A Wizard of Oz Parody

Chapter 2: The Scarecrow, Tin-Girl, and Elderly Lion.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy, Mar, The Wizard of Oz, or any of the random characters I've put in this fanfic. However, the original characters are mine.

Last time, we left our four heroes just as they started down the yellow brick road so they can go see this wizard guy and turn everything back to normal. What dangers and other random things will they find along this weird road? Read and find out!

"I hate this fanfic!" Eddy complains. "The Wizard of Oz was the dumbest movie ever made!"

"Oh, shut up!" Dorothy yells at him.

"I wish they would have told us how long this road is." Double D says. "All I see up ahead is miles and miles of road and corn fields."

"Carrie liked corn." Ed mentions sadly. "I miss Carrie! Whaaaa!" Ed starts crying and flooding Eddy with tears.

"Oh, shut up, blubber-puss!" Eddy screams. "Hey, who's that up the road?"

Up ahead, Carrie is sitting on the side of the road, eating corn straight off the plant. Carrie is wearing the same t-shirt that says, "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU" and the same shorts and hairdo. The only difference is that her skin seems to be made out of burlap and pieces of straw are sticking out of the stitches in her arms and legs. A flock of very big crows swoops out of the sky. Terrified, Carrie hides inside the cornfields as the crows fly over her. They seem to be laughing at her as they fly into the distance. A rather unhappy farmer who saw the whole thing emerges from the other side of the field.

"What's wrong with you, scarecrow?" The farmer asks Carrie.

"What's a scarecrow?" A confused Carrie asks, looking at her arms. "Can I be a zombie instead? Zombies are cool and they can pull their arms out of their sockets! Or maybe I could be an alien and have big bug eyes and a pet Chihuahua named Richard!"

"You, by far, are the worst scarecrow I've ever seen!" The farmer yells, ignoring Carrie. "You're afraid of any bird bigger than you are. You're a scarecrow! The birds are supposed to be afraid of you! And second, you eat more corn than all the birds combined! Scarecrows aren't supposed to eat! You're supposed to be guarding my crops, not eatin' them up like some ol' wild hog! You better shape up, scarecrow, or else your new job will be to become a low-cost gasoline I can use to power my tractor so I don't have to spend so much on gas!" The farmer storms off. Ed recognizes Carrie and runs towards her.

"Carrie!" Ed yells, tackling her.

"Whoa, Carrie! What happened to you?" Dorothy asks her.

"I don't know." Carrie answers. "The last thing I remember is that it got really windy, and then I woke up in the middle of this field of corn and found that I was made out of straw and stuff. And then there was this crazy guy who yelled at me and an alien attacked George Lucas. Anyways, look at what I can do, Ed!" Carrie pulls her arm off.

"Cool! Let me try!" Ed says. He tries to pull his arm off, but he just hurts himself.

"Hey, now that I think about it, I'm kind of like a zombie!" Carrie says. "This might not be so bad after all, except that those birds won't stop picking on me. I'm afraid of large birds, unless that large bird happens to be a large chicken!"

"I am Ed!" Ed shouts randomly. Carrie laughs at him.

"Ed, when we see that wizard, we're gonna get you a new brain." Eddy says.

"What's a…brain?" Carrie asks.

Ed starts dancing around. "If I only had a brain," Ed sings. "Da, da! Da! Da, da, da, da! I'd…wait! What were we singing about again?"

"Can we just leave before Ed starts singing again?" Dorothy asks everyone.

"Can I go?" Carrie asks. "I don't want to stay here and be used as an organic gasoline for that farmer's tractor, get eaten by huge birds, or get attacked by that guy's talking pants!" Everyone looks at Carrie, confused.

"What has Ed been feeding you?" Dorothy asks Carrie.

Eddy then walks up to Carrie and says, "Sure, Carrie, if you dump the lump and…"

"EDDY!!!!" Dorothy and Double D scream at him.

"Okay, okay!" Eddy says, backing off. "Let's just go."

"Maybe we'll be attacked by Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers!" Carrie says. "That would be fun!"

"Ed, you seriously need to stop feeding Carrie whatever it is you're feeding her." The witch tells the Ed-boy.

And so, the five of them walked off, but before they went any farther, the farmer came back and discovered his scarecrow was missing. He then follows a trail of straw and sees the group walking down the road.

"Hey, you thieves! Gimme back my scarecrow!" The farmer yells, running after them with a weed eater. "I need fuel for my tractor!"

"Hey, it's that guy from before!" Carrie says. "Why does something in my head tell me that this is a bad thing?"

"Run ladies and gentlemen!" Double D screams in alarm.

"Who are Ladies and Gentlemen?" Carrie asks the brainy Ed-boy.

