First off I want to thank ALL of my wonderful reviewers! Even if there are only a few, each one means a lot to me :) And I wasn't supposed to post another chapter until Degrassi continues, but summer is ending soon for me. So here's a short chapter. Hopefully the next chapters will be way longer. Oh and Degrassi owns everything.
Chapter 1: The Past
Fitz POV
I crawled under my covers as I heard heartbreaking sobs downstairs coming from my mother. I thought I taught you better than that, Mark. I am so sorry that I failed you once again. Those were the words that my mother said that kept repeating over and over again in my head. Her shaking her head in disappointment will haunt me for the rest of my life, but I couldn't really bring myself to regret what I did at the Night in Vegas dance. Nothing I will ever do in my life will make her proud anyway. Because whether I like it or not, I will always just be a disappointment. An embarrassment. A waste of space in this world. That's all I am and I just have to accept that this is who Mark Fitzgerald is. At least who I became within the last couple of years. After my whole life was basically torn apart and came crashing down.
Every time I hear Mom cry it brings me back to that one day. That one God forsaken day that ruined everything. The day that Lily Fitzgerald died. To this day I still haven't figured out why she took her own life, but the point is that she is gone forever. She was never coming back. Ever since then, Dad became another person. He started to drink to take away the pain. And when that didn't work he'd drink some more and screw around with other women every night. I found a different way to deal with the pain though. I started hanging with people like Bruce the Moose and Owen and enjoyed other people's pain. It wasn't fair to bully people that never did anything to me, but in reality life isn't fair. If the most wonderful person in the world had to die and all these other scum bags are still living, then I'm not going to treat anyone fairly.
As the years went by I just kept bullying more and more, until the point where I didn't even feel bad. To the point where I felt nothing for anyone anymore. I literally wasn't Mark anymore, because I started making people address me as Fitz so I could leave my old, nicer self behind. Then one day a Christian curly haired girl walks by and starts to jack with my emotions. She reminded me that not all people in the world were bad and that there were still some people like Lily. She had the exact same striking blue eyes and she was smart too. And it didn't help that she never said anything mean to me, even when I kicked her emo friend in the nuts. And even though she hardly ever talked to me, I felt like I knew her. She made me feel like Mark again. And now I'll probably never see the only person that put a smile on my face ever again. That thought alone almost brought tears to my eyes, but I forced them back. I haven't cried since my big sister died so why should I cry over a girl who probably hates me?
I looked at the clock. 2:07 AM. It was then when I realized that my mom stopped crying about me screwing up again. She was probably already asleep, so now was a good time to knock out on a couple of beers. I slowly opened my door and made my way through the dark until I could reach the light switch. I trudged down the stairs and opened the door of the fridge. A 6 pack should be enough right? I popped open the first bottle and chugged that one down in seconds. By the second bottle I could already feel my body start to ease and relax. Right when I was about to open the third bottle I heard someone bursting through the door. For a second I thought my mom was going to bust me until my dad walked in, or should I say stumbled in. I was expecting him to ask me why I was drinking beer at 2 in the morning but he just walked right past me and made a sad attempt at trying to go up the stairs. When he fell down on his back for the third time I decided that he needed some help if he planned on making his way to his room within the next hour. I walked towards his body which was currently sprawled across the floor. I think he was already falling asleep. Man, I haven't seen him this wasted in a long time. Mom must have told him that I was arrested again and that I could possibly be going to juvie. I wonder how on earth was he able to drive back home? I shuddered at the thought of what could have happened on the drive back home from the bar. I knelt down and tried to pick him up but he was just too damn fat. Booze must go straight to the gut. Maybe I shouldn't drink that third bottle after all..
It took a little longer than it should have but I eventually dragged him up the stairs by his leg. I opened the door of the master bed room and was happy to see that Mom was still asleep. Just then I heard a loud bang from behind me. I guess I spoke too soon because mom shot out from her sleeping position. "Mark why are you up at this hour?" She croaked.
"Umm..Dad woke me up while entering the house. I was just helping him get to bed but I accidentally bumped his head into a wall." Or should I say smashed. That's going to leave a mark in the morning.
"Oh, should I help?" She said while taking off her covers.
"No, Mom. I got it." That was bullshit. It took all the power in my body to lift him off of the ground and into his bed. I am going to have to work out even more if this is going to be a daily routine. I was about to walk out the door before I turned around and whispered, "And mom...I'm sorry. For everything." I spoke as I quickly exited the room. I didn't want to hear her reaction and I didn't feel like talking any more.
I went back downstairs and drank and drank until the last thing I could remember before I knocked out was starring at a picture of my whole family back when life was actually okay and not completely screwed up. And I don't know if this part was a dream, but I might recall me actually shedding a single tear for how much of a monster I've become. Back when Lily was alive, I would have never gotten drunk just to stop myself from hurting. I was becoming more and more like my dad every day. If Lily were still alive today, I would have been happy. Maybe I would even be going out with Clare if I won her heart before Dr. Doom did. But I'm a monster and my days of being normal are long gone. And my days of being happy are far in the past.
