Disclaimer: I don't own a Chocolate Factory, so I obviously own nothing but Lottie, Claire, and Bridget. But she's based off of a specific character from the movie/play.

Chapter 2: Do These X Chromosomes Make Me Look Fat?

"This is it, right? King's Cross Station?" Lottie asked, squinting up into the sun in order to read the sign on the grand train station. I scrutinized the start-of-term letter Jake left in the bag, and confirmed her statement.

It was time. The giant clock inside the building showed it was 10:43, seventeen minutes until I officially became Jake Cole for the next four weeks. Kinda scary. The charms Claire used on my face faded after about twelve hours, so every morning I'd have to redo them, but they definitely weren't the worst of my problems.

We walked through the crowded entryway and towards the platforms, searching for 9 3/4.

Wait just-a-bloody second.

I took the ticket back out of my pocket and eyed it suspiciously. Since when were there... mixed-number platforms?

"It's 9 3/4, right?" Claire asked, looking between platforms nine and ten as if waiting for the right platform to appear.

"Yeah, that's what it says on the ticket..." I trailed off, getting nervous. How am I supposed to get onto the train if I can't even figure out how to get to the bloody thing?

"Don't panic, let's just look around for people our age, they might be going to Hogw-," Claire said.

"Hold on, did you see that?" Lottie suddenly pointed to the barrier again.

"Er... see what?" I asked, following her gaze. Yep, there was a barrier there. Very solid looking. Good job, Lottie?

"I... I think I just saw someone walk through it," Lottie said hesitantly.

"What?" Claire asked, alarmed.

"I'm serious! Look, watch those kids!" Lottie pointed to a couple of kids around the age of thirteen or fourteen. They leaned casually against the barrier, and looked around to see if anyone was watching. Not noticing us, they both turned, dragging their luggage and walked straight through the wall.

"What the hell was that?" Claire exclaimed.

"That was the way to Platform 9 3/4!" I said excitedly, "I'm sure of it!"

The three of us walked quickly over to where the kids just were and looked around to see if anyone was watching us. I cautiously stepped forward and put a hand on the bricks, and gasped when it fell through like nothing was there. I pulled my hand back quickly and examined it for signs of damage. Woah.

"I think this is it," I said, turning back to them. Claire raised her eyebrows suspiciously, but Lottie marched forward confidently, linking her arms through both mine and Claire's, humming a tune that sounded suspiciously like 'Follow the Yellow Brick Road'. She picked up speed and dragged us into a run. As we neared the brick, I squeezed shut my eyes, still not believing I would get through this experience unscathed-

"Lily, Merlin, you can stop running!" Lottie said impatiently, stopping in her tracks, resulting in me jerking forward. I snapped open my eyes and saw that we had indeed lived through the wall experience. Lottie unlinked her arm from mine and looked around, mouthing "wow".

Platform 9 3/4 was much bigger than the other platforms in King's Cross. The huge train sitting on the tracks was a cherry red, spewing scarlet smoke into the air. All around young students and parents were milling about, saying their good-byes and hoisting luggage onto the train.

"This seems better than just flooing to school," Claire commented. I couldn't agree more. I stood up straight, adjusted the collar of Jake's shirt, and grinned confidently. I made eye contact with a guy, tall, with dark hair that fell into his eyes in a sort of casual elegance making his way over to a small group of other boys. The bloke nodded in greeting to me, and flicked his gaze between Lottie and Claire before grinning cheekily at me.

OH MY MERLIN HE KNEW!

"He knows!" I hissed, pulling Lottie and Claire with me behind a column, "Take me back right this instant-"

"He does not-"

"-I shouldn't have done this-"

"-you're overreacting-"

"-it was stupid-"

"-we're not wasting all of our hard work-"

"-never let me do anything this stupid again-"

"-that's not fair, Lil, not fair at all!"

"-I can't believe I actually came-"

"-just pluck up some courage and get back out there!"

"Fine!"

I huffed. Damn them.

"All right. Show us the walk again," Claire instructed, turning to me.

I walked a few paces, slouching, and moving my shoulders more than was necessary.

"Good," Claire nodded, "Voice?"

"Yo," I said, deepening my voice, half closing my eyes, smirking, and giving them a half nod, "I'm Jake, what's up?"

"You sound like a tool."

"So that means I got it down perfectly, doesn't it?"

"Lily," Lottie said exasperatedly.

