Author's note: So sorry for the super late update! Thank you for reading.
"Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath."
—
It was a late Monday evening and the sun was setting down on the dusty hills of southern Syria. There were no buildings, no trees nor people nearby. Only a few lonely looking bushes and their dark shadows hiding from the sunset. If you don't count the occasional military trucks driving along the small gritty road crossing the wasteland, the only other life there were the snakes and bugs, living their own battle of every day's survival.
But today they were not the only one's.
Today was a special day for the land because there were not only one, but five fugitives hiking along the low hills of this area. They were not walking among the road, but hiding in the shadows of the arbitrary bushes instead.
"Are we there yet?"
Natasha wiped her slightly sweaty hair away from her eyes as she looked up to see Clint walking away from his spot next to Wanda, past herself and Sam and settle his pace to walk beside Steve on the front.
Steve looked years older than he really was and his new full-grown beard didn't help the matter. The usual glint, which Natasha could remember twinkling from his light blue eyes, was now gone and the only thing left was the same unreadable expression that she personally knew too well.
The soldier just stared tiredly at the infertile road ahead of them, didn't even glance at the archer who was staring at him expectantly.
"No, still eight miles to the west to reach the border," Steve practically sighed, "Then we've to make up a plan to fool the guards and cross it without alert."
"Can't we just sneak from the side? It's not like the last guards we beat up yesterday in like what, two seconds, would earn the "At least you tried your best" -award," Sam huffed from beside her, shifting his huge rucksack better on his shoulders.
"No, it's too risky. The border is almost completely lowland covered by low grass. No matter how dumb the guards are, they would easily spot and shoot at us," Steve replied, still looking ahead with that same goddamn blank look on his eyes.
Clint's eyebrows furrowed and shoulders slumped. Suddenly, he slowed his pace and stopped, making Sam almost bump into him and shout an annoyed "Dude!" The rest stopped, too.
"Sorry man, but holy crap this sucks. Can't we at least make a fire and camp? We have been walking for over a hundred miles today and I swear my feet will turn into jelly if we keep up like this."
Natasha looked around at the tired faces of his friends and she could tell they were all beyond exhausted. Even Steve, the super soldier, looked tired. But then again, they had all been exhausted for days now - months even. Ever since the whole shitty Accords incident happened.
For months had the five of them been on the run, stopping terrorists, helping people, hiding. They had stopped by to Wakanda a few times and the beautiful kingdom of T'Challa had become their new "home". The kind king had let them stay for as long as they needed and promised to keep their location unknown to the world.
But even through they were very grateful, Natasha could tell that none of them really felt like they had a home anymore. T'Challa was really amiable and had taken them with open arms, but it just wasn't the same. Home was a place were family was together. And now that their family was broken, they all knew it was going to take them a long time to recover.
But the thing that really irritated Natasha, was the lack of communication between the remaining team members nowadays. Unsurprisingly, with the lack of communication came also the tension. She had felt it in the air since the day she'd met the rest of the team in Wakanda about a month ago. The fugitives had been in the kingdom for a while before her, since she'd been on the run alone, looking for her captive friends in Europe first. Luckily she'd met up with Vision, who told her that Clint and the rest had escaped the Raft and were now safely in Wakanda. And to her relief, when finally meeting the rest, instead of a wary welcoming she'd been engulfed in a huge hug by a very relieved looking archer.
But now she couldn't even remember the last time she'd had a meaningful conversation with any of the scattered ex-Avengers. She'd tried to talk to them about the Accords, tried to light the weight pressing on all of their shoulders, but none of them had been willing to talk about their thoughts or own experience during the so-called Civil War.
Well, none except Clint. Unlike the others, he actually had shared with her, but then shut her down completely. They'd talked afterwards the first night she'd arrived to Wakanda. The archer had been extremely upset that night, as the happened events were still fresh and he hadn't had anyone to open up to in weeks. And then, in Natasha's ample Wakandan dormitory, the archer had let all of his walls stumble down as he explained to her through badly contained broken sobs how much he hated Tony fucking Stark, hurt and betrayal raw on his voice. Natasha had hugged him until he'd calmed down in her arms and fallen asleep. She may or may have not shred a few tears herself.
