Chapter 2

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Carlisle's voice was authoritative. He had quickly – quicker than anyone else – regained his composure. His decades...centuries of medical practice kicked in. He was not a vampire who'd just caught of whiff of human blood. He was Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

Emmett nodded his head. "Come on Jasper," he snarled.

It was a rare occasion for my easy going brother to get angry, especially at any of us. But at this moment, Emmett was mad! He tightened his already steel grip on Jasper.

Jasper twisted and struggled, still trying to get to Bella. I crouched lower in my defensive stance over her as Jasper flailed his arms aimlessly, his eyes beyond reason. I could not talk, I could not breathe either. Breathing in Bella's scent would only worsen the situation for me.

Carlisle repeated his command and Rose stepped in front of Jasper after throwing a smug glance my way.

You knew this would happen eventually, Rosalie thought. Just be happy Emmett got to him first.

Her words stung but I could not help but believe that she was right.

Esme held the back glass door open, one hand covering her mouth and nose, as Emmett and Rose wrestled Jasper through the door. She looked ashamed.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she cried as she escaped into the backyard.

"Calm down, Jasper, damnit," I heard Rose yell. "You're messing up my hair."

"If you so much as rip my shirt with your teeth," Emmett snarled, "I swear to God, I'm gonna rip your freakin arms off, Jazz!"

Only Carlisle and Alice were left in the living room. Alice was in a state of utter dismay. I could not blame her. Bella was hurt and bleeding; her party was ruined, all because of the actions of her own mate.

I had not moved from my crouch over Bella. I was staring out the glass into the darkness, searching to see a quick flash of white that would indicate that Jasper had broken free of Emmett and Rosalie and was heading back to the house. I did not see anything.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle murmured.

I nodded slowly and relaxed so that he could move to Bella's side. I looked at Bella, on the floor, shock frozen on her precious face. A sick feeling rose up from my stomach. If I could vomit I would have. I was that repulsed by the monsters that we were.

Carlisle kneeled beside Bella, examining the fresh cut on her arm. I trusted Carlisle with her. Finally, I was slowly able to look away.

"Here Carlisle," Alice said, offering him a towel she had quickly retrieved from the kitchen.

But Carlisle shook his head. "Too much glass in the wound." He reached over and ripped a thin scrap from the bottom of the linen tablecloth, then twisted it around Bella's arm to form a tourniquet.

"Bella," Carlisle spoke softly. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"

"Here, please," Bella whispered. As much as she was forced to visit them, Bella hated hospitals.

"I'll get your bag," Alice said and then disappeared.

Carlisle looked at me. "Let's take her to the kitchen table."

Allowing Carlisle to maintain pressure on Bella's arm, I lifted her effortlessly and carried her into the kitchen. The smell of blood – her own blood – was making Bella queasy. She did not protest because at this moment, she was in fact helpless.

"How are you doing, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm fine," she answered, her voice steady with false bravado. She glanced at me to see how I was handling the situation.

I was not handling it well. Even though I was not breathing, my throat burned with the intensity of the thirst that I had believed I'd overcome.

I had believed that I was over it. I had believed, that despite the appeal of Bella's blood which I endured every day, once I had tasted it, I would be able to resist forever. I was wrong...so wrong.

In the instance that the tiny drop of blood breached the surface of Bella's skin, I felt the monster in me roar.

Bella looked at my face, hard and unmoving and sighed.

"Just go, Edward."

"I can handle it," I lied through my clenched teeth.

"You don't need to be a hero," Bella stated. "Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air."

Fresh, untainted air was exactly what I needed to clear my mind. But I would not leave her, especially when she winced as Carlisle injected her with a local anesthetic.

"I'll stay."

"Why are you so masochistic?" Bella mumbled.

Masochistic. My own words, uttered in the meadow, just months ago.

So, the lion fell in love with the lamb...

What a sick masochistic lion...I didn't know the truth of those words when I had spoken them.

