"Shepard," A bodiless name whispered to me. "I'm proud of you." The voice was so familiar but unfamiliar all at once.
I'm running, running in the field I have been in too many times. Running from what? I don't know, but I wasn't getting far. Every foot that stepped in front of the other took seconds until my feet hit contact with the dirt. Bodiless souls whispered my name throughout the forest. I turned to all of them but found nothing but the black shadows watching my every move.
"No apologizes, did what was right. Hope you do the same if necessary." The voice sounded like a salarian I used to know.
"Does this unit have a soul?" A geth.
"Are you here to kill me?" A krogen, female.
"Please call me Kelly, it's such an honor to work under you, Commander Shepard." A human.
I stopped then looked around slowly nothing but endless trees and black figures. I slowly walked up to the closest one, a tall figure. "Shepard." I heard it whisper. I knew that voice I knew it deep down.
"Anderson?" The name came out of nowhere, my mind said it on its own.
"I'm proud of you." I watched speechless as before the figure started to turn into the caption. I reached my hand out to him, his face starting to reconstruct. It wasn't the Anderson I saw in his final hours, it was the Anderson I knew when he was at his prime, when we'd crack jokes and laugh endlessly.
Before my hand could touch the figure a high pitch screech came from behind me. I put my hands to my ears and covered them as hard as I could. It sounded like the mutated Asari from Thessia, the Asari's that I couldn't save. Before I knew it I was crouched to the ground, my knees beneath the dirt and my hands clutched into my ears.
"Anderson! Make it stop!" I yelled as I looked up at him.
It wasn't Anderson, it never was. The figure looked identical to him except for the fact its dead eyes were glowing red. My heart dropped down to my stomach and I felt like my soul had been lifted out of my body.
The sound was the Asari, it was three of them, surrounding me, coming closer and closer to me. I looked around me and saw them all staring right at me. I looked down to the dirt and yelled. The figure I thought was my friend fearlessly grabbed me by the collar of my armor and picked me up off of my feet. "You've failed." The voice was Andersons but the creature wasn't.
The monster threw me to the floor with a rough force as the once Asari started to surround me.
"She's waking up."
"How's her heart rate doing?"
"It's going at a pretty fast race." My eyes slowly spread I saw two blurry figures watching over me.
"Report to Jack and tell her we found Shepard."
My eyes widened when I heard Jacks name. Everything came back to me, I could feel my heart beat faster and faster, I felt like it was beating out of my chest.
'I was attacked by those Varrens, then… then what happened?' I thought trying to adjust my eyes.
I looked around me and saw that I was in the middle of a crumbling building. The walls on every side had some form of hole or gap in it, sunlight peered out though the holes, it looked like was morning. The ceiling was torn up as well, with light dirt and dust falling from the top, it was sturdy enough to handle a few bodies up there because through some of the small holes there were feet walking around. To my left was gurneys, about five of them from what I could see were lined up next to me, each one had a body, and each body was cut and bruised. There was nothing but a door way that I could see a little bit of a hallway to my right, and Prangley messing with some advanced machine. 'Prangley.'
I quickly attempted to prop up my body with my elbows but was pushed back down by a very strong force. "Shepard stop moving." A voice said, it was Prangley. I could hear footsteps jotting closer to us, Rodriguez appeared from behind Prangley and came to the other side of me.
"Shepard it's okay." She said soothingly, but it didn't help. Once I started to come around I remembered what happened, how they saved me, how I was nearly dead, and that dream. It only took a couple seconds to remember that these kids were Jacks kids, and that where ever they were she had to be there too.
"Where's Jack?" I tried to say but only heard my own voice muffled, I had a breathing mask over my mouth. I moved my hand up to my mouth but before I could even touch it Prangley had my arm back down.
"Shepard stop just lay back down." Prangley said hovering over me. That was a bad move. It brought me back to when I really did die, and Miranda and those Cerberus basters hovering over me.
I knew it was going to get ugly when I could start to feel my whole body start shaking, I brought an arm up above my head and watched my hands violently shake. I closed my eyes, not wanting to think or see Cerberus when I open them.
"Shepard look at me." Prangley said, and when I did I quickly regretted it.
