STOP! Don't read this if you haven't seen episode 4 S4
First of all, wow. Thank you all so much for reviewing I have been very shocked at the amount of feedback and very, very, very happy. So thanks all :D
I would feel guilty if I didn't continue so won't be a one shot after all :P
I am building up a shaky plan… but that's how I usually start so nothing new there.
I decided to involve the next episode, just because it was there but the focus will remain mostly on the problems in the first chapter.
Hope you enjoy
It had been a week, a week of pained smiles and silent cries of pain. It had been a week and he still couldn't chose. Then the new problem arose, the new 'threat' to Camelot in the form of the last Dragon egg. Killgharah's last chance and the first time the Great Dragon had almost begged him for his help. It was if anything a welcome distraction, and maybe a reminder of where else his loyalties lie.
Sure it meant more lies, more deception. But just for a little while that had been alright. Because the last betrayal had already been dealt, because Killgharah was his kin and he couldn't refuse him. Really not even Merlin knew the true reason but when that small white head had peaked through the egg shell and Merlin felt that extra tug, that new bond that sang that he wasn't alone, then he knew it had all been worthwhile.
Merlin stood in the clearing feeling as if his heart were singing. The events of the night had woken something deep within his magic, maybe it was an affect of Killgharah's happiness or maybe it was just the sight of the new born white dragon nattering at him in what apparently counted as baby talk.
The Dragon Lord in him was happy, unfortunately he wasn't quite content. He'd stood in the clearing for some time, watching as Killgharah got over his joy to realize he now had a very small, very vulnerable dragon under his care and watched with further enjoyment as the high and mighty dragon prepared to face his greatest challenge yet.
Parenthood.
For awhile the sight had filled him with happiness and he felt… safe and welcome for the first time in he didn't know how long. As the small infant nattered and rolled around, finding its feet and the larger older dragon watched on in happy shock he felt for a moment almost as if he were with family. To an extent he was… and it felt good.
They were very different to him, a different species, but they were his kin and he felt more at home with them now then he had in months.
His magic hurt to watch them leave.
As he saw Killgharah carrying the small creature away –they had spent some time watching the poor thing flop about trying to work its wings before they decided against teaching her to fly- his sprit soured at seeing them free and happy, as they were always meant to be.
His magic however whimpered as he remembered how Arthur thought them dead, twisted at the thought of yet more lies, yet more of Merlin that Arthur could never know. It was enough to send the beginnings of what felt like lightning shooting from his heart and through his limbs, forcing him to gasp for a moment. Merlin closed his eyes tightly and tried to regain control of his breathing.
It was dark, practically the dead of night and there was very little chance of being spotted at this time. But still something in his chest squeezed at the thought of losing control out in the open, even somewhere as far from the beaten track as this. He'd felt it almost every time he'd used magic lately, a slight hesitance, almost like a tug from his chest as he began to cast.
It hadn't stopped him of course, he still needed to protect Arthur and he had sworn to the dragon that he would do all he could to retrieve the dragon egg. Now it was stronger than before, a warning that resent events wouldn't fix what had been harmed and if anything his further disloyalty to Arthur would only prove to worsen his control.
His magic was still mourning for its loss of Arthur, like a kicked dog it simpered in the dark only to bubble with anger and hurt when his emotions became harder to control. Merlin had found it easiest to block it out when he could, focus on being a good servant, a good friend. But all the same when he reached for his magic he felt the same hollowed out pain that resided permanently in his own chest, more painful than ever.
With a heavy sigh Merlin walked away from the clearing, from where he had met his kin. Killgharah wouldn't have to be alone any more; the Great Dragon once again had family. Merlin pushed his hands deeper in to his pockets and focused as best as he could on the path home. He was glad that his kin was safe, he just tried not to linger on the thought that his closest friends had wished and now believed them dead.
His magic hummed quietly under his skin as he walked, much like it used to when things were normal, quite and reassuring, but the sadness was still there. He had always been able to feel when there was something he was missing, feel his magic twist as if it were trying to tell him something or freeze in warning like a startled animal when something was wrong. His magic just simply seemed to know things. But it had never felt quite like this, never felt so hurt of betrayed, never so… damaged.
Feeling the pangs of pain from his magic getting worse Merlin quickened his pace towards his destination, skipping quickly on to the path that would take him in to Camelot and hunching his shoulders forward as if that simple act would make him faster.
He needed to get back. Breathing in deeply Merlin fixed his eyes on the towering form of the castle not so far away and the lights of the city alive and well, shining through the darkness. It was a beacon of hope if ever he saw one and hope lately was something that came in short supply. Hurrying along the path Merlin cut off his thoughts and fixed his eyes on the road ahead. He would just keep walking, keep walking and think of nothing else and if he had any luck at all that would get him back home.