"Fine, fine," I said, but cleared my voice and repeated in a deeper tone, "Fine." I'd have to get used to that.

"Man-hug?" Lottie asked, putting her hand out a little higher than people would to get a handshake. I grasped it and pulled us together, patting her on the back once firmly, before letting go and stepping back. "Good." She said. She could've done without the giggling.

"Well..." Claire said, checking her watch, "I think that's all we can do Lil- Jake," she said, frowning at the name.

I nodded sadly. Why was I doing this to myself again?

"Just make sure to kick Austen's ass at the game," Lottie winked.

Oh, right.

That was why.

I grinned wickedly. "Of course I will!"

They laughed, and we hugged one more time before I stepped away and towards the train, hoisting my trunk onto it before I jumped up myself. I began to blow a kiss, but coughed awkwardly and looked around, then raised a fist eye level instead. Claire rolled her eyes, but Lottie cried out, "Be a good boy now!"

Great, Lottie, that wasn't obvious.

Finally, I walked into the train corridor, catching glimpses of them every time I passed a window.

I found an empty compartment towards the end of the train and set my luggage on the wire racks above the crimson velvet seats. I leaned into the window, just catching sight of Claire and Lottie before they both turned and disapparated, making their way back to France before anyone missed them.

I sighed, suddenly feeling very lonely.

There was a knock on the sliding door of the compartment.

Well, it seems loneliness doesn't last very long.

I opened the door and revealed a girl, around my height, with wavy blonde hair and the type of big brown eyes you usually see on puppies.

"Hi!" she said cheerfully, "I don't mean to be rude, but there are no other empty compartments..."

"Oh, sure," I said, remembering to deepen my voice. It's not pathetic that I'm proud of that, is it? Don't answer that. "I'm Jake."

"Bridget," Bridget smiled and extended her hand. I shook it, and noticed the paint on her nails.

"Is that the new color-change polish Witch Weekly had an article about last week?" I gasped out in excitement.

"Yeah, it is!" Bridget said, brightening up.

"Wow, how'd you get it? It wasn't supposed to come out until October!"

"Oh, my Aunt wrote the article! The makers of the color gave her a complimentary bottle and she gave it to me as an early birthday present."

"That's so cool -" I blanched, realizing how I sounded, "- cause, you know, my neighbor... she liked the nail polish. Wouldn't shut up about it, really," I laughed awkwardly.

I was fantastic at this.

Bridget just smiled and nodded though, as if all males squealed about nail polish. I realized I was blocking her way and shuffled aside.

"So, I haven't seen you around before. What house are you in?" Bridget asked after she put her trunk next to mine.

"Er... house?" I asked. You get your own houses at Hogwarts? This place must be huge!

"Ooh, you're a new student? I didn't know Hogwarts admitted transfers!" Bridget said excitedly, "There are four houses you get sorted in: Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Hufflepuff."

"Those are odd names," I said. So they were like the groups you get put into at Beauxbatons. Only there we were just split up alphabetically, "How do you choose your house?"

"You put on a hat and it tells you," Bridget said, like she was discussing the weather.

"A hat?"

"Yeah, it judges your personality. You know, positive traits, negative traits, fears, stuff like that. Then it decides which house is best suited for you."

"So... what do each house mean?"

"Well, Gryffindor is said to be the brave ones, Hufflepuff are the hardworking, loyal ones, Ravenclaw is for the smart students, and Slytherin is for the cunning, sneaky ones. Everyone knows Slytherin is a rotten house, a lot of the students in it are real jerks," she added, leaning in closer. "Most of the older blokes are said to be joining You-Know-Who when they get out of Hogwarts."

A hat that judges your personality. What next, the Scarf of Sexual Preference?

"So what house are you in?" I asked.

"Gryffindor," she said somewhat proudly. I guess Gryffindor wasn't a You-Know-Who supporting house.

"Cool," I said, not really having much else. What house would I be in? What if this hat thing couldn't decide and I ended up waiting forever? "When do you get sorted?"

"The first years do it before the Welcoming Feast, while we're all watching."

Oh bollocks.

"I have to get sorted in front of everyone with all the little shrimps?"

"Well... maybe not? I don't know, I've never heard of a transfer student before."

"Fantastic," I said, putting my head in my hand. The first day and I'm already going to get made a fool of.