The student that was once protecting me was now the enemy of the galaxy. The Illusive Man, hovering right over me, and out of reflex and pure fear, I grabbed him by the neck. With one arm I had him dragging down to my level, his hands were tightly wrapped around my wrist but I couldn't let go, even if I wanted to I couldn't do it.
"Rod-Rodriguez! Stabilize her!" He could barely make out over the unintended actions I had forced on him. I didn't take my eyes off of his which were looking dead back at mine. All I could see in him was fear, and I loved it. The Illusive Man finally showing fear and knowing he can't win, it was my drive.
A quick yet painful shock found its way through my entire body. I froze and blinked my eyes a few times. The neck I had been gripped onto was Prangleys. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. Which Prangley took this opportunity to shove my hand off his neck. The student coughed as I could feel myself slowly falling back into the bed on wheels.
I tried to breathe slower, I tried to relax but too many things were going on in my head, and I let it get the best of me. I hurt a kid over my mind ticking me into thinking I was in danger.
I watched as Rodriguez came over to his side and rested a hand on his shoulder, "Are you okay?" She asked checking his neck which was now red with a giant hand mark spread out across it.
"I'm fine." I managed to get out with a few deep breaths. He shook his head and looked at the young women. "Go tell Jack Shepard is awake." Rodriguez nodded as she ran out the room.
The student I had gasping for air not five seconds ago now made his way over to me. "Can you hear me Shepard?" Prangley asked still breathing hard.
I couldn't speak so I nodded my head as best I could.
"Good," He said as he pulled up a backless chair and sat down still looking over me. "You know who I am?"
I nodded my head slowly, trying to steady my heart race. I knew who he was, my brain couldn't trick me this time.
Prangley still looked a little shook up but he hid it well. He reached an arm over me and placed a hand gently on the mask covering my mouth. "I'm going to take this off okay? Your breathing should be fine."
I was now almost fully calm, I nodded my head as he took off the mask and placed it perfectly onto the machine next to me. "Can you speak?" He said spinning his chair back over to me.
I could automatically feel that it would be a struggled to talk. I cleared my throat which burned slightly but made out a few words. "Sorry." I said, listening to my own voice made me cringe it was weak and raspy.
Prangley smiled slightly while massaging his now slightly bruised neck. "Don't worry about it, you've shown signs of rapid eye movement in your sleep and I know everything is kind of crazy right now. It's my fault for scaring you like that."
"How did…" My voice trailed off, I tried multiple times to get it back but Prangley understood what I was trying to make out.
"How did…we get you?" He asked, I nodded. "Rodriguez and I were assigned to scout the area for any husks that were left. Jack told us to bring Eezo along with us 'cause she knew he could sniff out any survivors. So we headed out, there were a few of the bastards left but we didn't find any survivors, until Eezo shot up and started to take off, we couldn't tell what he was after but we knew it was something important. We ran after him and found you under a pile a Varrens. Actually, we didn't know it was you right away, it wasn't until we took a good look at you, some of the armor on your back had come off and the tattoo Jack has on her was there, Rodriguez was the first to notice but you were out cold. How did you get there ma'am? Do you remember? Last I heard you were the one who made it to the Crucible."
I took a deep breath trying my best to remember all that happened before I passed out. I cleared my throat. "Well…" My voice still sounded god awful. "I did, actually Captain Anderson made it there too, we were both badly injured but we made it to the main core and…" I could hear my heart pounding in my ears just like before, when I was there with Anderson. "The Illusive Man was there, he was controlled by the Reapers and he… he forced me to shot Anderson." I could feel my eyes starting to burn, I couldn't cry in front of this kid but I couldn't help it. I tried to hold it back but once one tear broke out so did the rest. "And then I… I shot the Illusive Man… I shot the fucking bastard. I-I watched both of them fall to the ground… then… then I activated the Crucible." I took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that showed my weakness. "Once I activated it I could hear Anderson behind me grunting and I went right to his side and we just sat there… watching Earth… He said he was proud and…" The lump in my throat keep preventing me from finishing my sentences. "He died." I made out finally.
"Oh shit." Prangley said looked down then back up at me. "Shepard I'm so sorry."
I shook my head and closed my eyes for a moment. "Anderson saved my life. He knew the costs."
