Hey guys! so I just wanted to say thanks for taking up reading this new story of mine! This one is kind of a darker fic, and I say that because of the ED and Nico's traumatizing past. I know this chapter is kind of short. It could've probably been longer, but my fingers are really cramping up right now. um... is there anything else I wanted to say? I don't think so, but for some reason I have a feeling that im forgetting something. oh wait, I remember! im looking for a beta reader, so let me know if you're interested! Now, on with the story!
How do you know when you love someone? You spend all day thinking about them. You wonder how they are, and hope that they are doing okay. When you're apart, you feel as though all of the air has been sucked out of your lungs. When you're together, you get butterflies in your stomach and have this unnatural urge to smile. You laugh when they are joyous, and you cry when they are sad. Your heart feels like it's going to beat out of your chest when they touch you in the slightest way. When you realize it, you try to deny it. But by then, it's already too late. You've fallen in love too deep, too fast. You panic because you feel as though you are free falling, and they determine whether the parachute will deploy, or if you'll fall to your death. And as hard as you try to keep your distance, they have this powerful way of pulling you in closer. That's what it's like. Or at least, that what it was like for me.
I finally realized I was in love with Will when I was 12 years old. At first, I just rationalized it to me depending on him to take care of me. But even when I wasn't hungry or tired, thoughts of Will swam through my head. I remember once I had sat by the window and watched as he did yard work with Kyan, he was 14 at the time. It was hot out and he was sweating, so he took off his shirt to cool down. Sweat dripped his abs and disappeared into his jeans. His hair clung to his face. I watched the way his body moved as he worked. I was staring so hungrily at Will, I hadn't even realized I had a boner until I whimpered and creamed myself. I was so embarrassed I ran straight to our room and stayed there for the rest of the day. That was four years ago. Now, I stilled watched him, but I did it more discretely. I'd take quick peeks when I thought he wasn't looking. I couldn't risk Will finding out about my feelings for him. I knew for sure that he would leave me. I didn't want that.
(XOXO)
Will and I rushed about the room, busy trying to prepare for our first day of the year at CHB High School. Will was a senior this year, which meant it was his last, first day of high school. It also meant that next year, I'd be spending my days at school absolutely alone. Well, not totally alone. I mean, I did have a few friends; Bianca, Hazel, and Reyna. I just wouldn't be able to spy on Will through the windows while he had gym class. That was always my favorite part of the day. That, and lunch. I spent my lunch time with Will in the old music room that nobody ever used. He'd feed me whatever it was that he had packed for us.
Yes, ok. So I still had problems eating food without freaking out. I know that I was burdening Will everyday with my problem, but I didn't know what else to do. Besides, I didn't mind when Will fed me, as long as no one else was around when he did it. It gave me time to be close to him without him suspecting my feelings. On the outside, I acted indifferent towards Will, but on the inside, I treasure every second I spent with him.
I'd always change faces when it came to Will. During the day, I acted as though we were nothing more than brothers. Like I said earlier, I would act indifferent towards him. But at night, I would always soften up. Even though we still shared a room, we each had our own beds. Still, I would crawl into his bed and lay close to him, loving the feel of his body against mine. Of course, I always asked him for his permission first. He would smile at me and lift the covers, inviting me into his warm embrace. "Always, Nico. You don't even have to ask." He's say. But I still asked every night. I feared that he would get tired of me intruding in his space. But for years, he welcomed my neediness without a sign of regret or irritation. I hoped that would be the case for the rest of my life.
"Mom!" Will bellowed as he left the room and disappeared down the hall. "Did you cook breakfast?" Sara was Will's and Teddy's mom, and my adoptive mother. She and her husband, Kyan, had adopted me when I was six years old. Back then, she was pregnant with Teddy, our younger brother. Sara had insisted that I call her 'mother'. Although I loved and respected her, I couldn't bring myself to call her that. To me, mother had always been the person that I killed. I feared that by calling her 'mother', I would eventually end up hurting her too. So I stuck with calling her 'Sara'.
"I did!" I heard her reply. "Too bad you won't have time to eat it! You'll have to leave any minute if you want to catch the bus to school! You should have gotten up the first time I woke you!"
