AN: WARNING! THIS HAS ADULT THEMES! There isn't anything really graphic here or will there be in future chapters but this is where the M rating first comes in because it deals with non-consensual sex. Read author's note at end for a bit about this story. Please review!

(The song in here is Prayer by Celine Dion. I got the Russian from google translate- sorry if any of it is wrong.)

I do not own Marvel, DC, Avengers, or Arrow.


Chapter 1: Escaping

(February 8th, 2014- Felicity's POV)

The crackling always interests me for some reason. As a prisoner there isn't exactly much to do when I'm alone in my room so usually I make up stories in my head or sing or come up with ideas for inventions I'll probably never have the chance to create. But after the abilities these latest experiments gave me and the control I've gained, I like to play with the blue/white electricity I can create. And for some reason- maybe I've finally started losing my mind; it wouldn't surprise me- the crackling sound always fascinates me.

There's a groan from the door and it opens to reveal two figures. A man with chin-length dark hair, icy eyes, and a roughly-shaven strong jaw enters my room with a guard. I don't smile- I hardly ever smile anymore- but I lift my lips a little.

"Jimmy."

The man, as usual, doesn't say anything. The guard, as usual, doesn't either; he simply closes the door, locks it, and leaves us alone. There's no doubt in my mind though that they're watching this somehow. They're always watching. The man I've dubbed "Jimmy" doesn't say anything (he rarely speaks right away when he visits), but he walks to me and sits beside me on my bed. Most of the time I'll start talking but today I decide to just wait.

I've been their goddamn captive for four years. I wouldn't know that except once one of the guards left a newspaper near me and I saw the date December 2, 2012. It's been 429 days since then; I've recorded it with scratches under my bed. Eleven months' worth of them involved experiments and tests with the pointy-glowy-scepter-thing they somehow got their hands on 16 months ago. That's part of how I became whatever I am now. It's also how I ended up blonde for some reason. I'm the only one I know to have survived the experiments- if there are others I haven't crossed paths with them. Cooper died in the first ones; the ones before the scepter. That was the end of the first year or so that we were prisoners and it was around then that Jimmy heard me and forced the guard to let him enter.

For so long when Jimmy visited me he wouldn't say more than a few words or even sit beside me. He would just sit or stand by the door watching and listening to me. Now it's still me doing most of the talking but he'll ask questions, answer a few of his own, and make a couple comments. But no matter how many times I would ask his name he either wouldn't answer at all or would just say "Asset". Well, "Asset" wasn't going to fly with me especially since he kept coming back- and more frequently too- so "Jimmy" it became. I really don't know why I chose Jimmy of all names. It was just the first name that came to my head.

Over the years I've figured out exactly who Jimmy is- or was- but since he doesn't even know who he was, it seems pointless to call him by any of those names. So it's funny that the name I'd chosen for him at random is a nickname for his real name: James. James Buchanan Barnes. Or as most of the world remembers him; Bucky Barnes. I'm probably the only one in the world who knows and actually cares that Captain America's best friend is alive. So many days blur together but that one- the first day we met- has stuck with me if only for the fact that something new happened and not bad-new. On the days I'm free to be in my room I'll often sing under my breath to fill the silence and that's what I was doing that day. It's why he came in to begin with…

"I pray you'll be our eyes…and watch us were we go…"

The lyrics fall from my lips easily- it's a song I've sang and heard hundreds of times. My mom sang it to me, I sang it to Casey and Lila, it's a go-to shower song when nothing else comes to mind, and I've sung it a lot since being taken by HYDRA. Then again, I sing everything a lot since I've got nothing better to do.

"And help us to be wise…" I hear guards passing my room but I know I'm singing too quietly for them to hear so I continue: "in times when we don't know…"

"Стоп. Кто она" ("Stop. Who is she?") I recognize the Russian spoken by most of the HYDRA agents here so I immediately stop singing and glance nervously to my door.

"Заключенный. Приехать," says a new voice. ("Prisoner. Come.") There's a hesitation, then the first speaker again:

"Я буду видеть ее в первую очередь." ("I will see her first.")

