Francine looked at Amanda with shock written all over her face. Apologizing to anyone was not Francine's strong suit, never mind it having to be to Amanda King. She was really hoping that Amanda would just politely listen to what she had to say and say something like "Oh that's ok, Francine. I know you didn't really mean it." But from the look on Amanda's face and the tone in her voice, there is no way it was going to go that smoothly.
"Uh, ok, Amanda. Do you want to go first?"
Amanda examined Francine's face for signs of deceit. She detected none: instead she detected fear and uneasiness. The compassionate side of Amanda thought for a moment to go easy on her, but then she thought better of it. Amanda had put up with Francine's hot and cold attitude towards her for five years. Enough was enough, not to mention that she had really hurt Amanda's feelings that night at the ball. It was time that Francine heard what Amanda was really thinking. Amanda calmly took in a deep breath. Her face was virtually expressionless and the tone of her voice was pointed yet quiet.
"Yes, Francine, I think that I would like to go first. As I am sure you have noticed, I haven't really had much to say to you since the ball."
Francine sheepishly looked at the floor. Amanda looked at Francine's inability to make eye contact with her and continued on with her monologue.
"You know, Francine…..ever since I met you all those years ago, you always had to take shots at me to try and bring me down or try and shake me in some way, whether it was my clothing not being good enough or my being a mother that was very involved with her sons' lives or the way I came to become an agent….or the fact that Lee enjoyed working with me and that he actually fell in love with someone like me. It always bothered me, Francine but I would never give you the satisfaction of letting you know that. All I wanted was be your friend and colleague, and for a time, I thought that we had moved in that direction. We confided in each other, we laughed together, we even went so far to complement each other from time to time. I consider you a friend, Francine and foolishly, I thought that you thought the same about me. "
Francine lifted her eyes from the floor, looked at Amanda and tried to speak.
"Amanda…I.."
Amanda's eyes suddenly got very fiery and her tone completely changed to chastisement.
"I'm not finished" Amanda said punctuating every word.
Francine stopped talking, here blue eyes wide with surprise at how Amanda was speaking to her.
"The other night, not only did you insult me numerous times, but then you began to insult my mother and that is something that I absolutely will not stand for. My mother has never done anything to you. She is a good, kind, amazing woman. And, she has found a man that cares for her very deeply and she him. It makes no difference if that man HAPPENS to be Harry Thornton. And, you are also going to have to deal with the fact that Lee and I are expecting a baby. None of these things affect you, Francine, but yet you seem to have to take shots at the happy things in our lives just to make yourself feel better or something like that. I just don't know what else to do to try and make you like me, Francine. I give up. But I will tell you this, from this point on, you will not take pot shots at me or Lee or my mother any more or you will get just as good as you give back and then some. Do I make myself clear? And as far as my job goes…..I may not have initially began as an agent the way that you or Lee did, but I have become a damn good agent. I love my job and I am good at my job and not you or anyone else is going to tell me otherwise."
Amanda sat down on the edge of the conference table and crossed her arms in front of her. She could feel her pulse racing wildly and she was quite sure her cheeks were flushed. Part of her couldn't believe the tongue lashing that she had just delivered to Francine, the other part of her was happy it had finally been done. Amanda focused hard on trying not to let any emotion show on her face. As calmly as she could, she took in slow, deep breaths through her nose. She looked at Francine and awaited her response.
Francine nervously wrung her hands in front of her as she began to pace back and forth in front of Amanda. She wanted to run and forget this whole apology thing. She was in it too deep now to turn back. She pulled her strength together and looked Amanda square in the eyes. "It's now or never" she thought to herself.
"Amanda…..Amanda I really wanted to tell you that I was sorry for the other night. I don't know what got into me. And now, I still want to tell you that and I also want to tell you I am sorry for how I have treated you all these years. The truth is that I really do like you and I absolutely think of you as a friend. I guess that you could say that I don't really have many friends and well, I never really did. I value our friendship and, I never thought that I would hear myself say this, but…..I like working with you. And you are right, you are a damn good agent and I am proud to be on your team."
Francine stopped pacing and glanced over at Amanda. Her demeanor had softened a bit which encouraged Francine to continue.
"I didn't mean all those things I said at the ball or certainly the way that I said them. I know it is not an excuse, but I had way too much champagne and I tend to get mouthy when I am tipsy. I never meant to hurt you, Amanda and I have felt sick about it since the ball. I am not good with apologies and I guess I was hoping that it would blow over and we would go back to talking to each other. But when that didn't happen, I knew I had to do something. I really hope you will forgive me."
Amanda looked at Francine. She seemed sincere but Amanda sensed that there was still more to this story.
"Francine, I want to forgive you but I just don't know where those comments were coming from. I have to wonder if that is how you really feel and are you thinking those things all the time and just not saying them."
