The dango shop was crowded and noisy, with kids running everywhere. Most of us ordered dango, except Kakashi, of course - and Shizune, who said she was on a diet.

"You have a fine youthful figure, Shizune!" Guy was saying at an inappropriate volume. "No need to starve away all the curves, now-"

"Yeah," Anko said. "Guys like meat on the bones."

"On their bone," Genma muttered with a smirk, a senbon dangling from his lips. He caught me staring at his mouth and winked. I looked down at my plate of sweets.

"Who said I was into men?" Shizune said, and Guy's jaw dropped. Anko laughed. Kakashi looked half asleep as he sat on the stool next to Anko and flipped pages in his Icha Icha book. Mizuki had finally rejoined us and had just taken the seat next to me. He carried the mission scroll and some other equipment the Hokage requisitioned for us in a large knapsack on his back.

"Might I share your dango?" Mizuki asked politely, eyeing the green one on my plate with a smile. I started to nod, and Mizuki's hand inched over and hovered above my desserts.

"We need to leave soon," Kakashi said abruptly, snapping his book closed.

Mizuki glared at our captain. "I just got here!" he complained, crossing his arms.

"You can easily be replaced," Kakashi said calmly, but it was a threat. He meant Mizuki could get kicked off the mission. Everyone started to pack up. I hurriedly ate the rest of my dango. I had to puff my cheeks out a little to accommodate them all and I felt like chipmunk. Please don't look this way I thought. I glanced up to see Kakashi looking right at me. His eye looked slightly crinkled at the corner. Was he smiling under his mask? I couldn't be sure. I put a hand over my mouth and finished chewing as discreetly as I could.

"Now I'm ready for action!" Anko declared, doing a feline stretch that had all the males in the shop ages 8 to 80 looking her way. Shizune, too, actually. Guy and Genma. I was looking myself. Anko's ninja mesh always appeared stretched to the breaking point across her bosom. Kakashi wasn't looking. He was already at the exit, staring blankly at the street.

I grabbed my vest from my stool and went over to join him, sheerly because Anko's raw sexuality was even more intimidating than Kakashi-crush nervousness. Besides… it wasn't like my feelings were unique or special. Everyone from the ramen guy to the ranking intel officers had a crush on Kakashi Hatake. My feelings weren't anything new. There was nothing for him to take notice of. If you lived in Konohagakure, you had a crush on Kakashi. That's all there was to it.

I came to stand next to Kakashi, my head a good six inches below his - not counting the crazy hair. I shrugged on my vest. "Did you get enough to eat," Kakashi said. I paused, embarrassment seeping into my entire being. He hadn't even looked at me - or moved a muscle at all - but I felt somehow like he was making fun of me about the dango.

"Um, yes," I mumbled, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. It was the right strand, the wayward one that always got in my eye. I could've just tied it back under my headband, but I really didn't think I looked very good like that…

"Good," Kakashi said. "I have a feeling this's gonna be a long mission." He walked into the street. I followed him automatically. People gave us sidelong glances, mostly looking at Kakashi. He was tall for a ninja, and the weird mask thing made him an enigma. I watched as a couple village girls actually stopped and squealed, pointing. A teenage boy passed by with eyes wide, looking like he wanted to reach out and touch the Copy Nin but didn't dare.

Kakashi had his nose in his pervy novel and didn't notice a thing… or did he?

"Are those types of books really that good?" I blurted. Then I realized what I'd just said. Kakashi's eye slid toward me. Over the cover of Icha Icha Paradise, I thought I saw a hint of a blush on his cheeks, right above his mask. How fascinating I thought, knowing I was staring but feeling unable to look away.

"They're great. Unless I have something better to do," Kakashi said, looking down at me. I quirked my eyebrow up at him. "...which isn't often," he added quietly.

"Hm. Maybe I should get a copy," I said offhandedly. I was actually considering it when I noticed how shocked Kakashi's eye looked, but just then Anko and everyone else finally came out of the shop and we weren't alone anymore.

