Author's Note: Thank you so much to all of my wonderful reviewers! You've really made me feel welcome here. At last count, I had 192 hits on this story! That's double--or triple--my other stories combined! I hope you enjoy this next chappie!

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD, Pride and Prejudice, or Monopoly. Except I do own the Pirates of the Caribbean Monopoly. Good stuff!

"Casey! Dinner!" Nora McDonald-Venturi called up the stairs.

Casey sighed. She had been swept away into the perfect world of Jane Austen, where no annoying stepbrothers laughed at you because you have a tripping problem. Oh no. In Miss Austen's day, the worst thing one had to worry about was the marriage issue. Casey would rather have an obnoxious suitor like Mr. Collins (and a silly mother and sisters to boot) than have to go through one more day of coming home to find Derek drinking out of the milk carton (again) or he and Sam playing one of their sexist video games. Poor Sam. He was just a victim in all of this. Just like Mr. Bingley, thought Casey. It really wasn't his fault that his sister was just a witch out to steal Mr. Darcy out from Elizabeth's nose.

Casey placed her bookmark in her book; she'd just gotten to the part where Jane takes sick and Elizabeth has to go to Netherfield and take care of her. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy had just had one of their famous spats. Lucky Elizabeth, Casey thought. At least she has some stimulating conversation. Her point was intensified when she came down to find her family in an uproar. Edwin had a top hat on and a briefcase in his hand, and was trying to convince George of the merits of his newest scheme. Lizzie was trying to tell her mother about Jamie's latest girlfriend, who evidently was a witch herself. Marti was laughing at Derek, who had stuck two straws up his nose and was attempting to be a walrus. Casey almost turned around to go back up the stairs when Nora caught sight of her. "Casey. Good. You're here. Maybe now we could all act like a normal family and sit down and eat a nice dinner. Edwin, stop trying to convince your father to fund whatever it is you've done this time. I've made pot roast and I know it's your favorite."

"Just a minute, Nora," Edwin said, turning to Casey. "Well now, seems we have a new client here. How would you like to make a thousand dollars a week?"

"The only way she could do that is by dancing," Derek chimed in. "And since we all know how much of a klutz she is, I don't think that would work."

Casey glared at Derek and Edwin just kept running his live infomercial. "What I have here in my briefcase is the answer to all of your problems."

"Unless you have a thousand pairs of no-skid slipper socks, Ed, I don't think you could help her."

Edwin said, "No, what I've got is……." And he opened his briefcase to reveal thousands of pieces of colored paper with dollar signs written all over them.

"Fake money?" asked Casey. "No, I don't think so."

"It's not fake," said Edwin dismissively. Then he turned on his "charm" and said, "Are you tired of losing all your Monopoly money? Sick of not being able to play Life because of missing cash? Then have I got a deal for you." Then he winked, the way they did in those infomercials. Except that he couldn't quite pull it off. It made him look like he had Tourette's or a piece of dust in his eye. Needless to say, Edwin doesn't have quite the charm that Derek has.

The family all sat down, finally, after Casey just sighed and slipped into her chair. "So, honey, how was your day?" asked Nora.

This got Casey super-excited. "Great! In English class we got a new assignment, the best one we've had all year! We get to read Pride and Prejudice!"

"That's nice, dear," Nora said. But Derek interrupted:

"Can anyone say 'grade-grubber'?"

This incensed Casey, and her face turned red. "Just because I happen to glean rapturous enjoyment from reading doesn't make me a grade-grubber. It just means that I'm cultured. Something you could stand to be."

"Someone's in denial."

"And wait! What about the time we were partnered together on last year's English project? The one where we had to research Percy and Mary Shelley? You needed that A, if I recall. Otherwise, you couldn't have spent all summer with your stupid band hanging out at Smelly Nellie's with Sally. And you didn't call me a grade-grubber then. So why should it be so different now?"

"Because, back then, I had to worry about summer school. Right now, I have all the time in the world. And I choose to use that time to goof off and not read some silly book you love so much. If it's that great, why don't they have a graphic novel of it?"

"Because graphic novels are not part of cultured society. "Graphic" and "novels" put together make an oxymoron."

"What's an oxymoron?" asked Marti, innocently.

"An oxymoron is two words or statements that contradict each other," Casey said sweetly, with none of the animosity she had towards Marti's brother. "Such as bitter and sweet or Derek and cultured. Or sensitive," she added as an afterthought. Casey looked, or, more accurately, glared, at Derek. "Real novels use words to create imagery instead of two-dimensional cartoonish pictures. That's why there's so much illiteracy in this house. All you boys read is comic books."

"So now I'm illiterate?" Derek asked, annoyed.

"No, you're able to read, but you choose not to. That, in my opinion, defines a man: whether one chooses to read or not," Casey said, getting a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Remind me never to open a book again," Derek mouthed to Edwin. Then he turned toward Casey. "So now I'm not a man?"

"Not a fully realized, complete one," Casey answered, a bit smug.

"At least I have a life, Space Case," Derek countered. "I'm not some grade-grubber like you whose only purpose in life is to study and dream over silly romantic books. I. Have. Fun," he finished, pointing his index finger straight at Casey to emphasize the last three words.

At that, Casey jumped up, screeched a bloodcurling scream, shoved her dining chair in, and bolted upstairs, stomping loudly on each step, pretending it was Derek's head. She'd had it with Derek. This time, he had gone too far.

He certainly could use some tips from Mr. Darcy, she thought. I don't know what all of those bimbos he "dates" see in him.

Back downstairs, the whole McDonald-Venturi family was glaring at Derek. "What'd I do?" he asked. "I just told her the truth." That just made everyone glare harder.

Finally, Marti broke the silence with: "Can I have a pony?"

A/N: I hoped you liked it! Since Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's convoluted courtship begins with them bickering all the time, that's what the next couple of chapters are going to be about. If you've got any ideas as to what they should bicker about, tell me! Who knows, I might use it! Especially now, since I'm not really sure what they should fight about.

I hope the whole family, Casey and Derek included, are realistic. Constructive criticism is always accepted and encouraged, and of course, if you thought it was fantastic, too, don't hesitate to review :). So hit that little review button! You know you want to!