No breakfast? Fine by me. I never ate breakfast anyway. Not unless Will fed me. I shouldered my back pack and made for the bathroom. I stepped on the scale, anxious to know what my weight was. This was the daily ritual. Step on the scale. Pray that I gained weight. 101 lbs.
"You lost weight. Did you eat yesterday?" Will said, coming up behind me. I shook my head negatively. I turned and saw that he held a yogurt and a spoon in his hand. "Open." He said, holding a spoonful to my mouth. I opened my mouth and granted access to the creamy substance. I swallowed. "Good boy." Will said, smiling. He stepped closer to me, and my heart beat quickened. I could smell the body wash that he had used that morning. I closed my eyes and inhaled his aroma. Smells like cinnamon. I thought as he fed me another spoonful. God, how I wish he would feed me his cream instead.
I opened my eyes and looked up at his face. He looked down at me, biting his bottom lip. Damn, he stood so close to me. Too close. His eyes were drawing me in, a gravitational force pulled me closer to him. His lips, God his lips! I wanted to press them against mine, I wanted to taste them. No, it was more than want. It was need. Raw need. "Will," I sighed.
"Yes?" his breath ghosted across my mouth, his lips mere inches from mine. He was so close!
"I-" I started to tell him what I needed, when Sara's voice drifted down the hall. It seemed to be coming closer. "Bus is here! It's now or never, Boys!" we sprang apart, just before she appeared in the bathroom doorway. A light blush dusted my face and I looked anywhere but at their faces.
"Right." Will said then squeezed past his mother and disappeared down the hall.
I nodded to Sara and made to follow Will out the bathroom, when she pulled me into a hug. "Have a good day at school, Nico." She smiled. I returned her smile and walked down the stairs, making my way to the front door.
Teddy was sitting at the kitchen table. As I passed him, I kissed him on the forehead and ruffled his hair. "Goodbye, Teddy Dearest."
He blushed and fixed his hair. "Don't call me 'Teddy Dearest'! I'm 10 years old! I'm way too old for that nickname now!" he called. I laughed and closed the door. I started calling him that after watching the movie Little Women. I'd say "Goodbye, Teddy Dearest." Whenever I left for school. Besides Will, Teddy was really the only ever male I felt comfortable around. When he was a baby, I would take care of him when Sara was busy. We would play together, and I'd hold him while he slept.
As he got older, he clung to me all the time. Most people would get annoyed with someone following them everywhere they went. But I didn't mind. In fact, I loved it. Being around Teddy made me feel like I had someone to take care of, instead of being taken care of all the time. Not that I minded being taken care of by Will either, but taking care of Teddy was always a fresh breath of air. Now Teddy was older. It kind of made me sad, knowing that he wouldn't need me much longer, but I tried not to let it bother me much.
(XOXO)
"Sup, Bitches?" Bianca laughed as she made a space for herself between me and Hazel. She threw her arms around our necks as we made our way up the hill to our school. I chuckled as bumped our hips together. Bianca was olive skinned, with black eyes, and silky dark hair. Freckles splayed across her face, giving her a sweet, innocent look. Hazel, the girl on the other side of Bianca, had smooth skin the color of roasted coffee beans. Her curly, cinnamon brown hair fell at her shoulders. Her golden eyes sparkled when she smiled. I loved these girls. They were like the sisters I never had the pleasure of having.
"Where's Reyna?" I asked. Reyna was the fourth person in our tight group of friends. She was a Puerto Rican girl, with long, glossy black hair and deep black eyes. She was very attractive. All of them were, really. Even though I loved both Bianca and Hazel, Reyna was the only one who knew about my past and my feelings for Will. She had daddy issues too, so we easily empathized with each other. Before I knew it, I had told her all about my past and about how I was in love with my brother.
"She texted me and said she was gonna be late today." Hazel said, tapping on her phone screen, most likely texting her boyfriend, Frank. Although Frank was a good guy, I tried my best to steer clear of him. Actually, I tried my best to steer clear of all men. I didn't want to still admit it, but even though I was 16 and a male myself, men still scared me. Whenever I was alone with one, or if they stood too close, panic would squeeze my chest and I'd start to shake. I would only be able to be in close proximity with a man if Will was with me. Helpless, right? Trust me, I know.
"Speaking of texting," Bianca said, and I knew where this was going to go. I shook my head, but she continued on. "You really need to get a cell."