Bridget reached over and took my hand, "I'm sure Dumbledore won't make you do that. Before the first years go out he has Professor McGonagall meet with you before hand or something."

I wasn't really convinced. I already imagined myself, two feet taller than all of the eleven-year-olds.

Before I could say anything, however, the door slid open to reveal a young man. He was about three inches taller than I was (which, admittedly, wasn't very tall) with very dark and rather long hair that looked as if it could use a washing. His hooked nose was crinkled as if he smelled something unpleasant and his small dark eyes showed distaste as they looked me up and down. He turned his gaze to Bridget though, and I couldn't help but notice that he brightened up.

"Oh, Bridget! There you are! I have a compartment with some of the guys down the train, care to join me?" He stepped in front of me, blocking me from view.

"No, thank you, Severus," Bridget said, sounding polite but I could tell there was a long list of things she would rather do instead of sit with... Severus. Weird name.

"Oh. All right," he said, turning away from us and towards the door, leaving without another word, completely ignoring my existence.

Well that was rude.

"Who was he, exactly?" I asked, craning my neck to see the last of him disappear down the hall through the glass.

"Severus Snape," she said, a hint of dislike in her voice, "he's in Slytherin. Last year we ended up being Potions partners, and he helped me pull my grade up. So I was nicer to him than the Mar- a lot of the guys in our year, and now he won't leave me alone."

"Could use some shampoo," I said offhandedly, wondering what she was saying when she said "The Mar".

Bridget giggled at my comment, "I have a feeling you'll fit in with the guys here."

"What makes you say that?" I asked, slightly alarmed.

Did I naturally have a... manly aura?

"They just... tease him a lot. Especially about his hair. But nobody really likes him except for the other Slytherins."

"Does Slytherin get along with anyone?"

"Well... no," Bridget admitted, "But at least that means you won't be in Slytherin."

"Yeah, I suppose."

Wait.

Did she just compliment me?

Holy Merlin is she flirting?

"Uhhh, when do we arrive? You know it's getting pretty dark! Do you see that star? Aren't you supposed to make a wish off the first star you see? Do we have to change into our robes before getting there? Actually, I have to use the loo. Be right back!"

I fumbled for a moment in my trunk and grabbed my uniform, then sprinted out of the room, towards the bathroom at the end of the train.

Thankfully, it wasn't occupied. I locked the door and leaned against it, panting slightly.

If this girl 'casually' brings up that she doesn't have a boyfriend I am O-U-T OUT.

Still slightly red-faced, I changed into the boy's uniform and refreshed the charms on my face. I used a strip of tan cloth to flatten my chest, seamlessly sealing the end with magic so it was also easy to undo.

I sighed and folded Jake's clothes into a neat pile before leaving the bathroom and making my way back to the compartment, where Bridget was waiting.

For the rest of the train ride, I told her I needed to look through my textbooks to try and catch up with the curriculum ("Need some help?" "Uh, no, that's all right...").

Finally, after a few more hours the train came to a jerking halt, and the corridor filled with students trying to push past each other to the exit. I raised my eyebrows at Bridget and she nudged me forward, into the crowd. Immediately I was jostled and pushed, elbowed and stepped on. After a few minutes of struggling, the crowd thinned as we got closer to the nearest exit and I realized I had lost sight of Bridget.

Stepping off the train, I saw a large sign saying Hogsmeade Station. There was a long line of horseless carriages, which were quickly filling with students and then pulling themselves up the path, no doubt to the Castle, which was hidden by the trees.

"Come on, silly, we need to get a carriage before they're all taken!"

Bridget had somehow snuck up on me and linked her arm through mine, eerily similar to the way Lottie had that very morning when we went through the barrier together with Claire.

"Oh, uh... all right," I said. I let her usher me towards the nearest empty carriage and it was another few minutes until it started following the long trail. I have to admit, it was very peaceful. The carriage was traveling smoothly over the dirt trail, and the trees on the edge of the trail were still green-leafed from summer. The ride passed in silence until the castle came into view at the end of the path.

"Wow," I said quietly. 'Castle' definitely covered it. Every window was illuminated with light. Tall towers rose from the building, and what looked like three courtyards were visible just from the front.

"That's Gryffindor Tower," Bridget said, pointing to one of the tall pillars, but she blushed, "Although, I probably shouldn't have told you that."

