Part 2
Pete's come by to get Violet, and she doesn't even try to hide how relieved she is to see him.
"Pete...my hand..."
But he already has his bag out; he'd apparently expected this. She endures, through gritted teeth, while he inspects the damage.
"You've been pushing."
"A little. Don't want minders on me 'til the end of days, you know?"
"I know. But Charlotte, it's only been a few days. Can you be patient?"
"You know I can't. I need this done, Pete. Need to work again. Feel like I have my life..."
He doesn't say anything. After what happened, she's lucky she has any kind of life, isn't she? As a doctor, she has seen people endure worse than this. She supposes this should make her feel grateful. It isn't, but she supposes it should.
"Just make it stop a little, Pete. Can't sleep, like this. Can't ever sleep..."
He flexes the finger joints carefully, then gets out the acupuncture needles. "Any other symptoms?" he asks as he works.
There's been blood, in the bathroom, but she won't tell this to him. But after the humiliation of the pelvic exam, she can't quite face Addison yet either. She needs to choose someone, one person, to be the bearer of it all for her. Bad enough having even them in her business, but what can she do?
She waits until Cooper is in bed, after Pete and Violet have gone. Then she sneaks out into the living room and calls Amelia.
"Hey there," she greets her.
"Charlotte! Bit of a scare today, huh?"
There is just the right amount of matter-of-factness in this answer. It pleases her. "Yeah. Gonna work on that, with Violet, I think."
"Probably smart."
"Got some things to tell you. That okay?"
"Sure is."
"Hand hurts. Bad."
"How bad?"
"Bad enough I'm almost feeling like I deserve a special dispensation, just this one time."
"Now, you know I can't let that happen."
"Wouldn't have called you if I didn't know. I'm holding."
"Good girl."
"Some other stuff. Didn't want to get into it with Pete. I'm spotting. Maybe more than I should be after two days."
Even Amelia, tough nut that she is, sucks in a breath at that one. But she recovers and segues smoothly into dispassionate doctor mode. "All right. Can I bring Addison in on this? When you're here tomorrow?"
"Rather you didn't. But I suppose you should. You'll be there, with me?"
"Sure, if you'd like. What else?"
"Head hurts. Stress, I think, and lack of sleep. Anything you can do? About the sleep thing?"
"Let's see what we find when I examine you. What did Pete say?"
"Gave me tea. Has before, did again. I'm gonna need something stronger, this time around."
"Slippery slope, Char."
"Not that kind of strong. Hell, I don't know, you're the neuro doc, you tell me."
"I will, tomorrow. Charlotte? You tell Cooper yet?"
"Let's not go there. We don't talk about this."
"Well, okay. But we could, you know."
"We could. But we don't. You get me?"
"Loud and clear. So, 10ish? I'll come pick you up."
"9:30, and I'll have Coop bring me. Amelia? You still at Addison's place?"
"Yes."
"Well, you'll see her, I'm guessing. Before I will."
"That is entirely possible."
"Well, you warn her for me. An exam is all I'm asking for. No commentary."
"Noted. Try and sleep, will you, Char?"
And that's that. Taken care of. It feels good to take some action again.
Cooper won't talk to her. She slips silently back into bed, and his arm goes out to her, but he won't talk. She thinks her little episode earlier has traumatized him.
"Coop?"
He mumbles, turns over in his sleep. Reaches out to her again.
"Coop, I need you."
He snaps awake. "Wha..."
"Cooper, look at me."
His face turns to her, awake and sad and watching. He smiles, and gently squeezes her one good hand.
"You gonna leave me, Coop?"
"Huh? That's crazy talk. I love you, Charlotte."
She tries not to cry. Doesn't quite manage it. "I'm not my best right now."
"Oh baby, you don't always have to be."
It's what she needs to hear. She drops his hand and falls into exhausted, fitful sleep.
Morning. He feeds her, helps her wash.
"I'm coming in with you," she says. "Violet wants Amelia to run another neuro check."
"That sounds sensible," he says.
"She's gonna meet me there. Can you run me in?"
He nods. "And after?"
"And after, she'll run me back. She's still new here, Coop. No patients, really." She manages a rueful smile. "Just me."
He kisses her cheek, staying carefully on her good side. She wonders briefly if the rest of her life will be this way, the two of them always being careful, always stepping around the pain...
"Coop, can you do something for me?"
"Anything, Charlotte. Anything you need."
"Can you talk to Violet today? About you, I mean?"
He frowns. "What do you mean?"
"Just...just feeling like we're stepping around some tough stuff here. Trying to work myself up to telling you some. I don't...don't want to hurt you, Coop. I'm trying to do this right."
His eyes shimmer. "I love you so much right now."
She's gentler with his grief than she thought she'd be. "I know you do. I'm trying to do it right. Talk to her, will you? Tell her what I said? Do whatever she asks you?"
"I promise. You'll...you'll tell me? What Amelia says?"
"Yes," she says. "I'll tell you that."
Amelia meets her in the hospital coffee shop, a plastic cup and a small wrapped baggie lying in wait on the table beside her.
"You can have the coffee now if you want it," she says. "The cookie is for after."
