Authors Note: This story is told in the form of the Journal of Remus Lupin. As the story progresses it will include letters sent to Remus from Harry and others. Starring: Dumbledore as the Great Manipulator. Hermione and Neville as the best friends. This one won't be a Harry / Hermione though I'm not ruling out them going out on a date or two. Posting the first of the five chapters I have written.


Moony's Memories - Chapter 1


This is the Journal of Remus Lupin. If I am reading this and don't recall writing this then I can assume that I have been Obliviated again. I have used a signature quill to write this and I used a blood quill to sign my name so casting Signare Revelio and Sanguis Confer will confirm that it is I that did indeed write this.

I have taken many precautions to safeguard my memories since I first recovered them with the help of Master Xiang but knowing that my primary adversary is a very powerful wizard I can not be assured that any will work hence my creation of this Journal as another safeguard.

I long ago was taught and assumed that the presence of the wolf in my mind safeguarded my thoughts and memories and that I was unable to learn Occlumency in any of its forms so I imagine if my recent memories have been removed I will have forgotten that I am now a capable Occlumens. My first defence is a set of memories and thoughts that will give the an average Legilimens false readings and prevent most low powered Obliviations, if this is all that's happened then the quote, 'Never moon a werewolf.' should trigger my guardian to free my memories.

If it doesn't then the Obliviate is deeper, the false memories are stronger or there are more powerful compulsions cast on me than my guardian can simply overcome. The best I can do for now is to describe my past few years and hope that I can use this journal to continue my task and then once again recover my memories.

As I write this I am living in a small caravan in Surrey, England. I have been living here for the past two months and my plan is to initiate contact with Harry Potter once I have completed updating this Journal. I have examined the wards carefully surrounding him and believe I have worked out a way to bypass them without alerting the great manipulator Albus Dumbledore. I will only include a brief summary of what I have found here since if I am incorrect then it is likely that all the wards will be changed anyhow. My notes on the specifics I have already destroyed so they can not be used by anyone with malicious intent.

If I am asking myself why do I refer to the Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Order of Merlin, First Class; Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, and Grand Sorcerer as the Great Manipulator then I still have a lot of explaining to do.

I will start the explanation at the point where our memories likely diverge as they have in the past. The date is some two weeks after than infamous Halloween when one of best friends betrayed James, Lily and Harry to Lord Voldemort. I had just returned from a lengthy period with the werewolf clans and had met with Dumbledore. The news of James and Lily's deaths was still very new to me as the clan I had been with lived by choice secluded from most wizards.

I remembered Dumbledore being as always being obstinate and self important, insisting on answering my questions with vapid assurances and trying to distract my by asking about how the werewolves were taking the news of Lord Voldemort's defeat. As if I had stayed any longer than it had taken me to grab my bag once I had myself had heard the details. Soon I was losing myself to my anger but Dumbledore is nothing if not persuasive and he soon calmed me down with assurances that Harry Potter was in good hands and I needn't worry about him. I asked a few more questions which led to me learning that Sirius had betrayed us all and had personally killed Peter. My anger rose again and I recall wolf fighting to take over. But then the ever calm Dumbledore reminded me to 'calm yourself' and after a few more assurances that he would take care of everything I was sent on my way.

I left his presence calmer than I had been in months. Whilst the initial calming effect of Dumbledore's words and spell faded once I had left his presence the desire to remain calm didn't. Weeks became months as I struggled to deal this new desire. I occasionally but only very briefly thought of Harry, Sirius and Peter before my mind went back to the task of calming myself. As the months passed and the wolf continued to fight for and win dominance each full moon it would leave me exhausted and wounded but also with an even stronger desire to calm myself. I soon became obsessive to the point of craziness. I kept moving, pursuing any idea no matter how ludicrous that I thought or had heard might lead to a method of calming myself.

I vaguely remember efforts to learn Occlumency, drinking binges, muggle drugs and attempts at hypnosis. My memories of those days are forever blurry and half forgotten. No technique that I've tried have ever recalled them fully even though I can now recall most of my days at Hogwarts and even before near perfectly. I am unsure if it was the alcohol, drugs, poor health, the effects of Dumbledore's memory charms or what that was the cause but that part of my life is forever lost. I am not even sure of how long I was like that as when my current memories begin I was in a buddhist temple in a Northern China with no recollection of how I got there or how long I had been there.

I slowly learnt enough Mandarin to communicate with the monks who had without question helped me regain my strength, looked after me and taught me techniques to control my anger. Eventually I asked how I had come to be there and they had told me how I had arrived half dead after trekking for many days with barely any food or water to collapse on their steps repeating the same unintelligible words, they repeated the words as best they could and after a few goes I finally worked out that I had been repeating, "calm yourself Remus" over and over again.

