This plot was the brainchild of the incomparable psychicsaphie. Wellspring of ideas, sounding board and beta, thank you so much!
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, no sue.
Hiccup felt very, very small.
The men and women around him were built like architecture – massive slabs of flesh, huge rooftree arms and giant pillar legs. The all spoke in massive, booming voices, and could probably bench-press a longship. Each.
Phlock was bigger than Berk, a prosperous trading town between the other islands and the mainland. It snuggled into a wide harbour, hazy mountain peaks behind it. The buildings were pressed together closely, the streets narrower. A pall of smoke hung over it, and the huge, impressive mead-hall was placed high in the centre of the settlement, overlooking the houses and pier. Its massive doors were bound in burnished brass, hanging tapestries tied against the stone walls in honour of the occasion. Dragon-mouthed pennants snapped on the tall wooden flagpoles. A wide square opened out before it, ringed with stalls, and this was where the Viking clans were to assemble.
Toothless had caused a sensation amongst those Chiefs who had only heard of the dragon peace of Berk. Those Chiefs (and one Chieftess) who had been host to one of the diplomatic missions looked on in amusement as Toothless obediently trotted behind the skinny young lad, his blunt head swinging curiously, and men the size of mountains dove out of his sight. Like the inhabitants of Berk, Toothless was definitely the only Night Fury these Vikings had ever seen, and so even berserkers with no fear of death shrank back from the legendary creature.
Once they had calmed enough to be in the same place as the dragon, it was Toothless himself who calmed their fears. Huffing loudly and petulantly, he slumped over onto his side in the middle of the Phlock village hall and whined sulkily. Several warriors pointed their axes or spears at him in response to the sudden movement.
"Devil beast," one muttered, and another was praying fervently to Thor.
"IT'S NOT THAT BAD, YOU KNOW."
"Shut up, you loud-voiced harridan, you'll draw its attention!"
"SUIT YOURSELF."
"What is it, bud?" Hiccup leaned over to his friend, and then whispered fervently, "Don't do anything scary, okay? Please? Work with me here."
Toothless made a noise like 'huuuruum?", opened his big green eyes as wide as they would go, and rolled over, baring his belly.
There were a few indrawn breaths, and someone hissed, "stab it! Stab it now!"
"Just watch," Stoick said firmly.
Hiccup chuckled at the pleading look in Toothless' eye, and started scratching his belly. The softer scales on his underside were softer and looser than on his forepaws, and Toothless lidded his eyes in pleasure. The scales were slightly dry and flaky in places, and Hiccup made a mental note to get some honey-ointment to shine them up.
"Rrrmuuuum…." Toothless wriggled in delight, purring happily.
"It's… happy?" a warrior said uncertainly.
"Bloody lizard loves its belly scratched," Stoick said in peevish confirmation. "I'd be fine wi' that, except he keeps knocking over the furniture when he rolls."
"Toothless?" Hiccup asked softly. "You okay if I ask someone to join me here?"
Toothless opened one eye, snorted in indifference, and resumed purring.
"O-kay," Hiccup said in amusement, before raising his head and his voice to the surrounding Chiefs and warriors. "Anyone else want to have a go at scratching his belly?"
There was a profound silence.
"Come on, guys," Hiccup tried joking, "my hands are seizing up here, and there's a lot of dragon left."
Were there crickets on this island?
Stoick sighed gustily. "Looks like they're all too overjoyed to move, son."
"I'll have a go," came a voice, and Hiccup craned his head to see the speaker.
The fellow who pushed his way through the assembled tree-like Vikings was a young man, maybe two or three years older than Hiccup. He was maybe a few inches taller as well, and considerably bulkier, though nowhere near the average size of the rest of the gathering. He had nondescript brown hair, wide, guileless eyes and a wide-mouthed smile. "Name's Alberich," he said cheerfully. "Call me Al."
"You got a weapon on you, Al, you'd better get rid of it first," Hiccup said warningly, and Alberich shrugged, pulling an axe from the sleeve over his shoulder and swung it into the hard-packed sod.
Starting towards the dragon, Al was startled into stillness by a rumble from Toothless, whose eyes had opened to slits. "Why's it doing that?" the young man asked nervously.