"I'll handle this, Double D!" Dorothy says, pointing her broom at the angry farmer. She swings it, sending a giant wall of wind at the farmer. The wind sends him flying over the horizon, far away from them as possible.

"Bye-bye, um, whoever you are!" Carrie says, waving at the farmer. "But seriously. Who was that guy? He seems familiar somehow."

Eddy points his finger at the farmer, laughs, and says, "Man, that was a good one, Dorothy!"

"If I hadn't have promised Double D, I would have done the same to you a long time ago!" The witch growls at the three-haired Ed-boy, who hides behind Ed in fear of the pink-haired witch.

And so, the five continue walking down the road. And they walk and walk and walk. After a while, it gets really hot. Hours later, they're still walking, they're tired and hot, and they've come to a fork in the road. One branch goes through a forest while the other goes through more corn fields.

"Okay, so which way do we go?" Carrie asks.

"Let's go that way!" Ed says, pointing in both directions.

"We can't go, 'that way', you idiot!" Eddy says, mocking Ed.

"LET'S GO TO MCDONALD'S!!!!!" Carrie shouts.

"We can either go right and see nothing but corn, or go left and see tall trees and who knows what." Dorothy says.

"We're going left." The whole group says at the same time.

"Aw, but I wanted to go to McDonald's…" Carrie whimpers.

And so, once again, the five begin walking, only this time, they're surrounded by trees. The forest isn't very thick and even though the sun is shinning through the trees, the shade from the branches cools it down a bit. A slight breeze begins to blow, making it cooler. Eventually, the group comes to a metal house fitted with all sorts of technological gadgets. In front of it across the road is, May!? She is made out of some sort of weird metal and is holding an ax in her hand. In front of her is a portable wood-burning stove and a pot that looks like it was once filled with water. Beside it is an oil can.

"Cool! May is made of metal!" Ed says. He and Carrie run up to May and start knocking on her head, making metallic banging noises. Eddy covers his mouth and tries to hold in his laughter.

"I wish I had my camera phone." Eddy says, trying to suppress his laughter.

"Would you two stop doing that, please?!" May shouts. Ed and Carrie jump back. May tries to move but is unable to.

"It's some sort of angry, talking metal statue!" Carrie says with surprise.

"Whoa! Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the scrapheap this morning!" Eddy says, laughing. Dorothy cracks him over the head with the broad side of her broom handle.

"What happened, May?" Double D asks her.

"Well, after being sucked up by the tornado, I woke up in that house over there, and when I stood up, I discovered I was made entirely out of some iron-like metal!" May explains. "Noticing immediately that I wasn't in Peach Creek anymore, I quickly began doing experiments. I'm stuck in this position because I was boiling some water to see if it boiled at the same temperature as it does in our world, but as I was chopping some wood to go into the stove, the water exploded all over me, and my joints rusted."

"I know how to fix this!" Ed shouts. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bucket of gravy.

"Ed, I like gravy as much as you do, but I don't think gravy will help May at all. I think you should go with ice-cream." Carrie tries to tell her boyfriend, but it's too late. Ed pours the whole bucket all over May. May's face turns bright red with anger and Double D grabs the oil can and oils up May's joints. Finally able to move, May holds her ax over her head and starts chasing Ed around and around her house. Ed is laughing insanely.

"Wait until I catch you, you stupid pinhead!" May yells, swinging her ax.

"Ha! Ha! Can't catch me!" Ed shouts back. Eddy rolls over on his back and bursts out laughing.

"I just busted a gut! Ha! Ha!" Eddy says, laughing uncontrollably. "Call a doctor, Double D!" Eddy laughs and laughs while pounding his fists on the ground. Tired, May finally calms down and collapses on the ground, unable to catch Ed, who is still running around her house at the same speed as when he started. Ed trips over Eddy and crushes him.

"Okay. I'm hurt now!" Eddy screams.

"Now that's funny!" Dorothy says.

"I don't get it…" Carrie says, scratching her head in confusion. Suddenly, the pantsless witch appears on a flying fishing rod.

"Well, hello! It's me again!" Bob Pantsoffski announces. "I am here to tell you that I want those boots! Now give them to me OR ELSE!!!!"

"No way!" Dorothy shouts at the weird, pantsless guy.

"No pants, no shoes, no service!" Ed shouts at Bob.

"Fine, then I'll just leave you with a little present!" Bob laughs maniacally, and then he farts. "Um, that wasn't the gift. That was the Chinese food I had for lunch. Here's the real present!" He pulls a lighter and a jug of water out of his nose, pours the water in his mouth, lights the lighter, and spits the water on the lighter, creating a jet of flame, scorching everything. In fear, Carrie jumps in Ed's coat pocket, May is unaffected, Eddy is hit and is running around on fire, Double D is hiding behind a tree, and Dorothy is dodging the flames. After catching almost everything on fire, Bob disappears in a puff of smoke, choking on it as it surrounded him. Carrie pokes her head out of Ed's pocket, Eddy is laying on the ground, burned to a crisp, and Double D emerges from his hiding place.