But the next morning Clint had acted as if nothing had happened. As if Natasha hadn't listened to him rambling for hours about Bucky, his family and Stark. As if she hadn't tucked him to her bed and slept on top of the covers next to him herself. As if she hadn't had a sleepless night, thinking about the sting of ache and betrayal on her own heart. As if they hadn't been best friends for years.
It's not like she would ever admit it, but she couldn't (and didn't want to) remember the last time she'd felt this lonely.
But then they'd gotten the rumors about terrorists in the Middle East. And even through they weren't in the best position, being on the run and all, Steve had felt it his duty to help those who needed help. Only Bucky'd had to stay since he was still recovering and Vision was needed to help Shuri with the stone on his forehead, but how could any of the rest of them had said no to that?
So here they were now. In the southwest of Syria, tired and beaten-up after stopping some bad guys planning an attack in a small town base. They were all a bit roughed up, heading towards the border of Lebanon, where another terrorist cell had been rumored to scheme.
"Are you mad? No, we can't just stop Clint. We've got to get rid of those bastards and then get the hell out of here back to Wakanda. As soon as possible."
Natasha didn't turn, but she could hear the badly contained sharpness in Wanda's voice. She'd been tailing behind everyone, and like all of them before Clint, she had been quiet for hours, only walking and staring numbly ahead.
Clint turned to look at Wanda, clearly surprised at the harsh tone. "Look, we are not gonna do any good if we're exhausted. I say we camp now for a night or two, gather up our strength and then attack with full force."
The calm suggestion didn't seem to please Wanda in the slightest and Natasha tensed slightly as the teenager literally stomped past her and Sam, right next to Clint with an angry glare. "Are you thick or what?! We can't just camp out for a night or two. Ether the bad guys catch us or the government will! I say we attack now when we still have the advantage."
Wanda must've been upset for a while now for acting out so suddenly, but Clint didn't seem to have noticed this since frustration was starting to appear on the archers already tired looking features as well. Steve had snapped out of his stupor and glanced at both Sam and Natasha warily.
"Well I say I just gave a realistic suggestion. Just because you're so desperate to get back to Wakanda to see your beloved Vision, doesn't mean we should all just go up there immediately and let the bad guys kick our ass!"
"Well just because I actually have the chance to see Vision unlike you your family, doesn't mean we should all waste our time just because you feel like it!"
"Well at least I have a family!"
Natasha could see the exact millisecond when Clint's face twisted in instant regret as his brain registered the words that had come out of his mouth. And the next second she could see how Wanda's eyes, filled with unlashed tears, flashed with hurt that soon turned into badly contained rage.
And just as the young witches eyes were starting to glow red and her hair float in the air, as upset as Natasha was with Clint, she still rushed to cover her dumb friend by placing herself between him and the furious girl.
"Enough! Both of you."
To everyone's surprise it wasn't Natasha's but Steve's voice that echoed in the valley. The soldier's usually tired looking features turned unexpectedly sharp as he'd turned around to properly look at his two fighting team members. They both looked off-guard for a second at their leader's sudden change in behavior.
"That's enough," Steve said slightly softer this time, but the sharpness didn't leave his eyes. "I know we are all tired and hungry and we all want to go hom... to Wakanda, but we can't just unleash our frustration on our own. Instead we have to focus on what really matters at the moment..."
"Steve's right," Sam agreed determinedly, "Why butt heads with each other when we all know who we should really be blaming."
They all stiffened at the mention of "the one who shouldn't be mentioned", but then a shadow passed on both Clint's and Wanda's eyes as they spat the unforgivable name like it was venom for their tongues.
"Stark."
"That's not what I..." Steve tried, looking uncomfortable now, but Sam was on roll.
"Yeah, that's right. Stark", Sam spat the name with the same amount of hate, "I don't know why we've been ignoring this for months, but we all know that we're in this whole shitty situation only because of him. So let's not start pointing accusing fingers towards our own when it really should be pointing towards New York or wherever the hell that clown is."
"You're right. This is all that narcissist bastard's fault. All of it." The young girl's eyes were cold as ice, looking at each one of the group members around her. "The whole Accords mess was his fault since he created Ultron and got people killed in the first place! Then he did nothing but watch as half of us got thrown into the world's most secure prison. And for what? For trying to save an innocent man and not accepting to be the government's puppets!"
