Chapter 2
Under the Sheltering Sky
(part 1)
As far as Kaidan Alenko was concerned, Malcolm Shepard taught humility the way a crash test dummy taught you not to get into crashes. With a ruthless efficiency that had no concern for its own well-being.
"I don't really know," Shepard shrugged as Kaidan's father Russell and his mother Joyce both looked at the man as if he were irreverent and mad respectively, "sometime after I was arrested for joyriding, I think."
How in the flying fuck do I get myself into these situations? Kaidan thought as he stared at Shepard, the spoonful of soup half way to his mouth. The three Alenko's continued their blank scrutiny of Shepard until the other man seemed to grow increasingly aware that the silence was genuine. Then he cleared his throat and tried to sound contrite.
"That was a joke," he said, taking a spoonful of soup and listening to Joyce cough politely as she smiled.
The fact that Shepard was even there was a bizarre factor, in Kaidan's mind, as was the fact that he had even been able to convince his Commander to visit Earth with the rest of them on shore leave at all. It was important that they should all go as a group he had said; solidarity, he was sure he mentioned solidarity. He had used anything he could in order to make sure Shepard wasn't left basically on his own, floating around the blue planet while the rest of his comrades were taking time off to relax.
What he hadn't banked upon was Shepard somehow turning 'come-on-shore-leave-it'll-be-good-for-you' into 'come-on-shore-leave-so-you-can-somehow-inveigle-y our-way-into-my-family-visit-to-make-things-even-m ore-awakward-than-they-already-are'. Or, basically, so Shepard could come on shore leave and be Shepard.
It had all started innocently enough.
A week had passed since their departure from the Citadel and things had been going smoothly, or as smoothly as they could considering most of the drop points they reached either had problems that delayed them or, even worse as far as Kaidan was concerned, a lack of gratitude. Kaidan wasn't sure if he was the only one who saw the tension building in Shepard but he wasn't exactly sure how to get at the man to ask either. There never seemed to be a spare moment for them to just talk, something Kaidan was very aware of.
The problems weren't, as the semantics suggested, a problem. The Normandy had been selected as a relief vessel and she did her duty as was necessary. When the new generator delivered to the colony on Feros exploded half way through unloading their supplies, Shepard sent Adams and Grenado to fix it without any trouble. Shepard seemed to work better when there was a problem rather than a lack of one. It cost them five hours and it meant that Kaidan spent that extra time trying to ignore both where he was docked and his colleague's concerned glances. Yet it didn't matter. He'd been through worse, far worse; he'd experienced the Thorian up close and personal, something he still considered worse than the phantom memory of the bizarre alien. Then they moved on, now thrown off schedule, and managed to get nothing but insults, both subtle and unsubtle, from the following colonies they visited to deliver food, medical supplies, engineering expertise and even, on a two occasions, armed help. The first of those occasions had been when they reached Shanxi, their third stop. They found, soon after landing, that as quickly as the fleet had moved from the Shanxi-Theta relay in order to form a counter offensive against Saren, raiders had been plaguing the colony with attacks, both Batarian and Vorcha. It had been made worse only through the heavy anti-alien sentiment on Shanxi, what with the First Contact War basically starting there, and the Terra Firma party, or their more militant members, had taken this as a time to retaliate. It hadn't been an easy job calming the situation down, especially when they were only there as temporary relief and to inform them that the fleet would be delayed in their return to Shanxi-Theta. Kaidan wasn't privy to Shepard's meeting with the Colonies leader, a woman named Faraday who he'd heard rumours about being pretty hard line herself, but if the Commander's stony expression on coming aboard was anything to go by, Kaidan would assume it hadn't gone well. They stayed to help for as long as they could and Kaidan was ordered to take the marines in to clear out any resistance. Still, they left on a sour note.
Then Kaidan found out their next destination. It wasn't that he hadn't been paying attention, just that he'd been preoccupied with making up the supply packets, keeping the roster rolling while trying to make up for their lost time, trying to make sure he could keep a minimum of two of the engineering team free for their scheduled rendezvous with the next colony, as well as keep the marines ready in case of anything unexpected. When he'd finally managed to get round to the briefing for their next run, five hours out from being planet-side, it had taken him a few minutes to figure out why this might be a problem.
"Did no one feel the need to mention this?" he had asked himself, mainly because he wasn't sure who else to ask; it seemed obvious to him yet, the more he thought about it as he paced around the barracks in frustration, perhaps that was only because he was so inappropriately involved with their CO.
Mindoir. He was more than aware that he didn't know anything about the colony further than its tragic past and, to an extent, Shepard's own tragedy. It had been rebuilt, as far as he could tell, three years earlier and even some of the surviving colonists from the raid had returned. The thought made Kaidan feel uneasy. He had heard about what the Batarian's had done, implanting their prisoners, taking them as slaves. The thought made him sick and somehow he had to wonder at the fact, that people would ever want to return there at all, never mind those who had suffered through something that hideous. He hadn't known how to bring it up or even if he should. That was a long time ago, Kaidan tried to reason to himself as he continued with his duties, maybe it's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be.