"Edward," I heard Carlisle say. "You may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes," Bella eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."

"You might as well do something useful," Alice chimed in and handed Carlisle his medical bag.

My eyes narrowed at her but I had to get out of there. I sprinted through the door. Not long after, Alice was right beside me. We ran silently through the trees until we found Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper standing in the middle of a small clearing. All were fuming. Alice rushed over to Jasper and put her arms around him. He brushed her off easily.

"It's okay, honey," Alice spoke. "Bella's okay."

"Leave me alone!" Jasper yelled, most likely to all of us, not just Alice.

"Edward, talk to him," Esme pleaded.

I looked at the tortured expression on Jasper's face, wondering how anyone thought I would be able to help him. But now that he was thinking clearly, he felt horrible over what had transpired.

Edward, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened...I would never hurt Bella.

"Damn it, Jazz," Emmett boomed angrily. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Excuse me, but what exactly did he do that was wrong?" Rosalie questioned and at once, five pairs of amber eyes glared at her with fury. She was not intimidated.

"Stare all you want but you know I'm right," Rosalie argued. "He acted as we all have done at least once. We're vampires, remember? We all know that Jasper hasn't been restraining himself for as long as the rest of us. What did you think was going to happen?" The last question was directed at me.

"Rose, don't make it seem like what I did was normal or even okay," Jasper stated. "I...I attacked Bella." His words came out a choked whisper.

With a deep moan, Jasper slumped to the ground, holding his head with his hands.

"Jazz," Alice tried to comfort him. "It's okay. You didn't hurt Bella. She's okay."

"Just leave me alone," Jasper pleaded. "Everyone just please go away."

Alice stepped away sadly. Though she hated to be away from him, especially in his current state, she was the first to oblige his request. The others followed but I remained.

Jasper's remorse was real. Immediately I forgave him. No doubt that Bella would too. He knew that.

I can't live this life, Edward.

"Yes, you can," I said, sitting on the ground next to him. But Jasper shook his head.

"I don't want to be that kind of...monster again," he said, referring to the life he had before meeting Alice and joining us. "But I don't know if I can completely resist. I was doing well until..."

"Jazz, you're not the only one who has a past to escape. It's difficult but you do it for the same reason that we all do. We are not monsters...at least we don't have to be."

"Edward, tell Bella I'm sorry. I don't think I can face her right now."

I nodded. "I will."

It's going to take me awhile to be around her. Jasper held his head in shame. He next thought surprised me.

I think I need to go away for awhile. She's around...a lot.

"Jasper, that's not a good idea. If you go, then Alice goes too. With Em and Rose away, you know Esme will be so upset."

"I have to go," Jasper reiterated. "I'll convince Alice to stay." But we both knew that would be impossible.

"Go back to Bella, Edward. I want to be alone."

I obliged but Jasper's decision left me rearing. Alice would not let him leave without her, though it would devastate Esme. And in a disturbing way, the breakup of my family was my fault. Rose and Emmett were away because of my relationship with Bella. Soon Alice and Jasper would be gone too, for the same reason.

What was I doing to my family? When had I become so decidedly selfish?

I slowly walked back to the house, contemplating my next decision. It seemed that the only way to keep my family together and still be with Bella was to make her one of us. I shuddered at the tragic thought. There had to be another way.

I walked past Esme and Rosalie, ignoring Rosalie's icy glare and blocking out their thoughts with my own. I had to think of something...something that would bring my family together and keep Bella alive.

I approached the glass door. Bella and Carlisle were engaged in a heavy conversation. I listened, not eager to interrupt and face Bella's hidden wrath.

"Elizabeth's words echoed in my head. How could she guess what I could do? Could anyone really want that for her son?"

Carlisle was telling Bella how he decided to change me. Why that story? Why now?

"I looked at Edward," Carlisle continued. "Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have."

I scoffed at Carlisle's words. There was nothing good or pure about me. I was horrible. I led Bella along, knowing how dangerous it was for her to be with me. Where was the goodness in that?

