Please note: I do not own most of the characters within this story. They belong to the Handmaid's Tale. Brooklyn and Jasper are mine though.
Also this an adult topic chapter covering rape. Be advised.
Chapter 2: Pretty When You Cry
"And the moon gives me
Permission and I enter
Through her eyes
She's losing her virginity and
All her will to compromise
I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you
I didn't want to hurt you
But you're pretty when you cry
I didn't want to fuck you baby
I didn't want to fuck you
I didn't want to fuck you
But you're pretty
When you're mine"
"Ordinary' is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary."- Aunt Lydia's words echoed though Brooklyn's mind as she looked at her surroundings. She prayed this would never be ordinary. Her life had been a constant state of fear since Gilead came to be.
Lately, her time consisted of the Red Center, Matthew's home, and her soon to be homes with Jasper. It would be late winter or early spring when she would be able to get the land ready for her small farm. Jasper was kind enough to give her an acre at the lake house. As well as a greenhouse at both homes. Her biggest hurdle was building an aqua tank for her seaweed to grow. But she had talked him into it.
Time was counting down though, and it had marked now three years since Gilead came to be. Offred had reminded her that earlier today. Aunt Lydia wasn't the biggest fan of her being around the Handmaids, but it also freed up her time. She suggested Brooklyn might even be a good influence on the girls. The thought made Brooklyn laugh. If only she knew.
"A week left until you're married. How are you feeling?" Offred asked as they sorted through groceries.
"Nervous. Although the wedding night is nothing compared to what you ladies go through... I'm still not looking forward to it."
Offred smiled, not many wives would acknowledge the ceremonial monthly rapes her fellow handmaids went through. Most wives considered the handmaids to be whores, as if they welcomed the rape. Nothing could be more far from the truth.
"Not entirely true, you're fertile. You'll have to have sex with him once a month, only you won't have another woman holding you down."
"No... just him. Though which is worse your own husband or the commander you serve?" Brooklyn mused as she carefully put some asparagus in her bag.
Offred's eyebrows rose as she thought. "Hmm good question. One is personal and one is not. Depends on the person's psyche. I get to leave after a year. You're there forever. Never thought I'd be debating with a wife about rape though."
"Oh but it's not rape... not when you're their property. Not in Gilead. No. No. No." Brooklyn tsked as she spoke with a smirk.
Offred smiled and as Ofglen approached, they both fell silent. Pious shit, Offred thought with a smirk and gave Brooklyn a look.
"We've been sent good weather." Ofglen said meekly.
Eye rolls ensued. "Praise be and good harvest." Brooklyn acknowledged.
The next day, Brooklyn heard the bells tolling. A particicution, she knew and sighed. Another reason she was happy to be a wife. Nina was down in the kitchen, preparing their smoothies.
"You're up earlier than usual." Brooklyn remarked with a smile as she took her smoothie.
"The baby refused to let me sleep." Nina replied with a sigh.
"Home stretch time though. Need to be adjusted?"
Nina smiled. "Yes, also baby yoga?"
"Of course. After you give birth, I'll teach you a few things. I'll be next in line for a baby as we know."
After the smoothies, Brooklyn popped Nina's neck. Though the medical term was a Palmer diversified rotary break. She continued on her back, having Nina on her hands and knees. Nina seemed to feel better afterwards.
"Wished we could have kept you longer." Nina sighed.
"I'll be at the end of the street. Don't worry."
"Are they allowing you to practice medicine?" Nina asked as they got into positions for yoga.
"Trial run with three couples. I'm seeing them later today. I'll be able to read and write again. I have a year to get them all pregnant."
"Lucky." Nina sighed. "Know anything about the couples?"
"One is an Angel. One doctor. One commander."
"They all agreed to do the dietary?" Nina asked, looking over at Brooklyn.
"It's part of the terms and conditions of the program. I explained it before they accepted. The doctor couple was really easy to accept."