She eyes the coffee warily, unsure she wants to provoke any bathroom issues with Addison due to have her hands down there so soon.
"Cookie now, coffee after," she counters.
"Nope. This is your reward for getting through my neuro exam," Amelia says, waving the cookie bag. "It's...it's gonna hurt, Char. I have to put you through it, and it's gonna hurt."
She sighs. "On with it than. Let's get it done."
It's thorough, she'll give Amelia that. She tries to end-run the pain by going somewhere else for awhile, but the only place she seems to get to when she goes inside her head is her office, that night, with him. Amelia seems to pick up on what's happening, stops a few times and waits for her. Mercifully keeps the poker face the whole way through. It takes longer than it should, and they are still at it when Addison comes in.
"Hey Addie," Amelia says. "Just finishing."
Addison frowns, glances at her watch. "You said..."
"Uh huh. Two minutes, Addie. Then she's yours."
Addison comes over. Smiles gamely and nods hello. And it happens again.
Her head falls back on her, and she feels that fugue panic of dark and light and noise. She smacks her hands against the grey of the exam table, and, screams.
Then she's awake again, and Amelia is watching her. Her hands are in restraints and her head is in a collar to keep it still. She struggles for a moment, then collapses into whimpery sobs.
"Well," Amelia says. "That was interesting."
She's groggy. "What..."
"You were still hooked up," Amelia says. "I had you on monitors. Look at this..."
She holds up a printout of the EEG. It's stable, a few spikes here and there, until the last third or so. Then, it goes haywire.
"Not sure if that was a full-on flashback or just a panic attack, but the good news is, I don't think it's a neuro problem. The bad news is, I think Addison might be a trigger for you, just like the lamp was."
"Great."
"I've called Violet in. She's on her way. But sweetie, we still need Addison to take a look down there. Don't we?"
She nods slowly, and Amelia opens the door. Addison comes back in, and she blushes. "Sorry about that."
"Hey, no problem." Addison smiles, and this time her gentleness is welcome. "We'll go slow, okay? You just tell me, if you need a break. You want Amelia to stay with you for this?"
She nods, closes her eyes, tries to block out this whole thing. It isn't much better inside her head than it is outside her body, and she feels her panic escalating, until Amelia squeezes her hand.
"So, did I ever tell you about the time Addison and me went on spring break together and spent the night in a tiki hut on a beach in Acapulco with a deejay from Memphis and a pair of transvestite Elvis impersonators?"
At last, an elsewhere to be. She relaxes, and keeps her fingers locked around Amelia's until the exam is done.
At some point, she sleeps a little. This surprises her, but she supposes even she has her limits, and the trauma of the morning was enough to wear down her defenses. When she wakes up, she's in a hospital bed, but still in her clothes, thank goodness, and Violet and Amelia are seated at her bedside, whispering together. Amelia is the first to notice she's awake.
"Hey! Feel better?"
She is chagrined to admit she does, a little. Sleep did her good, she guesses.
Amelia holds out the little white bag from earlier. "You were a trouper, Char. One cookie, as promised. You can have it while you talk to Violet, 'kay? I'm gonna go let Addison know you're awake. She'll want to talk to you, when this is done."
"Yeah. I'm sorry, about the..."
"Hey, it happens. But I'll tell her, if you'd like."
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Cookie for you. I'll be back in a bit."
And she leaves her. Violet opens the bag for her, puts the cookie out onto the tray. "Hey, Charlotte."
"Yeah. So, you heard?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm still in my clothes, so I'm guessing you're not admitting me."
"Like I said. You have more of these coming your way. Believe it or not, it's actually a healthy sign. It shows that you're trying to work through this, Charlotte."
She snorts. "Doesn't seem like I'm doing very well."
"You're doing fine. It's a tough thing, what happened."
And like that, she's tired of it all. Tired of tiptoeing around this whole thing, of finding safer words to talk about what it really is. Hard enough, without having to pretend on top of it...
"You can say it," she tells Violet. "I'm ready now."
"Well then. Why don't you say it yourself?"
"He was never after my wallet. I only said he was so I wouldn't have to tell Pete and Cooper that he raped me. He raped me, Violet. That's what it was."
Violet exhales, that not-poker face slipping again into sad, soft sympathy. "Sweetie, I know it. I saw the office."
"Oh yeah?"
"You put up a hell of a fight, if that's any consolation."
"Not really."
"Yeah."
"Can Coop handle this, Violet?"
"He'll be sad. I know that makes you uncomfortable, having him look at you and you seeing that in his eyes. But if you can wait that out with him, he'll be there for you. Yeah, he can handle it."
"How do I tell him?"
"Would you like to bring him in here? Addison has an update for you. He'll hear it too. And I'll be here, for both of you, for whatever you need."
She nods. "Yeah. That'll be good."
"There are groups, you know. For you. And for him, too."
"Yeah?"
"A friend of mine runs one, for spouses and partners. It's a good group, Charlotte. He can put some of the shock and the grief in there instead."
She takes a deep breath. "Okay. Let's do it then. Call him?"
And it's done. She's put it in motion now, for better or worse. And it's done.
to be continued...