Then he would remember the report. Shepard's parents, his sister and his friends had all been slaughtered in the Batarian raid. He was one in a handful to make it out alive. Then everything that happened on Akuze, Kaidan thought as he directed the relief team in the cargo bay, making sure they had everything they needed. Jesus, he thought bluntly, I'm kind of surprised Shepard isn't more fucked up than he is. Then he remembered Onterom and Kaidan thought it best not to think about any of it anymore.
He didn't get a chance to see Shepard until they had finished offloading the relief team by shuttle down to the planet's surface. He had found Shepard in the comm. room talking to someone on the vid-com. Kaidan left when Shepard gave him a quick wave and waited outside until his CO emerged from the dark room.
"Report Lieutenant," he had said, holding out his hand in anticipation of the datapad he knew Kaidan would hand him.
He had looked normal, was Kaidan's first impression, yet he knew it was nothing more than a mask. Kaidan was getting used to seeing Shepard's masks for what they really were. Even when his CO thought he'd covered everything up there was always a chink, a crack, some flaw. Only problem was Kaidan was never sure how to approach it.
"The first and second relief teams have been dropped, Westside and Eastside, sectors two and four," Kaidan handed Shepard the anticipated datapad and observed that the man seemed to visibly relax once he had the device in his hand, "next reports are due in 1545 and 1400."
"That's good," Shepard said a little absently as he flicked through the datapad. Kaidan wanted to open his mouth and ask who the Commander had been talking to, if there was anything he could do, if he was alright...but it seemed a pointless gesture when he knew what response he'd get. Thankfully he hadn't needed to ask, this time Shepard had actually spoken without any prompting, "Alenko, I need you to get the on call team prepped and planet-side in the next forty minutes. I've sent you the co-ordinates."
"Aye, aye sir," Kaidan said on instinct, taking back the datapad, pulling up his omni-tool and opening the file he must have received from Shepard moments before without noticing; he could have read it but instead he asked, "what's the situation?"
"One of the colonies outlying settlements went dark a week ago," Shepard said, "sector 12. The governing body said they sent out scouting teams but a few days worth of bad storms delayed them and they were driven back. After supplies began to fall low they didn't have the manpower or the ability to send out another relief effort. They've asked us to investigate."
"The team is already prepped," Kaidan said as he looked back to Shepard, "we can drop as soon as the shuttle returns."
"Good," Shepard said, again with that slightly distant tone. Kaidan had opened his mouth to ask what was going on but was cut off when Shepard continued, "get to it, Lieutenant."
Conversation over. Kaidan assembled his team and they did as they were told. Everything had been a little up in the air. He thought he knew how to handle this, he thought that, maybe, just maybe, things could be as simple as Shepard made out that they were. They were together when they could be and, when they couldn't, they were professional to the point that no one would suspect a thing. Only Kaidan hadn't realised how hard something like that was in practice. His torn feelings over Shepard during the war with Saren had seemed like small potatoes compared to this. Actually having him and yet not having him at all. It had been easier when they had been dancing around the subject, he had thought.
Then he had stopped thinking about it. Not because he wanted to, instead because he had to. They reached Sector 12, a small set of farmsteads on the outer rim of the colonisation project. The place was oddly quiet when they landed. He sent three teams of two out to scout each house and then, when they reported back fifteen minutes later, they found themselves standing in the middle of a completely empty compound while the sun shone down on them and the windmill generators behind them spun lazily in the breeze. It was worse, somehow, than finding corpses.
"None of you found anything?" Kaidan had asked his team with a frown.
"No sir," Barret replied, "although there is a signal on the radar. When I went to the co-ordinates I couldn't find anything sir."
They returned to the sensor blip which Barret had discovered. Kaidan ordered the rest of the squad to do another sweep, this time taking nothing for granted, and making sure they looked everywhere, even out into the fields themselves. He knew he was being overly systematic, making them do three sweeps, but he felt that they needed answers. The thought of going back to Shepard with nothing but ominously missing colonists made him feel a little ill. It had been sheer luck that he and Barret had even found what was creating the signal, in one of the large houses by the south field. Kaidan had been walking around what appeared to be a downstairs living room when he tripped over the corner of the thick rug, his heart jumping into his throat considering how on edge he had been in this ghost town. He had cursed after picking himself up off of the ground, kneeling and shaking his head with a small smile on his face.
"You're letting this get to you," he said quietly to himself, before pushing down onto the floorboards to get up.