"He," said Hiccup pointedly. "Um, why are you doing that?" he turned to Toothless, whose rumble was rising in pitch to become a growl.
Toothless tossed his head and snorted again, before nosing Hiccup's hip.
"Ohhh," Hiccup realised. "Al, you've got more weapons on you," he said decisively, turning to the stranger. "No dragon will ever put up with a weapon close to it in hands it doesn't personally know."
"Sensible," said the Chief of Phlock, Upchuck, in a surprised tone.
"Dragons are nothing if not practical," Hiccup replied dryly. "Might want to lose some hardware there, Al."
Al scowled for a brief moment, before a sheepish smile crossed his face. "Sorry," he said with an apologetic little shrug. "I'm always forgetting they're there – part of the morning ritual, y'know?"
He pulled two daggers from his sleeves, one from the top of his boot and a hatchet tucked into the back of his tunic, piling them on the ground beside his axe. Hiccup's eyebrows rose.
"You must have some serious issues," he said.
"M'dad taught me to always keep 'em close," Al said, smiling still. "That's all – oh, wait…"
He reached a hand around behind his neck, and pulled out a thin, vicious little knife. "Now that's all," he said with satisfaction.
"You really feel safe with all that pointy steel right next to your skin?" Hiccup said in astonishment as Al slowly walked up towards the settling Toothless.
"Hey, I could say the same about you – you're the one with his hands all over the fire-breathing dragon," Al pointed out with a smirk, and Hiccup laughed.
"There's a point."
The surrounding clansmen all held their breath as Al stepped closer and closer to the Night Fury, whose eyes were now lidded once more as he enjoyed Hiccup's ministrations. They all leaned back slightly, their blocky, bearded faces apprehensive, as Hiccup grabbed Al's wrist and directed it to the loose scales under the dragon's ribs.
"Soft," Al said in surprise. Toothless made a descending whine, and Hiccup resumed scratching.
"Okay, okay, hold it, sheesh," he muttered to his friend. "Yeah, they're softer on the underside. I need to oil him, see here?" He moved Al's hand to where the scales got patchy and flaky. "That's from rolling around in the sand. And from the harness."
Al began scratching at the flaky scales, and Toothless purled in contentment. "Hey," Al said, laughing in wonder, "he likes it!"
"Told you," Stoick said smugly, and the other Vikings let out their breath in one choral whoosh.
"Harness?" asked Upchuck dubiously.
"Oh, didn't Dad tell you?" Hiccup smirked at Al, who raised an eyebrow curiously. "You're going to like this."
"Okay, bud, now dive, dive, dive!" Hiccup yelled, and Toothless barked assent as they rolled over one wing and swooped towards the village of Phlock, far below. A cacophony of screams, hollers and shouts greeted them as they shot faster than an arrow over the assembled Chieftains' heads, and a cheer rose up as Toothless banked on a wingtip to hover motionless over the sea.
"What do you say we give them a big finish?" Hiccup said into the flattened black ear, and Toothless shook his head in readiness. Dipping his wings, Hiccup changed the gear on the tailfin and they fell like a stone directly for the choppy waves. Hiccup distantly heard yells of horror.
At the last minute, he pressed back with his metal foot, and the Night Fury barrelled horizontally across the surface of the sea, spinning and darting faster than could be followed. He levelled, spreading his wings wide towards the sun as Hiccup thumped his back in congratulations, and spat a bolt of fire at the horizon.
"I wish you wouldn't do that," Hiccup groaned as the rush of hot air blew back into his face.
Toothless ignored him with dignity, and warbled happily as he turned back towards the island, flapping furiously and raising clouds of dust as he settled back in the village square. The assembled had to hold their hands in front of their faces to avoid choking.
"Phew," Hiccup patted his friend's head once more, before swinging his leg down from Toothless' back and stretching a little. Hunching over Toothless' harness could occasionally get uncomfortable. "Anyone got any fish?" he said absently.
"Fish?"
"THEY LIKE FISH."
"What, Berkians?"
"NO, DRAGONS, YOU GREAT NINNY."
"Oh."
"Does he like salmon?" Al shouted, and Toothless sat up, ears perking upwards.
"Does he ever," Hiccup grinned. "Only thing they don't like is smoked eel, far as I can tell."
Al came forward, made bolder by his success earlier, holding two large salmon by the lips. "Do I… put them on the ground…?" he asked dubiously.