"I don't want to inconvenience Sara and Kyan. Besides, I don't need a phone." I told her.
"Fuck, Nico! Everyone needs a phone!" she huffed. "I mean, how else are we supposed to communicate with each other?"
"How about face to face? Look! You're doing it right now!" I teased.
She crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at me. "Haha. Very funny."
"I try." I countered. The bell rang as we walked through the door. "I'll see you guys later, 'kay?" I said, then parted ways with them. "'Kay." They both responded and went their separate ways.
(XOXO)
As usual on the first day, classes passed in a blur. The teachers introduced themselves and gave a summary of what the school year was going to be like. Students chatted with their friends, catching up with each other after three months of separation. I looked out the window, hoping to see Will walking across the school grounds. Obviously, on the first day of school I wouldn't find Will outside in his shorts and tank running laps around the soccer field with his gym class, but I didn't give up hope. Finally giving up, I turned my attention to the kids in the class. I recognized a few as Will's friends. I had met some of them when they came over to the house to hang out, although I never really said any words to them. There was Annabeth, Piper, and Percy. Annabeth and Piper were sitting with their heads close together, whispering and giggling. Percy, however, kept staring at me. Throughout class, I would turn my head, only to find him looking at me with those piercing green eyes. I freaked me out.
Finally, the bell rang to signal class was over. Thank the fucking gods! I grabbed my bag and sped out of the class before he decided to come talk to me. Panic attack averted. I thought as I made my way to the old music room for lunch.
When I got there, Will was reading. "Nerd." At my insult, he closed his book and smiled. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. "What are you reading?"
"Just some Greek mythology for class." He set the book down on a piano bench next to him and pulled a chair close to the one he was sitting on. He patted the empty seat. "Come." I obliged. "You hungry?" asked as he pulled out a lunch sack. He opened it and revealed the divine looking turkey sandwich, with Swiss cheese, cucumber and tomatoes, and iceberg lettuce. My mouth watered a little as I beheld the gorgeous thing.
"Fucking starving." I said. He smiled and broke off a part of the sandwich. He placed it in my waiting mouth and I chewed, savoring its yummy goodness. Will waited until I swallowed before taking a bite himself. I watched his jaw work as he chewed the food, then swallow it down. I gulped, then, realizing I was staring, I shook myself from my stupor and my eyes found the ground.
We took turns biting and chewing the sandwich until there was no more. Then, he stood and dusted crumbs from his lap. "Thanks, Will." I thanked him, as I always did after he fed me lunch. Making Will feed me during lunch always made me feel a little guilty. Will was nice to everyone and he had friends. He probably had better things that he wanted to do with his time. I stood. "Sorry for always forcing you. You're probably getting tired of our lunches, right?"
He frowned stepped close to me. "You're not forcing me, Nico." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'm doing this because I care about your health." I smiled at his words, thankful for his care. He returned my smile, flashing his brilliant, perfect smile, and my heart skipped a beat. God, I loved that smile. I wanted so badly to just kiss him, but I settled for something more inconspicuous. I wrapped my arms around his torso in a hug. I felt his arms circle around me. I sighed. I would've given anything to stay that way for the rest of my life. I always loved the feeling of being held by him.
We stood like that for a while in silence. Then Will spoke. "But I am worried about you." He whispered into my hair. "Tonight, I want you to try eating on your own."
Panic rippled through me, but I managed to reign it under control. I pulled away from him and looked at his face. He frowned and furrowed his brow in concern. "Why?" I asked, flustered.
"Because, I'm not always gonna be around to feed you." He caressed my cheek. "You need to at least try to do it yourself."
"I do try!" I snapped at him defensively and stepped away from him.
He raised his hands as though to grab me, but hesitated and lowered them again. "Nico, all I'm saying is that this isn't healthy, and I'm scared." He said softly.
I knew that he was trying to calm me down, but I was panicking. All that talk about Will not being around had me worried. Like, I knew that he was graduating this year. I knew that at some point in his life, he was going to move out, or go to college, or just plain get tired of me. I knew all that, yet it still scared me witless. My heart was pounding, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to apologize for being so weak and cowardly, but when I spoke, nothing but harsh words came out. "I'm sorry for being so messed up! I didn't fucking ask to be like this!" I shouted and tried to walk past him. Will tried to grab my arm, but I shook him off.