That the floorboard shifted beneath his hand wasn't what surprised him. What it revealed was. Kaidan had pushed the couch out of the way and discovered some sort of hidden stash by the wall. At first it had simply made him feel more melancholy about the whole affair. They appeared to be the effects of a child: a toy horse, a small penknife and a well used, old model datapad which Kaidan was sure had been a hand-me-down. That was when he found it, the thing that must have been giving out the faint signal. The sight of it made Kaidan's eyes narrow.
"You're sure, Lieutenant?" Shepard had asked when Kaidan debriefed him after their return.
"We did three sweeps, sir," Kaidan replied, "and the most we found was this. There weren't even signs of a struggle. The place was just empty. When I found this it looked like it had been stashed, although I'm not sure by who."
He had handed over the device he had found hidden beneath the floorboards, a small communicator with a few basic functions, a voice recorder and a small amount of data storage. He knew that Shepard felt the way he did as he stared at it; or more precisely, the logo emblazoned onto its side.
Cerberus.
Shepard had reported back to Mindoir's governor and hadn't looked any better when he came out than when he went in. Kaidan had expected an update, maybe even some action they were to take, but instead Shepard told him later that it was to be passed on to the Alliance for further investigation. Sure, Kaidan thought as he observed the subtle glint of violence in Shepard's eyes despite his calm demeanour, it'll be passed off. He was certain that this wouldn't be something Shepard would leave to be eventually gotten around to by the Alliance military. After everything that had happened Kaidan knew two things: that Shepard knew how to hold a grudge and that he dealt with his grudges personally.
So he had looked into it, because he knew that was what Shepard would do anyway. By the time they had left their last port of call before heading back to the Sol system, an outlying colony on Demeris, he and Shepard finally found a couple of hours where they were both off duty at the same time. It hadn't taken any leap of the imagination what Shepard wanted when Kaidan walked into his quarters. The Lieutenant barely managed to get two words out before Shepard had taken hold of his waist and neck and kissed him so thoroughly that he nearly forgot how to talk at all. An hour later, as they lay in the dishevelled bed, either too tired or unwilling to move, Kaidan had brought it up. He didn't know if it was a good idea or not but he'd done it anyway.
It turned out that the two of the people who had been living in Sector 12 had been survivors of the raid who had returned to the colony after being freed from the Batarian slavers; Zabaleta Sharen and Harrild Church. Considering the lack of dead at the scene and, as far as their contacts could tell him, the interest surrounding the Batarian mind control devices, Kaidan found it a likely outcome that Cerberus was also interested in this technology. Kidnapping an entire village seemed rather severe to him, yet he was beginning to think that there wasn't much he could put past Cerberus.
"I thought you'd want to know," Kaidan had said as he watched Shepard read the datapad, his eyes hard.
"This is some...classified information, Lieutenant," Shepard hadn't sounded angry but it was difficult to tell if he sounded impressed either.
"Well, uh, yeah," Kaidan said, trying to see Shepard's face from the awkward angle he was at, lying against Shepard's side with his CO's arm around his back, "I didn't think there would be anything on the official channels. And we still have contacts from while we were gathering intelligence on Saren, it's really pretty handy, so..."
"Thanks," Shepard interrupted; there was a pause, during which Shepard put the datapad down on the bed and looked at him, "just...thanks Kaidan."
The kiss had told him everything he thought he didn't know from Shepard's words. The heavy affection tainted once more by that subtle desperation which Kaidan was beginning to think Shepard wasn't even conscious of. They had fallen swiftly back to the physical, Kaidan allowing Shepard to indulge himself without prodding his CO further. 1800 hours had come too soon and Kaidan almost, almost, found himself considering being late for his stint in the cockpit with Joker. Although I'll never hear the end of it if I am, Kaidan had tried to kid as he showered.
"You can't just sit up here staring at it out of the window," Kaidan said with a significant look, walking behind Shepard's chair as he returned his eyes to the datapad in his hand and trying his best not to stare at it anxiously.
"Or stare at it on the view screen," Joker threw in his two cents as he sat at the other side of the rec room playing what looked like Turian chess with Garrus; just like normal chess, only with an octagonal board, two levels and a heck of a lot more violence, as far as Kaidan could tell, "come on, it'll be fun Commander. You know, fun? That thing you're supposed to have every now and then?"
"I have fun," Shepard replied as he sat sideways in his chair and tapped his fingers against the table in front of him, sporting his 'almost' smile.
"Whoa, whatever you and the Lieutenant get up to is none of my business..." Joker said raising his hands and smirking.
"Shut up, Jeff," Kaidan said absently as he continued to pace, trying to make it sound casual even as Joker's casual slight made him jumpy considering their public setting.
"All I'm saying is that sometimes you just need to get your feet on the ground," Joker said with a shrug of his own, "it's relaxing, you know? Puts things in perspective."