Toothless made the question moot by creeping forward, his teeth retracted. Al looked puzzled by the empty gums. "How's he supposed to eat them if he GREAT THOR ALMIGHTY...!"
Toothless had extruded his teeth and grabbed the first fish, as was his normal custom with new people. Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Ignore that. He thinks he's funny. Did the same thing to me when I met him."
"He can… pull his teeth in?" asked the Chief of Freezing-To-Death, Hangnail. "That's plain weird."
Hiccup shrugged, placing a hand on Toothless' head as he gulped down the other fish. "I guess, but so far as I can tell, Night Furies are the only dragons who can. I think it's got something to do with the kind of fire he breathes."
"Aye, makes sense," said Hangnail thoughtfully.
"Now that you've seen a friendly dragon, I'm sure you can see why we made friends wi' them," Stoick said pointedly, and several Chiefs started nodding, though others still looked sceptical and one or two downright hostile. "I suggest we take this into the mead-hall an' think it over."
"He means 'drink it over'," Al whispered in Hiccup's ear, and he chuckled.
"Does he ever."
"Hiccup!" Stoick boomed, looking back at his son. "You'll be needed to tell the story tonight, so don't you go wandering off, hear me?"
"Yes, dad," Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "No wandering off. Got it."
"Protective," commented Al, as Hiccup started taking off Toothless' tail rig. The assembled crowd began to make their way enthusiastically towards the mead-hall (and the ale), talking excitedly about the demonstration.
"Well, I can't really blame him," Hiccup said in a resigned tone. "I'm all he's got, though even that wasn't much until three years ago, and I almost died."
"Died?" Al knitted his brow, and Hiccup shrugged uncomfortably, unbuckling the saddle and scratching at the scales revealed perfunctorily.
"You'll hear the story tonight."
"That's some gadget," Al nodded to the tailfin. "Do you control them with that, then?"
"No!" Hiccup bundled the saddle and fin together under his arm. "No. It's… look, it's all in the story tonight. And Toothless is hopefully the only dragon who'll ever need one of these, ever again."
Al held up his hands in a gesture of conciliation. "Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to step on a nerve."
"It's okay," Hiccup ran a hand through his hair. His finger caught on the string of the pouch Astrid had given him, and he grasped it tightly, missing her dreadfully. "You'll understand once you hear about it."
Later that night, Hiccup was propped up on one of the tables, handed a tankard and told to speak.
"You guys are all so drunk that there is no way in Hel you're going to remember all this," Hiccup said testily. The ale in the tankard smelled green, and he didn't feel like having the stomach-ache that came with green beer.
The Chieftains all roared and thumped the tables in indignation at the very insinuation that they couldn't hold their drink. Hiccup let his head fall back in exasperation.
"This. Is possibly. The most humiliating moment. I have had. All. Year," he said conversationally to the ceiling. He figured he had more chance having a decent conversation with it rather than that bunch of hairy lunatics.
"Get on wi' it, Hiccup!" Stoick roared. His helmet was askew, and he had an arm clapped around Upchuck's shoulders.
"Okay, all right!" Hiccup yelled back from his vantage point on the table.
"This bard's rotten!" Hangnail slurred. "Where'sh the shaga, then?"
"Hey, that's my son!" Stoick lurched towards him, and Hiccup clapped his hand over his eyes.
"Freyr, give me patience," he groaned. Then he took a deep breath, and pitched his voice to carry. He'd become somewhat used to public speaking since the diplomatic mission to Brass Monkey, but he'd never had to tell the whole story. This was going to be… not so amazing.
He dropped his hands, balled them tightly. Then he lifted his chin. Green eyes hardened.
"I was fourteen. I was the village screw-up. I was small and weak and weedy and I would never amount to anything."
Al's face abruptly whipped towards him. His wide, guileless face was astonished.
"He's still small and weak…"
"That's my son."
"…and a fine lad, a fine lad, Stoick…"
"OH, THAT'S WHAT THAT JOKE WAS ABOUT!"
"Shut up, 'Ranna!"
"I've always been good at inventing, so I got apprenticed to our blacksmith, Gobber, when I was little. I invented a spinning bola that could be shot from a cannon. I took down a Night Fury." Hiccup swallowed, his eyes darting to where the dragon sat curled before the roaring fire in the middle of the floor. "No one believed me."
