You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cuz they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You think me rude, but I would just stand and stare

His life right now was so, to be perfectly frank, screwed up. Ever since he had been murdered by the extraction of the monster inside him to being revived by Elder Chiyo everything had changed. He had changed. He still remained close lipped unless absolutely necessary, but now there wasn't a reason. He still had extreme difficulty falling asleep and still had terrible nightmares, but now there wasn't a reason. Even his purpose for living had no more reason, appeared to him now as insane as it had to everyone else. He felt ashamed of himself; honestly sometimes he would even feel hot, silent tears rush down his face when he remembered all he had done. Each memory unblurred, stark, ugly and very real.

How was he supposed to live now that he could see what a monster he truly was? He had no one now, not himself, he didn't even have his delusions to keep him company. He felt sorry for himself, but more sorry because he deserved it.

The door silently opened a crack and in the dim light of the hallway he could see Temari's silhouette. He was in bed and all of his horrible memories crashed over him again in a massive wave, all the people he had killed, all the people that had died needlessly just so he could feel something, anything. It hurt and he was grateful for it, his guilt meant he was still human. He hoped that's what it meant anyway. She looked terrified, he could see it in her face, in her icy facade; he knew it was habit, an instinct honed by himself no less. It hurt, and as she turned to silently leave and preserve her life he called to her.

"Sister, please don't go." And nervously, silently she came and stood at the foot of his bed. Still standing in the pool of light drifting from the hallway. He patted the bed beside him. Although she clearly didn't want to, she gingerly sat down beside him. Not touching though, she was strong but not that strong. He felt his guilt again.

"Sister, I am sorry." By the shocked look on her face, he could tell that that was the furthest thing from what she had expected. He felt more of his remorse begin to choke him.

"Sister, now that I am no longer a monster, I wonder if you could forgive me?" He hoped, prayed that she could, that she could let him start over. Now that he could feel clearly, it was almost too much. What he didn't expect though was for her to hug him and cry into his shoulder.

"I've been so worried about you. I don't understand what happened to you, but I do care. I really do and there's nothing to forgive, having that monster inside you, it wasn't your fault. It never was. Naruto made us see that, see beyond what you were, I won't forgive you, will you forgive me?"

And he cried again but this time because he was happy. He had a life now, he had someone who cared about him. Naruto had given him that, this peace was because Naruto hadn't let his hopelessness consume him. He felt like their tears were wiping him clean. Now he had hope too.


I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cuz everything is never as it seems

Now everything went by so quickly; as if caught up by a whirlwind. At first it had been slow, slowly coming back together with his siblings. Slowly repairing their bond frayed almost to the breaking point by his previous Shukaku possessed nightmare. But now it was almost whole, they did things now that he realized he could have enjoyed for years. They ate together, shopped together, laughed, talked, hugged as if his first self had never existed.

Even after a while they trained together, for him it was a singular victory, that they had come to trust him that much. Although he could still use his sand, it was sluggish and much harder to use now. It felt like part of him was empty with Shukaku gone, he assumed it was because most of Shukaku's power was gone as well and his pathways were still adjusting to the disappearance of so much chakra. He still retained a fair amount of it though and still had good stamina but it wasn't the same. With Temari and Kankuro's help though he was relearning how to be a true shinobi.

Eventually, and much to his astonishment, he was called in to see the elders where they informed him that he was the new Kazakage. After he had caught his breath from the shock, he became extremely angry.

"Are you out of your minds?! I was a Jinchuuriki, I was a monster! I should not be put in this position." That was perhaps the most he had ever said at one time but he was adamant, there was no possible way they were making a wise choice.

"That is why we have chosen you, you were a monster but as such, you are no longer." Ebizou said. "You have come to show a more... human side. You have shown that you appreciate other's lives as well as your own. And to be honest, you are the strongest shinobi we have right now and we desperately need a leader. You need to accept for the sake of Suna and the people."