"Она полезна. Она не может быть больно." Another new voice. ("She's useful. She can't be hurt.")

"Она не будет." ("She won't be.")

Though I can't see whoever's speaking, those last words are quiet but forceful so it sounds like a promise or something. Then, to my horror, the door opens. Please don't say they moved up my 'treatment'…

Luckily, that fear goes out the window when three people I've never seen before enter. The doctor isn't with them and he's always with the guards who come to get me. Instead there are two guards who, from their uniforms, I recognize as guards for the HYDRA agents who are involved in the "Special Projects". The third man, though, is the reason that I'm absolutely sure this has nothing to do with my treatments. His dark hair is scraggly and chin-length and his eyes are hard like ice. His jaw is strong and squared and…one of his arms…it's made of metal…

"Пойте, Annie," says the man with the metal arm. ("Sing, Annie.")

"Wha- I…" I swallow thickly and look between them. "I don't speak Russian…"

"He said 'sing, Annie'," says the guard to the left.

I frown- who's Annie?- but nod in agreement. Of all the things I've been ordered or forced to do by the people here, I couldn't be happier to sing. So I take a breath and start where I left off a bit louder:

"Let this be our prayer...when we lose our way…" The guards look a little surprised when I start singing so I know that it's only the strange metal-armed man who heard me- the man who looks at me as if he's confused.

"Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace…" The unwavering, probing stare and cold eyes begin to make me nervous so I look down at my hands. "To a place where we'll be safe…" I hear one of the men move forward a bit but I don't look up. "I pray we'll find your light…and hold it in our hearts. When stars go out each night…remind us where you are. Let this be our prayer…when shadows fill our day. Lead us to a place…guide us with your grace…give us faith so we'll be safe…"

There's more to the song but I finish there and look up. The two guards look almost impressed but it's the third man I look to. He moved closer than I thought…that or I wasn't factoring in the smallness of the room and the largeness of the man and guards. His eyes- a steel blue- are as unwavering and intense as before but they seem less empty then they had been.

Suddenly he moves forward again and reaches his metal arm towards me. I should be afraid. I know it in my bones that I should be afraid of this man being anywhere near me. But whether it's because I'm already in hell anyways, the fact he asked me to sing, or that his ice blue eyes hold curiosity rather than malice, I trust him not to hurt me. And he doesn't. He simply places four cold metal fingers under my chin and brushes his cold metal thumb over my lips.

"Красота," he says softly.

"What does that mean?" I whisper while not actually expecting him to answer. He drops his hand from my face and looks directly into my eyes.

"Beauty."

"Felicity." I shake myself from my memories and stare at him in surprise. He's never called me by my name. He's known it for years but he's never once used it.

"Yes?"

"You…you are the mission."

My eyes widen at that. If they wanted to kill me why the hell didn't they do it themselves? I mean, yes I'm enhanced and could probably kill most people at hand-to-hand but a plain old bullet to the heart or head could still do me in. They don't need to send the goddamn Winter Soldier to do it! And why would they kill me now? Jimmy shakes his head- oh, I probably said that out loud- and slowly places his normal hand on my stomach for a moment.

"I am…to…give you a child." I flinch away from him for the first time ever.

"Y-they…they want you to do what?! I'm not…they can't…why?!"

But I know. Even as the words come screeching out of my mouth I know exactly why. The moment Cooper and I realized we weren't working for FBI agents but rather HYDRA ones and I refused to do what they asked, I became their favorite object of human experimentation. Once they finished experimenting on me with those serums they tested their results. They made me kill to test it out, to survive, and to keep them from going after my mother. And after they got the results they wanted they found the scepter thing to experiment on me with. And now that they got the results they wanted with that, they're looking for a new experiment. They want me- a multiply enhanced, healthy, almost-24 year old woman- and the Winter Soldier to have a child together. One they can use, manipulate. In their psychotic minds, scientifically speaking what better experiment could they get?

A child. A child. My child… Suddenly every ounce of anger I've ever had in the past four years hits me. My vision clouds, a rushing noise starts, and I can barely breathe with the amount of anger I feel. I have taken a lot of shit, a lot of horror, but I will not let any child of mine become the science experiments that Jimmy and I have been turned into. That Cooper and so many others died being.

