Harry Potter's Deepest Fears
Chapter 2 - I can't lose you
Disclaimer - Rose are red and violets are blue if I owned Harry Potter I wouldn't be here.
A/N: I would just like to tell you all I wasn't going to make this into anything but a one time ficlet but because of reviews I have gotten I've decided to make it into my 6th year fic.
Harry couldn't let go. He stood there hugging his three best friends struggling to gain his composure. He just kept remembering how it felt to see them laying there dead. The looks on their faces would never go away. It wasn't real Harry told himself just some stupid dream Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are all right here they are ALIVE Harry get a grip on yourself. Harry sniffed loudly and let go backing away from his best friends and sitting back on his bed.
Ron just stared at him. "You all right, mate?" Harry could tell they were all asking him the same question with their eyes. Harry nodded a bit trying to get the pictures out of his head. He felt an arm around his shoulder and looked over to see Ginny sitting next to him.
"Harry? Talk to us. What was it?"she was so sweet, and calm. Harry looked into her eyes and the look of them when she was dead shot into view. Harry shook his head. Tears streaming down his face again. Ron had pulled his bed next to Harry's so he and Hermione could sit on it and still be close to Harry. Hermione's hand was on his knee and Ron was holding her other hand. Ginny had laced her arm back and around to hold Harry's hand.
"I– I just can't" he stopped it was so hard to get the words out. They hadn't been their they wouldn't understand what he had felt. To see and hear a persons last moment. None of them had been there last year. They hadn't seen Sirius fall. They hadn't watched anyone die how could they ever understand his fear. Hermione lifted his chin and looked at him with her beautiful bright eyes.
"Harry– we won't leave you." she had spoken his most inner fear. He sometimes wondered if maybe she was wrong and Hermione sis have the gift of Sight even if she didn't believe in it.
"But - you can't know that for sure." He couldn't make them understand. That if Voldemort wanted them dead than they would die and Harry didn't know if he could stop him. He couldn't save Sirius or Cedric. How could he save anyone?
"We're not going leave you mate. Best mates for live remember? There's no way we're going to abandon you." Ron stated as though it was obvious. Harry looked up at him with fire in his eyes. Why wouldn't they understand you can't just say I'm not going to die. They couldn't control that. Harry let go Ginny's hand and stood up quickly knocking Hermione's hand away. He stared at Ron.
"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!" He screamed. Harry turned and walked away from them if he stopped talking to them, if he made them mad enough then they would stop being friends and Voldemort wouldn't want them. Harry ran different ways of making them mad through his mind. He walked down the rickety stairs of the burrow past Percy's abandoned room then past Fred and George's room. They had moved out to and apartment right above their shop in Diagon Alley. He entered the kitchen to find Mrs. Weasley making breakfast. She heard him enter and looked up.
"Well, good morning Harry I was about to tell those three to wake you up for soem hot breakfast. Eggs, bacon sausage and pancakes. Now sit down while I get you a plate." She started bustling around the kitchen fixing him a very large plate of food. She ducked into the frig shouting out to him. "What kind of juice Harry dear?" she peered out from behind the door holding a container of orange juice only to find that Harry had left through the back door. Mrs. Weasley shook her head. She was very worried about that boy she wondered if he had had another set of nightmares. "Ronald Weasley!!" well someone was going to eat breakfast.
