A/N I'm only updating so soon because.. well I'm just really in the mood however please do not expect updates this quick all the time. I'm on break so it's a bit easy now but soon I start up work again and school so once a week might be max for me. But.. Yea... If you like the story or have any suggestions please review and let me know what you think.. I'm the type of person that lives off feedback esspecially alil constructive criticism.
Disclaimer: I do not own glee or the cast. All I own are my Idea and Maricella Lopez.
Alot of this chapter is just to set everything up and so you can get a little more into the characters heads, esspecially Mari since she's someone new. Well I hope you Enjoy. :)
Chapter 2: Fuck...I'm Gay..
Rachel's Pov
So as it turns out Maricella has not only first block with me but also has free period, lunch, and gym with me. Those last three however are things I also have in common with Santana. Well Lunch was awkward to say the least. I went to my normal table sitting with Kurt and Mercedes but like always I'm end up sort of secluded. Like being alone even when people are around. Well anyways Maricella came in and knowing Santana was sitting a few tables away with her cheerios and the jocks admiring her every move I never thought Maricella would even realize I was there. However she did and sat down right next to me while Santana threw daggers.. I don't know how I always wind up pissing her off and if that wasn't enough after lunch Santana asked her cousin to go with her for free period but she chose to be here in the choir room with me instead. Sure my life was hell before but for some reason I feel a whole new Santana being released and due to her record I'm pretty sure that only means bad things for me...
The choir room is empty as it always is at this time. I guess thats why I love coming in here during my free periods. Normally I would sneak into the auditorium but lately some stupid freshmen drama class has been hogging it.. Well I wouldn't take Maricella there anyways, it's my place you know? Like the only place I can be myself with no judgements, no pressure. Since we got into the choir room however I've grown quite fond of Maricella. Did you know she plays piano? And not the mediocre type I learned off the internet either, years of study and devotion type of talent and her hand flows so effortlessly that I can't help but love it. The type of talent I am completely infatuated with. I guess being amazing is some sort of Lopez trait.
"What are you thinking of?" She asks, her eyebrows scrunched together like she's trying to break some sorts of cryptic code.
"You're really talented" Her smile makes me break out in one too. I'm not use to feeling so safe around someone, but the more I'm around her the more my brain gets infested with thoughts of her cousin. The way Santana's eyes hold more emotion then Maricella's and how her smile is so much more pure. The way her laugh makes everything just feel better. Santana's beauty is her strength not just her hips, tight abs, or her amazing voice but the way she carries herself, the pride that keeps her together, the love she has to give, and Maricella she just can't compare.
"You really think so?" I nod and smile while taking a seat on the bench beside her. "I heard your quite talented yourself"
"Really? From who?"
"Santana, Says you're the most amazing singer in Ohio. Is that true?" Santana said what?... Maybe she heard wrong because I only heard Santana try to compliment me onc and it ended up in her choking on her words and another insult.
"Probably"
"Modest too huh?" We both break out in a laugh as I begin to play with the keys in front of me and she hums along. I however stop when I feel her intense stare.
"Look, I know Santana is rude to you, but that's just the way she is don't hold it against her." Interesting but.. a lie she just hates me.
"Santana doesn't like me very much. But it's fine really, I understand. There's not much to like"
"That's not true, I've known you for less then a day and I already found things to love. Santana sees how amazing you are, Thats why she acts how she does but don't let that bother you ok? I know my cousin and shes going through a lot?"
"Don't worry I'm use to it"
"What Santana bothering you?"
"No people being jealous of my talent.."
"Seriously?" I can't hold it anymore my signature laugh trickles out and I nearly drop off the bench and onto the floor.
"No not seriously" I try to stifle my laugh "I was talking about Santana's attitude towards me" Now shes the one laughing but quickly she stops and smiles before saying..
"You are really pretty you know that?" for some reason I can't stop my blush from appearing.. but I quickly try to hide it.
"You are insane".. "but thanks for going against your cousins thoughts on me and giving me a chance"
"No problem Rachel but I'm not going against what she thinks of you, I'm here right now solely because of what she thinks of you and the complete belief I have on Santana's judgement of character" and with that she walks away. Just leaves just like that with not one bit of an explanation.. What does that mean? Does she think I'm a freak too? Is she playing some joke on me? Or do I have Santana all wrong?... ERRRR why did she say that? There is no way I'm going to be able to focus in my music theory class now...