There was a moment of silence, it was half me thinking and half me remembering. I took a look at myself as well, I had bandage wrapped around my right forearm and countless band aids placed all over my uncomfortable skin. I couldn't imagine what my legs looked like. While staring at myself I remembered that last time I was like this I had been out for two years, thought it only felt like a few days.
The student shook his head and stared at me, "Well you were out cold here for four days, but the war ended nine weeks ago. So nine weeks and four days." He said.
'Nine weeks and four days. Fuck. At least it wasn't two years.' I thought to myself.
Nothing was said after that only because Prangley and I both heard rather loud foot stops getting closer and closer to us. "Huh, wonder who that could be." Prangley said sarcastically with a grin.
Then, there she was. The one I have protected ever since I met her. The one who confessed everything to me. The one who gave me an identical tattoo of her own so no matter what we'd always be tied together. The most beautiful women I had ever seen, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, she was like a supermassive black hole, she was dangerous and deadly but I was so drawn to her I couldn't help but get sucked into her. She still looked like the same Jack I always knew, her hair was still shaven on both sides leaving a line of hair she pulled back into a pony tail, her skin looked different though, either more scars or more tattoos I could figure out which one. Jack was never one to put on a full suit of armor and that's exactly how she stayed, the leather jacket, the cargo pants, that was the Jack I knew. She had a hard past and she said don't pity me, she was used, she was sold, she was hurt. But she let me love her, and she let me protect her, and I was the one she came back to at the end of the day. And there she was standing in the door way…if looks could kill I'd be dead.
I watched with both happiness and fear as the biotic came closer and closer to me, blue glowing around her more and more with each step she took. Without hesitation she grabbed me by the collar of the gown I had on and lifted my torso up off the bed. I could only stare in shock as I realized her lips had crashed onto mine. It didn't last long at all but she stared into my eyes with something that I couldn't identify.
"Kids, go check on the right fields." She said loud enough for Prangley and Rodriguez; who had come in after Jack, to hear. I stared back into her light brown eyes as I heard the footsteps get further away from my lover and I. Everyone was gone, I could tell, it was just me and her now. Without warning or any sort of heads up Jack kissed me once again, this time with less fire and more passion. It lasted longer than the first one, which I didn't mind at all.
"You are the biggest fucking idiot I have ever met." Jack said once she pulled her lips away from mine quickly.
"Jack I-"
My lover put a tatted hand in front of my face. "Save it. I don't want to hear it. Do you know how fucking worried I was? We got radio that your squad had been wiped out, everyone was in full retreat. You know what you've done? You scared the shit out of everyone, you made Rodriguez cry! She was so full of rage when she heard you were dead she nearly got herself killed running out in front of the reapers! Then we get radio that someone made it to the Citadel and you…you just." Jacks words were harder and harder to put out from the tears that were threating to come out of her brown eyes. The only time I've ever seen Jack cry was when she told me how she felt back on the Normandy.
"Jack, I'm sorry." I said with a raspy voice, I attempted to lift up my hand to touch her cheek and wipe away those tears but my hands were too weak.
Jack shook her head slightly and looked like she'd kill me if I kept talking. "You think 'sorry' will make up for what you did?"
"No, but I think killing the reapers is a good start." I said trying to smile but it felt wrong.
Jack kissed me hard again, my arms were so weak I couldn't feel her for myself so she took advantage of that. Her right hand was tangled up in my red hair while her left hand was going back and forth from my cheek to my shoulder. Jack pulled away without any warning and stood up straight and looked at me dead in the eye.
"Don't ever do that again." Jack said through clenched teeth.
I only smiled, Jack tried to intimidate me but it just didn't work, I loved her too much. She'd clench her fist or narrow her eyebrows but I just couldn't help but smile when she does. She wouldn't hurt me and she knew it, but she sure as hell act like she would.
"Yes ma'am." I said looking up at her.
Jack rolled her eyes, "You think you can walk tough girl?" Jack said putting her weight on her right leg and crossing her arms.
I looked down at my position. My head was rested on the pillow beneath me, my arms were weak rested next to my body. There was a blanket wrapped around me which made it impossible for me to see what I was even wearing. It hurt but I slowly moved my hand to the edge of the blanket on my side and threw it off me. I was in a simple gown, only problem was it covered the front side, not the back, there was a string tied around it to keep it on me.
