Hi guys! Sorry it took me so long to post this:)

andromeda90: thanks for the review! Glad you liked it:)

Ok, just so you know: anything in bold is either Konrart or Yozak thinking. Anything in italics is a dream. And anything regular is, you know, the story. Don't forget to review!

Chapter two: The Discoveries

By ChaosOfTheUniverce

It was a day like any other day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. But something was ominos, forboding, completely, utterly wrong.

Konrart was leaning against Julia's gravestone. He still missed her presence in his life, her habits and quirks, the way she would chew on the inside of her cheek when she was thinking, twirling a strand of her pale blue hair around her finger.

Konrart wasn't an idiot: he knew that she was gone. But he still derived some small measure of comfort from slipping down to the cemetery to talk to her headstone. Having grown used to acting as Julia's eyes when she was alive, Konrart found himself telling the rock how beautiful the sky was, or how Wolfram had grown a whole inch.

Today, Konrart was so engrossed in telling Julia about the new garden that he only noticed the rotten arm thrusting it's way out of the ground when it had it's slimy fingers wrapped around his throat. The hand's dirty fingernails scrabbled at Konrart's neck, puncturing the skin and clawing the flesh. The decaying corps of Julia followed the arm out of the ground.

Konrart felt panic rising in his chest as he fought to free himself, staring at his hideous friend's missing eye and molding hair. The birds kept singing as Julia, smiling, wormed and wriggled her fingernails deeper and deeper into Konrart's throat, her eye wild as her tong lolled in her open mouth, saliva dripping down her chin, her teeth bared...

Konrart awoke gasping, convinced there would never be enough air in the world to fill his lungs. His heart rate slowed as cool air flooded his body, but strangely, the world didn't come into focus.

And oooh, his head- it felt like he had a hoard of little people living in his head, smashing battering rams behind his eyes.

God, his head hadn't hurt like this since Yozak had talked him into spiking the punch at a state function, effectively getting everyone, including themselves, drunk.

Yozak...

Suddenly it all came flooding back: the horrible day, the fight with Yozak. Konrart winced. He sure couldn't have messed up any worse. Instead of apologizing and talking things over with his friend, he had made up a "missing" Demon Cello, and had ridden off with a bunch of soldiers to "find" the nonexistent artifact.

Essentially he had gone joyriding, just to escape a fight he'd had with his best friend and love interest.

God, he was slipping.

Wait... what'd he just thought about a love interest?

And why was it so goddam SUNNY?

Grumbling, Konrart sat up and discovered he was lying in a canopy bed covered in lacy pillows and a pink quilt. Rather different from the makeshift tent and soldier's cot he remembered falling asleep on.

'Oook...so I fell asleep, and...a wandering...princess? No, too royal. A wandering...elf? Noam? Dwarf? Nymph? Yes, yes, a nymph! A wandering nymph wandered into my tent, and kidnaped me!'

Feeling very satisfied with his analysis of the situation, Konrart bounced out of the frilly bed, only to discover that he was wearing carebear lounge pants and a white tank top.

Oh my. This just kept getting better and better, didn't it.

So this wandering nymph, the one that kidnaped me, she ALSO hypnotized me into thinking I was wearing pants with multicolored dancing bears on them. So how do you make hypnosis stop? Something about drinking cold water...'

Spying a glass on the frilly white vanity table, Konrart perked up.

'Still, the wandering nymph has kidnaped me. Maybe the water's poisoned, or something...'

Picking the glass up, Konrart sniffed it suspiciously.

Whiskey, and... WAS THAT VIAGRA ?

Konrart's eyes widened.

'This is one sick wandering nymph.'

As he bent down to put the glass back, Konrart glanced up into the vanity mirror. Two bright blue eyes twinkled back at him from under a crop of shockingly orange hair.

Konrart fainted.

The time was 10:48

Yozak had never been an early riser. Anybody who woke him up before ten clearly had a death wish. It was common knowledge in the castle.

So when he found himself being thumped and prodded awake around 5am, Yozak was torn between screaming his head off, or congratulating his waker on their bravery.

He chose the screaming route.

"What the hell's the matter with you, you stupid little fruitcake?" he bellowed. "How could you possibly not know it is FIVE FREAKING O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING? ARE YOU BLIND YOU MISERABLE OLD HAG? THE SUN ISN'T EVEN OUT YET!

The poor soldier who thought he was waking up the even-tempered, mild-mannered Konrart Weller, did what all soldiers are trained to do: grovel.

"Oh honorable brilliant one, I misunderstood!" the poor soldier babbled. "I was laboring under the delusion, sire, that you wished to get a head start on the day by waking up early, oh noble, grand Sir Weller."

Yozak lay back down, eying the soldier with distaste. "Don't call me that."

The soldier relaxed. This was a good sign, Konrart had a strict first-name's-only policy with his soldiers. "Very well, Konrart. The troops are preparing to move out. Shall I have them continue?"

Yozak sighed, and closed his eyes. "I said, don't call me Konrart Weller."

"Then what shall I call you, sire?"

"Call me by my name, you idiot!" Yozak hissed.

"Your name, my lord, is Konrart Weller!" the soldier reminded him, a trifle hysterically.