"Aye, that's because we'd heard it all before," Spitelout said pointedly.
"And that's because they'd heard it all before," Hiccup repeated resentfully. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I went and found the Night Fury – Toothless – and I made friends with him."
"You don't... control him?" Al raised an eyebrow.
Hiccup scowled. "You don't control friends. And we really are just that - friends. He understands more than you'd think, and I understand him. He didn't want to trust me - not that I can blame him - but we kept learning more and more about each other. Eventually it was just obvious that we weren't all that different.
"Listen, dragons aren't what we thought they were! They're clever, affectionate, funny and stubborn - emphasis on stubborn - but most of all, they're peaceful. A dragon won't attack if there's no reason. Unfortunately we were giving them reasons. Lots of them."
"Rubbish! Dragons were makin' off with our livestock every week!" shouted a warrior, and several others thumped the table in agreement.
"Okay, but there was a reason for that too! One I'll get to in a second. Just let me explain everything else that was going on..." Hiccup rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the carved rooftree, thinking.
"Right, so while I'm out making friends with Toothless, I'd been put into dragon training. I know, I know, the irony, right?"
Several Vikings chuckled.
"Anyway, I wasn't the best dragon fighter Berk has ever seen, let's put it that way. But spending time with Toothless taught me more about dragons - and I started to use that. Did you know that they hate eel? You want a dragon to stay away from something, put a smoked eel on top. They'll stay away from it like it's diseased. Toothless taught me more and more all the time - and it didn't take long before I was leading the class, even though I hadn't thrown a weapon."
"Damndest thing I've ever seen," Spitelout nodded blearily.
"You're just jealous b'cause Hiccup beat Snotlout," Stoick said dismissively, and Spitelout growled. It could have degenerated into a fight (another thing these gatherings were prone to) but Hiccup started up his tale hurriedly, forcing the pair to calm back down.
"When I brought Toothless down, I… I injured him. I tore off his tailfin." Hiccup clambered down from the table to his dragon, and spread the single remaining fin, holding it up for the assembled to see. Toothless lifted his head curiously, studying his rider. Then he pushed under Hiccup's hand until his fingers were flat against his nose.
Hiccup looked down at his friend helplessly. Toothless always did that, recreated that first moment when he touched his nose, whenever Hiccup was feeling guilty. It helped, sometimes.
"Dragon can't fly wi'out both fins," Hangnail slurred.
Hiccup nodded, still looking at his best friend, whose pupils had expanded with understanding and love. "I know. Well, eventually I knew. I made that tailfin for him, and we worked and worked until we could fly in unison. I couldn't kill him when I first saw him, and I couldn't take the sky away from him either."
Toothless blinked slowly at him. Hiccup rubbed the soft nose comfortingly.
"You invented that whole set-up?" Al asked, his eyes somehow shrewd.
"Yeah," Hiccup shrugged. "There was a long, long testing process," he added wryly.
Toothless whuffled in amusement, and Hiccup nudged him with his side.
"Anyway, we were out flying when suddenly Toothless started going off course. I had no idea what was happening, and neither did Ast… did my wife. We were surrounded by other dragons all flying to the same place, dragging in sheep and fish and cattle. They hadn't eaten any of it. They were taking it all to the same place we were going."
Hiccup took a deep breath. "Toothless took us to the dragon's nest."
A massive gasp echoed through the hall.
"I take it back. The bard's okay," whispered Hangnail.
"It was this massive mountain deep in Helheim's Gate, a giant cave hollowed out and full of dragons - all of which dumped their kill into a smoke-filled hole in the middle. A Gronkle only had a fish to give – looked like cod – and this head the size of a house comes and snaps him up."
Toothless whined low in his throat.
"It ate that Gronkle without chewing," Hiccup added in a sickened voice.
The hall was now silent. Hiccup patted at Toothless' head to disguise the nervous twitching of his hands.
"Now, I know some of you are not going to agree with the decision I made next," Hiccup straightened and lifted his chin, a tall, slight figure in the middle of the hall. "I had to choose between my best friend, and telling my village about the nest. I... I chose my friend."