Cuz I get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs As they try to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sockhop beneath my bed
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread (thread, thread)


I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cuz everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

And that had been that. He was now Kazakage. He didn't know the first thing about being a leader, heck he didn't know how to be a normal person. But step by step he fell into his new role, and step by slow, sure step he was beginning to be accepted and acknowledged by his peers. It made him feel good to be needed like that, and so he had come to terms with what being a Kage was mostly about- endless, heaping piles of tedious and frustrating paperwork. This embassy wants to come and trade, that village wants to hire, this criminal has done this, that shinobi died, this law has been proposed... it was for the most part very boring. And after that came all the equally endless meetings- to talk with this diplomat, settle that dispute, form this alliance, punish that man, get pay, send pay. It seemed like all work.

There were perks though, for one he now owned the Kage's mansion, and granted that he had lived there his whole life, he now got to live in the part that was not desolate and lonely but the part that was beautiful and full of life. He also had body guards, which he promptly dismissed, he had his siblings after all. He also, for some inexplicable reason, had his own personal mob of prepubescent fangirls who hugged and touched him any chance they got. At first he had been alarmed by this, at one point even hostile, until Kankuro told him it was a good thing, that they came "in handy". He didn't know what his brother had meant by it but he trusted Kankuro's judgement, despite the fact that Temari had hit him quite hard in the back of the head after he had said it. Saying that he was "not a freak like you". He did not understand that either, but he was happy because they were happy. And they laughed together.

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
Cuz I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far to tired to fall asleep

He didn't have many nightmares anymore. He didn't feel ashamed and guilty as much anymore. He hardly ever felt hopeless and alone anymore. And he never felt desperate anymore. He was like a new person but with all the same habits and tendencies.

He did feel a bit caged by his new job though, sometimes he wanted to run out to the desert and just sit for a few days, just have some solitude for a short while; but then Temari would smile or Kankuro would punch him in the shoulder, calling it a "bro punch". He wouldn't feel so bad then, and sometimes his fangirls would give him little weapons or candy and that also made him feel better. It felt like he belonged now.

He smiled much more now, not manic, crazed smiles but genuine heartfelt smiles.

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird cuz I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell)
But I know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
Cuz I saved a few and I keep 'em in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cuz everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

One time, as he and Kankuro sat and waited for another meeting to begin, he told his brother that now he really did want to protect Suna, that it wasn't just a meaningless task anymore. Kankuro had given him the strangest look, smiled and then promptly punched him very hard. It had hurt. It must have shown on his face because his brother had concernedly asked him if he was ok and if they should cancel the meeting or not.

Much to Kankuro's chagrin he hadn't, and after listening to two farmers fighting over land claims and whatnot for over an hour he had managed to settle the dispute and escape. The first thing they had done was go to lunch; the effects of angry farmers was very stressful and appetite inducing. And over lunch Kankuro had explained why he had punched him so hard; he was proud of him. He had felt a rush of something in his gut that was unnamed and completely new. Maybe it was called "love", he didn't know, all he knew was that it was good, that it was right. He was glad he was alive, and he kept these memories very close to him. Temari and Kankuro were now very important to him.

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Cuz everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

Hope was a beautiful and fragile thing, so was love. These were the lessons learned most prevalent in his mind. Although his life was far from perfect, old habits die hard as they say and sometimes he would become blind in his anger and lash out. He knew it happened and he tried to make up for it in anyway possible. But because of love and hope he also knew that he would be forgiven and taken back into good graces. It was good to know that his relationships were no longer completely parasitic, that now he gave as much as he took. He still didn't talk often, he still had trouble sleeping but now there was no reason. And he was glad.

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This is the song Fireflies by Owl City, one of my favorite groups. I'd like to think this is in character, but frankly I don't know because Gaara doesn't talk enough for me to know how he thinks. But I'm assuming it's along these lines, I hope it's along these lines anyway. However, I like the results, even if my best results come at two o'clock in the morning. I guess it's because I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. lol. Well I hope you enjoy it.