Chapter 11 . . .
Billy was more anxious then he'd ever
recalled being in his life, as he sat silently
next to Mac. They were now in a cab and nearly to
their final destination . . . the ranch home Mac
grew up in. It had been two weeks in the making
and now Billy and Mac were in St. Louis, beginning
the first leg of their trip. He stole a glance of
her as his thoughts trailed back over all she had
told him in that time and on the plane about her
life there and her mother, in particular. The
ranch had been left to her mom by her grandmother
when she died and when she found out she was
pregnant with Mac, she immediately set out to make
it a home for them. She told of some of her
memories, including taking care of the few animals
they kept there, a pig, a couple of chickens, and
two horses, one her mom's and the other Mac's.
It was obvious to Billy, that Mac really
missed home when she wasn't there by how she
talked about it. Unlike him, who hardly went home
unless it was for a special occasion or
something. His mom still unwilling to butt out of
his affairs even as he turned into a man. Though,
he was apprehensive about meeting Mac's mother, he
was also curious to see the kind of relationship
they shared in person. It was an odd concept to
Billy, because of his own experiences, that a
mother and child could be this close. He wanted to
chalk it up to her being a girl and that kind of
bond, but he would soon find out that a warm
motherly heart could love anyone, if they really
wanted to.
The rustic home soon came into view
and Billy's nerves again took over. He wasn't only
nervous about meeting her mother but the impact
she could have on them. If she didn't like him, in
spite of what Mac felt, or if things didn't go
well, would she cause Mac to rethink their
relationship? Though they hadn't been together
long, Billy had come to care so much for Mac it
was a bit frightening. He wasn't sure how or if he
could handle losing her. The ride in had been
pretty quiet on both sides, Billy worrying about
how things would go and Mac reflecting on how much
she wanted this. Billy had become such a big part
of her life in such a short time and, though, she
knew her mother would love him, she wondered how
he would react to her mom. She was a unique
person in her own right, which she tried to convey
to Billy.
Amanda was a true believer in the
sixties movement and lived her life accordingly.
She dressed the part and followed those simple
beliefs of peace, love and happiness implicitly.
When she was younger, Mac wasn't embarrassed by it
, though, after all it was all she knew but as she
got older she realized how much she gained because
of that attitude. Mac was able to see the
inherent good in people and was always willing to
help out anyone with great compassion and drive.
Her hope, for now, was that Billy too would
embrace her differences and they would get to know
each other that much better.
They finally made the turn into the long
driveway and when the cab eventually came to a
stop in front of the quaint single level cottage,
both sat in the car for a moment longer just
taking in the place. While Mac joyfully
anticipated seeing her home again, Billy took in
as much as he could. The house was a nice size
brick one with a large front porch that housed a
swing and lots of potted flowers. It was truly a
country portrait in the making. Mac finally turned
to her beau and noticed that apprehension rising
in him once more and called him on it. With light
glow and a gentle caress of his cheek, she
garnered his attention, and softly inquired,
"Nervous?"
He tried, with little success to return
her beam, as he honestly replied, "A little."
"Don't be. She's going to love you, trust me," she
came back sweetly. Billy took in a deep breath and
let it out before giving her a more convincing
smile and replying, "I do." The two then leaned in
and shared a light peck before paying the cabbie
and unloading from the car. Once they had, they
both stood outside surveying the house some more,
while sharing in a little light hearted banter
before heading in. Little did they know, Amanda
had been spying them from the moment they hit the
drive. She wanted to see them together before she
joined the fray.
As she watched the pair interact with
other, from the gentle stares, to the glowing
smiles and subtle touches, it didn't take her long
to realized these two were made for each other.
They were just totally in tune. She finally
decided to make her presence known, as the couple
began its trek up to the house. She stepped out of
the screen door and immediately garnered both
young people's attention. Mac beamed happily while
Billy studied the slightly older but no less
comely version of Mackenzie. Mac had been right
about her sixties style as she sported brown
corduroy bell bottoms and a maroon tunic top,
along with thonged sandals. Her semi unruly
curly brown mane and Native American beads around
her neck completed the earthy look and actually
made Billy a little more at ease. She appeared to
be quite down to earth and not intimidating at
all, as she displayed a similar grin to Mac.
