PARROTS
PART II
By Otaku Tess


"Please." She answered, determined to tell me not that I'd offended her, "I only wanted to tell you that an experiance like this is often very traumatic. It is very likely that she will develop Hydrophobia from this..."
I sighed. What else had to go wrong before I could start over.

Starting over. I would finish school in the dorms. Then move away. As far away as possible. But ... Everyday for a long time I thought of her -- of E.E.. Eventually I got over the guilt -- at least, as over it as I could get ... Considering what I did... But every so often I would want to see her. See if she'd grown, what she looked like now, how she was doing ... But I could never bring myself to face her, not after so long ... not after she hated me for leaving her.
I'm a coward. It repeats in my head everytime I think of Emma. "Coward. Coward." Like the endless droning of a parrot. Destined to forever repeat the same thing over and over again, without even knowing what it's doing. Like me. Making the same mistake over and over again. Not even paying attention to those I really loved. Not paying attention to the only family I ever had ...

... Emma ....

END OF PART ONE


Starting over. I was finnally starting over. Leaving my past behind me. Where it should be. I can't change my past, but I sure can change my future.
I finished school at my University, majoring in computer and mechanical sciences, particularly. I was Doctor Emmerich, now. I could finally achieve my dream.
Leaving my past in the dust would be easy -- at least it should have been ... considering. When your mother dies when your a baby, your father never has time for you, you're teased everyday at school and your only friends are cartoons up until you're last years of high school things are bad enough.
But when you watch as your whole family falls apart in front of you and you don't do anything... well... things are infinatly worse. -- I ... I didn't realize until it was too late. I was too wrapped up in my ideals to see what was really happening to my family.
I wish I could have opened my eyes to my step-mother's motives before I'd fallen for the same ploy my father had. Melanie had lived with her mother until she was 28 years old. She was a young mother that had no real means of supporting herself until her mother got her a job as my dad's secretary -- at the age of 27. She and my father started dating and after a year of it all they suddenly decided to get married. I was 19 at the time, and starting college. -- The good thing to come out of it would be my new little sister Emma, whom I lovingly dubbed E.E.
At any rate. A 28 year old had married a rather well-off 43 year old. Nobody said anything. Everyone who saw them together swore they were as in love as two people could be. My father worshiped Melanie and even I knew that Melanie had feelings for my father... But they were by no means the ideal couple. My father was too dedicated to his work. He only had time for his family when it was convienient for him -- when his job allowed it ... which wasn't often. It was even harder for Melanie to get his attention after she stopped working along side him at Bowing. During the summer my father's free time was spent with Emma and me, so Melanie had to sit tight until it got too cold to swim.
It is really no surprise that the lonely woman was driven into the arms of another man. Unfortunatly that other man was me.
She was a child, Melanie was. She would play with something until it broke or stopped interesting her and then move on to the next thing ... as she had moved from Emma's father, to mine, to me. I don't know where she went after me and I can't say I really care. Not that her motives were entierly self centered. I believe she talked herself into believing she was in love with me -- at least to a certain extent, to curb whatever guilt she felt.
Though I still honestly believe the primary reason she married my father was because she saw what a weak man he was and used it to her advantage. She could wrap him around her little finger. If she wanted to marry him all she'd have to do was ask. And what better person to marry than a rich scientist who would never be home -- and further more had a son that could -- and would -- watch her daughter for her without a protest.
It seemed the perfect set up for doing whatever she liked, except for the unexpected problem of actually falling in love with my father. I suppose when she felt abandoned by him she took the next best thing. Me.
I have already ended up more like my father than anyone could. We fell for the same woman under the same cercumstances. We were lonely and so in love with love that we took whatever walked up to us. We waited and waited for love to come our way and when it finally looked like it had found us we were too overwhelmed to take it for what it was. A irresponsible woman who was too self obsorbed to pay attention to those she was suppose to love.
Things came to a head when my father killed himself. Because of Melanie and me. -- Because of me. It was all my fault. I have to at least take that responsibility. My relationship with Melanie drove him to the edge. He drown himself in our pool in the back yard because of it. Emma nearly drown as well trying to stop him. And I couldn't save her because I was with Melanie at the time -- in my bed room. I pulled her out after I came to, but she wouldn't have remebered. I was so lucky she didn't die. So lucky. But ... I was too late to save my dad -- but then, he couldn't have been saved.
Emma was the one reason I couldn't leave my past with a clear concience. In leaving Melanie I'd also left Emma. I couldn't face her after the "accident," and I don't know what I'd do if she ever found out what really happened. But I am done being a Parrot. I'm done repeating my families mistakes over and over again.
I don't like to feel sorry for myself. I don't like to be sad. My whole life I've been trying to smile through my pain. Drown myself in fantasy -- my cartoons -- and make my fantasy a reality, as I was attempting to do by going into Robotics Engeneering. Everyone who I've ever met will comment on what an optomist I am. I do try to look on the bright side...
I keep myself wrapped up in my work alot, though I try not to get too rediculous. It was a failing of my father that I'd rather not keep. -- er, I'm a anual participant of Otakon and have found many a "kindred spirit" there. I always tell people that I meet there that I'll e-mail them or give them a call. Usually I don't get past the e-mail stage, though. They probably don't mind much, either. They have friends of their oun, after all.