"You're gonna have to be stern as fuck with the Marthas. Good luck." Nina spoke with experience. It took their own Martha months to understand what vegan meant.
"Marthas are nothing. It took a good maneuvering to get the approval for treating the men. Hard to argue while God made man susceptible to the same corruption that ravaged a woman's body infertile all due to sin."
"Yikes, you're smart. If you had argued science you wouldn't have won it."
Brooklyn's eyes rolled. "Deeply aware. If anything thank God I read the entire Bible, otherwise I'd be fucked."
"Not yet, but give it a week. Lucky bitch, that editic memory has came in handy." Nina laughed. This is how they always spoke to each since they were kids. Best friends since they could talk really. "Also might wanna tone down on putting on muscle."
Brooklyn had put on 20 lbs and most of it was muscle. "Meh. Have to build up the cardiac muscles, and uh... well we both know there isn't a sure way to do that so... "
"Yeah, but be careful with Jasper. He seems like a snake... Like he's really big in the Sons of Jacob."
"Oh I can tell. But it's easy to fit in here. Quote the bible, appear to be pious, smile, and keep your head down."
"Pretty much Gilead Survival 101." Nina agreed.
The rest of the day was spent at the hospital, advising the couples and their Marthas. Later she would have to visit each household to teach the Marthas individually. Luckily the men's sperm weren't as bad as she thought. Low mobility, but most would take about 3 months to get back into shape. Counts varied. The Horace couple had the worst of it. They had high fat, high meat diets.
Horace was an up and coming Angel, wanting to be a commander. A pregnant wife would look good for him and the couple did not want a handmaid. They made it blatantly clear. The Nelson couple were both doctors, the wife not practicing of course, but the husband sought her out the moment the news spread. The last couple was interesting. The commander had a handmaid, but clearly felt guilty. Commander Parson seemed like a good guy.
Brooklyn also advised them on greenhouses and growing their own food. Their diet was strict vegan, however she did say if they had to have meat. They could do fish once a week. Preferably salmon. She had to stress to them to pay attention to their Marthas, especially since they'd be bad about the dairy restrictions and Brooklyn had to explain the hormonal damage dairy did. Lastly, she informed them of a natural vitamin mix she'd be incorporating once her garden was up and running.
"Will this really work you think?" Commander Parsons asked.
"Yes. Keep in mind this is not an instant fix. We're literally repairing your body from the inside. And success from my clinic went from 3 months to a year and half. And out of those pregnancies 80% carried full term, and even those who didn't were close, and were healthy provided the family stayed on the protocol. Even the preemies did excellent."
"Were there any couples you couldn't help?"Mrs. Horace asked.
"Very few. The only ones I couldn't help were the ones where it was physically impossible. Low egg counts, non ovulating, Ovarian or tubal ruptures, on the women's side. Men wise, it was usually due to them not adhering to the guidelines. Physically all of you are capable to conceive, so it's basically going to be how well you follow what's prescribed and how well your body reacts. Some will be faster than others and that's ok." Brooklyn replied with a smile.
"Praise be. May God bless you and your coming marriage." Mrs. Horace replied.
The week seemed to fly by. Work did that, she reminded herself as Nina helped her into her wedding dress. The dress reminded her of an egg. The egg will break tonight. She thought grimly. "Just breathe... pretend you're somewhere else. Somewhere happy." Nina squeezed her shoulders.
"I just wanted to be in love... Like you and Matthew. Was it too much to ask? Was I truly being too selfish for God to grant me that?" Brooklyn asked, her eyes rimming with tears.
Nina turned to her and wiped her eyes before the tears could fall. "Remember you always told me God has a reason for everything. He has a reason for this and though you may suffer now, he will bring forth his blessings. Some way, some how."
Matthew entered the room and huffed when he seen Brooklyn. "I wish things could have been different. I know you wanted this to be so different... Better. But you be brave. You were always dad's warrior princess. Make him proud." He took her hand and squeezed it before he and his wife surrounded her in a hug. Not long after, all eyes were on her as she walked down the isle. Seldomly, did a large wedding of one couple happen. This clued Brooklyn on just how tall on the totem pole Jasper really was.