The two woman finally came together in a
tight embrace, while Billy watched on in contented
silence. He was so happy to see Mac glowing like
this as she and her mother shared greetings. "Hey
sweetheart, it's so good to have you home. How was
your trip in?" Amanda began. Mac slowly started to
retreat from her mother's hold and replied while
glancing back at Billy, briefly, "It was awesome."
This caused her mom to beam brighter as her focus
turned to the handsome blonde haired, blue eyed,
young man stand right behind her daughter. "And I
take it this young man might have something to do
with that," was her frank response. Mac blushed
lightly as she returned to Billy, taking him by
the hand and drawing him up to where they ladies
stood.
"Mom, I'd like you to meet Billy
Abbott," Mac announced proudly. Billy instantly
took his cue and held out his hand as he retorted,
"It's nice to finally meet you, ma'am." Amanda
crinkled her nose, sort of like Mac did when she
didn't like something and then retorted, "Ma'am?
What am I sixty? Please call me Amanda." She then
looked down his out stretched hand before moving
around it and instead pulling him into a soft and
inviting hug. Billy was a bit stunned at her
forwardness, at first, but recalled some of the
things Mac said about her personality and he
finally just went along with it, actually finding
the hold quite comfortable.
Mac watched on with great joy, knowing her
mother was only this way with people she truly
liked. Meanwhile, Amanda made a quick observation
before relinquishing the young fella. In a soft
voice, she sweetly commented, "So you're the young
man who stole my girl's heart . . . I can see
why." This time Mac blushed brighter as Billy and
Amanda finally broke apart. "Mom . . . " Mac said,
not wanting to make Billy more uncomfortable then
she already figure he was with that hug and all.
Billy, though, just smile, first at Amanda and
then at Mac. Amanda knew her daughter had it bad
for this one and it was definitely a mutual thing.
She just hoped time would show them just how meant
to be they were because she knew it right off the
bat. She never replied to her child's call,
instead giving Mac and Billy a wink before turning
and heading back towards the house.
"Come on, let's get you two settled,"
were her last words before she went back into the
house. Billy and Mac shared another small grin and
a small sigh, knowing they had past test one . . .
Amanda was definitely a believer. The two then
followed after her, ready to enjoy their time here
before their next stop . . .
Chapter 12 . . .
Once both were setup in their
respective rooms, Billy and Mac, briefly, joined
her mother, who was already starting dinner before
Mac proceeded to give Billy the grand tour. She
took him all over the three acre grounds,
introducing him to the animals and showing him a
lot of places she used to frequent as a child.
Billy happily absorbed it all as Mac vibrantly
told of some capers on the ranch, including
trying to dress the pig up as a baby doll and
ending up in a mud puddle instead. They both
shared a hearty laugh over that and other fond
childhood memories for a good while.
Billy loved seeing her so giddy and
alive. Her smile was the most beautiful thing he'd
seen and it was all she had done since they got
there. The whole atmosphere was very conducive to
that carefree feeling. Both were really relaxed
now, as they strolled hand and hand, towards what
would be the last leg of their journey. Mac made a
big production about saving the barn for last,
which made Billy curious as to what she was up to.
They finally walked into the hay filled structure
and over to the two occupied stales. There housed
within them were two horses, one was all white and
the other was black with white patches.
Mac went to the one containing the
black and white animal and immediately began
calling to it. "Star! Star, come here, girl." The
horses ears, instantly, perked up and then quickly
she sauntered over to the her mistress and began
nuzzling her. Billy, who had quietly witnessed the
warm exchange, beamed lightly as Mac now began
talking to the animal while tenderly petting her,
"Hello, precious. I missed you so much. Did you
miss me?" Star grunted and kind of nodded her
head, causing Mac to laugh and Billy's heart to
soar. Her laughter was, by far, the most
intoxicating sound he had ever heard. Mac soon
turned her focus back to him and noticed his low
beam. Playfully, she inquired, "What? . . . You
don't have pets you chat with every now and then?"
It was Billy's turn to chuckle lightly as
he came back, "Honestly, no but I if I did, I'm
sure he'd rather talk to you then me any day . . .
Star seems to adore you." "Yeah, well the feeling
is mutual. I've had her since I was sixteen. While
everyone else wanted a car I still wanted my pony,
so my mom went out and found me one," Mac returned
with a more thoughtful grin. Billy nodded while
checking out the large animal closer, "So why did
you name her Star?" Without a word, Mac motioned
for the horse to turn, helping her along, and
pointed to a white star shaped patch on her hind
quarter. She then looked back up into his
brilliant eyes and finished, "It just seemed to
fit just like she did when I got her." "I see . .
