Confrontation
BPOV
As I drove toward La Push I kept having doubts about what I was doing. I kept wondering if I was falling for Jake or for the way he made me feel when I was around him. Then I had to ask myself if this was a good idea. I mean he was sick after all and by going over there I may be exposing myself to it. The simple truth was that Jake needed to know how I felt about him. I wasn't going to say that I loved him because that wouldn't be the truth. I did feel something for him though, something that went a lot deeper than friendship. I realized that I had been a fool to not see it earlier and I was going to tell him.
But did I want to risk our friendship? I mean he did say that he liked me as more than a friend but then he ditched me. So maybe he didn't really feel that way about me. Maybe he realized that I was too broken and decided that being my friend was all he really wanted. I wrestled with myself the entire way to La Push thoughts swirling in my head and chasing each other. I didn't know exactly what I was feeling by the time I saw Jacob's house but I did know one thing. I could depend on Jacob. He may not be answering my phone calls but he was there for me when few people were, the least I could do now was be honest with him.
As I pulled into the driveway I wasn't prepared for what I saw. Jacob's long hair had been cut to a short length and he had a tattoo. He was also a good deal taller and much more muscled. And damn if those new muscles didn't make me want him all the more. What shocked me the most was that he was walking away from me, in the rain, wearing nothing but shorts and sneakers! Worry gave way to anger as I jumped out of my car and slammed the door. I called out his name and he stopped but he didn't turn around like I was expecting him to. Jake had never and I mean never kept his back turned to me when I called his name. I was slightly concerned but my anger over road any other emotion. It was time to get answers.
"Jake, why won't you look at me? I thought you were inside sick and unable to pick up the phone?" I asked but he wouldn't look at me.
Regardless of how angry I was at the moment I still had something to tell him. I had been wrestling with telling him this and I wasn't leaving without saying it. Knowing that he wasn't going to turn around or look at me, I walked around him until I was standing directly in front of him.
"Jake I have something really important I need to tell you. Can you please look at me?" He raised his head ever so fractionally but wouldn't look me in the eyes.
"Well I guess I'll just have to tell you then. I lied to you a few nights ago when I said I didn't like you the same way you liked me." I looked down at this point so I didn't notice that he had looked up.
"The truth is Jake; I do feel something for you. I'm not sure what it is but it's definitely more than just friendship. I wanted to tell you before now but when you said that I got scared. I didn't want to loose you because," at this point I looked up and straight into his eyes, "I wouldn't survive if you ever left me."
I waited for what seemed like years for him to say something. I could feel tears forming when he didn't say anything so I looked down and mumbled. "I can see you don't feel the same way so I'll be going now." I turned to leave and had taken all of two steps when Jacob's hand on my arm and whispered "Bella" stopped me. He turned me toward him and that's when I heard someone calling out his name.
JPOV
I had been trying to find a way to get around Sam's order for the past few days. I missed Bella and knew that she was hurting. I hated breaking promises and I hated hurting people. What I hated most though was that I had no privacy anymore. I had to be careful not to think about getting around Sam's order when in wolf form or the entire pack would know. I heard Bella's truck from a good half mile away; it was loud normally but with wolf hearing it was even easier to pick up. Sam had told me to meet him at the edge of the woods near my house so that we could get ready to patrol. I didn't want to but what choice did I have. Running was normally fun, but in the rain… not so much.
I knew Sam would get angry if he saw Bella anywhere near me. He'd think that I had found a way to disobey orders or something. Not only that but he'd be worried I'd loose control in front of her and by doing so spill the secret. I knew that I had to get to the woods as fast as I could so that Bella wouldn't see me. I wanted to stay but I knew I couldn't. I began walking away when I heard the truck pull up the drive and come to a stop. I didn't slow down just kept walking. Maybe if I kept walking she'd think it was one of my friends. Luck however was not on my side and I heard the car door slam as her footsteps came closer to me.
I heard her yell Jacob and the desperation and anger in her voice made me stop. I didn't turn around, afraid that if I looked at her I'd lose my control. I was angry at the choice I was being forced into. Bella was my best friend and she deserved better from me. Not for the first time I cursed my luck. Bella's footsteps got closer to me and I wanted so bad to turn, run to her and wrap her in a hug. The wolf part of me however was telling me to run because of the alpha order. So I just stood there not sure what to do, once again warring with the two halves of myself. I could tell that she was directly in front of me because of the difference in air temperature. That and I could smell her and man did she smell good.
She asked me why I wouldn't look at her but I couldn't answer. I knew that Sam and the rest of the pack were getting close because I could smell them. I just hoped that she would leave before they got here. I heard the anger in her voice when she said that she had thought I was sick and couldn't pick up the phone.
Suddenly her tone changed and she said "Jake I have something really important I need to tell you. Can you please look at me?" The pleading tone in her voice made me look up ever so fractionally. I had to fight to keep my gaze on the ground. I knew that if I looked at her I would end up fighting Sam in order to spend time with her. And that was a fight I wouldn't be able to win. She continued "Well I guess I'll just have to tell you then. I lied to you a few nights ago when I said I didn't like you the same way you liked me." My head shot up at that! I thought we were best friends! How could she go and lie to me when I had been there for her. Now she was looking at the ground out of embarrassment.
Sam was so close to being here and I would be in deep shit if he saw me with her. I couldn't move away though. I knew she had more to say and I felt that it was something that would change us both. I just had to stay and hear her out, no matter how loud the wolf in me was yelling to go.
"The truth is Jake; I do feel something for you. I'm not sure what it is but it's definitely more than just friendship. I wanted to tell you before now but when you said that I got scared. I didn't want to loose you because," she looked up and the second her eyes connected with mine, I felt my whole world shift. Suddenly nothing mattered but her and what she needed.
I barely heard her whisper the last part of her sentence in which she told me that if I were to leave she wouldn't survive. As if I could leave her now, my world revolved around her! My sole purpose in this life was to ensure that she was safe and happy. She held me to this earth and I would do anything, even die for her. Apparently she mistook my silence for rejection. I could see the tears forming in her eyes as she mumbled that she had to go. I could feel the pain and rejection that she felt as she said those words. She turned to leave and suddenly I snapped out of my trance and reached out to her.
I grasped her arm ever so gently in my hand. I could barely speak because of her pain but I managed to whisper "Bella." Apparently it was enough because she stopped. I turned her toward me and as I did I heard Sam's voice calling my name from behind me.
Authors note: So what's happened to Jake and why does he suddenly feel so strongly about Bella? We'll be finding out in the next chapter. Review please! The words are pouring onto the screen, but I need to know if it's making a good story.