"They can't! No. No. I won't. I won't let this happen! You won't. You can't- please, Jimmy. James. Bucky. Asset, whoever! Just please, this isn't right!" His face becomes pained and suddenly he drops to the floor, shaking and clutching his head.

"I…can't. I-I am Asset. Do not make me…I must- mission- must…Felicity…mission- must com-compl-ply."

He's struggling. He's struggling for the first time in decades to do what he's been told to do. He's a brainless assassin on missions and yet with me now, he's struggling. He's been murdering people for at least 50 years but them telling him to impregnate me… It's hurting him because he truly can't disobey- there's too much programming for too long and I bet they triggered him right before these orders were given- but he wants to desperately. My stomach sinks because I know that no matter the affection he feels for me, in the end he'll do whatever they force him to do. It's either we both comply or he does and I… I close my eyes.

They're forcing us to essentially rape each other because he doesn't want to have sex with me any more than I want to have sex with him. He's programmed and brainwashed into doing whatever he's told- that's the damn definition of unwilling. He's as much a prisoner as I am and has been for a lot longer. I just have more control over my actions than he does. This isn't consensual in any way shape or form. They're raping us…

I open my eyes and look into the face I've come to care for greatly over the past three years (approximately). He still looks pained- in fact his head is in so much pain that his nose has begun bleeding- but he's also searching me, trying to figure me out. That I'm familiar with him doing. He cares about me. I know that for a fact. No matter how brainless he gets from the Winter Soldier programming he has never shown me anything but affection. Distance, reluctance, wariness, confusion- those too. But some level of affection was always present as well. I have a feeling that if he was given a chance- if we were- this could be a man I could fall in love with.

With that in mind I square my shoulders and mentally prepare myself. I may not have a choice in this but I'm not powerless either. They haven't broken me after four years of every horror they came up with and they're not going to break me with this one. And it's not going to be a horror- not this. It's the farthest situation from what I would've hoped but if this is the night I get pregnant, it's going to be a memory I'm alright with. If it's going to happen it's going to happen my way. Decision made from the limited choices I have (all of them wrong), I kiss him.

He's surprised by my action and stops trembling in pain immediately. He goes stock still for long enough that I begin to feel really stupid. Just when I'm about to pull away is when he takes hold of my face and kisses me back. It's not the best kiss I've ever had- it's rough and somehow both forceful and hesitant making it inexperienced and sort of confused. Like a teenage boy with his first girlfriend. And yet a stirring of warmth happens when he kisses me back. Jimmy has become the only good thing in my life and he's a constant comfort and warmth. And the warmth I feel with him kissing me is like an extension of that.

"Красота," he whispers as he pulls back slightly and guides me to lay down on my bed. "Моя красота." ("Beauty. My beauty.")

For once I know what the Russian words mean. I don't know how to respond to them or to the not-so-subtle possessive implication of them. I can't start thinking about that now, if ever. So I answer the safe way- with a kiss.

"I like your golden hair." I roll over in Jimmy's arms so that I can face him and he drops the strands of hair he was playing with.

"Better than my brown hair?" He nods.

"You are a bright person. You should be colored brightly. Like the sun." I laugh a little and his face softens a fraction.

"My friend Sara used to tell me I must be a sun goddess because I could always make her laugh or smile when she was angry or upset. She said I 'radiate an annoying amount of happy'. To this day that sentence doesn't make sense to me."

"She is wrong," he says as he resumes playing with my hair. "It is not annoying." He turns me around in his arms again so he can nuzzle his face into my hair. "You are beauty," he breathes into the back of my neck. "My beauty…" I bite my lip before asking hesitantly,

"Um, how…? How am I your beauty? I mean, what do you mean by that; that I'm-I'm yours?" He's quiet for a long time and the only reason I know he hasn't fallen asleep is because he's still playing with my hair.

