Chapter Title Song: Wishing You Were Here by Chicago

I don't know how I managed to get to New York in one piece. I hardly remember making a few stops for food, but I can't remember much of anything else. I had called my cousin after leaving Jackie to confirm my plans to stay with him and somehow, by the small scrap of paper with his address on it, my hopes, and a few gas station maps, I arrived at his doorstep like a little orphan once more.

And let's make one thing clear: New York is way different than Wisconsin.

It's like another Dorothy leaving Kansas moment, I guess. But let's get real; Wisconsin doesn't have 100 story skyscrapers or a homeless person on every street corner. Wisconsin does have Jackie, though, which is something no city, state, country, continent, or whatever the hell Australia is will have.

Damn, why does she always have to ruin everything?

It's entirely her fault and I refuse to let myself believe otherwise. We were still together and with her sixth sense (being able to smell a wedding proposal a mile away), she should have known I was coming for her. She should have known years before that all Kelso wanted was sex. But Jackie was always like that, she always wanted to believe in the power of love. So maybe, just maybe, we have a chance. But the odds have only been in my favor once and that is when I started my relationship with Jackie, so who knows what will happen.

~~~ . . . ~~~

For what seemed like years, but in retrospect was only months, I cried every single night. I cried so much I barely noticed that Michael had left. So much I didn't care that Donna was dating someone other than Eric. So much I didn't realize I was living with Fez. So much I didn't mind the fact I was slowly falling in love with him. So much I didn't burst into a mixture of laughter and happiness like I would have when I found out Donna and Eric were back together.

I cried so much that when I finally came to, during a mid-make out session with Fez on New Year's Eve, I cried even more because I realized what I was doing.

We broke up quickly, of course. Right after midnight, in fact. Fez took it well, he could see how much I really cared about Steven, and after our short stint together he never tried to make a pass at me again, even though I still lived with him.

I never dated anyone else after Fez because in my heart I knew Steven would always be the one for me. I never tried to find Steven either, and I have no idea why I didn't even ask. Something told me I had to stay single for him, that there was always a possibility he could come back. There's a possibility that anything will happen, though, including Steven starting a new relationship with someone. It's something I've only let myself get upset over once and I'm not about to start now.

~~~ . . . ~~~

After arriving in New York, settling in at my cousin John's, and getting a job at the bar he works at, I wasn't really looking for a new relationship. In a way, I was hoping that maybe Jackie would do the same. But if you looked Jacqueline Burkhart up in the decade, hell, just knowing her, you would be able to now that she can't live without a guy in her life. We all have gotten used to the drill over the years. The day she turned fourteen and her parents finally allowed her to date, she jumped onto the Kelso train. And when that backfired she made me go on a date with her, got back together with the ditz, cheated on him with a cheese dude, and then jumped back to me.

I'm not complaining. Even though I don't admit it, Jackie was the best thing that ever happened to me. That is, until Amber was born, but even then, Jackie was still incredibly important to me. Who is Amber, you might ask. You probably have your suspicions at this point, but I'm going to give you the long version of how she came to be. And, no, I won't be giving you those details.

It was on New Year's Eve, just 5 minutes until the start of the '80s. In my mind, I could imagine all of my friends at home, joining together for one last circle before the '80s. It occurred to me then that I hadn't smoked anything since I arrived in New York and I didn't really care. It was the busiest night of the year and in the midst of passing out drinks, breaking up fights, and cleaning up I saw her: Chrissy.

She looked exactly like she had since the last time I saw her, almost 4 years before. Dirty blond hair, black eyeliner, combat books, leather pants, and a matching jacket, and the way she yelled at a man at the bar to move. Yep, it was definitely Chrissy. Even after all of our years apart, I still had feelings for her and apparently she did also.

Chrissy recognized me immediately and, after all of the craziness of the night was over, she invited me over to her apartment in the city. It turns out that she really did follow her dreams, even if they didn't work out in the long haul. We genuinely enjoyed each other, but there was something telling me that I was just trying to pretend that Chrissy was Jackie. I pushed the thought off, though, and somehow, 10 months into our so-called relationship, I found out Chrissy was pregnant.

Believe me, I freaked. But I promised myself I wasn't going to let the kid grow up without a father like I had to. I knew I wouldn't be any Mr. Brady, but I promised myself I was going to be the best I could. And so, nine months later, I watched as my daughter was born. Just like that, I was responsible for someone other than myself and 10 times more than I thought I would be, because Chrissy skipped out on us as soon as she could.

Yeah, that's right; the mother of my child booked a flight to California the day she got out of the hospital. She left a small note telling me where she was going, with no explanation, and I was left to raise a daughter all on my own. I named her Amber Jacqueline. I think I'm going crazy, Amber even looks like Jackie.

I'm sitting in my room right now, watching Amber sleeping in her crib. It's as good a time as ever, so I pick up my phone and slowly dial the numbers that have been carved into my mind for as long as I can remember. My hand shakes as I lift the phone up to my ear and my heart leaps when someone picks up the phone. "Red?" I say, because I feel as if I'm hoping for the best and worst at the same time. "You don't remember? It's me, Steven, your son… I think it's time I come home."