There was a rumble of discontent. Hiccup held up his hands. "Only for that moment! I was going to think of something, really I was! I... had no idea what it was going to be, but it would have been something, let me tell you!"
He sighed, his hands dropping. "The decision got taken away, anyway. I won training - me! I won training! And so I got the honour of killing a dragon. Yay, I couldn't wait.
"I actually got through to that Nightmare at first, you know?" he smiled a bit ruefully. "She's a bit skittish, but she's all right. As is typical of my life, right at that moment something went wrong. She got spooked."
"My fault," Stoick sighed.
"It's okay, Dad. I'm fine, and so is Jorma." Hiccup smiled reassuringly over at his father.
"My son rides that Nightmare," Spitelout said proudly.
"It's thick even for a dragon," snorted Stoick, and this time Spitelout actually stood, rolling up his massive sleeves.
"Somehow Toothless heard it. And somehow he got there just in time to protect me from Jorma - oh, and totally give away the game. So all the secrets were out, and I was back in disgrace-ville, and the ships sailed off with Toothless to the dragon's nest."
"Stupidest decision ever made," said Spitelout snidely. Stoick ignored him loftily.
"Anyway, the ships get to the nest and crack it open, and all the lesser dragons fly away. And then that giant thing, that huge dragon queen, pulls down half the mountain to get out of its den in order to kill our people. It fired our ships, too, so they were all trapped on the beach."
There was a groan from the Chieftains, and some sympathetic glances at Stoick. None of them would have wanted to be in such a hopeless situation.
"That's when me and five of my friends come flying in on the training dragons. I kinda get the feeling they were pleased to see us." Hiccup grinned.
"It was bloody marvellous, Hiccup!" Stoick thumped the table emphatically.
"My friends distracted the queen, and I freed Toothless from a burning ship – with help," Hiccup gave a small smile to his father, who raised his tankard. "Then we – me and Toothless – taunted that thing until it flew into the clouds."
He looked reflectively down at the scaled black head. "Toothless shot bolt after bolt into its wings, and so when we led it back down out of the cloud cover, they tore with the air pressure. And Toothless shot a last bolt into its mouth. They're not fireproof on the inside, you know. And believe me, that was scary – its teeth were as tall as me…." Hiccup faltered. He hadn't ever told anyone this bit. Not out loud.
"Go on, lad," Stoick said gently, and the others murmured agreement.
Hiccup raised his chin, and he summoned every bit of Viking stubbornness he'd ever possessed. "The queen thing's fire had caught Toothless' tailfin," Hiccup said evenly, "and it came off. He can't control his direction without it, and… and we slammed into its tail as it exploded. I fell off."
Toothless whined and pushed his head harder under Hiccup's hand.
"Toothless caught me, but he had to bite my leg as I fell…" Hiccup swallowed. "He wrapped me in his wings to protect me from the blast. He saved my life."
"You saved the village," Spitelout said bluntly. "Foot's a small price to pay."
"Shut up," hissed Upchuck.
Stoick gave his fellow-chief a grateful look.
Hiccup scratched under Toothless' ear absently, and glanced down at his foot, at the Night Furies etched into metal. "No, he's right," he said with a wry smile. "Small price to pay, I guess. And I was never much of a dancer anyway."
There was a small chuckle that reverberated around the room.
"So, that's kind of it, really… since then, we've been learning more about the dragons. Now that the queen is dead, they don't attack villages any more, because they only need enough food for themselves. Most of them prefer fish, though Terrors and Boneknappers are pretty fond of goose. It was a bit of a tricky transition, but I think we're there. Lots of misconceptions on both sides. Everything we knew was wrong, totally wrong."
Hiccup looked down at Toothless, who nudged him. "Anyway, there's the story. That's how I met Toothless, actually killed a dragon, and lost a foot."
"And are you still in disgrace-ville?" Al asked sharply.
Hiccup met his father's eyes, and grinned his crooked grin. "Nope."
Al sat back, a wondering look in his eyes.
"Bloody good bard!" exclaimed Hangnail blearily. "Le'ss have another one!"
"So, how much of that was true?"
Hiccup looked up from his seat outside the Phlock mead-hall to see Alberich leaning against the doorjamb. "All of it."
Al whistled lowly. "Some tale, kid."