. sort of like love at first sight, huh?" Billy
retorted.
That comment brought about a brief
silence between the pair, both thinking along the
same lines. While maintaining a steady gaze, the
idea of love at first sight ran through their
thoughts freely. Neither had ever been a stark
believer in that concept, believing for a long
time, that you had to actually know someone before
you could fall in love with them. Yet, after,
having met they way they did and the feeling that
were almost instant between them as a result, they
now had to believe there was something to it. The
duo, though, was not ready to utter those three
words, fearful that they would only scare the
other off at this point. Instead they chose to
just let things go as they had and live in the
moment . . . wherever it might take them.
With that thought, firmly, in mind, Mac
moved to breech the silence and get them moving
back towards the less heavy atmosphere they had
been enjoying. She continued to pat down her horse
as she finally asked, "So . . . do you ride?"
Billy shook his head and smiled lightly, "Not even
a little bit." The idea of hopping on and steering
a large animal like that was about as appealing to
him as parasailing was to Mac. She, however, had
her own idea and quickly sprang it on him, "That's
OK, you can just ride with me." Billy was all set
to protest when she, seeing his hesitance, first,
reasoned with and then used his own words from
their trip in Miami, against him, "I have one more
place I want to show you and we'll get there
faster this way . . . it'll be fun, trust me."
Billy, knowing he was licked after that,
simply replied with a question, "Where to?" She
gave him a devilishly, sweet smile as she began
opening the stale and quietly replied, "It will be
worth it. You'll see."
Chapter 12B . . .
After saddling up Star and getting
Billy more comfortable with her, Mac mounted her
horse and Billy followed after. She then had them
steadily heading out of the barn and across the
grounds, towards a trail near a heavily wooded
area behind the building. As they galloped down
the barely visible path, Mac felt Billy tighten
his hold on her waist. She glanced back, slightly,
and saw him looking quite serious, as though he
was concentrating on not falling off. She smiled
to herself as she got another idea to, hopefully,
make him a little less nervous. She released one
of the reigns and reached for one of his hands,
that was still snuggly wrapped around her middle.
At first, he fought, some, before finally letting
her take his hand and place it where hers had
just vacated. She then quickly did the same with
the other before he finally got out a few frazzled
words, "What are you doing?"
Mac softly returned over her shoulder,
"Nothing . . . you are now steering Star." Billy
now tightened his hold on the reigns and quietly
came back, "Mac, I can't . . . " She cut him off,
"You are . . . just relax and so will she." She
then heard him let out a deep breath and saw him
hands loosen some on the leather straps, causing
her to smile again. Mac let him solo for a while
before eventually covering his hands with her own
and helping lead the animal towards their eventual
destination. Billy, too, was glowing now, as he
looked over the petite beauty in front of him
shoulder. As her hair occasionally whipped back
towards him, he took in her flowery scent and the
sweetness that was her. No one had ever been so
compassionate and tender to him like this. It was
like she just always knew what he needed and when.
It touched him deeply.
She was also lost in thoughts of this
handsome blue eyed young man who had managed to
get her, to some extent, to shed her cautious
demeanor. Them being this close, sharing her horse
and helping him to steer, all things she would
have never had the nerve to do with any other guy,
she had only just met a short while ago. Billy,
though, was becoming an exception to almost every
rule she had ever had. Mac had given him a real
chance and was being rewarded more then she ever
thought possible.
A while after their trip started, it
ended near another pathway, this one leading
through the trees. Mac explained to Billy how to
dismount and once he had, he carefully helped her
down as well. She then tied Star to a near by tree
and proceeded to lead Billy towards the path. He,
though, held her up, momentarily and sweetly said,
"Thanks for the ride." She gave him a small smile
and a wink as she replied, "You ain't seen nothing
yet." She then took his hand, again, and began
leading him down the path. The walk took a few
more minutes but when they pair finally reached
the clearing at the end of it, it was obvious how
well worth it the trip had been.