"Your pilot might be coming across as an errant philosopher," Garrus said as he moved one of the larger pieces near the middle of the board up onto the second tier, making Joker let out a quiet 'dammit', "but he's right. You can't stay cooped up here. Go down, be among your people, smell the air, see the sights."
"You forget I wasn't raised on Earth," Shepard said, his voice noticeably tighter; or perhaps it was only Kaidan who noticed the subtle shift, "there's nothing nostalgic for me down there."
"It doesn't need to be nostalgia," Joker said with a frown, "it's just...being one of the team. It doesn't matter where you are, it matters who you're with, right?"
"That's a gross oversimplification," Shepard said with a sigh, finally looking up to Kaidan and snapping out, "dammit Alenko, will you stop your pacing and send that fucking message before I do it for you."
Kaidan had stopped, more out of surprise at Shepard's sudden outburst, but instead of replying he sat down across from the Commander at the table and put the datapad down untouched. Shepard gave him a long look before sighing and looking away. It had been an up and down week, Kaidan knew that, but Shepard's mood swings were getting a little hard to predict. With the crew he was a consummate professional but with him...well, one minute he could be distant, the next professional, the next angry, the next horny, the next grateful, the next tender. Considering how little time they had managed to scrape together to be alone, fitting all of that into a total of four hours or so was pretty disorientating. Kaidan thought he knew that Shepard's reasons for being agitated about his hesitancy to send his message were pretty damned complex, but he still didn't appreciate it.
"Don't try and throw this onto me," Kaidan said, trying his best not to get too informal in front of the others, "you're the one who won't come on shore leave with us, sir."
"I don't need some pity party just because I don't have anyone to visit," Shepard said with a wry smile, making Kaidan feel bad for trying to force this idea on man in the first place, "besides, someone has to be here to look after the ship."
"You already know there'll be people here looking after the ship," Garrus said in a slightly sing-song hum, "you're starting to sound like Liara with all the excuses."
"It's not an excuse, I mean...oh for the sake of..." Shepard rubbed at his face tiredly and sat forwards in his chair, blocking Garrus and Joker from seeing his reaction; Kaidan was the only one afforded a view of the man's face.
The mask slipped, allowing a rare glimpse into Shepard's usually well hidden feelings. He looked worn down, drained. For an inexplicable moment Kaidan had to fight the instinctual want to reach out and touch Shepard's left hand which lay palm down on the table. Instead he cleared his throat and picked up the datapad which he'd been treating like it was going to bite him for the past hour. The message there was stark, black text on a white background. In truth he could understand Shepard's frustration with him. He was beginning to feel it with himself as well.
Hey Mom,
Sorry this is so last minute but I have some shore leave from Friday night to Sunday morning and thought I could come visit. Let me know if that's alright and I'll book the shuttle.
Kaidan
It didn't get more simple than that. So what made it so damned complicated? He looked up from the datapad and looked straight at Shepard; the other man had already been watching him. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Kaidan stepped up and broke the silence. He lifted the datapad so that Shepard could see the interface and put his thumb over the large 'send' icon.
"Come down planet-side and promise us you'll relax a little," he said as he stood up, "and I promise to send this and stop pacing."
"I'm not in the mood Lieutenant," Shepard said flatly, "and anyway, I won't be blackmailed."
"Yes you will," Kaidan said with a smile, making Shepard frown in confusion; hoping that levity would be a good choice Kaidan went with it. Considering how taciturn Shepard had been it was difficult to know what sort of reaction you would get, "it's simple. Either I will or I won't. It's up to you."
"Don't be so juvenile," Shepard said, sitting back in his chair; Kaidan could see Joker grinning in the background while Garrus watched them with subtle humour in his eyes.
"Then you don't be so juvenile," Kaidan shrugged, "what'll it be Commander?"
There was something deadly in the silence that followed. It made Kaidan rethink his words but it was too late to take them back. What in the hell am I supposed to say to you? Kaidan thought as Shepard stared into the middle distance as if he were remembering something that made him too furious to talk. After another few awkward seconds he stood up and pasted on a smile.
"Fine, you win," Shepard said casually, "send your message and I'll go with you all. Happy?"
"...Yeah," Kaidan said a little warily, "thanks."
"No need to thank me," Shepard said with a sigh as he walked past Kaidan and left the rec room without another word.
Kaidan sat back down, looked at the datapad and drew a deep breath into his lungs. He pressed send and then let the breath out slowly. Well, we'll see if this was all worth it then, he thought. After fighting off hoards of Krogan, Rachni, Geth and even a goddamned Reaper, this really shouldn't be difficult, should it? he thought once more.
"You know you two argue like an old married couple," Joker said as Kaidan continued to look down at the send confirmation on the screen, "you should really just tie the knot and get it over and done with already."
"Shut up, Jeff," Kaidan said offhandedly, "and will you please stop with the comments already?"