"I needed a takeout order," Anko said by way of explanation, walking up to Kakashi and draping her arm through his for no reason. Kakashi didn't even blink.

"To-go is the most youthful way to eat!" Guy shouted to no one in particular.

"Shut. Up," Genma gritted around his senbon, punctuating his words with a massive eye roll.

I felt a nudge against my shoulder and turned to find Mizuki standing next to me again. He held up a little box.

"I got some for us, too. I wasn't at all sure it would share with us lowly chunin," he whispered, inclining his head toward Anko.

"Oh, thank y-" I started to say.

"Alright everyone," Kakashi said, putting his book in his pocket. "Twenty minutes. Get your gear and meet at 'A' gate. Mizuki, make sure you get extra water from Provisions," Kakashi ordered.

"Yes. Captain," Mizuki muttered, shoving the dango box into his knapsack.

"Want me to stop at Equipment, Kashi?" Kurenai said. Kakashi nodded.

"The stuff we got for that Lightning recon last month. Get all that again," he suggested. Kurenai blinked her beautiful ruby-colored eyes and nodded.

"Genma I'll let you handle Weapons," Kakashi said. "Subtlety over power, mmkay?" Genma gave a mocking salute and a wicked grin.

"Guy and Anko. Check in with Sandaime one last time. See if anything came in last minute. I don't want any surprises if we can help it."

"Fine," Anko grumbled, unlinking her arm from Kakashi's. "Someone's no fun today! C'mon Guy."

"Hanare and I will meet you all at the gate. We need to go over our cover and infiltration plan. Twenty minutes." Kakashi jerked his silver-haired head to indicate the meeting was over.

"Don't be late, Kakashi!" Guy gave a huge thumbs-up as he trotted away after Anko.

Everyone else disappeared with poofs or sssts and then it was just me… and Kakashi.

"Where do you live," Kakashi said in a complete monotone. I must be the most boring person on earth I thought with a silent sigh. I gestured vaguely east.

"By the water tower. I can grab my stuff and meet you at the gate early so we can talk abou-"

"I'll come to your apartment with you," Kakashi said. And started walking up a side street. I stared after him for a second, completely shocked. Only when he stopped at a drink machine in the alley did I realize I was being left behind in the middle of the street. I ran to catch up with him.

"I got two," he said, handing me a can of iced coffee. "We're gonna need it." He said it with a tired sigh.

"Thanks," I said, voice again way, way too high. I cracked my can and took a sip.

"Oh look. A rainbow," Kakashi said. I turned to where he was looking. The sky was blue and empty except for a puff of cloud that looked kind of like Kakashi. I frowned.

"Where?" I asked. "What are you talking about. There's no rainbow…" I looked back at him, perplexed. He was adjusting his mask at the nose and with his other hand I saw him toss the empty coffee can into a recycling bin as we passed.

Kakashi shrugged. "I guess I was mistaken."

I narrowed my eyes at him, but the mysterious jonin just kept walking in silence, looking straight ahead. I gave up and settled into drinking my own coffee, sipping slowly as we made our way toward my apartment.

It only took about five minutes to get there. I fumbled with my keys on the landing, so nervous I was sweating in very unladylike places. I couldn't figure out why he'd insisted on coming with me to get my stuff. He'd told everyone we needed to discuss our espionage plan, yet he hadn't said a thing about it on the walk over. I dropped my keys and had to squat down in front of him to retrieve them. His sandal-clad feet were inches from my hand. Even his toes were cute. Damn Kakashi Hatake… I despaired as I stood and tried to remember if I'd left anything extremely embarrassing out in my studio.

"Are you ok?" His voice cut into my thoughts. I glanced back and nodded, a fake smile plastered on my face that I hoped was cute and not terrifying. He looked sleepy and bored, as usual. I couldn't recall ever seeing him otherwise - except maybe angry - since I'd known him. He'd been a little less actively bored when he found me in the valley, I thought… but honestly it was hard to recall accurately. One thing, though - the feeling of him carrying me on his back, and the view of the clouds over his spiky silver hair - was always crystal clear.

