Freed declined both the not so convincing arguments of Bickslow and Lisanna, rather opting to suggest that they do something else to pass the time. As Lisanna only continued to glare at Bickslow, as he'd promised that time that they'd watch what she wanted and he wouldn't try to ruin it, nope, not at all (though he would argue that if she honestly still believed him at this point, that was more her fault than it was hers), but the seith only shrugged a bit at his friend.
"What sorta thing were you thinking of? Freed?" Bickslow asked. "Like I said before, you're the guest."
Of only the worst apartment in the city, the rune mage was certain. Still, he only sat there silently for a few moments as he thought of what he'd done so wrong in his life, that he'd been sentenced to such a fate, before sighing, giving in, and asking, "Are you two partial to card games?"
Oh, of course they were because the first thing out of Bickslow's mouth after the man's suggestion was simply, "Of course. But you know, cards ain't much fun without wagers."
"Wagers."
Nodding, the seith said, "Some jewel, yeah? I mean, I know you're down and out right now, Freed, but-"
"I am not...down and out," the other man told him with a bit of an eye roll. "I simply do not have a place to stay until my apartment is properly-"
"Then, what you're saying is," Lisanna asked slowly, "that you can make some wagers?"
"Of course I can. I have jewels on me right now."
"Great!" Bickslow jumped right up at that. "I'll go out, huh? Get us some grub? Some more drinks too. Don't you think? Lissy? That it's a good idea?"
"I think it's a great idea, Bicks."
"Great."
And something was off. Freed could tell. He wasn't an idiot. The pair of them were always up to something, anyways, so even if he didn't outright pick up on the strange vibes that they were throwing down, he definitely knew enough of the pair and their relationship to know there was almost always something going on.
They rarely interacted with other people without having something up their sleeves. Be it a prank or something else, they were well known for this. He'd liked to think that him being, as Bickslow had put it before, down and out, would give them some hesitance to this ideal, but apparently not.
Unfortunately for Bickslow and Lisanna, however, Freed just wasn't up for drinking that night, which was part of their plan. They pair didn't intend to rob the rune mage, of course. No. They loved Freed. He was Bickslow's very best friend and Lisanna seemed to respect him even without that factoring in. They just wanted to get him a little (a lot) drunk, stay sober themselves, play some cards, and end up the victors. Two on one and all.
"The house always wins," Bickslow snickered to Lisanna as Freed went to the not shockingly disgusting bathroom. "Foolproof."
"Foolproof," Lisanna agreed.
But this wasn't the case.
With the pair of them, it hardly ever was.
Because they hated the idea, anyways, of Freed getting to drink and them not being able to. How was that fair? Other than the fact that they'd been the ones to come up with the idea in the first place. And were the ones, you know, that were unable to control themselves.
Well, that wasn't right.
Not really.
Lisanna hardly drank, honestly.
Except for around the seith.
And he'd just had a good smoke, which usually sated him.
Until he had poor innocent Lisanna to corrupt and entertain and all that.
It was a sickening cyclical situation that they only seemed to spin faster upon when they had an audience. Still, Freed (and most everyone, honestly) saw this as not lasting much longer. It couldn't. Eventually the two would become sick of each other or, worse, themselves. That was the way that most relationships turned out, after all, but especially ones founded in such a fashion as theirs.
Not to say that Freed didn't want them to be together.
"Oi, Lissy, let's get married, yeah?"
Other than right then, when he definitely didn't want them to be together.
"What?" Freed had been watching the pair drink themselves silly to the point that they weren't even playing cards anymore, but rather trying (and failing) at making houses out of them. Their stacks were no higher than the first level and, honestly, Freed was a counting the moments until they both passed out and he could just go to bed. Then they went and said nonsense like that. "What did you just say, Bick-"
"Oh, gosh, yeah, let's." Lisanna was busy trying and failing at finding where a pesky card had gotten off to when she'd knocked her attempt at a house of cards to the ground. "Let's do it. We'd get so married."
"So married. Married fucking hard."
"Harder."
"Hardest."
"You cannot." Freed, for some reason, thought that he had an opinion in the matter. They both would have laughed were they not too busy making faces at one another and laughing at those instead. "Bickslow. Lisanna. Marry. It would not be appropriate for the two of you currently to-"
"Why do you talk so much, mate? Have a drink!"