"Oh I don't really care one way or the other," Joker said, smiling as he captured on of Garrus' pieces, "I just have a bet going on how many times you can tell me to shut up in the space of an hour."
"I have a hundred credits on twenty," Garrus said, making Kaidan roll his eyes, "so it would be appreciated if you could continue to rebuke your colleague, Lieutenant."
They hadn't talked since then, apart from a quick and very professional update on the Normandy's system repairs which Kaidan delivered during Shepard's routine inspection, throughout which Kaidan would have been surprised if anyone could tell there was any ill feeling between them at all. Despite the expert deception, it made him feel a little hollow that they had so easily fallen into this oddly duplicitous lifestyle. It had seemed like it was only a few nights ago that Kaidan could remember he was the one being reticent in the hotel room, while Shepard tried to reason with him why about their staying together was such a great idea in the first place. His Commander seemed to be quite the manipulator, as far as Kaidan was concerned, which then took him in the direction of wondering about how and why.
It was then that he realised that Shepard appeared to know him far better than he knew Shepard. Which, on closer inspection, was something that he already knew but just hadn't wanted to think too hard about. Which led back cyclically to what had started this whole stupid argument in the first place.
Fuck my life, Kaidan had thought as he stared out the cockpit window at the Earth spinning silently below them.
"You're joining us, Liara?" Kaidan asked with a smile as the Asari bundled herself suddenly into the cargo bay, carrying a small holdall.
"Oh, yes," she said, seeming slightly alarmed and yet anticipatory, "I just have a few things with me. I didn't think...I mean we won't be staying too long so..."
"Ah, all you need is a change of underwear sweetie," Caroline Grenado said with a smile, patting a startled Liara's shoulder as she walked past and towards the loading area, "it's shore leave!"
"Please don't pay too much attention to my team," Chief Adams and a few more of the engineering crew appeared moments later, Adams taking a moment to stop and talk as his team followed Caroline, "they love to talk."
"Everyone knows that Engineering brings the party, Chief!" Caroline shouted back, making her superior groan and shake his head.
Kaidan took pity on Liara, looking like a rock amid the stream as the crew swarmed around her, and walked over to escort her to the shuttles. She smiled a little shyly as he linked his arm with hers but walked with him nonetheless. The shuttles had been running for the past half hour, using the Normandy's own personal shuttlecraft and also another from The Ontario Alliance HQ where the current crew were being ferried to. Others were waiting for shuttles home from all over the globe but, as this was the first stop, quite a lot of the crew were simply jumping ship to the first major city in order to get planet-side.
"I've never been to Earth before," she said as they waited, "I thought it would be a unique opportunity to study human culture."
"Well, I'm not sure if shore leave, after everything we've been through lately, will give you an accurate picture of human culture," Kaidan said, "but yeah, go for it."
The shuttle arrived and everyone ploughed on like a group of unruly school children, chattering and joking and pushing and laughing. Kaidan called out for them to get in line, making them seem to almost involuntarily snap to attention. At least I haven't lost my touch, he thought as the crew boarded the shuttle in a much more sober manner. Considering it was the shuttle from Ontario HQ Kaidan just didn't want his crew to look like a bunch of rowdy assholes in front of the pilots. He was glad that they didn't.
"Um, Lieutenant, what did you mean when you said I won't get an accurate picture of human culture?" Liara asked as she reached up to pack her luggage into the overhead equipment storage, giving Kaidan a quizzical look, "Considering where I am going that seems a little unrealistic."
"Well," Kaidan looked around at the men and women who were also seated in the large transport shuttle, acting far more rationally now, yet he could see the suppressed excitement there in their faces, feel the tension in the air. He was sure that, after tonight, Liara would have seen both the best and the worst that human culture had to offer. He gave her a reassuring smile as she took her seat, "it's nothing. Don't worry about it. I'll see you down there."
He left the full shuttle and radioed the pilot to give her the all clear for take-off. He watched as the shuttle manoeuvred its way out of the open docking bay doors and turned slowly on its axis. Behind it Kaidan watched as the curved of the earth spun lazily against the black backdrop of space. It was something he didn't think he'd ever get tired of seeing. The night time landscape of North America, Canada and Alaska were aglow with lights, sparse clouds only visible where they blocked the glow of cities and towns. The earth was dark but also simultaneously bright with civilisation. He watched it as he reached down to pick up his own bag, small and compact, and checked his roster for the last trip in this time zone. He checked them off in his head, counting ten, before a sudden voice to his left startled him out of his wits.
"So, does it look any better close up?"
"Fuck me," Kaidan said under his breath as he slowed his beating heart; he looked to Shepard as the man stood there in his casual wear, unrepentant, "could you please not scare the living crap out of me?"
"Well that's no way to talk to your CO, Lieutenant," Shepard said, raising an eyebrow.