"I'm great. Just eager to get going!" I chirped and shoved the door open.

The first thing that hit me was the smell of the cat box. I groaned inwardly and knew my life was over. I'd rushed out that morning and had forgotten to change the litter. He is going to know how disgusting I am. Kakashi Hatake is in my apartment, smelling my cat's poop. I felt myself turning red and wanted to die. I kept my head down as Konoha's most famous ninja walked into my studio. Closing the door behind him, I hurried over and opened the window on the other side of the room.

"Um, do you want something to drink?" I said, voice as squeaky as a mouse's. He shook his head. He was looking at the apartment and not me. Oh right, we just had coffee! I wanted to slap myself in the forehead.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, well-"

"Do you live here alone?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes," I said. He nodded, still not looking at me. His gaze seemed to fall and rest upon the magazine I'd been reading that was splayed on the couch. A headline jumped out at me and I cringed: A dozen ways to give him his best orgasm ever. I imagined throwing myself backward out of the window. Kakashi reached down toward the magazine and I mentally prepared myself to commit harakiri.

"This is heavy stuff," he said, his strong fingers closing on the book that had been partially hidden under the magazine. He drew out An Aboriginal History of the Land of Waves. He opened it and said nothing more, his dark eye skimming a page.

"I… yeah. I can only read it in small doses, a few pages at a time," I stammered. "It's so sad. Then I need to take a break-"

"With your magazine," Kakashi murmured. And I turned the color of an umeboshi, and felt my soul shrivel up. "Aren't you going to pack? You said you were eager to go," he said, still reading my book.

"Y-yes. Packing. Going to pack!" I said, a complete wreck, and slumped off to the bathroom.

As soon as I was alone I shut and locked the door and sat down on the toilet with my head in my hands. Get control. You're going to be on a long mission with him. You can't be freaking out the entire time! Though I probably could, in reality. I tried to take a deep breath, and realized my heart was hammering. Kakashi looked so good. He smelled so good. I had gotten another hint of his scent as he'd walked past me into the apartment. I didn't care what they said about his "old man's" cologne - I liked it! Does that mean I have father issues…?

I shook my head and grabbed my toiletry kit, hurriedly adding a few things. I breathed deeply, told myself to be calm, then opened the door.

Kakashi was lying on my bed.

"What…" was all I could say. The sight of his long form stretched across my comforter sent an unwelcome throb from my heart all the way down my thighs. His feet were crossed at the ankle and propped up on my giant stuffed Diglet. He'd removed his sandals and I could see the exposed skin of his arches. He had one hand behind his head and the other hand was holding…

My magazine. He was reading my magazine. Right where I left off, which happened to be the orgasm cover article. I stared, unable to move. Kakashi said nothing. He looked completely at ease and pretty damn comfortable, at home on my bed. I bristled a little at the unfairness of it all.

"I… better… finish packing. I said woodenly, clutching my toiletries and edging around the bed toward the dresser. Luckily I was a pretty organized person (aside from cat litter) and always kept my mission pack ready to go. I opened the dresser, trying and failing to ignore the feeling of Kakashi breathing in my apartment. I tried to focus, adding more underwear to the bag and my sewing kit. If we were to pose as merchants, I'd need to take some extra things and alter them. I dug around until I found a new dress in a neutral style.

"Kakashi," I said.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you have a merchant outfit?"

He was quiet a moment. "We still have to go by my place. I have old clothes. Can you use them to make something for me? It's not my strong suit."

I hesitated. The idea of dressing him made me warm everywhere. "Sure," I finally said. "We'd better hurry. You said twenty minutes, it's been at least 15."

"17," Kakashi said. "They'll wait," he added disinterestedly, flipping the page.

"Why don't you just bring the magazine with us," I said drily. He looked over, eyebrow quirked. I couldn't help but smile. The scene was absurd. "You can borrow my dirty mag, I'll borrow your dirty book!" I laughed, expecting him to refuse.

