Joanne was sat in Dumbledore's office, wondering if the headmaster of Hogwarts ever took Gryffindor's sword out of its case and waved it around in a pretend fight. She smirked and looked across the mahogany desk littered with spindly silver machines and pieces of parchment to meet Dumbledore's bright blue eyes studying her over his spectacles. He looked amused and allowed himself a small smile before picking up the note Professor Snape had angrily scrawled out earlier that afternoon.
"I'm sure that you will be relieved to hear that Mr Malfoy's hair will regrow within a few days thanks to Madam Pomfrey's excellent care."
Joanne made a non-committal sound and looked at the ceiling. It was his own fault, if he hadn't of pushed her, making her pour far too much Gnatroot juice into her potion, she wouldn't of turned round and poured the remainder of it all over his head. Instantly all of his hair fell out and he had to be quickly escorted to the hospital wing in shock whilst Snape hauled her to the front and took forty points off Gryffindor. Joanne privately thought that this was a bit harsh seen as it was Draco's own fault for getting his head in the way but potions was boring and smelt of pickled dead things so she gladly took the excuse to wander around the castle a bit. She had been having an interesting chat on the eleventh floor with a portrait of a barmy old man in a toga about the best way to eat doormice when Professor Dumbledore appeared next to her.
"I was thinking of varying the menu," said Dumbledore after he had greeted the ancient Roman in the painting. Joanne wondered whether he was joking or being perfectly serious but the headmaster just gave her an enigmatic smile before beckoning her to follow him.
The said Professor was now looking at her again as though deciding what was the best thing to do. Joanne had finished her in depth study of the ceiling and was now looking at the contraption nearest to her.
"What does it do?"
Dumbledore gestured towards the machine, "Turn it and see."
Joanne reached forward and took hold of the handle, which immediately came off in her hand. Dumbledore's eyebrows shot up into his hairline and Joanne pushed the silver handle across the desk.
"Not very good if it falls apart just by touching the handle is it? I'd take it back and get a refund if I were you."
"Ah well," agreed Dumbledore, studying his now handle-less ornament, "I've been meaning to clear some mess off my desk for a while."
Joanne sat up in her seat, expecting to be dismissed with a strict warning not to pour things over people in future but Dumbledore sat back and placed his fingertips together under his chin.
"So how are you settling into Hogwarts? Different from Durmstrang I expect."
"Erm, it's certainly very different." Frantically she tried to think of what JK Rowling had mentioned with regards to the other wizarding school. "It's warmer here," was the best she could manage. Dumbledore nodded as though he understood completely.
"I visited my colleague Professor Karkaroff many, many years ago and I can honestly say I'll never regret the lack of Yetis in Scotland again."
"Ah, yeah, Yetis. They…don't like people much do they?" she invented.
Dumbledore laughed and his silver beard sparkled in the sunlight. Joanne was quite impressed despite herself.
"Usually no but I, being young and foolish, did not heed the warnings and went out exploring on my own and met a female Yeti fishing in a river."
Joanne privately thought that she really did not want to know where this story was going and pointedly looked at her watch but the professor was deep in his musings and staring at a point about a foot above her head.
"I was kidnapped and it was three days before I could convince her to let me leave."
"Probably for the best, Sir. Long distance relationships rarely work."
Joanne was glad to leave Dumbledore's office.
Unfortunately she was back in there roughly two and a half hours later accompanied by a icily worded note from Professor Sprout informing her that she would no longer welcome back into the greenhouses until she learnt to control her temper. Dumbledore had obviously spent the afternoon reminiscing about his exploits with the Yeti and was in an indulgent mood, offering her chewy toffees that chewed themselves so the chewer did not get toffee all over their teeth. Joanne explained that during Herbology she had been pruning a rose which had been trying to strangle her when something bit her on the hand so she turned around and hit it with her trowel, cutting the head off a baby Shivering Cactus. It was still moving so she hit it again, then another two jumped out of a bush so she hit those as well. How was she to know that Shivering Cactuses are actually very friendly and the first one she had decapitated had only been born yesterday and was trying to climb onto her hand? Hermione had looked at her like she was a maniac when she found Joanne hammering a still twitching cactus into the bench and Professor Sprout had not been best pleased either. Joanne had been immediately kicked out of the greenhouse, being put on manuring duties until she could be trusted working with plants again.
Professor Dumbledore promised to have a word with Professor Sprout and Joanne left him chuckling as she walked back to her common room. Her owl was sat on the windowsill, snoring away to itself. She had eventually let it out of the cage once she had started getting odd looks from the other five girls she shared her dorm with and hit it with a pillow when it tried to go for her again. After that it just sat and glared at her malevolently. The others seemed to think it was really cute and fed it treats but Joanne ignored it and it ignored her, which seemed to work fine for both of them. She had half an hour before Divination so she decided to write a letter home. Finishing with a flourish and a lot of streaked ink, it was taking her a while to get used to writing with a quill; she folded the parchment and sealed it before contemplating the little owl before her. It's snoring sounded like something stuck in a blender. Joanne tied her letter to its leg then prodded it with her wand and it gave a surprised squeak. Quickly grabbing it so it could not sink its beak into her finger, she opened the window with the other hand.
"Take this letter home, bird, and I might let you back through the window when you come back."
Joanne then threw the owl out of the window, expecting it to swoop off then turn back round and dive-bomb her but instead it plummeted straight down into a bush below her window. She heard a thump as it bounced out and landed on the grass then it got up and staggered about in circles. She sighed and made her way downstairs and out of the front doors, nodding to Neville as she passed him. Usually very friendly towards her, this time he clutched the plant he was holding nearer to his chest and quickly ran up the stairs.
"Heard you were thrown out of the greenhouses, all those baby cactuses ganging up on you were they?" Joanne gave Malfoy a bored look as he lounged against the stone pillar with his arm around a sniggering Pansy Parkinson.
"Well I heard that you saw yourself in a mirror without any hair and fainted, you're so manly Draco."
She ignored Pansy's shriek of indignation and carried on walking around the castle until she found the bush below the Gryffindor tower. There were a few feathers and shredded bits of paper but no owl in evidence so Joanne followed the paper trail of the remains of her letter down the grass slope to an oak tree. Sat in the lowest branch was her owl, insolently chewing on the remains of her parchment.
"So you can fly when you put your mind to it."
The owl spat out the letter and yawned at her then jumped off the branch and hit her on the head before making its way to a group of first years sat on the grass. It crash landed in the middle of them and played the cute card to such effect that he was scooped up and immediately adopted by a girl with pink ribbons in her ponytail. It was placed on her shoulder and it spun its head round to glare triumphantly at Joanne, who rolled her eyes again and trudged back to the common room to find Neville and explain that she wasn't really a plant murderer.