"My shore leave officially started an hour ago, Shepard," Kaidan said as he looked back to his roster, "I've just been helping out the pilots by organising the crew into shuttle runs. For the next couple of days I will take pleasure in not calling you 'sir', sir."
"Well, at least not in public," Shepard said quietly, after a quick glance around the mainly empty cargo bay; Kaidan gave him a look and Shepard just grinned. The man seemed to be happy to act as if nothing had happened at all, "and anyway, since when does shore leave count as my suddenly not being your CO?"
"Since I came up with the idea an hour ago," Kaidan shrugged, "anyway, I didn't expect you to show up."
He didn't have to say why, it was really quite obvious to both of them. Kaidan put the roster back into his pocket. The silence didn't last long yet Kaidan knew it was long enough to mean something. Shepard was a man of action, if nothing else he knew that for sure. He didn't waste time for no reason.
"Well, it was a deal, wasn't it?" Shepard finally asked with a soft sigh, "Anyway, got nothing better to do other than stay up here and watch Tali and Garrus try and talk to each other without being awkward."
"Sure," Kaidan said, rather noncommittally, "whatever you say, Shepard."
"Look, could we maybe not do this?" Shepard said, his tone a touch of irritation mixed with a touch of remorse.
"What? You mean 'this' as in fight, or 'this' as in us?" Kaidan asked spitefully.
The silence was definitely telling. He hadn't meant to snap and he regretted his words as soon as he'd said them, partly because they only exacerbated the situation but mainly because they were so very telling. Kaidan didn't think he needed Shepard to know his own turmoil any more than he wanted to think about it himself. He was tired, fed up, anxious about his parents, a little thrown by Shepard's constantly shifting moods and overall tetchy. Not a good mood in which to talk to Shepard, that much he knew. Thankfully he heard the 1700 groups' elevator arriving as the last of the crew for this shuttle piled out into the cargo bay. Shepard looked over his shoulder at them before turning back to look out at the earth as it sat beneath them, blinking in the darkness.
"Well, you are in a foul mood, aren't you Lieutenant," Shepard said, his voice low.
"Yeah, I guess I am," Kaidan replied with a sigh, wishing he could reign his temper in a bit more.
"You know you don't have to go and see your parents," Shepard said, fielding the conversation away from himself, "it was just a suggestion."
"I'd rather not talk about that, thanks," Kaidan said quickly, tacking on, "unless you'd like to share?"
"...Touché," was Shepard's only reply, giving Kaidan an unsettling look as the crew finally began crowding around them and Kaidan pulled out the roster to make sure everyone was present and accounted for.
Way to make things one hundred times worse than they already are Alenko, Kaidan thought grimly.
It had ended up the way he thought it would. They had been flown into Alliance HQ and processed through their system. Kaidan didn't think he'd appreciated the sight of the high mountains and the wide open, busy bay, filled with ships and long, swinging bridges. The skyline of Vancouver was something he found oddly comforting, despite the bad memories it dredged up. It's still home, Kaidan thought as the shuttle flew in over the city as the sun headed towards the horizon, headed for the spire-like building that housed the Alliance Control for this region. The thought only made him feel a sting of guilt as he looked to Shepard, fast asleep beside him, and thought of Mindoir. The dead farm, everything untouched, doors left open, machines running without anyone there. At least I have a home to go back to, he thought as the shadows played across Shepard's face.
Kaidan was glad that the crew continued their regimen of following orders and procedures when they reached HQ, considering they were unexpectedly greeted by Admiral Hackett. The grey haired Admiral informed them that he had taken the time to both informally thank the crew of the Normandy but, obviously more importantly as far as Kaidan could tell, meet with Shepard. Kaidan had put his hand on Shepard's shoulder as his CO made to follow the Admiral and his retinue into the main building while the crew headed to the transport hub.
"Hey, uh, so you can find us," Kaidan said, typing quickly in his omni-tool, "here's my number."
"I already have your comm., Lieutenant," Shepard frowned.
"It won't work here," Kaidan said, noting that Shepard shifted a little uncomfortably on his feet, "it's...it's an Earth-net thing. Just, here, I've sent it to you. Call when you get out of your meeting and we can all meet up, alright?"
"Sure," Shepard said, an 'almost' smile quirking at the corners of his mouth.
Kaidan took that as a good sign. Until he hadn't heard from Shepard for the next few hours. They'd headed into the centre of town and, while they'd lost groups along the way, Kaidan found himself in a rather cosy bar he used to like called 'Gerard's', a couple of blocks over from the Sky-train station. Himself, Joker, Liara, Caroline, Adams, his marines Barret and Fredericks and even Doctor Chakwas had ended up in a big group together. They had pushed a couple of tables together and had fallen into the easy atmosphere of the bar. The lighting was low and the chairs were big, comfortable. The music was subtle but different, a little too young for Kaidan's taste but he didn't hate it. He was with friends, he thought as he looked around and took a swig from his beer, and he guessed that Joker was right about that at least. In a way it didn't matter where you were, but who you were with.