"Alright," Kakashi said, and sat up, swinging his legs off the bed. He tucked the magazine inside his vest. Then he reached into his pocket and took out Icha Icha, holding it toward me. I eyed it. The cover had a girl running away from some guy on it. The girl had green hair. Like me.

How strange I thought, stepping closer to him and extending my hand in what felt like slow motion. It was like I couldn't look away from the book. I touched it, and he was still holding on. For half a second we were connected, and it stole my breath.

Kakashi let go. I took the novel and carefully zipped it up in my vest. I knew how important it was to him - he carried it all the time. I glanced up. He was looking at me, unreadable, from the edge of my bed.

"Let's go," I said. "We're already late." He nodded and got up. I went over and closed the window. I checked to make sure the cat was outside. She rubbed against my legs, getting white fur on my boots. "Be good neko-chan," I said. Her calico head butted against me. I had a standing arrangement with my neighbor to put food out while I was gone, so I just left a quick note in his box that I was on a mission. There was nothing left to do.

"My place?" Kakashi said. I nodded. Before I could even take a breath, he grabbed me into his arms and disappeared in a poof of white smoke.

"You could've asked!" I snapped as he set me down in front of his door. He shrugged.

"You said we were late. That was the fastest way." He inserted a key in the lock and twisted the door handle. It opened smoothly. My body felt on fire from where he'd held me. My cheeks were burning. I went into his apartment in a huff.

He flicked on the light behind me and my eyes widened. The apartment was spotless. Everything looked like it had an exact place, and that it stayed where it belonged. It smelled like recently dusted wood. He had a separate kitchen - a luxury. The bed was oversized and made neatly, its black and green shuriken-patterned blanket tucked in to create a perfectly smooth surface. There was one framed picture positioned precisely on the mostly empty dresser. I swallowed. It was like the exact opposite of my tiny, cramped, tacky, cat-scented apartment.

"I'll only be a minute," Kakashi said

25 minutes later, we were still at his place. He rummaged in another box he'd pulled from under the bed, searching for his extra clothes. "I know they're here somewhere," he mumbled.

"Look, maybe I can just use someone else's spares to sew you something, or we can stop by Kida on the way to the gate and buy something…"

My captain ignored me. Ten minutes more of looking finally yielded success. I'd gotten completely familiar with his living quarters in the meantime, but learning what Kakashi Hatake kept in his freezer hadn't been the high point of my year like it should've been, because finding out he still had a picture of Rin Nohara up was like a punch in the gut. A punch I should have expected. Everyone knew about that, too, but I thought… I don't know what I thought.

There weren't any other pictures up in his room. And Rin looked so cute and perky and perfect in their team photo - everyone always remembered her with the nicest comments, too. "Rin was so capable." "What a lost talent." "She certainly would have surpassed Tsunade." "Never an unkind word out of that girl." I felt guilty even being in the same room as her picture. I felt twice as guilty because I resented her closeness with Kakashi. I remembered how I'd wished on every star, night after night, to somehow be placed on his team. I'd tried to study harder, improve faster, test early… to try and catch up with him by skipping grades and graduating ahead of my group.

I did surpass expectations, and outpaced most of my peers… but it wasn't enough. It never got me any closer to him. And besides… no matter how hard I studied and trained, I would never be as nice as Rin. I would never look as soft or gentle. My forehead was too big. My body was too waifish. My nature wasn't warm or nurturing. There wasn't any help for it.

The picture stared back at me from his dresser. It was so close to his bed, too. There was nothing I could do. I was tired and irritable and the mission hadn't even started yet. I just wanted to go. Finally he was putting on his pack. Who knew someone with such a neat and tidy room could take so damn long to pack for a mission...

"We're going to have to do it the fast way again," he warned me this time, on his balcony.

"Fine," I muttered. He picked me up, and I pretended not to notice myself clinging to his vest.