To the mistress known as Angelic Smarty Girl the twenty fourth: Firstly, how did your family keep such a ridiculous name for twenty three generations? Secondly, thank you for your review. This is, in fact, NOT the first story I have written. Merely the first I have published under this pseudonym.

To Sir Utah Central: What an informative and uplifting review.

To the Mew Trainer: Rather difficult job you have. You're of course correct in assuming that Flagnar has hidden depths, but you'll have to wait to see what they are. With Escargantua, I was more commenting on the fact that she's only large for a snail (being horse-sized) and is still considered a monster. Granted, one that speaks french. As for your question with the dear doctor.... Mwahahahaha.

The following story is in no way funded or supported by Dreamworks entertainment. I am considering buying out the company.

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Blam! Blamdy blam blam! Blamity blam, blam blam, BOOM, bang abang bang blam!

"Pass the popcorn."

Cuthbert complied, handing Katie the bin of snacks. She was in the driver's seat because his leg was in a cast, and that was fine by him.

"See?" he ventured. "Isn't this nice? A movie, snacks, we're together," in public, "isn't this better then the vineyard?"

"Yeah sure. Oh sh-sh-sh! This is my favorite part."

Cuthbert turned to the screen. "What the heck--?!? That looks horrifically painful!!"

"Yeah," Katie grinned, "I know."

"I think I'm going to be sick..."

Katie rolled her eyes. "It's a war film, Cuthbert. What did you expect?"

"I... thought maybe... it would follow the people at home..."

"Ya-huh." She looked at him. "How did you ever get on the football team anyway?"

Cuthbert shrugged. "My dad said I should try out... coach thought I was good..."

"Your fabulous wealth had nothing to do with it, eh?"

Cuthbert sighed. "I'm not responsible for my father's bribes, okay?"

"Don't bother making excuses." She turned back to the screen. "The money's why we started dating."

Silence attempted to reign, but a blood curdling scream from the screen usurped it.

"...It is?"

Katie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that and your physique. Look, I've been helping you pass class since grade three--"

"Oh my gosh what's that?!"

Cuthbert pointed to a glowing spot in the sky that was steadily getting larger. Everyone at the drive in theatre looked up in annoyance, then in horror when they realized what it could be. A short burst of engines later, and the lot was almost entirely devoid of vehicles.

"Katie! Katie, drive us out of here!" Cuthbert looked wildly at the woman in the driver's seat.

She held up a finger. "Wait a moment..." Slowly, she reached for the gearshift.

Cuthbert gave the growing fireball a panicked stare. "What are you doing?! That thing's going to crash into us!"

"Wait for it..." Katie shifted into reverse and put a hand on the keys.

"Are you INSANE?!?!"

"Quite possibly. Three... two... one..."

Gunning the engine, she shot backwards a mere foot as the object landed.

"See?" She smiled, waving toward the egg-shaped pod. "Didn't even scratch the paint."

"...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

Suddenly, with a soft whoosh of air, a hatch opened on the pod, sliding out and aside to reveal a strange and shifting maze of light silhouetting an inhuman figure with a pair of guns in her hands.

"So. This is the Earth I've heard so much about."

***

"We're getting a television show?"

General Monger stared at Ginormica with the absolute deadpan face only his lifestyle could muster. "This enterprise has been agreed to by our accounting department as a method to supplement our official income for temporary housing of newly identified and relocated monsters until we have a legal residence for them."

"What?" asked B.O.B., looking at the paper he held suspiciously.

Doctor Cockroach flipped it right way up for him. "It means we can provide rooms for newbies until they have one made."

"About time too." Link stretched his spine. "Bunking with Escargantua was absolutly horrific, let me tell you."

The snail glared at him. "Well, it was no promenade en parc for je, Monsieur!"

"Hey, no offense, you're great as a friend, but a bunkmate--"

"I mean we have our own show!" Susan interrupted. "So, we'll be on sets?"

General Monger shook his head. "Unfortunately there are legal problems with bringing cameras to the facility, and practical problems with bringing you to the stage. Therefore the studio has decided to create the series in an animated format."

"Oh. Well, I like animation."

"Indeed," Cockroach nodded, "I find that it is an under-represented art that could well create true masterpieces."

Link shrugged. "Yeah, I prefer it to live action. Have you seen rubber scale suits? That could never truly capture me, but animation would let the essential Linkness shine."

"I think that it's great!" B.O.B. piped up. "It's cheap, but can do so very much! Animation is one thing I'm sure of!"

Insectisaurus roared in agreement.

Esgargantua rubbed under her beret. "Cher Dieu…"

"I suppose the scripts will be based off of our missions," the bugman commented.

"Those that are deemed safe for public release, yes." General Monger averted his gaze. "You understand that some of your acts will have to remain classified."

Susan nodded. "I get that. Hey, it says we get to voice ourselves!"

"And discuss scripts with the writers before they're finalized," Doctor Cockroach added. "I find that to be a very important part of the contract."

The general coughed. "If you all don't mind, I would prefer you sign those quickly. We have a situation developing that you need to look into, and the plane is prepped for departure.

"Oh. Sure, I don't mind." Susan gave one last look through her magnifying glass. "It's just this contract seems too good to be true, I keep looking for loopholes or something..."

"My dear," Doctor Cockroach gently reminded her, "we are monsters."

Link grinned. "It ain't smart to get on our bad side."

"Vraiment?" commented Escargantua.

"That's right, girl." He whisked his signature across the paper and headed for the door. "Come on, let's do this thing!"

The snail rolled her eyes. "I must question his intelligence, then."

***

Derek shuffled through his bills.

Looking at the man, one might not believe he was the same television entity that had once dated Ginormica. Oh, his face was still clean-shaven and handsome, and he still had that wide, powerful smile.... but here, slouching in his plaid pajamas, you could see the regret and despair.

He had had it all, or a very big part of it once, and now he delivered newspapers. At least he was still a public face.... sort of.

He glanced at his pet cages. In one, a small brown bug constantly scuttled around the thin layer of dirt, while the case above it held a basking moth. Both of these annoyed the small toad by simply being out of his box, but there was always food provided, so it tolerated the inconvenience. The red jellyfish in the aquarium floated serenely and listlessly through the water.

Derek nodded, turning away. "I wonder if I should get a slug..." He shrugged and continued to scan his mail. no signs of promotion yet, but he knew that it would happen, that soon his life would change, and he'd be on the screen again.

And perhaps, if one looked in his eye, one might realize that there was something missing from it now...