A/N This may start to slowly answer some of your questions for chapter 1

Chapter two

4 Years Before/Awakening

I lie in my hospital bed the machines keeping me alive bleep bleep whish whoosh on and on they go, how long have I been here? it feels like forever, there's that voice again telling me what we will do when I wake up, where we will go, how much he loves me I have heard this before but today somehow it feels different like I have to let him know I hear him, I try so hard to grip his hand as he holds mine, to open my eyes something, anything just to let him know I know he is there but no I just can't I feel as if encased in concrete my mind nor my body will obey me

He is going out of town this afternoon he will be back on Monday I remember he has told me this before in the past then he kisses my temple and says sweet dreams my special girl then he leaves again

I am aware he is here as he asked why won't she wake up mom? His answer is the same as it always is. When she's ready son when she's ready, well damn't I'm ready now

I force all my will and thought into moving my little finger against the palm of his hand and I do I hear him gasp, I managed it

Then he is shouting buzzers and bleepers are going off it all gets a bit mad, doctors rushing in then I go back to sleep its so peaceful here should I stay here where it's quiet and warm then I think no I need to get back to the man that calls me his special girl

Slowly I wake up he is there all the time, they tell me he never left the four days it took me to regain full consciousness I start to be aware of my surroundings of who I am

My hands move to my tummy to cradle my little blip

My baby my baby I panic where is my baby? I remember we had just found out about blip and I went to save Mia is Mia alright what happened to my baby then just as it all starts to overwhelm me they give me an injection and off I go again

I awake to him stroking my head and holding my hand (I now remember his name is Christian and we are married and were expecting out first child)

He talks quietly to me assuring me Mia is fine no lasting affects, I had our baby, a girl he named her Asia, it means resurrection, and its also a form of Anastasia she is my double, long chestnut hair big blue eyes too big for her face and as sharp as a tack, so how long have I been here a year? Two? He doesn't answer

Then he tells me the family wanted him to apply to the courts to turn off the machines and let me go and that John Flynn said it would be better for him to be able to grieve properly for me but he wouldn't, he actually attacked John and put him in hospital

Yes John is fine, no lasting damage no he didn't sue him and Christian paid all Johns expenses whilst he was recovering and yes he still works with John

I ask how soon can I come home and when can I meet my little girl no answer so I ask but will you bring her in here to see me now all the machines are gone and she won't be frightened, still no answer then he says he is going to talk to the doctors

The family all come to see me Grace and Carrick nope they aren't giving me any more than he did it's so frustrating then Kate and Elliot now if anyone will tell me what's going on its Kate right? but no all very vague I have to wait for the doctor apparently grr then Mia wow she seems to have aged twenty years overnight in fact they all seem older but I put that down to the situation

Then Christian comes in with my doctor and Grace he has a folder with him he takes a photo out and asks would I like to see my baby (it's an awful thick folder) he must have hundreds and hundreds of baby photo's, then he pulls one out it has the name date and time on the back Asia Grace Grey 15/05/2012 09.30 40 minuets old aww wow I'm so teary here is my baby then another one she is one week old in this one Grace is feeding her then another one she is three weeks old lying in a crib here at the hospital in my room and then more and more and more she is two or three in this one she is in a swing in a garden I don't recognise Christian asks if I want to look at more tomorrow as I appear to be getting very tired I ask him how old is she now? He looks at Grace and she looks at him then they both look at the doctor I am about to explode I think the doctor realises this and ushers them out of the room asking me so how do you feel Mrs. Grey can I say pissed? no one is telling me anything yes I think I can so I do

He patiently explains this is a lot for us all to cope with for my family as well as myself the guilt some of them feel for wanting Christian to apply to the courts to turn my machines off after Asia was born and my prognosis was not good as there seamed no reason for my prolonged coma they couldn't say if I would ever wake up

I again asked how long doctor? To be told almost 18 years