves and twigs in it. I hadn't even cleaned up since yesterday, what people must have thought when I walked round this morning, it had been like I was in a daze since we'd returned to camp. I think after everyone heard about Dax, they understood my behaviour. But the truth was, it wasn't Dax that had me in a daze, it was Bellamy.
Trying to distract myself I shrugged off my jacket, noting the sore, red looking bite and surprisingly a faint smile appeared on my face. I raised my hand to touch the area and cringed a little at the tenderness, I needed to clean that up before it got infected. I slipped off my top with a little pain and fully grimaced at the state of my ribs, the skin was becoming black and purple, with an angry red centre where the butt of the gun had hit me. I ran my fingers gently across the skin and turned slightly get a better look.
"Clarke!" I spun to the door too quickly and gasped a little as the pain knocked the air out of me, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to regain my composure before opening them again.
Finn was stood across from me, his eyes wide in shock as they raked over my figure. I turned as quickly as I could and grabbed my top holding it against my body in an attempt to hide the injuries, keeping my back to him, I spoke.
"Go away Finn," My voice was stern and unforgiving.
I heard his footsteps as he crossed the room and I slipped my top back on before he made it to me, a move not well received by my ribs as they burned in agony. I felt his hand on my shoulder and I tried to shrug it off.
"What the hell Clarke? Was this from Dax?" He sounded a mixture of concerned and angry.
"Just go away Finn, I don't need this right now!" I turned and pushed him lightly in my anger.
His eyes shot to my shoulder.
"Did he bite you!?" His eyes were wide and he grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to inspect it.
I couldn't formulate words. Shit, I knew that my face gave everything away, what was I supposed to say? He'd know if I was lying, I opened my mouth and only an incoherent stutter fell from my lips.
"Clarke?" Finn face was crumpled into an unreadable expression.
The best tactic was to just ignore him, I turned away from him and picked up a cloth sitting in water and began to clean my face with it, my only hope being that he would go away. To my surprise, he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to face him, this time his face like a storm.
"Talk to me!" He shouted.
"Just leave it Finn." It was a warning.
"What is going on!? Look, Clarke, I still care about you! Just tell me what's going on and I can help!" He was shouting at me like I was unreasonable, I was trying to save his feelings and he was behaving like I was unreasonable! I didn't want to think about him or Bellamy, I just wanted everyone to go away!
"JUST STOP! I don't care Finn, I don't want you, and I don't like you! Go crawling back to Raven already!" all the tension that had left my body only hours ago returned.
"That's not true and we both know it!" His words were just provoking me further, I couldn't contain my anger anymore.
"There is nothing between us Finn! It's from Bellamy, okay? We slept together! Are you happy now?!" I was shouting back, white rage clouding my mind.
His face was the most accurate impression of shock and disbelief.
I could feel how flustered I was, I knew the red would have consumed my whole face, my hands began shaking as I realised what I had said. I let my body take over and grabbed my jacket as I ran from the drop ship, there were tears brimming my eyes and I didn't even know why. What had I done? I was running through camp and straight out the gate, I heard someone cry for me to stop but I ignored them, I knew the danger I was running into. It wasn't half as terrifying as what I was running from.
[SWITCHING TO NARRATOR POV]
Finn was shaking with anger and fury, he knew he had no claim to Clarke, but it had to be him, had to be Bellamy. He turned on his heels, not with the intention to chase after Clarke, no, he was going to find Bellamy.
He stormed through the camp, face like thunder until he spotted Bellamy entering his make shift tent. He barged in, to find Bellamy alone, sat on his bed, his face in his hands. Upon Finns entrance he looked up, an unclear expression on his face.
"What?" Bellamy's tone was stern and clearly echoed, 'I don't want to be bothered'.
Now that Finn was stood in front of him, he had no idea where to even start.
"You and Clarke? Is it true?" His voice was dripping venom.
"What? Where have you heard that from, Spacewalker?" Bellamy had perfected his poker face, even though inside he was worried, he knew that Clarke would be humiliated if everyone found out, she was a very private person.