"All the things that Stark did are unforgivable, but we can't dwell on the past right now in the middle of a dead valley. It's getting dark and we must camp", Natasha spoke for the first time, making everyone glance at her and then at the dangerously quickly setting sun on the horizon.
Wanda looked like she was about to protest again, but Steve put a tender hand on her shoulder. "Natasha's right, Wanda. We'll be no good in a fight if we are this tired." The Super Soldier looked quickly at their surroundings until his gaze stopped to a slightly shrouded spot next to one of the lonely hills in the area. "Let's camp there. It looks like a good enough hiding spot and we can continue and cross the border tomorrow with our heads in the game."
For Steve's relief, Wanda's sigh of disapproval turned into a profound yawn. "Alright, but I'm waking everyone up early tomorrow."
Steve smiled for the first time in days, patted the sleepy teenager in the back before righting his huge rucksack on his shoulders and heading towards their camping spot with the rest of the team on his heels.
The camp was made rather quickly. Everyone had put up their tents in less than ten minutes and a fire was made in fifteen, when Sam and Clint had found some brushwood to burn. After the next hour, the sun had completely settled down and all the light they had, were ether from the moon and the billion stars dancing on the breathtaking night sky, or from their little campfire that was now dangerously close on going out at any second.
"That's it. I'm getting more shrubbery to burn," Sam announced as he got up to his feet from the dim campfire. The rest were sitting around it too, trying to get all the warmth that they could from the dying flames.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Clint raised an eyebrow, glancing at Sam and then Steve who was sitting next to him. "I mean it's really dark already and I wouldn't want to spend my whole night looking for a lost Falcon wandering in the desert."
Sam just rolled his eyes. "Would you prefer to freeze to death instead, huh? Besides, I can probably see you guys from a mile if I stay on this side of the hill."
"You make valid points, Falcony."
"You want me to come with you? I don't think we should separate even if we seem to be in a spacious area," Steve offered and was just getting up when Sam stopped him.
"No, don't worry pal. I think I can handle the hungry mosquitos myself. I'll be back in no time."
And with that Steve sat hesitantly back down and they all watched as Falcon slowly disappeared into the darkness.
"Is it just me or does every single one who dies in a horror movie say that?"
"Shut up, Clint," Wanda rolled her eyes, but everyone could see a ghost of a smile on the corners of her mouth.
"I'm just saying."
They sat in silence for a while, the only sounds coming from the smothering flames and noisy crickets chirping in the night. Natasha glanced up seeing everyone deep in thought. Unsurprisingly, it was Clint who broke the silence.
"Uhm... Wanda," the archer hesitantly stood up. "I would like to talk to you privately for a minute, if that's alright?"
For a second the girl looked surprised, but then she seemed to remember she was still angry with the man and huffed a simple "whatever", before following him a little distance away from the camp where Steve and Natasha could still see them.
For a while Natasha just stared at the pair, watching as Clint was clearly trying to apologize about their little fall out earlier, and seeing how Wanda's expression was turning softer and softer by the minute.
"He'll come around soon enough."
If Natasha hadn't been trained to be ready for everything at anytime since she was a little girl, she would have startled at the super soldier's sudden voice next to her.
"I know," she sighed.
"Then why are you worried?"
"I'm not worried...I'm just..."
Hurt Mad Lonely
"I know."
She glanced at Steve's deep blue, honest to God eyes and the tension left her body. Her friend had said only two words, but the "I know, me too" and "I'm sorry for not being there for you before" were written all over his face. After a moment of staring, she turned her eyes back on their two members still talking in the distance.
"It's not your fault, Steve," She said after a while.
This time it was the soldier's turn to sigh.
"I'm not so sure of that," he responded with slumped shoulders. "I just... wish I could take back some things I said and did."
"Hey..." Natasha turned to face him and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You did what you thought was right. We all did. And I think we all did some mistakes, too. But as much as I hate to admit it, it was Stark who did most of the damage and turned his back on us. So don't you go feeling too bad about what you did when we're here, trying to help people while running for our freedom, while Stark is sitting comfortably in his warm, fancy tower."
