Padfoot Prohibited: A list of things Sirius Black is no longer allowed to do or say at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Disclaimer: Please see Chapter 1, and there's a song in this chapter: "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon (I couldn't resist).

A/N: Originally in this chapter, the Marauders made use of the Room of Requirement. In Order of the Phoenix, however, it seems as if the Marauders were NOT aware of the room's existence because if Sirius had known about it, he would have suggested it to Harry as a place for the DA to meet. I wrote this before OotP came out, so now that I'm re-vamping, I'll tweak that part just a bit so that it isn't the RoR they're meeting in, it's now a passageway on the fourth floor that Sirius does mention. In Harry's time, it has since caved in, probably because of what the Marauders did to it to make it bigger.


Chapter 2 Planning Ahead


"What I'm saying, Prongs, is that it used to be all," Sirius changed his voice as best he could to sound like a disdainful female, "'James Potter, I'd rather eat dung and die than go out with you!'" He returned to his normal voice, "And now all of a sudden it's," now to his best impression of a swooning girl, "'Oh Jamesey, I love you! Oh Jamesey, I neeeeeed you! Oh Jamesey, I can't live without your sweet lips on my—'"

"Padfoot!" James interrupted. They were walking down the fourth floor corridor. "I think you're exaggerating just a little bit."

"Well, for once, you didn't go on about her all summer long. How is it that you're suddenly in a 'serious' relationship with her when we get back to school? I hope for your reputation's sake, you didn't resort to love letters."

"I don't care about that anymore. It's different with her, Sirius. You know I've always… well, you know, loved her." James seemed embarrassed, but confident that his best friend wouldn't disown him. However, he couldn't escape the teasing that was sure to follow.

Sirius stuck out his tongue and made a gagging sound as he rolled his eyes and scrunched up his face, disgusted. "Listen to yourself, Jay! Are you aware you just used the 'L' word?"

"I'm sorry, Padfoot, but I can't help it. Laugh now, but it'll happen to you whether you want it to or not."

"Oh no it won't!" Sirius stopped walking and stared adamantly into James's eyes. "Sirius Black does NOT fall in love! Sirius Black has never loved anything! Sirius Black is a player and he's proud of it!"

It was James's turn to roll his eyes again. "Why is Sirius Black referring to himself in the third person?"

The two of them laughed together as they stopped in front of a large, ornate mirror. It engulfed the wall it was on, extending from floor to ceiling, and had a frame that looked to be woven, but it was bronze.

Sirius stood before the mirror and stared into his own, gray eyes. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

At his words, starting in the middle, the mirror began to fog up. The condensation extended outward in a circle until it reached the edges of the frame. With his index finger, Sirius began to write on the mirror. What he wrote was a word, a name: 'Yolanda', a password. When he was finished, he put his palm to the glass and slid it back over the word, wiping it clean. As he stepped back again, the mirror rose up from the bottom of the frame and James and Sirius stepped into the passage beyond. The passage was quite roomy, but it had been made so several years ago through various explosion charms; the stone was uneven and violently pock-marked. On the stone floor was an arrangement of furniture that didn't match, as each mind that conjured it was different.

As they entered the passageway room, they froze. Remus was already there, but he was obviously unaware of their presence. He was singing at the top of his lungs as he searched through his pockets and brought forth from their depths four bottles of ever-warm butterbeer.

Remus sang: "If you hear 'em howlin' around your kitchen door – you better not let 'em in! / Little old lady got mutilated late last night / Werewolves of London again / Ahh-ooh, werewolves of London! / Ahh-ooooooh / Ahh-ooh, werewolves of London / Ahh-AHHHH!"

He suddenly let out a shriek as he caught sight of James and Sirius, snickering in the doorway. His face instantly turned red. James and Sirius laughed loudly and clapped, begging for an encore. Despite his bright red face, Remus smiled and bowed grandly. Sirius issued red roses from his wand and threw them at Remus.

"You make that up, Moony?" asked James.

"Nah, it's a Muggle song. I kind of like it," he grinned.

"Yeah, fits you perfect," agreed Sirius with a smile, "except for the mutilated old lady, I mean, because we do our jobs and keep you in check, of course."

"Of course."

Sirius took one of the butterbeers, twisted open the cap, and downed the entire bottle in one swig. "Where's Pete?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders as James took the most comfy seat and Sirius perched on the edge of an old desk. "Probably forgot how to get in again," he rolled his eyes. "I'll go check."

He went to the mirror opening, which had since slid back down and become a standard wooden door the same size as the glass, and opened it. There was Peter standing there with his back to the room, scratching his head.