"Clarke, she told me. She's not one of your slutty conquests!" Bellamy chuckled, much to Finn's surprise.
"I don't think that's any of your business." A smirk sat across his face, he knew how feisty she could be, a part of him was proud she'd told him. Another part was smug that it'd annoyed Finn so much.
"Stay away from her Bellamy." Finns hands were balled into fists, all he could think about was punching that smirk right off his face.
He knew what the consequences for that would be though, he'd tell everyone that he'd attacked him and have him strung up that stupid tree. He wouldn't be able to tell everyone the truth, he knew Clarke would never forgive him for telling everyone about them.
"I don't think that's your choice, I didn't force her into anything. In fact," Another dark chuckle echoed through the tent, "She kissed me." He couldn't help it, he wanted everyone to know, he knew Clarke was different, she wasn't a conquest… not anymore.
He'd realised that in some strange way, they made each other stronger. He'd learnt a lot from Clarke, he'd seen the compassion and strength she had with Adam and she'd seen his breakdown in the woods with Dax. Something had changed between them, or maybe nothing had and they'd both just realised what had been there all along, they were stronger together, without one, the balance was off. Clarke's outburst about Wells, Bellamy's 'anything goes', both had ended badly, but they decisions they made together, they went so much better.
"If you hurt her again, if you even touch her again, you'll have me to deal with." He growled, the rage evident in his eyes.
"Oh grow up Finn, as I recall, she was moaning my name as I left my mark on her." A cheeky wink was thrown Finn's way, Bellamy was purposefully winding him up, he wanted him to make a move so he could have Finn punished.
That was a low blow, they both knew it, and images of Clarke underneath him, gasping and moaning flooded Finn's mind. The idea of her being like that with anyone else, it was almost unbearable. The hurt seemed to transform into rage and he was torn in between just leaving with his head held high and beating the life out of Bellamy. The truth is, either way Bellamy won. Bellamy could see the indecision on his face.
"Don't you have a girlfriend to get back to?" Bellamy was bored of the whole conversation now, he knew he needed to find Clarke and talk about everything.
"I'm warning you Bellamy, stay away from her." And with that he stormed out, he needed to leave before he did something stupid.
Bellamy ignored his attempted threat and waited a few minutes before heading out the tent too, towards the drop ship where he knew Clarke would be.
[BACK TO CLARKE POINT OF VIEW]
Finally stopping, I realised I had no clue where I was going… more importantly, I had no clue where I was. It was a very rare occasion where I acted irresponsibly, I'd always been so responsible, always thought everything through beforehand. But today… it was just too much. I'd been a mess.
I'd made such a mess of everything.
I'd hated Wells for so long and just when I found out the truth, the chance for me to make it good again was stolen from me as his life was taken. If I'd have just let it go, instead of making accusations and demanding justice, Charlotte would still be here. My relationship with my mother was ruined, she'd got my dad killed, how could I forgive that? How could I get over that? I'd slept with the one person who I had left to depend on, right before his girlfriend had appeared. Worse than that, I'd taken part of him from her and he was all she had, if anyone knew what that felt like, it was me. And now, I'd slept with Bellamy. What was wrong with me? What would Octavia think when she found out? Surely Finn would keep my secret, but I'd been so harsh, what if he didn't?
I felt sick, so sick and so tired, I knew I couldn't give up, not now. It would always be hard, I knew that, I knew it the day we landed. But just for now, I needed to let it all out. I sunk to the floor and curled up against a tree, letting the sobs wrack my body. I was strong and confident, I was Clarke Griffin. I couldn't show anyone any weakness, this was the only place I could let go, in the middle of nowhere, all alone. I'd always been so alone… ever since dad had died.
Okay so, thank you for all the reviews, it's been lovely to have everyone's opinion and feedback!
I hope this chapter didn't disappoint. I just want to explain why I didn't do a Bellamy POV, the truth is, it's a mystery how he works and I don't think I could write in his POV realistically and for me, it's about keeping the characters how they are on the show.
So I'd love to hear more feedback!
Thanks again guys, x