Steve eyes turned to the ground for a while, like he was thinking over what she'd said. Then he looked up at her again with sad eyes, but gave her a ghost of a smile anyway.
"I never told you this but I'm glad you're here," He said sincerely and took her hand gently on his. "Don't know what I would've done if I'd lost another family member, too, "
Natasha smiled, a genuine smile, and squeezed his hand back. She opened her mouth to respond but closed it as she saw movement from the corner of her eye. A finally calm teenager and a relieved looking archer were walking over to them.
"Hey guys, do you know how..," Clint's casual demeanor turned into a puzzled expression as his eyes wandered between Natasha and Steve who were holding hands and gazing at each other just a moment ago.
"Sorry did we interrupt something?" Wanda asked slyly, her eyes also wandering between the two.
Steve realized what it must've looked like and quickly sat back again, face blushing furiously. Natasha's smile turned into an amused smirk as she sat back as well.
"Not interrupting. Are you guys good now?"
Clint eyed them with a look that Natasha couldn't quite grasp before playing it cool again and glancing at Wanda.
"Yeah, we made up. Apparently I'm an idiot, but at least I'm an apologetic idiot."
"And awkward," Wanda added.
"I'm just gonna pretend you didn't say that," Clint glared before turning to look at the darkness around them. "Shouldn't Sam be back soon? The fire's almost out."
The rest followed Clint's slightly worried gaze at the spot where their friend had left a little while ago. Natasha and Steve stood up with as well.
"Maybe we should go search for him? Just in case?" Wanda frowned.
"But shouldn't someone have to stay and watch the camp?" Clint asked, looking around at their scattered belongings.
"He's been gone for approximately ten to fifteen minutes. He may just be having trouble finding anything flammable in this darkness," Steve said with a reassuring voice, though his eyes betrayed a hint of worry. "Let's give him ten more minutes. If he's still not back by then, we split up, half stays here and half goes to look out for Sam."
"Sounds like a plan," Natasha said, and was just about to sit back again, when she felt a tender hand on her shoulder. She turned around to meet Clint's unusually soft eyes.
Her expression, in the other hand, must have been all but soft since the archer dropped his hand quickly.
"Sorry I'm... I mean, I just wondered if we could..."
Suddenly Clint gasped and his eyes widened in alarm. It took Natasha two seconds to see a small dart sticking from his neck and she put two and two together. In a heartbeat she dived, bringing Clint down with her.
"Guys watch out!"
Next thing she knew, a dozen of small darts were raining at their direction, another one hitting the almost unconscious archer on the shoulder and one barely missing her head. When the rain stopped, she looked up and saw Wanda lying on the ground, knocked out, and Steve, with several darts sticking from his back, crawling to the girls aid.
"Steve!" She tried, but her voice was drowned to a sudden strong wind and a voluminous noise of engines running above them. She looked up, her hair flying with the wind, to see a huge military stylish plane hove in the air, starting to land on the valley, which was now full of action with black suited men running and surrounding them from all sides, everyone with guns pointed at them.
Natasha tried quickly to reach for her own gun, but cursed when all she could feel was air on her back pocket. Of course they would be attacked the one time she'd left it in her bag.
"Clint!" She whisper-shouted urgently, reaching for her unmoving partner lying next to her. She cupped his face with her hands and tried to shake him awake. "Clint, wake up goddammit!" Her heart skipped a beat when the only answer she got was silence. "Damn it," She muttered back and frantically searched the archer's pockets for possible weapons. There was nothing.
They were trapped.
Her head snapped back at Steve, but to her horror the super soldier had also been knocked out, his body protectively shielding Wanda's. As she could hear the men getting too close for her liking, she did the only thing left to do.
She leaped from her hunched position towards her bag, ran as fast as she could, reached the bag and loaded her gun. Her finger ready on the trigger, she was just gonna put down the two nearest men, when suddenly she felt a dozen of stings all over her back.
In a blink of an eye, she shot at the two men, but couldn't see if her bullets had met their targets, since suddenly everything around her got blurred. She felt as if she was floating in the air, the muffled shouts of the men around them getting further and further away, her face nearing the ground in a strange slow motion. And for some inexplicable reason, before her face hit the cold dirty soil, the last person in her mind was Tony Stark.
And then she felt nothing.
—