"Dammit, Nico! That's not what I meant!" he cried as I hurried through the door. His voice sounded hurt.
"Whatever!" I shouted angrily, causing a few eyes to drift my way. I couldn't stop the tears as they fell from my bleary eyes. I was so upset that I literally felt sick. I ran to the restroom as fast as I could. Almost as soon as I made it through the stall door, the sandwich Will had just fed me turned to vile in my stomach. I gagged as it choked me, burning its way through my throat. It shot from my mouth and spewed into the toilet bowl. I cried. Then someone was in the stall with me. I felt familiar arms wrap around me. It was Will. "Shhh, baby. Its ok." He cooed, rubbing soothing circles on my back. Threw my arms around him, crying. "I'm so sorry!" I sobbed. "Oh, baby. Its ok." He whispered in my ear. "Just relax." He said. No sooner than he said it, I felt myself relaxing in his arms. My sobs softened into tiny whimpers. And then, I fell asleep.
(XOXO)
When I woke up, I was at home. Will lay next to me, holding me in his arms. "Hey. You ok?" he asked, stroking my hair.
I nodded, confused as to why I was home. Then I remembered what had happened. Will and I had an argument. I freaked out a school and threw up. I fell asleep in a- a bathroom stall. I blushed. God, I was so lame! "I'm sorry, Will."
"Baby, don't even worry about it. I'm at fault too for making it seem like there was something wrong with you." Will said. Whenever he called me by that pet name my stomach would grow warm. He had always called me 'Baby' when I had one of my attacks, something he started doing when we were little kids.
"But there is something wrong with me! I'm so royally fucked up in the head! I mean, I can't even feed myself for fucks sakes!" I cried. It was true. I was some kind of crazy.
He held my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. "Nico, No! Don't say that! You're not crazy! You've just had some fucked up shit happen to you! It's not your fault!" he kissed my forehead again, and I felt a tingle in my lower regions. Oh, god. What was happening? Will just kissed me, twice! Granted I was my forehead, but still. Those lips, those divine lips, touched my body.
I couldn't help myself. I wanted to taste him so bad. Before I could stop myself, I kissed his lips, gently biting on his lower lip. Will moaned and kissed me back. "Will." I moaned, as his mouth left mine. He trailed butterfly kissed along my jaw, slowly making his was lower. His tongue grazed my neck line, and shivers went up my spine. Heat pooled in the pit of my stomach, as one of my hands roamed his chest and the other played with the waist line of his jeans. He pressed his crotch against my newly gained erection, and I moaned.
"Will, I-" I started to say, when the door burst open and Teddy flew in, grinning from ear to ear. "Nico!" he said and jumped on the bed on top of me. Will and I jumped apart from each other, rather red and panting slightly. I smiled, hoping that Teddy wouldn't pick up on what was going on before he came in.
"What is it, Teddy Dearest?" I sat up and kissed him on the forehead.
He blushed and shook his head. "I told you not to call me that, Nico!"
"Sorry, baby." I laughed softly. "What is it?"
He dug in his pocket and pulled out what looked like a bunch of beads. "It's a necklace. I made it for you in arts and crafts today." He held it up for me to see. It was made up of a hundred different colored beads. In the center, there was a bead in the shape of a heart. "Do you like it?"
I smiled warmly and took the necklace from him. "I love it. Help me put it on?" he beamed and nodded vigorously. He put the necklace around my neck and touched the heart bead. "How do I look?"
"So pretty." He murmured softly, smiling. I kissed his forehead again and he blushed.
Will cleared his throat behind me. I looked back at him. He looked almost irritated. "Ok, big guy. How about I make you a snack, and we give Nico some space so that he can admire the gift you gave him. What do you say?" Will directed at Teddy.
"Ok! Mom said I could have candy!" he jumped up from my lap and ran through the door.
"Liar!" Will said. He and I shared a look that seemed to say we'll finish talking later tonight, then he followed after Teddy.
Oh yeah. Later that night, Will and I would definitely have to finish, um- talking, later that night.
And such is the ending of Chapter 2! I hope that a wrote a good story for you guys. i hate to think that i didn't do my utmost to entertain you guys. im not exactly sure when i'll have next chapter posted (i have to think of it first) and cuz i have a few other stories to write up. Anyway, thanks for stopping by! don't forget to review on your way out!