After walking down the isle, Brooklyn realized just how much she missed her mom and dad. Both were in Canada ready to fight Gilead. Her dad was a general for the US army currently in his sixties. She was proud of him. She hoped he'd be proud of her. "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." (Psalms 37:7) She whispered to herself shortly before arriving at the alter.
Jasper seemed to be pleased, she could see that much from her veil. He took her hand as Commander Pryce and the priest spoke. Brooklyn was vaguely paying attention, but felt a shock upon contact with his hand.
"Do you, Brooklyn, take his man to be your husband under the eyes of God and man till death do you part?"
Brooklyn inhaled, feeling the shackles of the world upon her as spoke softly. " I do."
"And do, Jasper, take this women to be your wife under the eyes of God and man till death do you part?"
There was no hesitation, not even an inhale of breath. "I do."
They exchanged gold rings and he bent forward, lifting her veil. Brooklyn shyly smiled before he kissed her and the room exploded into applause. "Who can find a wife of noble character? She is far more precious than rubies. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will lack nothing of value. She will bring him good and not harm all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:10-12) He whispered to her as they walked up the isle together, and with that he took her hand.
The reception was at his, no their she corrected herself, house in town that was on the corner from Nina and Matthew. It was absolutely filled to the roof with people. So many Brooklyn had lost count. She had met Commanders and wives from all over the country. Even from back home in South Carolina. They were extremely apologetic to her situation and what occurred with Commander Barnes. Brooklyn had a feeling that was a lingering stain for Gilead and this marriage was a way for Gilead to make amends.
The most notable attendees were Commander Waterford, Putnam, Rawlings, Parsons, and Pryce with all of their wives of course. Rawlings had come a long way from South Carolina and the two knew each other. She was the reason he had children with his wife Jenny. Jenny was currently six months pregnant which made Brooklyn smile. It also made her current six patients smile as well, as Rawlings and Jenny spoke to them. Jasper was even paying attention with a look of pride on his face.
As the party began dying down, she was introduced to her new staff. Sesily, a Martha, a black woman well into her mid 40s with a very welcoming smile. In another life Brooklyn could have sworn she'd be a model. Another Martha, name Cindy who was also in her mid 40s with long blonde hair, dark drown almost black eyes, and Brooklyn could have sworn was a fan of plastic surgery. Cindy didn't seem as friendly, she noted. And finally their driver, Tobias who was quiet and taller than Jasper. He was also black like Sesily and Brooklyn could have sworn they were family with similar facial features. Jasper also mentioned another Martha at the lake house by the name of April.
Towards the end, she got to see offred. Offred smiled as always and she smiled back. "You ready for tonight?" Offred greeted.
"No. But that doesn't matter." Brooklyn scoffed with a snicker.
"Your wedding had a huge turn out, biggest one I've ever seen. I imagine you'll have a very interesting baby shower."
"Provided he's not sterile." came Brooklyn's quick reply.
"You really wanting a kid in all this?" Offred asked with a worried look.
"Yes. And hopefully all boys." Brooklyn replied with an obvious look. They both knew what it meant to be a woman here. No choices, no options, just be a good girl or suffer greatly.
"You'll get through this. Just breathe baby girl. I know you're nervous." Offred smiled.
"I know, just wanted this whole thing to be different. Ya know. Love. I wanted love."
"Most of us want this whole thing to be different. You'll be ok."
Aunt Lydia made her way over with a smile and a few wives trailing behind her. Lydia smiling, killed her every time and was one of the most dreaded sites on Earth. Truly, never a good thing.
"Come dear sweet girl we need to get you ready for tonight." Aunt Lydia explained as she took Brooklyn's arm and lead her upstairs to the bedroom. With all the wives following.