Harry felt slightly bad about giving Mrs. Weasley the slip but he did not feel like talking to anyone at the moment. The walked into the back yard and over to the large wall the Weasley's had. He sat on the wall his feet dangling over the end. It was a beautiful day the sky was turning a bright crisp clear blue and there were no clouds to speak of. This day was so different from his dream. Yet the dream had seemed real. Harry wished he could write a letter to Sirius to explain to him what he was thinking. He had to cut himself off that was the only choice. He had to find away to separate himself from his friends so they didn't get hurt. With Ginny he thought momentarily he could just break up with her. Harry decided he would tell her he lied and that he didn't love her and never wanted to see her again that way she would be safe. Harry held his head in his hands. He hated the thought of never seeing her again but if he could keep her alive by not being with her by not seeing her then that's what he would do. She was everything to him. If she died he wouldn't be able to live. Harry thought that maybe if Voldemort was killed and by some miracle Harry lived than maybe they could get back together. He also thought that this would work well because if he did die then she would not be hurt and feel the pain of his death. Harry also thought that his would work well with Ron because if he broke Ginny's heart Ron would be pissed. Hermione might be harder though. It would help that Ron was mad at Harry but he would just tell Hermione to stay away from him. He was suppose to go back to Hogwart's in a week so he would tell Ginny today and then go stay with the Dursley's for the rest of the week.
Harry let his mind wander back to the beginning of the summer. Harry had gone back to the Dursley's in shock. He didn't leave his room for nearly a month. His Aunt would bring him meals everyday but he refused to come out. That was until he started getting letters from Ginny. All his friends had been sending letters all Summer even Luna and Neville sent him letters. He had gotten a few from Ginny but then one came that made his heart just leap. Harry carried it with him every were. He pulled it out the crumpled bit of parchment that made his heart scream in pain and soar at the same time.
Dear Harry,
I right to you today with horrible news. You have always said that none of us know what it is like to lose a loved one. A parent. Today Ron and my brothers and I can relate to you. We just receive the official letter, But Mum knew before it got here. Harry I hate to tell you because I know he meant a lot to you too but Dad died last night at work. There was an attack at the ministry and he was working late. We are told he fought bravely to protect others. I had to right to you. I am sure that you will get more letters from Ron and Hermione maybe even from Mum telling you what happened, they are all still in shock downstairs in the kitchen. A s soon as I heard I came to wright to you.
I think it must not have sunk in yet. I –Harry I now know how you feel. I understand what you meant about not being able to explain because even to you I can' t explain what I am feeling. When I first met you Harry I fell in love with the idea of you. I fell in love with the Boy Who Lived. I think the reason I wrote to you when the rest of my family can't think of anyone but the family is because to me you are my family – well part of it. To me Harry you have grown to something so much more than the Boy Who Lived. Dad's death has taught me so much. Most importantly that life is short and so very precious. Harry I know that you must view me as just your best friends little sister but to me you are so much more than Ron's best friend. I think of you as one of my best friends and I hope you view me in a similar way. Harry I have to tell you because who knows if I'll have tomorrow to say it: Harry I love you. Not the Boy Who Lived but you Harry James Potter my best friend.
Love always,
Ginny Weasley
P.S. Mum wants me tell you that we will be picking you up later on today for the funeral.
Harry read the letter twice. That was such a sad week. Harry was devastated by the death of Mr. Weasley but the letter form Ginny had rock him more so. To think in her most hurtful depressing moment Ginny Weasley had thought of him, Harry. Harry had stood by her at the funeral. Ginny on his right and Ron on his life. He had listen as they lowered Mr. Weasley into his grave and had held Ginny as she cried. He had even cried a bit with her. Two weeks into July, two weeks after the funeral of her dad Harry had taken Ginny for a walk. They had walked and talked for hours. By the end of it Harry felt so happy. They had talked of life and death and of his parents and Sirius. Harry had shared with her the events of the grave yard. She had shared with him the pain of not having her father to turn to. They were sitting on this very wall when as the sun set Harry had leaned over and took Ginny's hand. He smiled at her lowered his face and kissed her gently. When he pulled away he whispered in her ear a very soft meaningful "I love you too". From that moment on they had been together. Harry refolded the letter and made to stand up. Now after only a month and a half Harry had to break up the best thing that had ever happened. He turned to walk back to the Burrow only to find Ginny standing there looking at him with worry in her eyes. He sat back down on the wall Ginny sat next to him and folded her hands in his.
All Harry could think was how he hoped she could forgive him one day.