Back behind the towering trees sat a
truly inviting scene. There was nothing else
around but a beautiful grassy embankment that
surrounded a placid sitting pond. It was occupied
by a few ducks but other then that it was a
deserted piece of heaven. The sun glistened
gorgeously, off the unusually clear water and made
the area look like a beautiful art picture. Both
had been so caught up in the beauty of the place,
neither had yet to speak. Finally though, Billy
found his voice, and laced with obvious approval
and awe, he commented, "Mac, this is so awesome."
She lightly nodded, "Yeah . . . it is." She then
took a few steps away from her beau and towards
the ponds edge, peering out over it, like she had
never seen it before. Billy soon joined her,
moving right up behind her before quietly asking,
"What are you thinking?"
"Just how much more beautiful this place
gets every time I come here . . . honestly, have
you ever seen anything more beautiful?" she
retorted, never taking her eyes off the view until
she heard his response. In a deep husky voice,
near her ear he answered, "Yeah . . . and she's
standing right here with me." Mac blushed a little
at his sweet compliment before finally, slightly
turning and looking up at him. The sun was
catching his eyes, making them sparkle even more
and causing her to have to catch her breath. He
appeared to be looking right through her and as of
she was all that mattered. Mac could never
recalled being looked at that way by a guy and it
overwhelmed her. She finally regained herself some
and slowly put some space between them. Again,
things were getting intense and she did want that
to happen unless she was sure it was going to last.
Mac eventually went all the way over to
the edge of the pond and lowered herself to the
ground before proceeding to take off her shoes and
dangling her feet over and into the water. Billy
watched her curiously, for a moment, before
finally going to join her once more. Without a
thought, he slid out of his own sandals and then
behind the lovely lady, placing his feet into the,
surprisingly, temperate water. Mac was shocked,
not just that he was doing what she was and
sitting so close she could feel his warm breath on
her bare shoulders but that it felt so perfect for
them to be there that way. She finally relaxed in
the moment and leaned back into his taut chest,
while he let his head rest against hers. They sat
like that for a long moment, just taking in the
picturesque scene in quiet.
Billy gently caressed Mac's arms while
she rested her hands on his legs and gazed out
into the water. Eventually, their serenity was
broken by Billy asking, "So how do you know about
this place, since it's pretty obvious no else
does." She smiled lightly as she began to recall
how she came up her own private Mecca. "I was just
actually out exploring when I got old enough for
my mom to let me go off on my own. I was about
eight and had gone pretty far and I came across
the pathway. Of course, curiosity got the best of
me and I investigated. I have been coming here
every since. Whenever I wanted to get away or just
think."
Billy softly replied, "Cool, your own
private little hideaway." She looked up at him
again and smiled brightly, "Yep and I have never
brought another soul back here, not even my
mother." That revelation caused Billy's eyes to
widened, showing his surprise. He then matter of
factly inquired, "So why me?" This time Mac sat up
a little as she turned and faced him a bit more,
"Because, whenever I came out here to put my feet
in the pond and think, I would always think about
what I wanted out of my life. I wanted to be
something important and someone to make a
difference. Then I wanted to make my mother proud
of me and there was always one more thing. I
always wanted to share all of those things with
someone special . . . " She paused briefly and
studied his handsome face thoroughly. She hadn't
wanted to push things too far too fast but this
moment just seemed too perfect pass up.
So after seeing how receptive he was
being to what she was saying, Mac took in a breath
of her own before concluding her thoughts, "And I
think . . . no I know you are that one, Billy.
Anything, good or bad, that happens to me, from
now on, I want you to be a part of it and I hope
to God that doesn't scare you off because, I don't
know that I could handle losing you now." Billy
remained quiet, briefly, after her admission. So
many thoughts were now swirling through his mind.
However, because his face was betraying nothing at
the moment, Mac thought she may have done exactly
what she didn't want to do. She had never been so
forward before so why did she have to start now.
It wouldn't surprise her one bit if he was gone
tomorrow. But as all those self doubts were
displayed clearly on her face, Billy's thoughts
were becoming a bit more defined.
He searched her deep brown orbs for any
hint of anything but sincerity but found none.
Mac, in the meantime was becoming more antsy and
finally decided the break the quiet herself,
shying away from his gaze some as she spoke,
"Look, Billy, I didn't mean to . . . what I mean
is, I'm sorry for . . ." She, though, was not
given the opportunity to finish her remarks, as
Billy's soft lips came tenderly , crashing down on
her supple ones. Once again, their connection was
one that consumed and pleased both of them. Billy
worked his hands up to cup her face and hold her
there until he was ready to let go, while Mac
weakly gave in to whatever he wanted, her hands
barely hanging on to his forearms for support.