"After all those years of indecision," Carlisle was speaking again. "I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his mother to the morgue first, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There weren't enough hands, enough eyes, to keep track of half of what the patients needed. The morgue was empty- of the living at least. I stole him out of the back door and carried him across the rooftops back to my home."

Bella had asked many times about how I came to be. I could not tell her from experience, only what I'd been told by Carlisle. My human memories were vague, at the very least. Now she was getting the gruesome story first hand.

"I wasn't sure what had to be done," Carlisle said to Bella as he wrapped a bandage tightly around her arm. Thankfully, I'd missed all of the stitching and sewing.

"I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary. I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." Carlisle shook his head, finished with the past and back to the present. He smiled at Bella.

"I supposed I should take you home now."

I stepped into the kitchen at that moment. "I'll do that."

I looked at Bella. She looked well enough but then again, Bella could hide her emotions very well.

"Carlisle can take me," she said, confirming what I already believed. Bella was too afraid of what had taken place, of the look in my eyes, that she did not feel safe. I did not want her to feel that way. The moment had passed. I would not hurt her.

I looked down at Bella's shirt and grimaced. The light blue cotton was spotted with her blood. Her right shoulder was covered in pink frosting.

"I'm fine," I replied. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something."

I walked out the door to get Alice. She was talking to Rosalie and their conversation abruptly came to a halt when I approached.

"Alice –"

"Edward, what are you going to do about that girl?" Rosalie interrupted. "Jasper's talking about leaving. You know that will kill Esme!"

"First of all, that girl has a name," I fired back. "And I haven't made a decision yet. When I do, you'll be the first to know. I'll phone you in Africa," I added sarcastically.

"Alice, can you come inside for a second? Bella needs a different shirt."

"Sure, Edward," Alice said and we started to the house.

"Don't give her any of my clothes," Rosalie yelled. "I don't want her scent on my stuff."

Alice hurried to Bella's side and ushered her upstairs. A few minutes later, they returned. Bella was wearing one of Esme's shirts, similar in color to the one that was now ruined. With Charlie's less than stellar eye for detail and the probability that his game was still on, he'd never notice the difference. He most likely would not be surprised by Bella's arm wrapped in gauze. He was used to it.

I waited by the front door. As soon as Bella reached the bottom of the staircase, I held it open. It was time to go.

"Take your things," Alice cried, thrusting Bella's remaining two gifts and her camera into her arms. "You can thank me later when you open them."

Esme and Carlisle both said goodnight and I did not miss the quick glances they stole at me.

She's fine, dear, Esme thought. Everything will work out.

Don't make any rash decisions, Edward. Come back to the house and we'll discuss it as a family. That came from Carlisle.

Once outside, Bella hurried to the truck. We made it to the truck at the same time. I opened the door and she climbed into the cab in a hurry, anxious to get home, I bet. She did not even want my help.

Once inside, I pushed the truck to its limit, driving too fast down the dark serpentine street away from my house.

"Say something," Bella said, breaking the uncomfortable silence between us as I turned onto the freeway.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked. My voice resembled my thoughts, detached and far away.

Bella cringed but regained her composure. "Tell me you forgive me."

"Forgive you?" I asked angrily. "For what?"

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened," Bella hastily explained her ridiculous notion.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut – that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault," she replied.

Her fault! Absurd. I would not allow Bella to blame herself for this.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela, and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly happen would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates – without someone throwing you into them – even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room. Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" Bella yelled, missing the point of my tirade entirely.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled.

I knew there was nothing Bella could say to make the situation better, yet I had no idea that she could make it worse.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," she protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."

We drove the rest of the way in a silent standoff.

My mind raced faster than the speed of this ridiculous truck. What type of person had I become to allow something like this to happen? Before meeting Bella, I would not have contemplated ever bringing a human home. Our vampire instincts were too strong, as Jasper had proven.