The bedroom was really nice, Brooklyn thought as she was ushered in. The bed was a canopy bed, with very light wood, with gold and white linens. It seemed more welcoming than the dark and scary room she had imagined. She figured Jasper would be one for darker touches when it came to decor. The women took down her hair and helped her into her nightgown.
"You have such beautiful hair." Serena Joy complimented as she brushed it.
"Thank you." Brooklyn smiled.
"Are you nervous?" Serena asked
"Little bit." Brooklyn nodded.
"You're doing god's great work tonight girl, don't be nervous. Perhaps your pain will be well rewarded with a little one of your own by tonight's work." Aunt Lydia chimmed in.
It took every ounce of mental strength within Brooklyn to not slap Aunt Lydia right there and then. "Blessed be the fruit tonight then." And every ounce of mental strength to smile.
Nina was smiling and shaking her head as she pulled back the blankets and laid the cloth on the bed. It reminded Brooklyn of being back in the 1700s when proof was required of the bride with blood. Oh how society had regressed, she thought. Nina then helped her into bed.
"You'll be ok sis. You're strong." Nina then kissed her forehead as the women cleared to leave.
It was the longest five minutes of her life as she waited for Jasper to enter the room. He was quiet, when he entered. Which surprised Brooklyn, for a tall man he was surprisingly graceful. Or military, she thought as she continued to watch him. "Don't be nervous, I'll take care of you Brooklyn."
"Sorry just not as ready as I thought I'd be. Even though I know what's going to happen."
"Feeling is quite different than knowing." He smirked as he pulled his pants and shirt off to get into bed. He grabbed her chin and kissed her softly. While they were kissing, he began pushing her night gown up.
Before she knew it, he was on top of her. "Wait." she protested. She wasn't ready. "We can't wait forever darlin'." And with that he entered her. He was bigger than average and thick and she knew it. She screamed with tears in her eyes, which then looked to window catching the full moon. In those moments she tried to remember every single happy moment she had with the moon to escape her reality.
She remembered the ocean and her nightly walks, the calm and serene feeling it gave her as the ocean waves hit her toes with it's cool water. Late night swims without a care in the world. America. The beautiful America they all took for granted. The bipartisan nightmare that tore her from her every day life. If only both parties could have accepted each other instead of the hatred that flowed between them both. It's how the Sons of Jacob won. Exploiting the weakness, the fear, and the stupid hatred between both political parties.
Jasper drew her from her thoughts, by grabbing her chin and kissing her. Romance now. Really? She thought bitterly. He was demanding her attention and she hated him for it. She wanted to drift away in happy thoughts, she wanted to ignore what he was doing to her body without her permission. She was too scared to call it rape. The actual word of admitting what happened scared her. She wanted to scream, to hit him, and to push him off her. She wanted to be away from here.
And then it happened, her own body betrayed her as she orgasmed and he looked to her with a smug grin. "See not so bad after all. You feel so good baby. Like heaven." He whispered in her ear. And this is absolute hell. She thought defiantly. Brooklyn was careful, oh so careful to keep her face as neutral as possible. This was as close being unmasked as she had ever been. Finally he came, and she felt it. She always said she wanted children, but this was scary. He then went to his side of the bed and rolled to his side, looking at her. He then pulled down her nightgown and gave her belly a rub. "I know tonight was rough, but it'll get better. You'll love me in time and I will love you and especially our children."
"I hope so. I don't know what I'd do if you never loved me." It was the sweetest lie she ever told and she for one did not feel guilty. She wasn't about to feel one bit guilty about anything she was about to do. America was her home and she was determined to get it back. If one truly wanted to destroy something, you did it form the inside. She was close the head and heart of Gilead, and she would rot this this beast from the inside out. She smiled as the beast pulled her to him to cuddle and fall asleep. The thought of Gilead's destruction kept her up a little longer, but when she did sleep nightmares didn't haunt her.
The sunlight and Cindy woke her from her treasured sleep. Her refuge from the reality of Gilead and all the hell it contained. The Martha had drew the curtains back, Jasper had woken an hour ago."Get up your husband is downstairs eating breakfast." Cindy declared rudely.
