A/N: Here you have the second chapter! It's a bit sad, but I hope you like it! Don't forget to leave a comment!

Again, I do not own Mass Effect. I wish I do :(


Liara's POV. Two years ago.

"Joker, do you copy?" I asked for the tenth time since I entered the escape shuttle trying to get an answer. I knew every escape pod was hearing my message, but I didn't care. Most of the crew knew about Shepard and me. We didn't tell anybody, not that there was something to tell at first, but it was pretty obvious. Shepard spent most of her free time behind the Medical Bay, so Dr. Chawkas was the first to know it. She even realized it before because I asked her a lot about Shepard. One day after Shepard left to her quarters she said to me: I've never seen the Commander smiling like that. And it's all because of you. I remembered how I blushed. She made me happy too. But now I was trying to know if my happiness was still alive.

"This is Joker."

"Thank the Goddess. Are you okay? Is Shepard with you?" The waiting was killing me. No answer. "Joker, are you there?"

"Yes. I… I'm okay, but she… didn't make it."

I didn't react at first. I just stayed in my seat and noticed everybody in that shuttle was looking at me. Then the tears began and more than one pair of arms was stopping me from coming back to the Normandy.

"We need to go back! Get your arms off me! We need to save her!" I've never felt that kind of pain before. It was like a part of me disappeared. That unknown ship was still firing and we needed to get to save land to be picked by a larger cruiser, but at that point I wasn't even making sense of the danger.

My knees collapsed on the solid ground, while tears were running freely through my face with the helmet still on. When my screaming stopped I could hear Joker.

"I'm sorry Liara."

Finally I gave up and went back to my seat. The silence invaded the shuttle and I could only hear a few sobs now and then.

Three hours passed when we were finally picked by an Alliance cruiser. Once I exited the escape shuttle I went straight to the officer in charge. I took off the helmet and confirmed that Kaidan and Garrus were right behind me.

In front of the Galaxy Map there was a man who looked like he was in charge, so I headed to him. I didn't even bother to introduce myself.

"We need to go back. Commander Shepard is still there. We need to rescue her."

"Madam, we've been already informed that the Commander may be still on board the Normandy. We are preparing a shuttle to check it."

"I want to be on that shuttle."

"You are not an Alliance marine, you–"

"I don't care about your stupid ranks. I'm going." That was me speaking?

"With all due respect, you are not allowed to go. You are only a volunteer here."

"A volunteer?" My biotics started flaring and before I could do something, Kaidan took a step forward and put his hand on my shoulder as a clear sign to calm me.

"I'm Kaidan Alenko, Systems Alliance Marine and Staff Lieutenant. I request permission to come aboard the rescue shuttle."

"Permission granted Lieutenant Alenko."

"I also would like Dr. T'soni to accompany the rescue team. As the only asari here, her melding could become handily in the rescue effort if the Commander suffers any brain damage."

I was so sure Kaidan hated me because of Shepard that I was almost finding difficult to believe what I was hearing. I knew he felt something for her and, although I tried to talk with him about it, we never had a real conversation. However, he was helping this time.

The man in charge looked at me and considered the situation. He knew that probably it wasn't the only reason why I wanted to be on that shuttle, but it was a good reason after all.

"Okay. Dr. T'soni, as it seems that's your name, you can accompany Lieutenant Alenko and the rescue team. The shuttle is about to depart from deck 2."

"Thank you Sir." Kaidan saluted the man and I've just nodded offering him some kind of gratitude.

We were heading to the shuttle at fast pace. I looked at Kaidan who was walking next to me.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it." He did not even turn to look at me. He kept looking straight ahead. We never spoke again, not even when we were in the shuttle or looking for Shepard.

We spent almost five hours looking for her, but the place wasn't safe. The planet's gravitational attraction wasn't helping either. There was no sign of Shepard in what was left of the Normandy or nearby. In case she was floating in space, there was no way to know for sure where she was, but she already would be out of oxygen by that time. The planet's gravitational path could also draw her. Even with her armor, there was little chance that her body endured the atmospheric entry into the planet. She could also have been taken by the unknown vessel. The odds were against her. She was gone. She was gone forever.

"This cannot be happening." It was only a whisper, but Kaidan heard it. He was having a hard time himself trying not to show any emotion, but he was failing. "She's dead." I said hoping that what was happening could be a dream. Maybe I woke up in Shepard's bed, but that didn't happen. It wasn't a dream.

When we came back to the Alliance vessel, everybody knew it. As soon as I exited the shuttle Dr. Chakwas was there to guide me to the medical bay. I was not injured, at least not badly.

Karin didn't say a word, but I saw in her eyes that she had been crying. The medical bay was bigger than the Normandy's. There were lot of different equipment and around 20 beds. At the other side of the medical bay there was a small operating room and two private rooms. There weren't badly injured people among the Normandy's crew and most of them had been sent to the crew deck to rest. However there were about 10 people being treated in those beds, Garrus and Tali where there and I was about to join them. I didn't have the strength to fight it, so I get rid of my armor, keeping only my green uniform.

I sat on a bed and Karin began her scanners. The only visible thing was a wound in my left cheek and some blood in my thigh. My face was lowered and I was looking at the floor, but soon I noticed someone approaching me.

"I'm sorry Liara." It was his voice. The same voice that ripped my heart apart. The same voice that told me my life would never be the same.