"NO IT ISN'T!" Yozak shouted, sitting up and opening his eyes. "MY NAME, YOU BATTY OLD LUNATIC, IS-"

Then the penny dropped.

'Oh no, no no no no no no no no NO! There's gotta be a perfectly, completely logical reason why I'm lying in an army tent, with Konrart's uniform folded on the ground next to me and a soldier who insists on calling me "Sir Weller". Switching bodies is SO not an option. Still, I'd better just check..."

"Soldier?"

"WHAT?"

"Fetch me a mirror."

"A mirror," the soldier repeated, a vein throbbing in his temple. "You want a mirror. WE'RE FIFTY MILES INTO THE DESERT, AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IT YOUR HAIR? That's it. I QUIT!"

Yozak flinched. Oops. He was pretty sure this soldier was one of Konrart's favorites. Better pacify the guy, and quickly.

"Soldier, wait!"

The soldier paused, his hand on the tent flap.

"What now? Do you want some hair gel to go with that mirror of yours?"

'What would Konrart do? What would Konrart do? What would Konrart do? Play deaf? Shrug it off? Smile? Yes, smile! Konrart always smiles!'

Yozak smiled.

"You took that seriously? I was just kidding. Honestly, who carries mirrors around in the middle of the desert? I could go for a drink of water, thought."

The soldier visibly relaxed.

"You had me worried there, for a moment, sir. I'll get you your water while you change."

With that, the soldier slipped out of the tent.

Yozak stared at the clothes as if they might bight him.

'Well. This is awkward, isn't it. But there's nothing to be done about it, really. After all, Konrart's body can't go riding about in the desert wearing only a pair of pinstripe pajamas, now can it?'

Yozak settled for shutting his eyes very tightly and not changing his underwear, so as to prevent any awkward memories from this hellish nightmare of an accident.

"Your water, sir."

Yozak did up the last few buttons on Konrart's shirt, and turned to accept the metal dipper the soldier was offering him.

"Thank you. Now soldier, I would like to ask you a couple of questions, with your permission."

"Anything, sir," the soldier positively beamed. Lord Weller was back to his usual self, thank God.

"Firstly, what's your name? I can't just keep calling you soldier."

"Ryan, sir."

"Well, Ryan, last night I, um...hit my head, and now I can't remember what we're doing out here. Could you, you know, fill me in?"

All I know, sir, is that we were searching for a missing, ah, Demon Cello," Ryan answered, trying (and failing) to suppress a smirk.

Yozak noticed "his" soldier's laughter. Shesh, if Konrart insisted on making up some excuse for riding off into the middle of the desert, he should at least make it plausible. Didn't he know that his men were laughing at him?

"Do all of my soldiers know that there's no such thing as a Demon Cello?"

Ryan's giggles escalated into full-fledged, raucous belly laughter.

"Oh yes, sir, I'm sure they all know," he wheezed, once his laughter had subsided. "People have been taking bets on what it was that had you so upset. Because, after all, let's be honest: you're running away, and it's gotta be something pretty heavy to make Konrart Weller take off like a scared rabbit. Say," Ryan leaned forward, looking curious. "Did you have another fight with Yozak?"

Yozak looked up sharply, color rushing to his face.

"What makes you guess that?"

"Sir, I don't know about the others, but at least I have noticed the way you watch him," Ryan dropped his voice conspiratorially, "and the way he watches you."

Yozak felt the newly acquired color draining from his face.

"You...you noticed? How, HOW? I've been trying so hard to hide it...does anyone else know?"

"Oh, no, sir," Ryan assured him, smiling genially at the man he thought was his master. "And if you want a word of advice, tell him how you feel. It's more then obvious that the attraction is mutual. But that's none of my affaire. Can I assist you with anything else, sir?"

"Yes, yes, I almost forgot. Could you please tell the troops we're not going on that ridiculous mission? I don't know what I was thinking. And Ryan...thanks. A lot."

"Any time, sir," Ryan smiled, as he bowed out of the tent.

'Good man, that Ryan. I can see why Konrart likes him so much...'

Suddenly Yozak remembered the ladle. Draining the remaining water from it, he peered into the ladle's bowl. The face that stared back up at him was elongated and twisted, but beyond a doubt, the face of Sir Weller, merely confirming what Yozak had already believed.

Well. He and Konrart were going to have to have a little chat.

With that squared away, Yozak set about packing up. Having gotten Konrart's pajamas and blankets stored in one of his saddle bags, he proceeded to squash his pillow into the other saddle bag.

To hi surprise, Yozak's fingers met with something hard in the pillow case. Curious, Yozak slipped his hand into the pillow and pulled out a picture frame.

He stared. It was of Konrart and him.

The picture was in black and white, but the piles of leaves in the background made it obvious that it was fall. The twosome were leaning against a tree, Yozak with his arm around Konrart's shoulders, and Konrart staring adoringly up at Yozak. Whoever had taken the photograph had captured the mood perfectly.

Yozak was touched. These people in the picture seemed so happy and affectionate, completely different from the two monsters who were attacking each other yesterday. This chat with Konrart was obviously going to have to be longer then he had expected.

Five minutes later, at 5:45, Yozak set off with "his" soldiers on the five hour ride it would take to return to the castle. He would arrive at 10:48.

The precise time at which Konrart fainted.