-M-
King Arthur sighed as he pressed his head against the wall in the hallway. He couldn't sleep, he struggled to get sleep most nights but tonight for some reason seemed to be especially hard. In pure desperation he had taken to walking the castle halls, ducking in and out of servants passages if he heard anyone coming and generally doing his best to remain out of sight.
Nothing seemed to help though and the only thing he earned for his troubles was a headache, radiating painfully from the center of his head and down his back. He'd moved in the direction of the physicians chambers twice already but changed his mind at the last moment. He may be King but he tried not to wake the physician in the night unless it was desperate, knowing the old man needed his sleep and more importantly just how grumpy he could be if he didn't get it.
But it seemed his head was only getting worse, the pain spiking as he leant back against the wall to rest and he couldn't put off going to see Gaius for long. With a low moan he dragged himself from the wall and began pacing to the end of the small servants passageway, he wasn't far from Gaius's chambers and ignoring the pain in his head he put one foot in front of the other and started to march there as fast as he could.
He didn't hear the scuffle of someone else's approach until he reached the end of the corridor and someone tall and fast careered in to his side. All at once Arthur's head felt as if it had been set on fire. Everything went very bright and an overwhelming sense of wrongness seemed to radiate from his very bones. Someone cried out in pain and he couldn't be sure it wasn't him; agony just seemed to be everywhere.
At some point he became aware of the wall at his back and his legs stretched out in front of him and everything looking slightly bigger than it had before. His addled mind took a moment to realize he was actually slumped on the floor. Black splotches floated around his vision threatening to drag him in to unconsciousness but he blinked them back and forced himself to focus on the hallway around him.
With a flash of dread he realized he still had another two long corridors to make it through before he made it to Gaius's chambers. He was looking around blearily when he found what, or rather who, had run in to him.
Arthur blinked in surprise as he saw the lithe form doubled up against the opposite wall. He was on the floor, dark hair in a mess and pale skin almost luminescent as one shaking hand clutched the side of his head.
"M-Merlin?" Arthur called irritated as his voice wavered under the pain.
Merlin's shoulders shook, a full body flinch racking his figure before dark blue eyes finally slid up to meet his. He didn't say anything but Arthur didn't have to ask to know he felt terrible; beads of sweat had appeared on his brow while his eyes seemed raw with agony. Arthur opened his mouth to ask if he was alright but as Merlin's head began to dip back down to his chest Arthur bit back the useless question. Unfortunately Merlin looked as if he was going to give up and lose consciousness at any moment if someone didn't do something. Arthur forced his shaky voice to work again.
"M- What was that?"
Merlin if possible looked slightly paler, his bleary eyes losing almost all their focus as they dropped to the floor. He opened his mouth to say something but no sound came out. Glancing back up at Arthur he shrugged minutely before he started to shiver, looking worse than miserable.
"Don't close your eyes Merlin." Arthur gritted out.
Merlin's eyes darted back open and up to his obediently with a sort of bleary distant look about them. The look sent shivers of fear up Arthur's spine but he squashed the emotion for now, focusing on getting them to the physician's chambers where Gaius would hopefully be able to help them.
Pushing his back against the wall Arthur urged his legs to work and ignoring the shaking managed to steadily push himself to standing. Merlin's bleary gaze followed him up and for a moment Arthur was worried he would have to physically drag the servant along, something he wasn't confident he could manage at the moment.
Breathing carefully Arthur kept one arm on the wall as he pushed himself forward a whole step in to the empty corridor. Merlin flinched back and Arthur felt his stomach twist to see his friend so afraid but before he could move forward to help him Merlin was gripping on the wall and slowly pulling himself to his feet. Arthur reached out an arm but Merlin didn't seem to see it, blindly pulling himself up until he was swaying in place, clinging to the wall.
"We have to get to Gaius's" Arthur managed feeling his own head pound with his words.
Merlin nodded mutely and closing his eyes briefly managed to steady himself. He opened his eyes with a determination Arthur had seen go to battle with and took a shaky step forward. Dark stormy eyes darted to Arthur's and for a moment some of the bleariness seemed to fade.
"Come on then."
And he took off before Arthur with a steadiness he envied.
"I believe we already discussed who should be giving who the orders Merlin." Arthur called tiredly, the halfhearted joke went ignored and Arthur followed his servants noticing how Merlin's shoulders were still shaking painfully.
Arthur's head pounded one last time and he felt slightly sick as he followed his friend in the hope Gaius would at least have some answers.
Thanks for reading, hope it's ok I wanted to get it up before the next episode distracts me :P
Reviews loved and appreciated. Suggestions are also open if you want anything in the story at some point but if not I shall keep working on my shaky plan anyway and see where it gets to.
Thanks again
SQ
