Jeff bounced around in his seat. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? I want to be there right now. Make it so we're there right now."
Miz gave his friend a suspicious look. "You know Jeff, I thought I saw some of those tiny six hour energy drinks in the back of poor Jack's car when Dwayne was trying to find CD's for James. You didn't sneak any, did you?"
"Yeah I did," Jeff said with a nod. I had three of them so that means I'll be up for eighteen hours. Isn't that great?"
"No, actually it's not. I don't want to deal with a hyper you for eighteen seconds, let alone eighteen hours."
"Why? Am I annoying or something?"
"Yes."
Jeff's jaw dropped in shock. He was really offended by that. "How could you say that? I'm supposed to be your friend!" He looked back at Tiffany. "Do you think I'm annoying?"
"I think you're psychotic," Jack informed him.
Jeff glared at the bound man. "I wasn't talking to you Cindy Brady. You better keep your mouth shut or you're going to have more to worry about than your dorky lisp." He turned back around and glanced out the window. "Oh look, we're now entering New Orleans. Ooohhh! Look at all the pretty stuff. Miz pull over. I want to look around."
"I'm not pulling over," Miz informed him. He was starting to sound extremely irritated.
"Oh come on, just pull over for two seconds."
"No."
"Pull over!"
"I AM NOT PULLING OVER JEFF SO JUST SHUT UP!"
Jeff made a high pitched whining noise and stomped his foot. There had been no reason for him to get yelled at. He just wanted to go look around. Was that too much to ask? "Did Hunter's ghost possessed you when he died? Is that the bug that crawled up your ass?"
Miz looked ready to kill him. "No, the bug that crawled up my ass is spending three fucking days sitting in a car alone with you. You have done nothing but drive me insane."
"Good. I hope I've driven you so crazy that you don't know your ass from your hat."
Miz frowned. "That did not make sense."
"I know, but it didn't have to," Jeff said defensively. "I'm a crazy serial killer. If people don't like the insane things I say, I'll just slice them up into little pieces."
Roxxi lived in a huge, run down mansion that looked like it was haunted with something. Running around the yard was large Samoan man wearing no shirt, no shoes and he had tribal paint all over his face. "Dude, what is with the sudden emergences of Samoans lately?" Miz asked. "Did we end up in Samoa and not realize it?"
Jeff shrugged. "I don't know, but I'll go find out." He got out of the car and approached the strange man. "Hey dude, what's your story! And what's that funny stuff on your face?"
The man turned around and started babbling at him in some strange language. The only comprehensible word Jeff could make out was Umaga. "Hey, I can make up a language too," he said. "Auch pu do fey sic Jeff Hardy eeck woek waz tex kill like a motha fucka boy! Ud whep welz sest and I have no idea what I'm saying."
"Neither do we," James said as he got out of the car. "Umaga was speaking Samoan Jeff. He wasn't speaking gibberish like you were trying to."
"Well it sounded like gibberish," Jeff replied. Honestly, how was he supposed to know it was Samoan? Did he look like the type of person who spoke strange languages? No, he did not. He cocked his head to the side. "Why are you wearing that funny paint?"
Umaga also cocked his head to the side. "Samoa!" More babbling ensued.
"Okay, that is not an answer. You have to make it so I understand what you're saying."
Umaga just yelled some more and then went into the mansion. Jeff didn't know whether Umaga truly didn't understand him or didn't know how to respond in English. Either way, he was just really confused now.
James patted his shoulder sympathetically. "Don't worry. Everybody but Roxxi feels that way after a conversation with the Samoan Bulldozer."
Jeff giggled. "Bulldozers are fun."
Miz, Stacy, Dwayne and Cactus got the offerings out of the car and they all went into the mansion. "Roxxi?" Stacy called out. "Are you here?"
"This place is really creepy," Dwayne muttered. He had Ricky tossed over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. "I feel like something is just going to jump out at me and…"
"Hello there."
"Sweet Jesus!" Dwayne screeched as a red headed woman came out of nowhere and stood right in front of them.
Cactus shook his head. "That's not Jesus. That's Natalya."
Dwayne glared at him. "I know that's not Jesus you moron." He glared at Natalya. "You can't just jump out at people like that. That's scary."
Natalya rolled her eyes. "I'll keep that in mind. She examined Jack, Tiffany, Lena and Ricky carefully. "Very nice. Where did you find them?"
"The side of the road," Stacy answered. "It was very convenient. Where's Roxxi?"
"In the back room with Victoria. I'll take you there."
Jeff leaned over towards Miz as they followed Natalya. "You know, there's probably ghosts in this place that want to kill you."
"Dude, we're at a Voodoo Queen's mansion," Miz said. "We're more likely to run into zombies." His eyes suddenly widened. "James, Stacy, does Roxxi make zombies?"
Stacy and James looked at each other. "Well we've never SEEN her do it," James said slowly.
"That's not very comforting," Dwayne informed him.
Natalya opened a door and ushered them into a room that was lit up so it looked completely red. Victoria was sitting on the floor with Umaga and it looked like she was trying to teach him how to play cards. Roxxi was sitting on the bed with a bunch of tarot cards out in front of her. She didn't even look up as they came in.
"The bodies are in the back waiting to be buried James," Roxxi said. She turned several cards over and studied them carefully. "The tides are starting to change yet again. Agents will be hunting you again, but something will come between them." She flipped over another card. "A woman. She will lead to their destruction." She picked up another card and looked at it. "A ministry shrouded in darkness is gathering power." She finally looked up at James. "Mark's doing it again."
James raised his eyebrows. "Mark's reuniting the Ministry of Darkness and he didn't bother to call me? I'll have to talk to him about that."
"Well you had a chance to talk to him at the hospital but you let yourself get distracted with Dwayne," Stacy pointed out.
"Yeah, well, you do have a point there."
Roxxi got up and started circling Jeff. "With every death, comes a new life" She held up three tarot cards. They were of a lamb, a snake and two headed baby. "Innocence will be taken," she said as she pointed to the lamb card. "An obsession will form." Apparently the snake represented the obsession. "And then the new generation will be born." That was the represented by the baby card.
Jeff just nodded along. "I have no idea what you are talking about freaky lady."
Roxxi grinned. "You will in time Jeffery. You will in time." She looked at the offerings that were being presented to her. "Oh they are perfect," she said with a nod. "Let's put them in the basement until it's time for the party. Tonight we're celebrating MY version of Mardi Gras."
"And that's different from the regular Mardi Gras?" Miz asked
Roxxi nodded. "I like roasting people. It's fun to hear them scream while they burn."
Jeff grinned. Roxxi was one twisted lady. He liked her already. "Sweet. This is going to be awesome."