Brooklyn freshly awake with no coffee, sat up and glared. The mask was off as Brooklyn grabbed her chin and squeezed hard. "If you ever speak to me like that again it will be the last time you have a tongue." Brooklyn then shoved the woman back hard. And then Brooklyn studied the woman, and something seemed off. Brooklyn couldn't put her finger on it, but she was going to find out. She then got out of bed. "Well make the bed you impatient bitch." Brooklyn huffed as she opened the closet, grabbed a dress. "Sesily will do it, when she's done with the dishes." Brooklyn laughed. Sesily seemed to do a lot and this woman so little. "No you will. Now." Brooklyn pointed to the bed.
The woman hesitated, so Brooklyn pushed her towards the bed before she started working. Brooklyn stretched, tossing her nightgown off and Cindy looked at her. The older woman was surprised to see so much muscle on her. "I thought they found you starving." Brooklyn smiled at the comment. "Indeed. I bounce back fast and mama didn't raise a weak bitch." The woman laughed as she lifted the cloth which held her blood from the night before. "Yet you were a virgin til last night, she certainly didn't raise a bad bitch."
Brooklyn laughed again, dress now over her head and smoothed out. "And this is why you're making my bed and cleaning my house. Drop the attitude."
She looked in the mirror, recognizing her old self it made her smile and also reminded her to slip her mask back on. She put her hair in a braided bun, stretched and then made her way to the dining room.
Sesily brought her a cup of coffee. Black with honey as sweetener. This woman was a god send. "Good morning everyone and thank you." Brooklyn said cheerfully after taking a drink and feeling her very soul return to her body. Coffee always did that for her.
Jasper looked up his paper and smiled. "Good morning sweetheart. Any plans for today?"
Oh that's cute you rape me the night before and are oh so kind the next morning. "Well training the Marthas in how I eat and how they need to prepare our meals and then tending to our gardens."
"And you're aware you're still a doctor and can see your patients right?" Jasper replied with a smirk. "We're married, but as long as it doesn't interfere with our children once they come... then you're set to keep practicing."
Brooklyn smirked. "Speaking of...you still need to do your check up with me to ensure we have those beautiful children."
He paled a little and shook his head. "You don't forget about anything do you?"
"Nope." She smirked. "Whenever you're ready. Also they're preparing me an office here. So you know where to go."
"How about tonight sweetie?"
Brooklyn smiled and nodded. "Perfect." Sesily brought her a smoothie. Which Brooklyn thanked her for.
"Time for work sweetheart. I'll see you later." Jasper walked over and kissed her forehead. And then they heard a loud crash of dishes breaking. Cindy had been carrying from the kitchen and dropped them.
"Sorry sir." She quickly dropped down to pick up the mess.
"And ma'am. I have a wife now and you need to respect her as much as you do me." Jasper reminded her sternly. The woman nodded and quickly left the room.
Brooklyn's head tilted. "Interesting." she said sarcastically while giving a questioning look. Jasper looked at her. It was the first time she was anything, but quoting the bible and being a robot. There was something different about his wife. He wanted to know her more, but it was going to take time.
Brooklyn spent the rest of the day making her greenhouse her haven. The new tank for the seaweed was exceptional and she was glad, even more glad to have the seaweed already planted and growing. Even her spot made her yoga and working out was good. Nice and cushioned. All the trees had been planted. Although she knew no progress would be made on them until the spring. What worried her even more was the vineyard at the lake house. If she had to be in Gilead, at least she was going to be drunk she decided.
She was doing yoga, when Sesily came running in. "Sorry to bother you ma'am the Putnam's handmaid went into labor. They'll expect you there." Brooklyn shook her head and sighed. "Why?" Sesily smiled. "Oh yeah you wouldn't know. It's customary for the other wives to be supportive of the other's having babies." Brooklyn laughed."Well ok then, let me get cleaned up."