"Bickslow, I do not wish to drink."
"More fo' me!"
"I do not suggest that you drink more either. And especially you, Lisanna," the man remarked with a bit of a frown. "I assumed we would spend the night taking my mind off the horrible predicament I am currently in. Not me babysitting the two of you."
Was there a better distraction than that?
"I'mma go fin' some nice pants to wear tomorrow to our weddin', Lissy."
"I'll ask Mira for a dress."
"I do not advise telling Mira of this." Stopping the worst mistake of the pair's life would be difficult enough without Mirajane egging them on. Which she would. She'd probably not like the idea of her little sister wedded off to the resident freak, but she also could never pass up a good chance to plan a wedding.
Or plan any wedding.
Mira had been waiting years for one of her friends to finally tie the knot so she could help with preparations.
If Lisanna had to be the one to bit the bullet then so be it.
"Course we'll tell her. She's the best woman."
"Maid of honor," Lisanna corrected to which the seith, who was busy stumbling into the other room slurred back in the affirmative. "My sis."
"Your sis."
"At our wedding."
"Our wedding.
"Perfection."
"Perfection."
Ugh.
Rubbing his head into his palm, Freed stared down at the ground rather than look across from his seat on the couch where Lisanna was still seated on the ground before the coffee table. Lisanna had so much promise. A second chance at life. And a wonderful one at that. She was powerful in her magic and of decently intelligent. Though her siblings might outshine her, there was no problem with her burning bright in her own right.
All thrown away. And for what? To pal around with stupid Bickslow for a bit?
Life was a disappointment.
"I got a top hat," Bickslow called then, to her, from the bedroom where sounds of him rooting around could be heard. Some of the babies had gone off with him, but two, Pappa and Poppo, stuck with Lisanna, watching it seemed as she tried once more on a house of cards. "Can I wear it, Lis?"
"You gotta."
"Why?" Freed groaned a bit as he rubbed the heel of his palm now into his eye socket and prayed for death. "Why does he have to wear that?"
"It's in right now, Freed."
"No, Lisanna, it's definitely and certainly not."
"Debatable."
"But it really isn't."
Heh.
"I'mma wear a red suit too. Think we can find one?"
"Red?" Freed wasn't sure why he cared as they certainly couldn't in the timefram ethey were stalking about working. "Why red?"
"To represent the joinin' of our blood, yeah?"
"Yeah? Yeah, what? Who's bleeding?"
"You know, that part at weddin's where ya slit a part of ya and mix your blood together and then both drink some of it and say your vows."
"What?"
"It was in," Lisanna agreed, "a movie."
"Stop watching these movies. Please," Freed begged. "They sound illegal."
"One would think," Bickslow called out with a cackle.
One would think.
"I hope everyone's back from jobs," Lisanna said then. "To be there in time."
"My people are. 'cept for Laxus." Then Bickslow loudly proclaimed, "But who need 'im? Freed's my best man."
"Freed's not going," the rune mage assured him.
His complaints were of little matter to the pair it seemed.
"How do I look!"
It wasn't a question from the seith, really, but rather a very loud proclamation as he came back into the room in only some dress pants and his hat that certainly wasn't not a top hat, but rather just a normal beanie. Freed was confused, but Lisanna only nodded her head.
"Stupendous," she replied and it was kind of shocking for her to get the word off as cleanly as she did, for her to be as inebriated as she was, but at that point Freed just gave up.
Honestly, he did.
Which was fine, as they both gave up then, it seemed, as Lisanna went to go sit in front of the movie lacrima and snooze while Bickslow finally put a movie in, but it was a horror flick instead of anything they pair were interested in before. With a final guzzle from a bottle of some hard liquor, he went to fall onto the floor with Lisanna and to the sound of the flick, they both passed out.
Freed, however, only sat there with his head in his hands, watching most of the movie.
It wasn't terrible.
Just not his taste.
The entire plot was contrived and he was never one for movies, honestly, as Freed much preferred stage plays as a medium, but mostly he was a bit concerned by the message portrayed. An angel fallen down to the depths of hell where one of the truly fallen works to help her and keep her safe. Of course, in one part, she must save him as well and, to do this, they pledge an allegiance to one another by slicing their palms and sharing a taste of one another's blood.