That was not the only reason.

I was not comfortable with the life that I'd been given. For decades I'd been a brooding, melancholy being, simply going through life existing, not necessarily living. Since meeting Bella, my existence had become more substantial. She was the rainbow in my everlasting midnight sky. Still, she was human and I could not have her forever.

The realization that something...anything, could take her away from me was stored in the back of my brain. Bella insisted that nothing could keep her from me, but tonight proved just the opposite. Something – human, vampire, animal, disease, accident – would eventually take her from me and my world would be black again.

I killed the engine after pulling in front of the Swan house. I clenched the steering wheel as tight as I possibly could without damaging it. I did not know what was about to happen next and I detested being unclear in my decision making.

"Will you stay tonight?" Bella asked quietly.

I remembered what Carlisle said before we left.

"I should go home."

"For my birthday," Bella pressed.

"You can't have it both ways – either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

"Okay," Bella replied. "I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

Bella hopped out of the truck and reached back inside for her packages.

I frowned at her and sighed. "You don't have to take those." They were birthday gifts after all. I'm sure, after what happened, my family would understand.

"I want them," Bella insisted.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live," Bella answered and tucked the gifts awkwardly under her non bandaged arm. I jumped out of the truck and stopped her.

"Let me carry them, at least." I took the packages. "I'll be in your room."

"Thanks." Bella smiled. I couldn't help but to wonder what there was to smile about.

"Happy Birthday," I said for the second time that day. I leaned down to briefly touch my lips against hers.

When Bella reached up to pull me closer, to make the kiss last longer, I pulled away as was my habit and ran to her bedroom window.

I sat on her bed, toying with her gifts. How did what should have been a perfect day turn into something so tragic?

How could I have allowed things to become so bad? How could I make it right for everyone involved?

Bella entered the bed, in her pajamas, before I could answer any of my questions. The sight of the white gauze on her arm pierced my heart.

What had I done?

"Hi," I said, my voiced sadder than I intended.

Bella came to the bed, pushed the presents out of my hands, and climbed into my lap.

"Hi." She snuggled into my chest. "Can I open my presents now?"

"Where did all this enthusiasm come from?" I wondered aloud.

Bella picked up Carlisle and Esme's gift, no doubtedly the best gift, the one Bella would appreciate the most.

"You made me curious."

I took the flat package out of her hands. No need for a repeat performance. I could smell the antiseptic mixed with fresh blood through the bandage.

"Allow me," I said and tore off the silver wrapping paper. I handed the box back to Bella.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" Bella grumbled.

It took her a minute to realize what she was looking at but when she did, a wave of contagious excitement washed over her face.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" she asked while reading over the fine print on the voucher for two plane tickets...for me and her.

"That's the idea."

"I can't believe it," she yelped in my lap. "Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though?" she asked me. "It's sunny. You'll have to stay inside all day."

"I think I can handle it," I said. I was thinking that if she planned on going soon, she should see if Angela or Jessica would like to go. Maybe the answer I'd been searching for was for Bella and I to spend some time apart.

No, that wouldn't be the answer. Time apart from Bella would be detrimental to us both.

"If I had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain," I stated, distracting myself from my own horrid thoughts.

"Well, of course, it's too much," Bella replied but I could hear the excitement still in her voice. "But I get to take you with me!"

So much for that plan.

"Now I wish I'd spend money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

Rolling her eyes, Bella set the tickets aside and reached for my gift. Again, I slid the gift out of her hands and unwrapped it like the last one. No more mistakes. I handed her the clear CD case. It wasn't much but then again, I wasn't allowed to buy gifts. I had to be creative.

"What is it?" Bella asked, perplexed as she stared at the silver CD.

I didn't answer. Instead I took the CD and put it in her CD player on the bedside table. I hit play and watched Bella's face as the music began.

She listened, wide-eyed, but did not speak as my music, my compilations that she adored so much, played around us.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she reached up to wipe them away.