"And then she wakes up from the dream," Joker was trying not to laugh as he spoke, while everyone else was in stitches, "and she is naked. Seriously, I'm not making this up! I'm not, it's true!"
"You're such a liar!" Caroline coughed out through her laughter.
"Would this face lie?" Joker smiled unconvincingly.
"Only to people who don't know it," Kaidan said with a grin, dodging to the side with a laugh as Joker threw his coaster at him, "anyway, another round? I'm pretty sure it's my turn."
"Yeah you cheapskate," Caroline grinned, ignoring Kaidan as he shook his head with a smile, "mine's a cherry brandy."
"I think I like the sound of that," Chakwas said with a smile, "make that two."
The others called out their orders, most of which Kaidan knew he wouldn't remember and would have to call back for. He couldn't help but laugh as he walked up to the bar and placed the long order, constantly shouting back to the others for reminders.
"That'll be forty two credits," the bar tender said once she had poured the myriad of eclectic drinks, set them out on three trays and rang it all through.
"Damn," Kaidan said after a whistle, reluctantly handing over his credit chit, "prices have gone up since I was last here."
"Thanks," the bartender said as she accepted his card, smiling in as conciliatory a fashion as she could.
As Kaidan waited for everything to go through he heard the telltale chime of his omni-tool. He pulled it up and opened it hurriedly. It's about time, Kaidan thought as he expected to see a message from Shepard. Instead it was something else, something he wasn't sure if he'd been expecting or not.
Kaidan Alenko! Couldn't you have given me more warning? I only saw you message half an hour ago, I haven't been paying attention to the comm. today! Your father and I are going to head into town to Bruich's for dinner, I hope you can come and join us. We'll be there from about 8ish. We have a reservation so just as for us, ok?
Can't wait to see you honey,
Mom
Kaidan didn't realise he'd been spacing out while looking at the message until the bartender had to tap him on the shoulder to return his credit chit. He took it with a quick apology and then distracted himself by ferrying the drinks over to the others. In a way there was a terrible pit of excitement in his stomach as well as regret for sending the message in the first place. He hadn't seen his mother in months, nearly a year now over the vid-com, and longer than that in person. You have to go, Kaidan said to himself, don't be selfish about this.
"Hey guys, it's been great but I have to head," Kaidan said, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"Aww, you mean you don't want your drink then?" Caroline winked at him, "Can I have it?"
"Sheesh Caro, way to make the Lieutenant feel wanted," Fredericks said with a shake of his head.
"Where you headed Lieutenant?" Joker asked as Kaidan shrugged into his black jacket.
"Uh, dinner, with my parents," Kaidan said, continuing quickly before Joker could ask any more questions, "look, Shepard hasn't got back to me yet about meeting up. Could you give him a comm. and let him know where we are?"
"Ok," Joker said, obviously realising he was being brushed off but not taking offence, "have a good one."
"Thanks," he said, swallowing before pasting on a smile, "goodnight."
He would have called a cab but it wasn't that far a walk and the last round had made a sufficient enough dent in his wallet to encourage him to walk. The air was chill but not cold, pleasantly so. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and breathed deeply. There was nothing like a proper atmosphere, he thought as he compared the recycled air aboard the Normandy to the air of the city around him. Sure it probably wasn't as pure at the filtered air on board the ship but there was something about breathing in an atmosphere, the subtle smells that didn't make sense and yet your body told you were real. Like the cold smell on the air when it was getting close to Christmas, or the subtle shifting smells of the shops and restaurants you passed, the smell of someone's rose garden as he walked down a side street past a row of townhouses. It was home. Kaidan smiled and tried to psych himself up for dinner.
"Shit!" he said, startled, as his omni-tool once more began ringing; he answered it quickly, thinking it was probably his mom making sure he'd got the message, "Hey, I'm on my way..."
"Alenko?" Kaidan stopped short when Shepard's voice answered him; he stopped walking before finding the wherewithal to answer.
"Yeah, yeah it's me," he said, "what took you?"
"Oh, just had a lot to talk about," Shepard said evasively, making Kaidan frown as he continued walking, "I'll tell you later. Where are you?"
"I'm actually on my way to Bruich's for dinner," Kaidan said, feeling a little awkward, "but Joker and the others are at a bar not far from the Sky-train, it's called..."
"Actually I'm starving," Shepard said, "I'll join you. Where is Bruich's?"
"Uh, no, I mean, well," Kaidan floundered, "it's just I'm having dinner with my parents, so..."
