Chapter Two: In Which We Learn the Truth Behind A Little Fall of Rain

We all know what happens here, or do we?

According to all of our knowledge, Eponine dies in Marius's arms after being shot in the arm.

Is she really dead?

(Man, I really wish somehow I could get all of this dramatic information on the next page.)

This is what really happened:

After the scenario we like to call 'Night of Anguish', Marius lay Eponine's body down where it would not be damaged. What, did you really think that was her funeral? This was one of his best friends. He wasn't going to let her rot in the sewers. (I mean, you wouldn't if one of your best friends died for you. Because that would just be rude.) He sighed, and kissed her forehead one last time, for good measure.

A large old cat came walking by at that moment when the body, supposedly dead, stirred ever so slightly.

"Get Jennyanydots," he muttered to himself. Don't ask why. Maybe he was making a mental note, maybe he just enjoyed talking to himself, maybe he was hallucinating and he thought there was another cat, a sexy talk-show host kitty named Paulina Jones, right next to him. (Yes, she would be a relative of Bustopher Jones, just not as… fat.) And if any of these except the first actually was the case, then be surprised, be very surprised, that Enjolras didn't walk by, point, and say, "Look, Grantaire. There's a kitty that belongs in a mental institute." Then again, if Grantaire wasn't there—which he probably wasn't, seeing as I said ENJOLRAS walked up and did not mention his best friend—then Enjolras belonged in the mental institution, too.

Nevertheless, the old cat ran to a large junkyard. "Jenny, help me," he told an old red tabby queen who was teaching a white queen kitten how to knit. "There's someone that needs our help."

The queen went with the tom to where Eponine was lying. "Oh, she's seriously injured," she told him. "Get Jelly. I'll need the help."

So the old tom rushed back to the junkyard and, panting (he was reeeeeeally out of shape, but you would be too if you'd spent the past 50 years sitting on a monster truck tire), said to an old brown tabby queen, "Jelly *huff* Jenny *huff* needs your *huff* help with *huff*—"

Luckily for him, before he could pass out from lack of breath, the brown queen ran ahead of him. She soon found 'Ponine and Jennyanydots. The old tom looked around twice, chuckled in that uncertain way, and crept back into the junkyard to get a nice long nap.

"We need to get her back," said the cat called Jelly.

"But, dear," said Jennyanydots, "I think she has a boyfriend. If she disappears…."

"Believe me," said the cat called Jelly.

And so, with the help of Jenny and Jelly, Eponine was carried into the junkyard.