"Well, that was exhilarating!" May says sarcastically. "This guy is the villain? Ha! I've seen scarier! I think I'll tag along with you guys, just because I'd like to see him get his butt kicked."

Carrie crawls out of Ed's pocket and says, "All of a sudden, being made out of straw isn't fun anymore!"

"Okay, now I really need that doctor, Double D!" Eddy says, coughing out black smoke.

"We better keep moving." Double D suggests, putting out a small flame on the tip of his hat. "I'm sure that this wizard will protect us from that maniac. I just hope we get there in one piece!"

"Don't worry Double D!" Dorothy says heroically, putting her arm around Double D's neck. "I'll protect you from that pantsless freak!" Double D's face turns red with embarrassment.

Finally, the group presses onward, this time with a sixth member. As they move deeper into the woods, the vegetation gets thicker and it gets darker. Eventually, after all this walking, everyone except May grows hungry.

"I'm hungry!" Carrie whimpers.

Ed's stomach growls and he says, "Me too!"

"I don't need to eat." May says. "I have no stomach. In fact, I have no gears, circuits, or anything. I'm hollow." May knocks on her stomach and makes a metal clanging noise. "Oh, well. I guess this isn't so bad. At least I'm not able to smell Ed's horrible odor."

"Easy for you to say! I'm made out of straw!" Carrie says. "That guy will burn me to a crisp! Then again, I'd be able to roast marshmallows on myself!"

"Hey, look!" Eddy says. Up ahead, on the side of the road, are rows of peach trees. The group runs ahead and reaches up to pick peaches when suddenly, they're stopped by a familiar voice.

"Hey, you rotten kids!" The voice says. "Those are Dracula's peaches! Get lost, or else Dracula will have to get rough!" Suddenly, peaches fly from out of the trees, pummeling the group. Tired and confused, the group backs away from the trees. Ed and Carrie are catching the peaches and eating them while May is just standing there, the fruit harmlessly glancing off her metal body. Outraged, Eddy picks the peaches up and throws them back at the trees.

"Ouch! Hey, watch it, short kid! Ouch! Ow!" The voice says. Next, Dracula comes tumbling out of the tree wearing a lion costume. He stands up and balls up his fists. "All right! Now Dracula's gonna get rough! Dracula…ouch! Dracula's hip! Gaa! Dracula's getting too old for this!" Dracula falls on the ground again.

"Oh, dear! Are you all right?" Double D says, helping the vampire up.

"Forgive Dracula. Dracula's just mad because the writer put Dracula in this suit and the zipper gets stuck!" Dracula complains. "Now Dracula has to wear this hot, itchy suit!"

"Hey, if we take you to see this wizard guy, maybe he'll help you get out of that lion's belly." Carrie suggests. "But, you have to share your fruit and take us to McDonald's!" Carrie winks at Dracula. Dracula thinks for a minute.

"Okay. Dracula wants out of this suit and Dracula hates peaches, so blonde girl gotta deal!" Dracula says. Carrie and Ed gorge on peaches while the rest eat a moderate amount (except May) and they go off again with another new group member. After walking down the road for a while, it becomes extremely dark.

"Eating all those peaches back there made me hungry." Carrie whines.

"I got some pudding skins and gravy cakes in my jacket!" Ed says.

"Oh, boy! Pudding skins!" Carrie says.

"Even though I know Carrie needs to eat constantly or else she'll die from malnutrition by the end of the day, it still amazes me how much she can eat." May says. "She ate enough peaches back there to feed half an army for a month!"

"Hey, Dracula wants what Blonde Girl is having!" Dracula says, getting a whiff of Ed's pudding skins. "Dracula loves pudding!" Dracula takes one bite of one of Ed's pudding skins and he nearly throws up. "You call this food? Dracula's eaten toe jam that's tasted better than this junk!"

"Hey, look up ahead!" Dorothy says. Finally, the edge of the forest is up ahead. Excited to see daylight again, the seven runs towards the sunlight. As they leave the forest, they see a field of flowers and in the distance is a great city with a huge wall made out of some black material with golden, wavy lines in it. As the group continues their journey down the road, questions are answered and others are formed. Will the wizard be able to turn everything back to normal? And isn't it a tad bit too easy to just walk down a road going through a field of flowers to get to a powerful wizard? And what about that weird red guy? Will he ever wear pants? Find out in the next chapter: Perils in the Poppy Field! The Red Guy strikes again!