"Great, you said your dad already loves me," Shepard sounded overly cheerful to Kaidan but the man was rushing off without him, leaving him no time to try and figure out what was going on, "I'm sure they won't mind, right?"
"Well, yes he does but that's..." Kaidan said, looking around him as if this was some sort of set up.
"Great, I'll find my way there," Shepard said before hanging up.
He was glad that only a few people were walking in the more secluded area where he had taken his shortcut, so that only a few people could see him gaping like a fish as he looked at his omni-tool and blinked. Fuck. Fuck. No, that's not a good idea. This isn't a good idea. He shook himself out of his stupor and tried to quickly call Shepard back while rushing towards the restaurant, hoping he could get there and meet Shepard before his parents turned up. No answer. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He thought, aggravated. Where in the hell did that come from? Shepard already seemed to have picked up on the fact that Kaidan's relationship with his parents wasn't in the best state and yet now he was pulling something like this out of nowhere? Why? Sure he was in an unfamiliar town but the others were just as accessible as he was. Kaidan closed his eyes and waited for the street crossing to change. Why does this have to happen now?
By the time he rushed to the restaurant Shepard was already there. Good, Kaidan thought as he weaved his way through the crowded street, heading for his CO, maybe I can sort this out before it even becomes a thing. Shepard was wearing a heavy green jacket and jeans, making him seem slightly unfamiliar. Kaidan didn't think he'd ever seen his Commander out of his regulation uniform before. Unless of course he wasn't wearing anything. Best not to think about that right now, Kaidan thought as he hurried.
"Hey, Shepard!" Kaidan called out as he stepped in away from the steady stream of pedestrians; he strode over and took hold of Shepard's arm when the man didn't answer. Shepard turned to him and, after a short pause, said one word.
"Kaidan."
Was it testament to how well Kaidan could read him or how badly Shepard was shielding himself that he could tell something was wrong just from that one word? He looked at Shepard and opened his mouth to speak but wasn't sure what to say.
"I..." he started, feeling his anger and agitation melt away in the face of worry, "what's wrong..?"
"Kaidan, honey!" a familiar voice interrupted him, making his agitation jump back into the fore as he looked to his right.
His mom wasted no time in hurrying through the crowd and crushing Kaidan in a hug so tight that would have made him swear she was stronger than he was. All he could see was a snaffle of blonde hair beneath his eyes and the smell of familiar perfume. He couldn't help but smile, despite the pitching in his gut at the craziness of the situation. He looked up to see his father standing a few feet from him, dressed smartly in a blue suit jacket and shirt with dark trousers and shoes.
"Hey mom," he said, returning the hug whilst trying to have her let go at the same time, "it's been a while."
"A while?" her tone wasn't livid but there was steel beneath the calm as she pulled back and half-heartedly smacked him on the shoulder, "That's an understatement young man! But never mind that, let's get inside, it's freezing. Oh it's so good to see you! I can't believe how long it's been!"
"Yeah I know, I'm sorry," Kaidan said with a nod, "Dad, it's good to see you."
"Yeah," it surprised Kaidan to no end when his dad nodded, sounding entirely genuine when he added, "you too son."
"Shepard," Kaidan turned to his CO; as soon as he took one look at the man he could see the mask was back up, eyes bright, smile pasted onto his face, "I hope you don't mind, mom, dad, but this is my CO, Commander Shepard, he's never been to Earth so I said I'd..."
"Shepard?" he heard his dad say, looking to the man as Kaidan introduced him, "Commander Malcolm Shepard?"
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Alenko," Shepard said, giving his father a smart salute, "and you Mrs. Alenko."
"Oh, hello," his mom said quickly, obviously looking a little lost at the sudden turn of events, "just Joyce is fine."
"It's an honour, sir," Kaidan suppressed a sigh as his father returned Shepard's salute before reaching out to shake the man's hand, "I didn't realise that you were commander of the Normandy now. Kaidan, how come you never told me about this?"
"Well, a lot's happened," Kaidan said, "come on, let's get inside before they give our table to someone else."
Such a simple statement that contained far more than Kaidan could ever hope to understand: a lot has happened. It was a container into which he could throw everything he had ever been through. Jump Zero, his questionable days before he joined the military, the Blitz, his career, Shepard, Onterom, Virmire, Shepard, Shepard, Shepard. He wasn't sure where to start and where to end with things, yet there was still an unknown element within it all, enough of an unknown that it made him wonder when he had absorbed Shepard's life into his.
He held the door open for his mom and dad and then looked up when Shepard didn't move. Kaidan looked at him, trying to understand what was hiding behind those blue eyes. When he felt a hand grab his arm and squeeze tightly he looked down, realising Shepard was holding onto him as if he were afraid he might fall if he didn't. By the time he looked back up Shepard had let go and was walking into the restaurant. Kaidan swallowed before he followed his Commander, as he swore he always would.
