Chapter II
"Drat!" exclaimed the British agent as she scanned the endless aisles of the Warehouse. Really Arthur's inventory system left a lot to be desired, she had been searching for the past hour and had yet to come across the artifact she was after. Really why the man hadn't simply come up with sections like 'Artifacts to Buy Agent Bering a Clue' or 'Guaranteed to Seduce Beguilingly Unaware Agents' instead of 'Section HA176' or 'Isle C52'... clearly the man had no imagination, it was infuriating and quite frankly a waste of her time and patience.
"HG man! How's it hanging?" Agent Lattimer interrupted her quiet grumplings.
"How is what hanging Agent Lattimer?" Helena somewhat testily asked, after all she very rarely understood anything that came out of his mouth. Indeed the Agents Manual needed to come with a section on translating the inane phrases of one Mr Peter Lattimer, plus he was currently stopping her from reaching her goal. Why did these people keep insisting on stopping her from getting what she wanted? Did they not understand that she was a proper English Lady damn it? Did they not understand that that meant she got whatever she wanted?
"Ah well it means... um... you ah... you know" Agent Lattimer spluttered lamely, going slightly red faced.
"No I do not know Agent Lattimer, hence my asking you what it meant." Helena exclaimed exasperatedly. Really had the education system actually crumbled this much in just over a hundred years that it could produce such idiotic imbeciles as Agent Lattimer and every other moron in this god forsaken upstart of a country? Not Agent Bering though, Helena thought to herself smiling dreamily, she was definitley neither idiotic nor imbecilic, no she was intellegent and sexy and smart and radiant and...
"Ah its just an expression HG, it means 'Hi'" Agent Lattimer finally advised her, rubbing the back of his neck in slight embarrassment.
"Ohh, well then... Hello Agent Lattimer." Helena responded having been pulled out of her day dream by his answer.
"What you up to HG?" Pete continued. "Has the boss-man got you doing inventory?" He queried sympathetically, afterall everyone knew how much doing inventory sucked. He was convinced Artie only gave out that job as punishment, so what on earth had the naughty-naughty British agent done now?
"No! Of course not Agent Lattimer." Exclaimed Helena, quite shocked at his assumption. She was a Lady after all, and as such doing something as tedious as Arthur's ridiculous, never ending inventory was simply beneath her! "I am actually a Lady you know" She added, quite convinced by now that too many of the people here did not understand this very important fact.
"Well ah... good for you man, thats great..." Pete finished rather lamely. For the life of him he would never understand women, and he would certainly never understand 145 year old English 'Ladies'. It really just was all beyond him he thought, lightly scratching his head.
"Thank you Agent Lattimer." Helena replied hoping he now understood.
Turning to leave the younger man to his head scratching, she suddendly thought of a better way of continuing her search. "Agent Lattimer" She called turning back to face him "You wouldn't happen to know where Arthur is keeping Mata Hari's Stockings would you dear?" She asked sweetly.
"Yeah sure, why do you want to know HG? You planning on wearing them to finnaly get some fun times with Mykes?" He asked smirking at his joke.
"I... ah... well yes." Helen stuttered, somewhat shocked, maybe Agent Lattimer wasn't actually the blockhead she had assumed he was.
"Ah...HG...?" Pete spluttered starting to look concerned, he was actually only joking...
"Yes?...Oh...I..." Helen started seeing the concerned look on the young mans face. "Well obviously I was joking. Ha ha " She exclaimed. "Use them on Myka – how silly, that would be ah... wrong? Wouldn't it..." She finnished with a slight hint of a question in her voice.
"Yeah, Ha ha." Pete responded totally missing the question in HG's voice.
"Why did you want it anyway?" He asked.
"Um...oh... ah you see …. Arthur lost them, I mean …... He can't remember where he stored them, and the old boy asked me to ah find them for him." Helena stumbled around a lie.
"Artie lost them?" Pete queried, he really couldn't imagine Artie losing an artifact.
"Um yes, you know old age, dementia that sort of thing." Helena clarifyed, quite happy with her lie now.
"Oh well I guess..." Pete mumbled, after all Artie was getting older and grumpier.
"Oh, its in the World War I section HG." Pete added helpfully, remembering the other agents original question.