I can never thank those monks in that high temple for what they gave me. Not only did they teach me ways to connect to my magic in a much more natural way they taught me techniques in Occlumency that finally allowed my to be one with the wolf. I understand now where the stories of the amazing feats the greatest of the Kung fu masters were able to archive. They had connected with their animal side's to a level beyond my imagination. To them lycanthropy was the western name to the wolf spirit that had been forced out from it's domain by dark magic thousands of years ago. The curse was not having the wolf spirit but being forced upon you without time to develop control. Where all the other animagus forms emerge slowly only the wolf is thrust upon the unwilling. Master Xiang of the Wolf became my teacher during my stay. He taught all the sufferers like me contro. No longer are they bound to the tides of the moon, they control when they change, they call upon the spirit of the wolf when as a man and they never lose control and are not infectious. I had no goal beyond learning to control myself and I had no doubt that I would be happy to remain there learning and maybe one day teaching.

However as I advanced to the point where I could begin to break the dark chains that caused the wolf in me to become a crazed beast I discovered new puzzles. A favoured technique I used led set me travelling my subconscious mindscape. Unlike the mindscape I created to organise my thoughts and the one I created to imitate the mind of a wizard without Occulmency I had very little control of the shape of the subconscious mindscape and each time I visited it it was different.

I was trekking this time upon a plain of smoke and glass. Strange trees seemed to exist in my peripheral vision but when I turned my head nothing was ever there. I was once again searching for the wolf, each time hoping to calm it a bit more and finally prove I was a friend and meant it no harm. However this time I stumbled on a large puddle of sludge obscuring the glass floor. When I attempted to clean it I was struck with a sharp pain and soon was thrown back to uncomfortable awakeness. Master Xiang described it as a stains upon my psyche and bade me seek out Master Xin of the Mind. Unlike most of the other Masters Xin took few students and taught not anything related to the animal forms. In a way his art was closer to the Occulemency and Legilimancy common in the Western world. It was under his tutelage that I was able to clean the stain from my mind and discover hidden memories. Those memories led me to a new path no longer was controlled the wolf my only goal, nor was it even my primary goal. I had a new task and thankfully Master Xin was willing to teach me new tools to achieve my new goals. It was with Master Xiang's and Master Xin's blessings that I left to return to England

I now continue my meditations and exercises every day and I see slow improvement and when I am assured that Harry is safe I truly hope that I will be able to return to Master Xiang and Master Xin to complete my training.

The hidden memory that changed everything was of that meeting with Dumbledore some years previous. I still find it strange to visit the memory, or any memory of my previous life. The echoes of my anger even repressed as I kept it in those days is so unfamiliar to me now.

I was in Dumbledore's office and I was a mess. Scruffy torn and dirty clothing hang off my gaunt body as I paced to and fro in front of Dumbledore's desk. The headmaster sat in his comfortable chair hands pursed together as his eyes casually followed my movement that twinkle flickering about like a trapped firefly.

I was talking so fast and with such anger it took me a few viewings to even understand, "Stop asking me that I don't care what the clans are doing. You shouldn't have even sent me there. Why won't you tell me where Sirius, Peter and Harry are? Are they hurt? Are they okay?"

"Remus, my young friend. They are all fine. Harry is being looked after don't worry yourself about that. Please take a seat and we can discuss the others in good time. We need to talk about the werewolves." Dumbledore said calmly. He casually waved a hand and one of the chairs in the room slid forward to intercept my memory's self pacing but I didn't sit just glared down at the headmaster.

"Who cares! I need to talk to Sirius. Why wasn't the Fidelius cast at …. I can't re... it was cast! Oh Sirius how could you..." I suddenly dropped dropped into the chair and sank his face into his two rough and scratched hands. There was a long drawn out sob before his head shot up and he glared at Dumbledore, "Then it is my duty to look after Harry. I'll have the house elves lock me into one of the dungeons on the full moon. The normal wards will be good enough now that Voldemort is dead."

Dumbledore looked sad as he shook his head, "I'm sorry Remus. I don't believe Voldemort is truly dead, he will return and when he does Harry must be ready. If he grew up like James he will not be able to do his duty. I need you to trust me and return to the werewolves. Harry will be raised by his relatives."