"I am Asset," he finally says. "My purpose is to do what they need me to do. I do not have anything. I am theirs. But you are not them and you are not theirs. They let me visit you. They want me to be near you. And you let me. You let me listen to you. You let me hear your songs. You let me know the people of your past. You let me touch you. You let me hold you. You let me care for you when you're ill. You are not theirs and they let me near you and you let me near you so you can be mine. My beauty. Not theirs."

I think about his words. I suppose it makes sense from his point of view that I would be his. He's had nothing of his own for as long as he can remember; his life, his existence, is owned and controlled by HYDRA. He's been told again and again that he's to do what they want and that he doesn't have any of his own wants or desires and he doesn't question that. The one thing HYDRA hasn't refused him- and has in fact encouraged him towards- is me. And since I've never pushed him away and always been willing to talk and sing to him when he asks, of course I would be his. It might not be logical to anyone else but it's logical to him.

"You- you are my beauty…?" he questions quietly. It's strange for him to question anything…he's declaration-central usually. I hesitate just a moment before turning around again and kissing his lips lightly. He kisses me back just as lightly and pulls me a little closer.

"Sure," I tell him. His lips lift a fraction at the side- the closest he ever comes to a smile. Then he tucks my head under his chin.

I position my head so it's over his heart. When I was younger and I would get sad or scared my mom would pull me up on her lap and I'd listen to her heartbeat until I calmed down. And if my mother wasn't available- like the day my father left us- it would be Clint or Laura or Sara whose heartbeat I listened to. Jimmy's heartbeat is stronger than I remember my mother's, Clint's, Laura's, or Sara's to be and I need that steadying comfort tonight.

It's been four weeks since Jimmy was brought into my room to have sex with me. He's been brought in every night and once every two weeks the doctors test me to see if I'm pregnant yet. Two weeks ago I wasn't. Tomorrow is my next exam and I'm fairly sure the diagnosis won't be the same. And I'm terrified because of that.

"Jimmy…?" I whisper.

"Mm."

"I'm afraid," I admit- voice still a whisper so that any HYDRA listening devices can't pick up my words. "They're going to come get me tomorrow morning to check me again. And it's going to be different this time. I'm sure of it. I don't…I don't know how I'd be able to deal with a child of mine being taken from me." He doesn't respond for a long time. Then:

"You are my beauty."

I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. How does that response relate to what I said? Did he not understand? Maybe there's really no point in confiding in him now. Maybe there never has been. At the end of the day he's their Asset. After all, that's why we're in this position in the first place…

"Felicity. Wake up. Wake up, Красота."

The familiar voice of James Barnes wakes me up just as it's done every day for a month. What's different this morning though, are the kisses up my throat and over my cheek before I've even opened my eyes. When I do open them, Jimmy is hovering above me instead of holding me to his chest like most mornings and when he sees that I'm up he wastes no time pressing his lips to mine.

Something's different this morning with Jimmy. Something's wrong. The problem is, I've no idea what that could be. I've known him for over 3 years and on a good day it's tricky to get a read on what Jimmy's thinking. Today it'll be impossible. I've learned that sometimes the best way to figure out what he's feeling is to simply follow his lead and as such, I kiss him back.

His kiss is different than usual too. Jimmy's always been a physical person and as such, his slightly awkward, confused kissing a month ago became confident and experienced rather quickly. And yet, there's always been an echo of hesitancy to his kisses- to any of his touches- as if he's afraid of hurting me. But this time he's almost desperate. He's devouring my mouth, warring against my tongue with his, sucking and biting at my lips. And his hands are desperate too. Desperately gripping my hip, desperately running over my arms, my waist, my thigh, desperately grabbing at my hair and gripping my face between his hands.

It's almost as if…as if he's afraid of losing me.

As if he's saying goodbye.

But…why? I'm a prisoner here- what would ever make him think I'd be leaving?

It's only after neither of us have any breath left that he stops kissing me and even then his hands don't stop roaming over me. I don't protest his wandering, roaming hands on my naked body. I simply run my hands through his hair and over his jaw as he looks down on me intensely. Eventually his hands- metal and normal- both rest on my waist and he whispers to me,

"Моя красота…Мой Фелисити. Ты мой один." ("My beauty…My Felicity. You are my one.")