"Does your arm hurt?" I asked anxiously. Why else would she cry?

"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it," she whispered.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I commented.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?"

"Just fine," she lied. Her eyes told me the truth. Bella was in pain.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything," she protested but I slid her off my lap and headed for the door anyway.

"Charlie!" Bella hissed.

Charlie was unaware that I spent most nights at his house, in Bella's room, while he slept. And we wanted to keep it that way. Even though Charlie was awake now, he was too engrossed in the baseball game. Besides, he would have never heard my silent footsteps. I'm a vampire. Stealth is our specialty.

"He won't catch me," I promised as I slipped out of the room. I returned seconds later with a small bottle of pills and a glass of water. I handed both to Bella accompanied by a stern warning look. No argument ensued.

"It's late," I noted after she had gulped down two pills. I then scooped her up off the bed with one arm and pulled the covers back with the other.

Gently I placed Bella back on the bed with her head on the pillow. As usual, I lay down next to her - on top of the blanket that was tucked under her. This was my quiet time, these moments with Bella.

She leaned her head against my shoulder. A happy sigh escaped her lips.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"You're welcome."

The song I'd composed for her – aptly named "Bella's Lullaby" – ended and Esme's favorite piece began. It was calming as the song played, my mind drifted.

Being here, in this space, with Bella seemed so perfect...so right. But what happened this evening could not be ignored. What happened was our reality. I had allowed Bella to enter our world. I'd allowed her to feel as if she was safe and protected, as if the seven of us were normal. I had put Bella's life in danger and that was unacceptable. That was wrong.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella whispered. I had not noticed that she was staring at me.

I hesitated to answer. I did not want Bella to agonize over my bad judgment.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually," I answered and left it at that. Bella would ask more clarifying questions that I would selectively answer.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" Bella asked.

In my own reverie I'd forgotten how perceptive Bella was. She had picked up on my mood and was trying to distract me.

"Yes," I answered, wary of where she was going with her line of questioning.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."

"You're greedy tonight."

Bella nodded but looked a little piqued.

"Yes I am, but please, don't do anything you don't want to do."

"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do."

Bella knew my weaknesses so well when it came to her. Lying on the bed, so soft, so beautiful, it was hard to resist her. Bella knew that I wanted nothing more than to press my mouth against hers.

I put my hand under her chin and gently lifted her face to mine. I pressed my lips against hers, inhaling her fragrant aroma. Her heart raced and emotion – a great sense of need – overcame me.

I kissed her more urgently, crushing my lips to hers and she twisted her body close to mine. One of my hands snaked through her hair and held her more securely to me. I was crossing my own lines as I felt her hands tangle in my hair. I could hear the blood rushing through her veins. I could smell the desire in the air. My throat burned feverishly, but I needed this, needed her. I could not pull away.

My tongue explored her warm mouth as I pressed my body against hers. Fire and ice, we were as my hands caressed the small of her back. Bella softly moaned with pleasure as my cool breath washed over her warm neck. I placed my lips against the base of her throat, kissing her there while I listened to her erratic heartbeat. Fire burned through me. Temptation almost overcame me...almost.

I stopped abruptly. I could not continue and at that very moment a decision was made.

Bella collapsed back onto her pillow, gasping for air.

"Sorry," I whispered breathlessly. "That was out of line."

"I don't mind," Bella panted.

I frowned at her. Her not minding was the essence of our problem.

"Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

"You're over-estimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" she asked, rather seductively.

I answered truthfully. "It's a tie. Now why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she agreed and snuggled closer to me.

I watched as she drifted off to sleep, the exhaustion of a trying day was finally catching up to her. Bella pressed her injured arm against my shoulder – no doubt that my cold hard skin was serving as an ice pack – and I felt a twinge of sorrow.

She was the most perfect girl in the world and for tonight, she was mine. I did not want the sun to rise. That was when I'd have to leave her and have a conversation with my family. I could only wish that they would understand and respect my decision.