Hiccup leaned back and put down his tankard. He couldn't finish that green beer – it was making him feel queasy. "Yeah. What's yours?"
"Me?" Al seemed startled that anyone could ask.
"All those weapons. What's that all about?"
Al laughed sourly. "Oh, something my dad taught me. 'You gotta be prepared, Al-er, son, got to always be prepared. You've got to be the best, the fastest, the cleverest, the sneakiest Viking ever born'."
"That's a familiar tune," Hiccup snorted, and closed his eyes.
There was a slight grating sound as Al sat down beside him. "Where's the dragon?"
"Toothless? He's sleeping on the ship. He likes roosting upside down now and again, and the masts give him a perfect opportunity. The sailors hate it because he tangles the lines." Hiccup smiled, his eyes still closed.
"So you were the screw-up too, then?" Al said eventually.
"I was the biggest failure ever. I'll bet you one silver my screw-ups out-screw your screw-ups," Hiccup's smile broadened and he opened his eyes to grin at Al.
"I'll take that bet," the young man said, a twinkle in his eye. "Right, there was a well, a lady who shall remain an extremely sexy and extremely married young woman, and the dashing young hero of our tale…"
"This would be you, then?" asked Hiccup, amused.
"Who else?" Al put a hand on his chest importantly. "Anyway, I'm fetching water for my father's third concubine, that sharp faced cow, when some complete idiot - or perhaps even Loki himself - pushes me in. I'm splashing and gasping and generally doing a good job of drowning before my hand catches something just above my head. It's a hand-hold, a carved one! I pulled myself up, and suddenly, tunnel. I'm thinking, hey, now I know why this well's never been full, there's got to be some money in that. And I climb up the little tunnel on my hands and knees for ages, and kid, it's a good thing I don't have a problem with small spaces. Or moss.
"I'm starting to feel like a mole when my head bashes against the end. Oh great, I think, fantastic, I'm trapped and I have concussion. But when I reach out, the wall is wooden, and feeling around, there's a latch. It's a door, and I'm thanking Odin and promising his ravens a big fat chicken. I open the door, and then I'm thanking Odin for everything, because he obviously loves me. There's a lady in a room, just an ordinary room, and since it was wash day, she's in her bath.
"I'm taking it all as a sign, and taking off my filthy, mossy jerkin. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't thanking Odin for the lady - I was thanking him for the bath! I was disgusting, and there was something that stank in my hair and beard. Believe me, the bath was way more attractive."
Hiccup was smiling broadly now. Alberich certainly could spin a tale.
"Next minute, there's a man walking in, stopping at the sight of me, and then throwing an axe at me. So I guess Odin didn't love me that much after all," Al grinned and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "Turns out the man was a rich trader who used the tunnel to smuggle goods, and he accused me of trying to rob him and molest his wife. When all I'd done was fall into a well and desperately want a bath! Good thing I've always been a fast runner!"
"That's pretty big," Hiccup had to concede when Al had finished. "But you should hear this…"
He launched into more detail regarding the night he shot down Toothless. "And so, there I am, the Nightmare just crushed my evidence, no one saw it and I'd just set five dragons free. With eight sheep. That was a good day."
"Ouch," Al laughed, and handed over the silver without grudging. "So, you're pretty much the expert on the dragons, aren't you?"
"Well, yeah," Hiccup admitted, although he didn't like being singled out like that. "My friends and I can cover the lot, anyway, but I'm a bit ahead because I met Toothless earlier." He clasped the pouch again.
"You keep doing that," Al said curiously. "What's that all about? That little bag?"
Hiccup glanced down at it and smiled tenderly. "My wife, Astrid… she made it," he said softly. "First thing she's ever sewn. It's got her hair and a couple of scales from our dragons, and…" he chuckled wickedly, "I stole her headscarf. She's going to break my legs when I get home."
Al looked a bit alarmed that Hiccup was laughing as he said this. "That's a… good thing?"
Hiccup looked askance at him, and shrugged, still chuckling. "I guess you just have to know Astrid. She could kick the arse of things that don't have arses."
Al let out a peal of laughter. "Now that's a Viking woman!"
Hiccup grinned. "To Viking women!"
Al clanked his tankard against Hiccup's and they both drank.
AN: Like it? Hate it? Want to pay me never to step near a keyboard again? Tell me!