Santana's Pov
After lunch I got this intense head ache, I couldn't think I couldn't eat and Rachel was taking part of the majority of my mind.. so I head back to Lima heights adjecent. Mari seemed to being getting along fine at school with out me and honestly I just couldn't stay. The stairs heading to our apartment are thin and always give me the chills but the inside. The inside feels just like home. My grandmother helps us pay it off so we had a bit left for decorating and it helped. The moment I get in I head towards my room and sit on my bed. After a second of searching I pull the small box out of my drawers and start looking through the pictures. After the accident anything Carlos related went into this little white box. When I need him I know exactly where to go. Sometimes I write him letters and place them in here or sometimes I just talk to him. He never talks back of course but I know he is listening and that's enough for me.
I Guess I fell asleep. The door slams and I walk into the living room to see a just arriving M.
"Where'd you go?, You weren't in gym." I can't believe she is even talking to me after the mess she pulled today. I mean I'm sure I have no real right to be angry but fuck she has no right to call me out like that. Even if me and her are the only one that know she did so.
"Fuck you M you don't get to come in here acting like you didn't do anything"
"What are you taIking about? I thought you didn't fucking like her, Didn't you say it was a confusion, so what did I do wrong? Plus I'm just trying to be her friend, She is really cool"
"Really cool?.. And the last thing you care about is being anyones friend. You are screwing over your own blood"
"Oh my god what are you talking about Santana I am trying to fucking help you!"
"help me!.. Help me with what Mari?"
"Santana you are not confused, you're scared and I get it, I do but living like this, it's going to fucking kill you"
"Holy crap Mari I'm not gay and I don't give a damn about Berry, Damn I just think playing with her to get at me is wrong"
"If you don't give a fuck about her why is this bothering you so much"
"It doesn't bother me?"
"No?.. are you sure Santana because right now all I see is a hurt little girl begging to be rescued" "and I can't do it this time Santi I can't rescue you unless you open your fucking eyes!"
"I don't give a fuck about the fucking midget you wanna screw her then go ahead Mari have her cause no one in that whole fucking school wants anything to do with her."
"Oh please you made her name social suicide to make sure no one went near her. The girl is a straight ten and you know it.. ok her sense of fashion is equivalent to that of a grandma in the 50s but you know how hot she must be under all that nasty and you know all those social hungry bastards would be too stupid to look past that. Santana Rachel is hot and you know it"
"I'm not fucking like you Mari I'm no fucking dyk-" her hand slaps me so fast all I felt was the sting.
"Don't you dare disrespect me in my own fucking home S, I know you are dealing with a lot and I'm fucking sorry but this girl can help. Let someone in. just be happy with yourself cause I am sick of you lieing to your self"
"Man fuck you stop acting like you know me"
"stop acting like I know you? are you serious? If I don't know you who does? Your parents?.. cause look around you hun they aren't around and unlike mine they chose to have it that way. I AM trying to help, I know what it's like to be stuck Santi I grew up just as fast as you did, trust me I know how scared you are but if you giver her a chance. Santi if you fucking give anyone a chance you'll feel better" Truth is nobody knows me like Maricella well besides britt but Brittany would never call me out on my shit like Mari. I can't love Rachel, it would change to much.I'm not scared of much but I been through enough to know I should be terrified of change. I try to fight back the tears but that gets kind of hard when you are so preoccupied trying to fight back the truth.
"I can't be gay" tears stream out my eyes and my throat gets dry."My brother just died Mari, My dad can't look at me my mom doesn't care if I'm breathing or not and I just can't do be"... "Abuela would be so ashamed, and Mami and Papi, Mari they wouldn't ever even think of looking at me again shit Abuela might never look at me again. Mari I can't be gay"
"Then just be her friend Santana I'm not telling you to marry her"
"You know I can't be her fucking friend Mari!"
"..Because you're gay and have the hots for her?"
"UGH!.. you're fucking ridiculous"
I escape into my room and slam the door. I quickly mold myself into my sheets... "Fuck.. I'm gay... and I have a thing for manhands.. Where the hell was my sanity when this happened.. Ugh.. Rachel isn't even gay why am I torturing my self Rachel is straight anyways.." the tears come back burning as they fall. "Fuck Mari and her fucking truth.. I was much better off living a lie because even if I am gay, Rachel fucking isn't and even if by some miracle she was into chicks she would more likley go for M then the girl who tortured her since third grade"... And thats how I fell asleep... thinking about Yachel, crying and talking to my self.. That's it I am completely loosing it..
Well thats all folks what cha think?.. ;)