"You…" I said at the same time I lifted my head to look into those frightened and painful eyes. Joker had one arm in plaster and he was wearing a cervical collar, but he was alive. He was alive, and Shepard wasn't. The anger and desperation came back to me like a river of lava, invading every part of my body. "It's your fault."

"I… I'm really sorry."

"If it wasn't for you, she'll be alive!" I jump out of bed with my biotics flaring. The moment my feet were on the ground Garrus was next to me trying to calm me down. Everyone in the medical bay was looking at me with fearful eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you," I said looking first at Garrus and then at Joker, "but I want you to know that she's dead because of you. I lost the woman I love and it's all your fault."

It was cruel coming from me to say those things, but the pain was very real and fresh. I left the medical bay and went to my assigned quarters. Of course I was sharing the room with other people, but we will be at Omega in about two hours, so I didn't have to worry too much. Besides, I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes her face haunted me. I understood why my people always said that when partners pass away, part of them live in us. I could feel her hands caressing me and her lips kissing me, but when I opened my eyes there was no one there. I hadn't learnt to take that philosophical approach yet. Maybe it was because I was still very young, maybe because everything was very recent, or maybe because in the short time we had together I learnt to love her like no one else will do.

I couldn't stay in that room so I decided to take a shower to calm my muscles and clean the blood. I didn't hear anything from Dr. Chawkas, so I supposed there wasn't any serious injury.

After the shower I felt clean, but not calmed. A simple shower wasn't going to make the pain go away. I headed to the mess hall. I wasn't hungry at all, but I needed something to soothe myself. I had never drunk alcohol, and it wasn't a habit I wished to start, but at this time I'd try anything.

The mess hall was huge. This vessel was bigger than the Normandy and it had a lot of people on board, so they needed more space. There were three large tables in parallel with each other and a buffet in the left corner of the room, right where I was entering.

Garrus, Tali and Wrex were the only ones there, along with some people I didn't recognize. They were in the first table at my right. Their heads all focused on me the time I entered the room.

I didn't have much relationship with them back on the Normandy. Tali was with whom I talked most and Garrus always came in the ground team with me and Shepard. I had little talk with Wrex, but he always seemed very careful with me, as if I were a child he had to take care of.

I looked at them and then walked towards the buffet. Of course there was no alcohol. It was an Alliance ship after all. There was coffee. The first time and last time I have a cup of coffee was with Shepard. I didn't even know what it was when she first came to my quarters with a cup in her hands. She offered me to taste it. At first, it was bitter, but then I started enjoying it.

I didn't want another thing to remind me of Shepard, so I decided to have a cup of tea. I turned around with the tea in both hands and went towards the second table. I heard my colleagues whispering things. Probably they'd be deciding who came to talk to me. I sat down and sipped my tea. Just after the third sip, Tali walked towards me and sat in front of me.

"Hey. What are you drinking?" Really?

"Tea."

"Sounds yummy."

"I had better ones."

"Okay."

I didn't want to talk and it was obvious Tali didn't know what to say, so I wasn't sure why we were having this stupid conversation. I took another sip.

"Can I do something for you?" It would be great if she just left me alone.

"What? No, of course not. But… I know it's stupid to ask you, but how are you doing?"

"You already know the answer." Another sip.

"Okay. And what are you going to do now? Are you heading back to Thessia?"

"Yes, probably." Why I would like to go back? My mother was dead. I didn't have any family or friends back there. There was nothing left for me. My main plan now was to search some bar in Omega and have a drink, but Tali didn't need to know that.

"I'm also going back to the Fleet. I will probably help my father in her investigation with the Geth."

"Good."

"Look Liara, I can't imagine how are you feeling, but I'm here if you need me. You can talk with me."

"I know. Thank you Tali, but right now I am not in the mood to talk with anyone."

"I understand it. Please, just stay in touch. You know where to find me."

"I will." I got up. I needed some quieter place to be alone. "I see you when we arrive to Omega."

"Okay. Take care Liara."

I went in the opposite direction where Garrus and Wrex where. There was a large hall with big windows on my right that were divided by pillars. There was no one to be seen nearby so I walked a bit further down the hall and found the perfect spot. There was a widening of the corridor between 2 columns with a larger window that ran along the wall from the floor to the ceiling.

I leaned against a column and let my body slide down the wall with the cup of tea in hand. The stars seemed so peaceful out there. Things weren't going to be peaceful for me anymore. I couldn't keep researching on the Protheans. I knew the Reaper's threat was real and we only defeated Sovereign. More were coming and the Council was not going to take care on the matter. I could do that. I could keep investigating on the Reapers and put all my strength to stop them. Yes, I could do that for her. She would have kept fighting and I would keep fighting for her.

"Shepard…"

I left the cup of tea in the floor and closed my eyes, tears streaming down my face again. Every time my heart beat I felt a hole in my chest. It hurt like nothing has ever hurt in my whole life, so I tried to forget everything and I lied to myself. I used our melds to feel her beside me, to feel her heart pounding in her chest, while my hands caressed her body and her feelings mixed with mine. I saw her smile. I heard her jokes. I felt her sleeping beside me with her arms wrapped around me. I didn't allow myself to open my eyes and I kept dreaming, at least until reality hit me again.


A/N: Mmmm reviews are so delicious! ;)