"It's all right, secret's safe with me," I said, still trying to swallow every inch of the castle with my eyes. The carriage stopped and we jumped out, making our way into the building. A hop, skip, and a less-than-one-minute-walk later and we were standing in the doorway of a large room, with four very long tables running the length of the room, and a smaller table at the head, perpendicular to the rest. Banners of red, green, blue, and gold circled the hall with a final banner behind the head table. It had a large 'H' on it, and circled around it was a lion, a snake, an eagle, and a badger.

"Well, this is the Great Hall. It's where we eat every meal," Bridget said, "That's Gryffindor table, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin," she pointed to each table as she said which house sat there.

"So... where do I sit?" I asked, looking for the 'transfer student' table. I didn't think it would appear.

"Um..." she said, frowning as she looked around the hall.

However, a tall, thin woman approached us and said to me, "Jake Cole?"

"Er... yes?" I said, unconsciously deepening my voice more so than I already was.

"Come with me," the woman said sternly.

My eyes widened slightly and I exchanged a glance with Bridget, but she smiled and walked towards the Gryffindor Table.

I followed the woman out of the Great Hall, around some corners, down some hallways, and to a room that was obviously the woman's office.

"Unfortunately, we have to get the First Years sorted first," she said without preamble. Ohh, that's what this was. I was getting sorted! "So if you would please wait here until they are finished, and then I will join you again and sort you into a house. It seemed less... noticeable than you being sorted with the First Years."

"Thank you," I said, happy not to have to stand with the midgets in front of the whole school.

"My name is Proffesor McGonagall," she said as she was walking out the door. She turned around briefly, "Welcome to Hogwarts." With that, she closed the door and left me alone in the room.

By the watch on my wrist, it took about forty-five minutes for the First Years to get sorted. Proffesor McGonagall returned with an old, tattered hat in her hands. She wordlessly handed it to me, and I stared at it for a few seconds before placing it on my head.

Hmm... interesting...

WHY WAS THERE A VOICE IN MY HEAD?

Having some self-image issues, eh, Miss Evans?

Oh, that. Well, you know...

I just sort into houses, I won't tell anyone. My brim is sealed.

Did a hat just make a pun?

Let's have a look at you now...

Keep your eyes up, mister. Oh wait, I'm a boy.

Very intelligent... but also kind and loyal... Hufflepuff seems a good fit.

Eurgh. Please no, I look horrible in yellow.

But also very brave... you value friendship above all else...

Yes... positive traits. I love this hat, he only tells you nice things.

But of course, you are lying to everyone...

Stupid hat. Just sort me already!

I've made my decision.

Finally!

"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat called grandly. Why did he have to shout?

"Very good," Professor McGonagall nodded and wrote something on a bit of parchment, "I'll show you back to the Great Hall."

"Actually... could I just go to the Dormitories?" I asked. I didn't feel like eating very much, and it would give me enough time to shower and change in privacy and... non-awkwardness.

Professor McGonagall nodded, "Very well, follow me."

I followed McGonagall out the door, and zoned out slightly as she led the way up many flights of stairs. I vaguely remembered Bridget saying something about Gryffindor being in a tower. My calves felt it.

Although, I was filled with a happy kind of warmth. I had a house! I belonged! Yay! I was a Gryffindor person! I was a Gryffindorian!

Hogwarts already felt a little more like home.

That is, until I got into the dormitory.

A/N: OH MY GOD! Such positive feedback! Thank you all so so so so so so so much! I honestly didn't expect that many reviews, especially in the first couple of days! Thank you all for making me so happy! :D

Well, I barely made the "sometime next week" promise, but hey, you got the chapter, didn't you? (; I'm trying to establish a specific day to try to always update on, I'm thinking Saturdays since I'lll have most of the day to work on the chapter, but I won't make any promises.

Thanks to AmeliaNior, I realized She's the Man was based off of a Shakespearean comedy, so I gave Snape a role (Malcolm from the movie, Malvolio from the play), even if it isn't EXACTLY canon, but hey, neither is Lily being from Beauxbatons... or cross dressing, for that matter. This whole fic just seems to throw canon out the window. I'm also thinking of adding the subplot from the play into this story, just for some fun... and extra chapters... ^_^

Stay tuned for next chapter! James and the rest of the Marauders will be introduced officially for the first time! (; Also, Potions class and Quidditch Try Outs :D What fun~

Now make me happy again and review again! :D

PS: A cookie to anyone who caught the AVPM/S reference (;