Standard Disclaimers: I don't own anything of Bioware
Author's Notes: Alright - I decided to get this out before I stopped hearing the actor's voice reciting the words ;)
It's funny how things start. How moments and decisions that, when they are first made, seem small can in retrospect become the very things that your future becomes wrapped around. I mean, it wasn't like I was looking to save Kirkwall and become the proverbial right-hand man to a bona fide hero. All I wanted was to make sure that the expedition and my brother both went down into the deep roads and came back again with enough loot to make us all rich.
And yet, here I am, nearly seven years later, still walking the streets and prowling the sewers with Hawke whenever she comes calling.
Hell, I'm not complaining. I'd be bored sitting in some Hightown mansion. And maybe the truth is that if it weren't for Hawke I might not be as civic minded as I've become. Saving runaways and searching for lost books. Sure, I've always been a good guy, kind to children and small animals. But following her around has led me to places I certainly wouldn't have imagined going to on my own.
I've fought a high dragon, for the Maker's sake. An animal that is supposed to be extinct. That's not something everyone gets to boast about, you know.
It's not all adventure and daring escapes, of course. There are nights like tonight. Nights where it's just sitting at a corner table in the Hanged Man, drinking, talking about nothing, and watching the candles burn down.
You see, life's too short and already filled with enough bad things to choke a bronto. That's why it's important to sit back every once in a while and enjoy yourself. Go out and smell the roses, indulge in a little hedonism, flirt with a beautiful girl. It helps keep you centered. Keeps you sane.
I can't tell you how often I've found my peace in a good mug of ale, a story well told, and a sweet pair of … eyes. Especially after we returned from the Deep Roads when Bertrand's betrayal was a fresh wound. Even after he went mad, too, come to think of it. We were never close, but he is my brother. Losing him like that, losing him twice, wasn't exactly easy. But my point is that I got through it, and I didn't let myself become all broody over any of it.
You have to let go of things. You have to take chances and let yourself be free enough to find your happiness where you can.
You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get that concept through to some people. Like Fenris, they are either too serious to allow themselves a moment of pleasure, or like Merrill, too caught up in their current obsessions to come out and see the sunshine.
I can't be too harsh though. Both of them have gotten a taste of what can happen when you don't live a little bit. I don't know what happened between Fenris and our Champion but I can guess. For a hell of a long time after they did whatever it was that they did, she was too quiet around him. Oh, they still talked and fought, just like normal. But the whip-sharp humor she used to throw around like candy fell off in favor of simple, almost bland statements. Like she didn't have the energy to handle him anymore. And he? He had a very hard time meeting her eyes, that's for sure. Couldn't face her, but even today he sure as hell still watches her when she's not looking.
Yeah, he did something stupid. But at least he seems to know it.
I chuckle but Hawke doesn't notice. She's too busy leaning back in her chair and telling a story about something Sandal did the other day. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't realize I'm only half listening. It's damn funny that both Fenris and Anders tread so carefully around her now. I don't know if they are afraid of her, or if they are just pining away for her attention. Sometimes, I figure they don't know either.
Not that I can't see why. Hawke is one in a million and an accidental gazing upon her bathing, so to speak, while we were down in the Deep Roads was more than sufficient to prove that she's fit enough for man, elf or hell, even dwarf to appreciate.
Yeah, she's a friend. And maybe I linger over that memory of that sponge bath, firelight, pale skin and slow motions, a little too often.
But, I'm not a hypocrite and, as I said, sometimes you have to live a little and take your happiness where you can find it.
In any case, she's more relaxed now than she was when she first came in and that's what really matters anyway.
