I must admit that I have no idea what I'm doing. The only reason I was sitting there that night, the only reason I had dressed so nicely, the only reason I was breaking bread with Pegasus J. Crawford was because of some deal made in a lusty haze.
I sat there now, on the date which I had promised to him.
I felt uneasy, ready for something to go wrong.
Why else would he do this?
Why else would he give me such an easy out?
That was unlike the man I knew.
I knew him to wish nothing but misery on those who weren't himself.
I knew that I was counted amongst these people.
Why then was he being so merciful?
He must have known something.
The mere idea that he held some knowledge about myself left me with nothing short of fear.
If he knew, which I had no doubt that he did - then I was in for hell.
My emotions for him must have been obvious.
After all the favours which I had asked of him in the past, how would it not be?
The amount of times which I had near begged him to aid me in reaching any sort of pleasure, I would question his state of mind had he not caught on already.
It was clear and true that I harboured unprofessional feelings for my long time business partner.
I wouldn't go so far as to call it love, but something in the area of like.
Some fucked up interest I had kept.
A childish crush that had only grown in size.
One which had been betrayed too many times, and yet grew still.
Something to be admired, but something to be pitied.
As I stared at him now, waiting on him to make some move to ruin this evening, I'd find that he was staring back at me.
Both waiting, both watching.
As if both expected the other to ruin what was so far enjoyable.
No specific action, and nothing deliberate.
The evening was brought down regardless.
We spent all our time worrying that our time would be wasted.
Our worry made it so.
More staring than talking.
Nothing of note.
Nothing.
I was left disappointed.
Had this been his plan?
Leave me anticipating, leave me worrying, leave me to take this from myself.
A wasted opportunity was much worse than being given nothing to begin with.
The drive back was quiet, Pegasus behind the wheel.
He took me home, and I had nothing to protest.
What else could be expected from the evening?
We rolled to a stop just outside my door.
With nothing to say but 'goodnight', I turned to him.
Before my words, came a kiss.
Gentle, pleasant.
After everything, we had never kissed.
An unspoken arrangement.
Work life wasn't meant to mix with personal business.
Why he did this now, why I allowed this now, it was all beyond me.
I wanted this, that I knew, yet I also knew to let this go on would set up heartbreak.
I didn't have it in me to reject him.
This first kiss lasted moments, seconds at most.
As he pulled away, it felt like less than that.
I was left hopeful.
I had let myself become this.
I lacked control.
I wanted nothing more than to be with him.
I expected him to laugh.
Instead, another kiss.
He was demanding rather than gentle.
Insistent rather than kind.
This was the way he behaved.
How he always behaved.
The way he moved.
I was left to the thought that his intentions had nothing to do with trickery.
My hopes continued to build.
They would continue to build.
They always had.
Just for him to knock them back down.
As he always had.
Or so I assumed.
I always assumed.
That hadn't happened.
He released me.
A smile, strangely innocent and predictably arrogant.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Kaiba-darling."
We kept no meeting for the next day.
Nothing on schedule.
Paperwork and only that was meant as my task for the following day.
I wasn't meant to see him.
I nodded nonetheless.
I'd hesitate a moment.
I'd exit the car.
I'd see him again tomorrow.