I sprung from my chair with impresive speed. Worn out from poor living conditions, not enough food and too much travelling I still had impressive reflexes then. My fists slammed down on the headmaster's desk as I roared, "Petunia? Never! Lily and James would never have allowed it. I know I was next in line after Sirius for custody and I doubt Petunia was even listed. I will fight you on this Albus! I ..."

I wonder what i would have said or did next if Albus hadn't petrified me at that point. Would I have attacked the Great Albus Dumbledore next? Maybe, I felt angry enough and knowing what I do now he surely deserved it.

Albus slowly stood up and with a casual flick he drew his wand. Yep. You read that right. He cast Petrificus Totalus wandlessly and non-verbally. Something that he himself had told us on many occasions was impossible.

His tone was calm and a little sorrowful, "I'm sorry Remus but I can't allow that. Tom Riddle will return, ahh I see the question in your eyes. That's Voldemort's real name. Harry must be prepared and there is a prophecy that will allow us to ensure Tom's defeat. You must calm yourself Remus. It's in all our best interests if Harry is raised by Petunia, she is his closest blood relation after all. I have placed charms and strengthened Lily's protections on him so no matter what happens he will never lose himself and will remain pure of heart and no dark magic will be able to touch or find him. Calm yourself Remus."

Dumbledore had by this time walked around his desk and gently maneuvered my frozen body into a seating position once again casually displaying magical abilities beyond anything I had heard of. I have examined the memory closely I have confirmed that it was indeed Petrificus Totalus that was cast and not some more advanced charm though how what spell he used to effect it I have been unable to discover.

"It's not safe for Harry to be raised by a werewolf, that can't be allowed. What if you hurt him. You have to calm yourself Remus. Everything I do is for the best you have to understand that. He will be looked after, you don't have to concern yourself about it. You can leave here and not worry about Harry or your friends anymore. Calm yourself Remus."

Dumbledore continued on in this vein for a while longer mostly just repeating assurances that Harry would be safe. Where he started with admitting it might not be in Harry's best interests he gradually changed his story and started adding in obvious untruths often repeating the words 'Calm yourself Remus'. Why he picked these particular keywords to reinforce the fake memories he gradually worked into me I'm not sure but I am thankful that he did as they have given me this chance to finally fight back.

The hardest ward to work out was the ward that detects wands. I've never heard of such a thing so I'm guessing Dumbledore created it. It's elegant, strong and near impossible to break without setting it off. As it does nothing more than send an alarm all it's power is very focused. Thankfully I believe I can achieve my goals without ever having to take a wand into No. 4 Privet Drive so I'll just be forced to leave my wand behind.

The ward against dark magic and dark creatures I thought was going to be a challenge but it turns out my control of the wolf is good enough that as long as it's not within a day of the full moon I no longer detect as a dark creature. This was a welcome discovery and I've also used this to my advantage by creating my own wards around my caravan and garden that isolate me during those days. My control is good enough that they should be unnecessary but it's not worth the risk.

The wards versus harm, spells, apparition, port keys, detection, mail owls, tracking, listening and the localized taboo I can mostly just ignore as long as I'm careful.

That there was a ward specifically blocking my magical signature was rather upsetting. That took me a long time to work out how to bypass. I imagine I could get a Mastery in Wards for the work I did for that and probably upset a whole lot of people, get myself Obliviated and then vanished.

Tomorrow I will go introduce myself to Vernon Dursley and hopefully by the end of the week Harry Potter will be able to get some relief from the miserable life he has had to endure for the past few years.

I'm going to start with actually getting him to work in my garden whilst I carefully pry apart the charms placed on him. It will also allow him to honestly tell his guardians that I have been making him do what I am employing him to do. Once his health is good enough and he has relaxed enough I will slowly introduce him to the truths about myself. I have decided to stick with my plan of telling him up front once he's away from No. 4 Privet Drive that I was a friend of his father but that I don't want the Dursleys to find out and that I will tell him more later. I will not lie to him. When I realized my initial plan had me sounding just like Dumbledore I think I understood him more, simpler yes but those little lies just beget bigger lies. I probably have only one chance to do this right.

Next I'll start teaching him the meditation techniques Master Xin advised me to start with. He has to learn how to guard his mind before I start telling him the truths he needs to hear.

Harry needs to learn that Albus Dumbledore does not have his best interests at heart. That he will use incredibly powerful mind magic on him and others in order to manipulate him. That Tom Riddle also known as Lord Voldemort is not dead and still wants to do him harm.

Now I will send this Journal off with instructions to return it back to me in a week and hope that I am in a position to receive it. Is it foolish to wish myself good luck? I think I'll need it. Good Luck.

End Chapter 1