Francine swallowed hard and exhaled sharply.
"No, Amanda. That is not exactly how I feel all the time."
"Not exactly?"
"What I mean is…gosh this is hard…..what I mean is that I guess I do feel that way sometimes because….."
Amanda could tell that whatever it was that Francine was trying to say, it was killing her to do so.
"Go on…"
"Because I am jealous. There, I said it. I act that way sometimes because I am jealous."
Amanda tried to hide the shocked look on her face.
"Francine? Are you telling me that you are jealous of the fact that I am married to Lee? Do you still have feelings for Lee?"
Francine looked at Amanda with utter shock and burst out laughing. Amanda was not sure what to make of Francine's outburst.
"No, Amanda! I do not have feeling for Lee! That, though, is hilarious."
"Then what is it? What are you jealous of?"
"Of you, Amanda. I am jealous of you and of everything that you have and the person that you are. You have this great man that thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. And let me tell you, if you knew the Lee Stetson I knew back in the day, you would realize what a miracle it is that he is the man he has become today. And that is all because of you, Amanda. He would do anything in this world for you and you have made him happier than I have EVER seen him in his life." Francine looked away and remained quiet for a minute. "I have never known love like that, Amanda. Not even close. And now, the two of you are going to have a baby….which is just…amazing!" Francine turned back to look at Amanda. A smile had over taken her face. "Truly amazing! I am so happy and excited for you, but it also really hurts."
Amanda looked at Francine with concern and not with anger.
"How, Francine? How does it hurt?"
"It hurts because I don't have it. And what they say about the biological clock ticking louder and louder the older you get…that is absolutely true. And I never even thought I wanted kids. But lately, I have been taking stock of my life. I am a 30-something year old woman that had devoted her entire adult life to her work. I never took the time to develop relationships of any kind. Oh sure, I had boyfriends, but I always knew that they weren't going to be around for long. I told myself that I didn't really need anyone, that I was happy by myself. And I think for a time, I even convinced myself that that was true. But now, I look at my life and it just seems so empty. I have no husband, no children and no prospects. I feel like I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life."
Francine turned her face away from Amanda but not before Amanda noticed a single tear fall slowly down Francine's cheek.
"Francine", Amanda spoke in a soft, mothering tone, "It's not too late, you know. You can still have all of those things."
Francine quickly wiped her eyes and turned back to Amanda.
"It doesn't feel that way. In fact it feels as if I missed my adult life completely. I was so busy building a career as one of the top field agents in the country, that I forgot to have a life, too. And seeing you and Lee so happy just reminds me of how unhappy I am. I guess it was bothering me more than I thought because before I knew it, the champagne loosened my lips and all sorts of mean things came spilling out of them. I am so sorry, Amanda. I really do value you as a friend and I would love it if you could give me another chance."
Amanda's face had softened immensely. She no longer had the cold exterior. It had been replaced by a warm presence that was almost maternal in nature. Amanda walked over to Francine and placed her hand lovingly on her shoulder.
"Francine, of course you can have another chance. You are my friend and I am so honored that you have shared your feelings with me. I will do anything that I can to help."
"Thanks, Amanda but I am not sure that anyone can help."
"Well, you have to remember that life's biggest changes often come alone when we least expect them to. When I first met Lee and he handed me that package, I wasn't at all expecting something like that to happen that day. I was in my nightgown at the train station for crying out loud! But fate intervened and here we are. Mother and Harry didn't plan on meeting but they did! You just never know, Francine! I have a hard time believing that you are meant to be alone. You will find someone when the time is right. But you have to be open to it, too."
Francine had taken a seat at the table and put her head in her hands. This was a difficult conversation to be having and she had just about reached her talking quota for the day.
"Thanks, Amanda. I hope you are right and I am so glad that we can start anew. I don't want to take up any more of your time."
Amanda could have continued to talk but she sensed that Francine was anxious to change the subject. Amanda took the hint.
"So, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
"Probably ordering from the Blue Fox. Watch the Macy's Day Parade and hope that there is a good movie on."
"No! No you are not. You are coming to our house for Thanksgiving. Philip and Jamie will be with Joe so it will only be me and Lee and Mother and Harry. Plenty of room for you."
"Oh good, I can be the 5th wheel!"
"Francine, you will be no such thing. You are coming to our house and that is that. Ok?"
"Umm…..sure. OK Thanks a lot, Amanda."
"Good! Lee will be excited and so will Mother! Now I am going to get back to work. I will give you the details later on today."
Amanda hugged Francine on her way out the door. Francine gave Amanda a sort of half-hug back. She was uncomfortable with physical affection. Francine plopped back into the chair, her mind recounting the last half hour.
"What have I gotten myself into?"
To be continued…