"The World War I section, well yes that would make a great deal of sense, but what bloody stupid numbering system is that section?" Helena muttered to herself, once again frustrated with Agent Neilsen's ridiculous system.
"Um HG, the numbers are only on one side of the signs, the actual section name is on the other side." Pete provided helpfully.
"What ….I..." Helen muttered, how could she have missed that? Of course the signs had senseable section names aswell as numbers. "Of course I knew that Agent Lattimer!" She huffed "Do you take me for an idiot?" She demanded.
"Course not HG." Pete replied. "Ah the section you want is just over there" He helpfully pointed out.
"Brilliant! Thanks dear boy." Helena exclaimed over her shoulder as she took off in the pointed out direction.
"Women..." Pete smirked to himself, shaking his head, as he began the long trek back to the office.
"Hmm quite lovely" Helen smiled to herself as she took in her reflection the next morning. Even the second rate garish mirror that was provided with her room at Leena's did nothing to diminish the utter seductivness of the image that looked back at her. She was definitley 'smok'n hot' as Agent Lattimer would say. And well she should be, thought Helena to herself with a slight huff, she had actually had to venture into the sorry excuse for a "town" that Univille was in order to purchase a skirt, having found that her meager wardrobe consisted only of shirts, jackets and slacks. And she certainly wasn't going to get herself started on the shortness of a Ladies skirt these days, why it was practically scandalous! However that said when she pictured Agent Bering in the offending piece of clothing the scandalousness completley evapourated from her head and she turned into a happy pile of dreamy lust filled goo.
Oh well time to show Myka her newly "aquired" stockings, she thought to herself as she walked from her room to head out to the Warehouse, happily whistling a jaunty tune.
"Va va Voom!" Pete shouted as Helena walked through the Umbilicus into Arties office that morning. "Damn! You look fine for an old lady HG" he complimented her.
"Old Lady?" Helena exclaimed "I do know kempo, and I will kill you Agent Lattimer." She smiled evily at the younger agent, old indeed!
"Dude's right but HG" Claudia commented swiveling round on her chair, "You look Howt girl!" She added approvingly.
"Thank you Agent Donovan" Helena told the young girl, assuming from her tone she was complementing her.
"You look beautiful Helena" Myka whispered into the British agents ear, startling her by coming up behind her. "But then you always do." She added smiling.
"I... ah..." Helena gasped, lost for words, and at risk of losing herself in Myka's emerald eyes.
"Yes, Yes! Agent Wells looks awfully fancy" Artie interrupted agitated that all of his agents had stopped listening to him. "Now sit down , I'm talking" he ordered.
"Myka darling" Helena wishpered quietly to Agent Bering as she sat down beside her. "Do you like my new stockings?" She asked.
"Umm... Yes... they're very nice" Myka quietly whispered back, trying to avoid Arties ire by appearing to listen intently to him.
"Wouldn't you like to run your hands across them darling?" Helena inquired seductivley.
"What? …...Ah...?" Myka almost yelled, was Helena alright? She was certainly acting very strangley.
"I simply thought you might like to feel them dear, they're very smooth, you know incase you wanted to get yourself a pair." The older agent added.
"Oh, I prefer pants Helena, but thanks." Myka whispered back, now less worried about the Brit's sanity, she was clearly just trying to be helpful.
"But Myka darling!" Helena began to whine.
"Agent Wells!" Artie exclaimed, he really was getting sick of no one listening to him. In fact he was just about to rip HG a new one, as Claudia would so vulgarly say, when he noticed a new addition to the room "Mrs Frederic..." he began "How can we help you today?" He inquired.
"Please Arthur carry on, I just wanted to borrow Agent Bering for a minute." The caretaker informed him.
"Well you can just get in line darling" Helena huffed, not at all happy with this turn of events. Things were not going as planned today, she was simply supposed to walk in, get Myka to touch the stockings, and que happy fun frustrationless times for her. She was damned if she was going to let anyone take Myka from her before she had that chance.
"Agent Wells, I assure you I only wish to borrow Agent Bering for a few minutes, you may have her back after that." Irene Frederic compasonatley told the upset British woman, reaching out to give her a comforting pat on the knee.
"Ohh Agent Wells!" Irene exclaimed suddenly, looking into the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen in her very long life.
"Oh Drat!" Helena exclaimed in a panic, things were certainly not going to plan.
TBC