Jack helped me swing my legs over the side of the bed when I moved down a little my feet made contact with the floor. It felt unnatural walking, like it did when I was out for two years, everything felt wrong. I put my weight on my feet and slowly started to stand again. My hands were held on tightly to the edge of the bed, but it wasn't enough. I about fell face first when next thing I knew I was in Jacks arms.
Jack giggled, that adorable little laugh that I rarely heard, "Damn, you went soft on me." Jack said moving an arm to my waist and lifting me back up. I held onto her shoulder and forearm as I regained my balance. I felt an unwelcoming breeze hitting my backside.
"Uh Jack, can I have some clothes?" I said as I let go of Jack and leaned against the edge of the bed.
Jack crossed her arms and took a long look at me before grinning. "I don't know, I kinda like the get-up."
I looked behind me and saw my bareback. "Why? 'Cause I'm starting to dress like you?" I grinned which caused Jack to hold up her fist.
"Be lucky you're injured or I would have beaten you down." Jack said with an eyebrow raised.
I rolled my eyes, 'There she goes with the "threats."' I thought as Jack put a hand on my chest, an order for me to sit on the edge of the bed. "Wait here." She said as she walked out of the room.
My shaky hands held onto the edge of the bed, I couldn't believe any of this was real. 'This has to be some kind of dream. There is no way I'm still alive, after all that has been put on me, after all the lives lost because of me. Why am I still here? Good God how I am still alive, after all the shit I've done. Why can't I just die!' I couldn't believe what I was thinking but it was true, even after saving the galaxy I think it would have been better if I were dead. I kept thinking that a lot to myself even on the Normandy. It was a quick and easy option, but I knew billions of lives were counting on me, so I stayed and did the job.
I lost my train of thought when Jacks loud boots echoed through the halls, she walked back in with a pair of black combat boots hanging off of her arm along with black cargo pants and a grey t-shirt both thrown over her forearm. "Here, take these." She said tossing them next to me.
It was a struggle to get up but Jack once again helped me. I didn't hesitate to take off the gown I had on, Jack and I had both seen each other exposed, our first time was back on the Normandy before the suicide mission. It wasn't a big deal when I only had to pull a string to let the gown fall swiftly onto the floor, but Jacks face said more.
"Shit, I forgot how hot you were." Jack grinned as a very small blush crept onto her cheeks, she tried to play it off cool with a grin but I could see behind her mask.
I grinned slightly as I raised an eyebrow, "What was that thing you said before I was shipped off? 'When this is over, I'm getting laid?'"
Jack automatically knew what I meant, she peered over at the door. "Not in front of the kids." She joked as she took a step closer to me which sounds far but she was right on top of me, her arms lazily were thrown over my shoulders and brought her lips back to mine. It wasn't the hard and fiery kind of kiss it was soft and passionate, to Jack it was 'I missed you dumbass.'
"God damn I missed this." Jack said once the kiss broke and her hands messed with the back of my hair, Jack had now lost the grin and replaced it with a truly beautiful smile.
I smiled back, I knew she meant me when she said 'this.' "I missed you too."
Jack took a deep breath and placed both her hands on my shoulders and pushed me away slightly, "Alight, now put some clothes on before the kids see." Jack said taking another long look at me from top to bottom. "Damn." She said shaking her head with a grin.
I finally dug through the pile of clothes Jack had put out for me and found a sports bra along with a pair of boxers. "You've been sealing all the panties, Jack?" I asked holding up the black boxers.
Jack grinned, "Well since you've been gone it's become a hobby." She joked.
I slide on the boxers and sports bra trying also to get the feeling back into my hands. I sat down to put on the cargo pants, I knew if I didn't I'd just fall right on my ass, and threw the t-shirt over my head when I noticed the logo on the front of the shirt. It was the Alliance logo in blue on the front. I remember this, but I remembered giving it to Jack. It was when we were about to take on the suicide mission, the same night she walked into my room unexpected.
I remember it vividly
Jack had been pressed up against my side, her head laying on my shoulder, underneath the blanket that covered both of us was our bare bodies holding each other. My lover's eyes were closed, smeared with black eyeliner down her cheeks but I didn't mind. She looked so peaceful, when she was awake she always had that look of kill in her eyes and her body was always tense, now with her eyes closed she looked calm and her body was thrown over mine without a care. Her lips were barely parted breathing in and out slowly. I carefully kissed her forehead as my head sunk back into the pillow beneath me.
