Clary sobbed, unable to bear it anymore. She was sick of the pain and sick of everyone expecting her to be okay. She stepped back and crunched down on his foot hard, grinding the heel of her boot down onto the instep of his foot. He growled again and lost his hold on her hands giving her just enough time to strike. She pulled her hands free and spun bringing both hands up and throat chopping him. She pulled back just enough to make it hurt but not hurt him really. His eyes watered but he moved quicker grabbing her and pinning her again between him and the wall. He slid one hard muscular thigh between hers and jerked her hands up again, effectively trapping her.
"Like I said, I can't." he said softly grimacing as he moved his face, checking for breaks. He looked at her and into her and Clary remembered the reason his being gone and being here hurt so much, he was the other half of her.
"Why?" she said fiercely, angry again "don't you have enough to worry about with the wedding and your perfect fiancée?" You need to not worry about me, let me get on with my life. You shouldn't be touching me anyway, not like this."
"I can't help it." He said with a crooked smile that was as irritating as it was beautiful "As for why, the answer is simple, I need you."
Clary closed her eyes, blocking him out, wishing it was reality. Part of her wanted to sink into it, to let this happen but she knew it was wrong, knew it was impossible. "You are determined to kill me aren't you?" She asked on a hiss as she let her head slide back against the wall. "Go back to Aline and have mercy on me."
Gentle fingers slid down her face, eyelids, nose and mouth. Clary sucked in her breath and cried harder, knowing the tears were pouring down her face and for once not caring. The past months had been absolute torture, she was surprised she had not simply let a demon take her, but something inside her had screamed at her to fight. She hated this pain, hated this misery, but she wasn't sure how to cure it. One thing was for sure this, him being here, anywhere in touching distance was a mistake.
"I tried," he whispered softly " but you won't leave me, every time I close my eyes, all I see is you. How am I supposed to live without you?"
Clary opened her eyes and glared at him, mad as hell. "You are such an ass, coming here saying this shit when you know how it hurts me, You are one sick son of a bitch." She popped her shoulder out of socket and pulled free, knocking the graceful Jace Wayland flat against the wall. She popped it back in as she kicked him hard, knocking him down on his ass.
"Stay away from me or I swear next time I will hurt you. If I see you again I will contact the clave, there are laws against this." She walked as quickly as possible and opened the door with her injured arm. "Give us both a break, go get married and go back to Idris, otherwise this just might kill me"
She opened the door and slammed it running as fast as her weak legs would take her. She knew she was a sobbing mess but needed to get away fast. She ran up the steps to the greenhouse and hid in the back corner that had been her refuge for the last few months. She slumped down in a bunch of the magnificent flowers Jace had shown her that first night and let it all go, crying harder than she had in her life. She knew she had done the right thing but the desire for him was closing in on her, it had been easy to deny it, pretend she didn't have these feelings when he wasn't here but now with his warm vital energy bashing against her defenses she knew it would take nothing to break her, she just hoped she survived it when her defenses fell.