Remus let out one short laugh. "Hey Wormtail, you planning on coming in sometime this week?"

Peter jumped and spun around. "Oh thank you, Remus! I don't think I did it right. Are you supposed to breathe on the whole mirror so you can write on it or just the part you need? Or maybe it was the wrong password…"

Peter stepped into the room and Remus, shaking his head, let the door close and lock.

"How about I tattoo it on your forehead for you?" teased Sirius, vanishing his empty butterbeer bottle.

"Well then how would I read it?" Peter joked.

Sirius pointed back to the entrance. "Mirror."

"But it'll be foggy."

"Okay, I'll tattoo it on your forehead and then shove another mirror up your butt."

James made a face and hit Sirius across the chest.

"What?" demanded Sirius. "I was kidding! I'd shrink the mirror first, obviously…"

Remus and Peter laughed. "But would he remember how to blow it up again?" teased Remus.

Peter shrugged. "Doubtful."

Sirius laughed and put his arm around Peter, leading him to a chair opposite the couch, then resumed his seat, looking pensive.

"Gentlemen, this Marauder Meeting is now called to order," proclaimed Sirius, suddenly sounding more like his first name would suggest. "Marauder Moony, what's the status on our next…excursion into the wild?"

Remus let out a derisive laugh. "Excursion into the wild? Are you referring to the next time there's a full moon or the next Care of Magical Creatures field trip?"

"Oh, don't get so huffy! When is it, mate? It's coming up."

"Friday," replied Remus.

"Friday. So… any ideas?"

"We could try to find the entrance to that passage we know leads into the girls' lavatory," suggested James.

Sirius nodded his head. "Might come in handy."

"If you don't know where the entrance is, then how do you know there's a passage there?" asked Peter, sounding smart.

"Well, Moaning Myrtle was flirting with Sirius again, so he told her he'd meet her in his stall just to get rid of her, you know? And then he sent some fifth year in there, pretending to be him, and she got pissed and said she'd haunt him if he didn't come in and apologize. So we went in there and she was muttering something about going back through her toilet to get a firewhiskey. So it must lead to either The Three Broomsticks or The Hog's Head," explained James.

"And if it's in one of the bars," Sirius added, "they wouldn't close until a lot later so it'd be much easier for us to use than the Honeydukes one, plus it leads right into the castle instead of that damned willow tree."

"What about Myrtle, though? She might tell on us," Peter shivered at the thought.

"So we'll give her Sirius," teased James. "He can marry her and be king of the porcelain jacuzzi."

The three of them laughed as Sirius raised his middle finger, then started to chuckle himself. "I'll handle her, Peter."

After planning their next Marauder night, the four of them got to work on some homework.

"You know, no one thinks James and Sirius actually do their homework because they never actually see them doing it," commented Remus.

"I know. Everyone thinks Padfoot's just naturally that smart," replied James.

They waited for Sirius to make his comeback, but he said nothing. His head was buried in a roll of parchment and he was concentrating so hard on it, with his nose only an inch from the paper, that at first James thought he was doing an impression of Snape.

"Sirius, got nothing to say?" Peter prompted. Still no response. "Sirius?"

He lifted his head as though he'd just heard them for the first time. "Huh?"

"What are you working on?" asked Peter, starting over to Sirius's desk.

Sirius shrugged. "Just my essay thing for the firsties."

"You're actually taking that seriously?" demanded James.

He shrugged again and handed the parchment to James. "Things Sirius Black is no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts? Are we allowed to do McGonagall's essay like this?" He started to skim through the list and then laughed out loud.

"What?" asked Peter and Remus together. James set the parchment down on Sirius's desk and the three of them leaned forward to read.


8 - Not allowed to speculate on the penis size of any of my male (or female) professors.

9 – Not allowed to threaten suicide with Muggle pop rocks and coke.

10 – The proper way to report to Headmaster Dumbledore when ordered into his office is by saying, "You wanted to see me, Professor?" not, "You can't prove a thing!"

11 – I do not get "that time of the month" and, therefore, cannot use it as an excuse when trying to get out of detention.

12 – Not allowed to fly my broomstick indoors, especially to chase first years down to the dungeons.


"Oh God, Sirius, McGonagall's going to murder you!" exclaimed Remus.

Sirius only shrugged. "I think she'll like it.

A/N: Thanks for reading! On to chapter 3? Oh, and if you want to know why the password was Yolanda, you'll need to read the sequel (Black Blood). =D