Even though I've become fairly familiar with hearing Russian over the past four years, I only know the meanings of words if Jimmy's told me them. As such, I only know the first four words for sure. What I do know is that whatever the last part was, it was spoken affectionately and sounded almost like he was confessing something. Whatever it was, I can't bring myself to ask. I just smile lightly and say,

"Yeah Jimmy, I'm yours."

He smiles as happily as he ever does but there's something else behind his eyes that eye can't quite put my finger on. Then kisses my forehead lightly before pulling me into a sitting position and standing from the bed. I stay seated on the bed as he walks over to our pile of clothes. It's become something of a tradition over the past two month for Jimmy to get dressed first and then dress me as well. I'm not sure why but the morning after our first time together he insisted on returning the clothes to my body that had been taking off the night before and I've let him do so every morning since. It's strangely sensual and sweet all at once.

It's only about a minute or so after we're both dressed that the door to my room opens. As I knew they would, the two HYDRA guards who bring me for testing are back only this time, I have to force down my horror and fear before looking at them. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll lose it because I know- I know- that I'm pregnant this time.

"Come," says one of the guards. I nod and stand but suddenly a metal hand presses lightly against my back.

When I look at Jimmy though, his expression is blank and he gives no indication that he even did anything. But then…then Jimmy does something I didn't know was possible. One moment he's standing there with a blank expression and the next he's in front of me holding both guards by their throats. Without looking at me he says,

"Run, Красота." I don't hesitate to do what he says.

…I do glance back, though. And when I do, I have no doubt that intense, steel-blue eyes will haunt my dreams.

(A month later- April 4th, 2014)

(Clint's POV)

"Ma'am? Are you lost?" I ask the young woman standing on my doorstep.

I have 20/20 vision but tonight's storm and her position on our porch shrouds her face in darkness. I can only make out her basic, very symmetrical, features and tell that she has light colored hair. If I had to guess her age though, I'd say mid-twenties to early thirties.

"No, I meant to come here. I need your help, Clint."

My frown at the woman turns to a glare. Who the hell is this woman and how does she know my name? Did Natasha or Fury send her? My instincts say she isn't dangerous especially given the rough, exhausted way her voice sounds. A voice that seems familiar in some way… Still, I position myself a little better to ready for a fight.

"Yeah? Well first you're going to tell me who the hell you are and how you found where I live. Because I've got a pretty damn good memory and I don't remember ever meeting you." A tired, dark chuckle comes from her and she straightens to face me more directly and steps into the porch light. When she does I feel like I've taken Thor's hammer to the gut.

"You're right, you haven't met me- not this version of me. But four years ago you knew me better than most."

"F-Felicity?"


AN: Okay, about this story in general. Bucky loves Felicity but until he gets out from under HYDRA's control, he can't quite express it or fully fall in love with her. Even through the Winter Soldier programming something about Felicity has hit the humanity and the person that's buried in there. At first it's because she reminds him of someone from his past- more about that person later on- but then it's because of who she is and the light and comfort she brings.

Now, there's a couple things I want to say in regards to them being forced to sleep together. Firstly, Bucky does love her and he is kind and affectionate towards her even through the programming. In my head with this story, Felicity has kind of started the crack in the programming- has brought that humanity forward- that Steve then is able to use and make Bucky remember some of who he was. Felicity sees him as someone she could fall in love with if they weren't in the situations they were in and she really does care about him.

However, even though they care about each other I feel the need to make the point that this is not fully consensual sex because whether or not feelings are involved, they are both being forced into it by HYDRA. I believe Felicity would see the situation as HYDRA raping both of them by forcing them to sleep with one another because Bucky really doesn't have a choice in doing what they tell him to and I think she would accept that fact and, because there isn't any good choice, she would choose to make the best of it and make it something that they can both live with. But, it will be something that Bucky has to deal with later on because I think he would see it that he's still responsible even with HYDRA being the ones pulling the strings.

Finally, I have yet to decide if Felicity will start calling him Bucky or James or just stick with 'Jimmy' but for at least the first part of the story the name 'Jimmy' isn't going anywhere. Sorry if that gets confusing.