Freed wasn't so certain what themes he was supposed to take from this movie nor of it's message, but he was certain of the parallels Bickslow and Lisanna apparently saw in their own relationship.
It told him all he need to know about the pair and their ill-fated romance, honestly.
In the light of day, after a terrible night of sleeping on their gross couch, all Freed wanted to do was shower and be literally anywhere else.
Until, after stripping down, he pulled back the shower curtain to reveal a sight he wasn't expecting.
"What," his call awoke the pair from where they were still snuggled up on the ground, planning on sleeping most the day away, "is that?"
"Wha'?" Lisanna half griped as she didn't even lift her head. But Bickslow did open his eyes and glare at the bathroom door where Freed was now standing in the doorway of, towel around his waist, looking distressed.
"Oi, mate, calm down, yeah?" Bickslow's eyes drifted shut again. "That's Jeffery."
"You named that gigantic spider-"
"Jeff, actually," Lisanna muttered in a terse tone.
It had been hotly debated.
For a moment, Freed only stood there, both angry and confused by the goings on of his friends. Then, with a frown, he turned back around.
"I'm going to kill it."
"No!" And Bickslow was scrambling to his feet then. "Dude, no, if you kill it-"
"Oh no!" At the sound of Freed's cry of terror, even Lisanna started to get up. "I think I made it angry!"
"I told you to leave him alone!"
"How do you morons live like this?"
"Quite happily," Lisanna complained as Freed came back into the living room then, still in his towel, determined in that moment to leave right that second. Which he would, but not before going into the bedroom and changing his clothes. "Before you came and tried to ruin it."
"Ruin it? How?" From the bedroom, where he'd stomped off too, Freed was incredulous to this idea. "How have I-"
"You were a big party pooper-"
"You two cannot get married!" He was yelling at her. Lisanna. For some unknown reason. He liked the woman enough and hated that she was doing this with her life, but enough to yell? Not likely.
They were having an affect on his psyche now. Great.
"Who the fuck wants to?" came Bickslow's gripe from the bathroom where he was trying to find where Jeff(rey) had gotten off to. If he left the bathroom, they might be screwed. "Lissy?"
"Not me. At all."
"Me neither."
"Last night the two of you-" Freed tried, but they were cutting him off and, really, was it worth it anyways?
Was any of it?
"We like to dream when we drink," Bickslow defended.
"Doesn't everybody?" Lisanna added.
"But our dreams are nightmares," Bickslow went on.
"Isn't everybody's?" Lisanna also quipped and ugh, they were horrible together.
"If that is not why you cite me as ruining your party atmosphere," Freed griped as he came back into the living room then to glare at Lisanna, "then what is?"
"You wouldn't drink with us," Bickslow answered for her.
"Or let us trick you out of your jewels," she finished.
"I'm leaving," was actually what finished it though as Freed headed to his things. "Right now."
"Okay," Bickslow hummed, though this was to try and hide his panic over still not finding then almost certainly poisonous Jeff(rey). "But be back by sundown."
Lisanna, who was curling back up to sleep, only grunted in response.
And he shouldn't.
Should he?
"What," Freed sighed as, at the front door now with his bags, he looked over his shoulder at the mess of an apartment, "happens at sundown?"
"It's spaghetti night," Lisanna told him simply and it sounded so real that he almost believed it.
Almost.
But instead decided that this was some sort of 'term' of theirs that would no doubt end in attempts to, apparently, take his jewels, and get wasted.
While he wasn't wrong, it was actually also the night in which they make the simplistic meal of all, spaghetti.
But truth be told, he really didn't want to see what sort of silverware and cooking utensils the pair owned. Or cleaned for that matter.
As he left with his things, Freed knew his ship wasn't sunk just yet because, though he and Bickslow were thick as thieves (before he got all tangled up in the Strauss family), Evergreen was still the most level-headed of the group.
Until he arrived and remember that, unfortunately, she took had gotten caught up in the Strauss epidemic.
This is probably the most obnoxious Lisanna and Bickslow have ever been together, so I think we can safely say we are now in the realm of absurdity. But I live for that kind of shit, so let's proceed.