My alarm went off louder than usual, with my eyes still closed I attempted to reach over and either hit or break the clock I couldn't move my right arm. I brought my left hand up to wipe the crust in my eyes and saw the most beautiful slight. Jacks right hand was placed directly above my heart, while her head rested on my chest near my collarbone. The reason I couldn't move my right hand was because it was underneath my lover, wrapped around her waist. I smiled as I kissed her forehead and reached my left hand to shut off the alarm. Though it was now quiet Jack must have heard it because she soon woke.
"Mmm, hey." Jack said as her eyes started to focus on mine.
I smiled down at her, "Hey."
Jack looked over at the clock and soon the tenseness in her body came rushing back, "Shit, is it morning already?"
I didn't bother to look at the clock I was too busy staring at how beautiful Jack looked after a good sleep, "Yeah, and it's a perfect one." I said putting my hand behind her head and bringing her forehead to my lips. Jack only leaned in further as I did so.
"Fuck, don't leave me." My lover's voice was muffled when she buried her face into my chest.
I held her tightly, "Never."
We stayed like that for a while before we both silently agreed to get up. Jack was first to sit up on the bed crossing her legs, which I couldn't see under the blankets, she stretched her torso and her arms up to the ceiling, I stared in awe. Her body was gorgeous, I could see her side tattoos clearly, every line, every detail, and every scar. I scooted closer to her and rested my head on her thigh as I smiled to myself.
"You're weird, Shep." Jack giggled out as I felt her hand run through my hair. She had never been this touchy.
I wrapped my right arm around her waist with my head still snuggled into her thigh, "Jack…Whatever happens-"
"Don't, I just…" The convict looked down at me with her hands still tangled in my red hair. "Please be careful." Jack whispered breathlessly.
I looked straight into her eyes, if I knew better I would have thought she was about to cry again. "I will, Jack." I said before I kissed the soft tatted skin of her thigh. "Come on, we have to get ready." I grunted out while flinging the covers off of my naked body.
Jack and I both started to pick up our clothes off of the floor of the ship when my lover spotted my Alliance shirt that was laying on the top of my chair. She looked at me before walking over to it and placing a hand on the logo.
"Shit Shepard, Cerberus let you keep this?" Jack asked picking up the shirt and holding it out in front of her.
I smiled as I hopped into the black cargo pants and slid on the dreadful Cerberus shirt. "Nope, and I plan to keep it that way." I said when I started to notice Jack throwing the shirt onto her body and looking down at herself. Alliance colors really suited her, made her figure show, she looked so beautiful with the light above her shining just right onto her skin showing off her tattoos.
"Shit." I said staring with my jaw dropped. "You look good in Alliance colors." I grinned.
Jack grinned back and placed a hand on her hip, "Quit drooling there girl scout." She said.
I started to sway my way closer to her, "Keep it, it really does look good on you." When I finally made it to her I placed my hands on her hips.
My lover looked up at me, she grinned but there was a beautiful smile in her eyes. "Don't expect a ring coming from me then." She said placing one hand on my scared cheek and the other on my shoulder as she pulled me in for another one of her passionate kisses.
I shook my head when I realized I was staring at the logo in the shirt, "Jack, isn't this the shirt I gave you?" I smiled.
Jack shoved her hands into the pockets of her lose pants, "Yeah, I decided to keep it after all this time. I'll let you borrow it for now." Jack said grinning.
"You're too kind," I grinned back as I threw it back to my lover. "Help me out here." I said as I raised my hands slowly over my head, they were sore and not wanting to cooperate with my actions but my scared arms made it over my head as Jack stepped closer with a wide smirk on her face.
"I should be taking these off not putting them on." She said as she helped me slide the shirt onto my sore body. It hit my bandaged arm a few times which made me wince but once it was on it fit perfectly.
The once convict wrapped her arms around my neck unexpectedly, "I missed you, you fucking puss." Jack smiled but her eyes were focused on my lips.
"I missed you too." I said focusing my lips onto hers.