When finally, he relinquished her
mouth, and they stared breathlessly into each
other's eyes, Billy, softly, still holding her
face and gently caressing it with his thumbs,
softly replied to her earlier comments, "Don't
ever apologize to me about how you feel, OK?" She
just nodded which afforded him to added one more
thing. His dazzling smile blazing once more, he
finished, "I think you are truly special, too, Mac
. . . never doubt that." "OK," was her faint
response the two shared another profound exchange.
Once they came up for air this time, Mac found her
eyes wondering from her beau to the sun that was
slowly starting to set and was able to break their
touching interlude, somewhat. Remaining in his
strong hold, she finally announced, "Um . . . I
think we better get back. My mom has few rules but
one is that everyone eat dinner together at a
decent hour." Billy grinned again, "Then we better
not keep her waiting, though, I wonder if she knew
what we were doing if she would cut us some
slack." He waggled his eyebrows, causing Mac to
laugh and gently push him as she began to stand,
"Cut it out, Mister! She's liberal but not that
liberal. Now let's get going."
He quickly stood up to join her and
pulled her close one last time before allowing her
to put her shoes back on. They locked in one more
deep gaze before he charmingly said, "Thanks for
sharing this with me. I only hope I can do the
same for you one day." She smiled brightly, one
last time, before concluding, "You already are . .
. by just being here with me." He gave her
another small peck before releasing her. The two
then quickly got themselves together and head back
for the house.
Chapter 13 . . .
Upon arriving back at the
house, the pair was bombarded by a loud and lively
scene. They entered and, once they got deeper,
witnessed Amanda in her own little world. She was
dancing all around the kitchen to sixties
Motown while finishing up dinner. The current tune
had her moving and lip syncing like a pro. The
picture didn't phase Mac in the least but Billy
was, again, at a bit of a loss. Amanda just truly
appeared so carefree . . . no inhibitions in the
least. He could never imagine his mother letting
lose like this.
Mac and Billy continued to stand in
the doorway, watching the display. While Amanda,
who had been aware she had an audience, bounced on
until the next song came on and she finally
acknowledged the duo. She turned and gave her
daughter a knowing grin. Mac reciprocated almost
immediately as her mother cheerfully questioned, "
Remember this one?" Mac started to inch her way
further into the room, bobbing her head to the
familiar Temptation's song, 'My Girl' began to
play. "Of course I do . . . " She then paused her
progress, momentarily, and turned back to a still,
slightly, stunned Billy and explained, "This was
the song my mom always played for me when I was
down about something . . . just to let me know I
was her girl and would always be the most
important thing to her."
Billy nodded and glowed at the
sentiment as he again reveled in the closeness of
mother and child. Mac had now joined Amanda in
their rendition of the sweet ballad. The pair
danced about together and lip synced, happily, to
each other. He could definitely feel himself
falling for her more and more. Her sweetness,
sincerity, and inner and outer beauty made for one
hell of a package in his eyes and the thought of
being without any part of it was becoming less of
an option with each passing moment with her.
As he maintained his small grin at
their display, he was soon brought out of his
thoughts and away from the doorway by mother and
daughter, who began pulling him into the mix. at
first, Billy was a bit hesitant but when they two
surrounded him and started rocking him
manually, he soon gave in and joined the party
type atmosphere. The three of them kept it up
through the rest of that song and part of another,
before Amanda announced dinner was now ready and
shooed them into the already set up dinning room.
She soon brought in the food, salad, veggie
lasagna, and garlic bread, and they all sat down
to dinner together.
Over dinner, the trio shared light
chat and banter but once they were finished, the
talk turned a bit more personal, first about how
Billy and Mac met and then to Billy's life. He
told about growing up with his father and his
rebellious side some but when Amanda inquired
about his mother, he surprisingly to himself, was
pretty forth coming explaining how little his
relationship with her mirrored her's and Mac's.
The sadness was evident when he spoke of the lack
of a tight bond with his mother which prompted
Amanda to add some word of wisdom for him.
"Billy, you know, sometimes parents do
the best they can with the situations they are
given. Now I don't know your mother but being one
myself, I know that no matter what happens, a
mother's love for her child is deep and
unchanging. When something has been a part of you
and then you bring it into this world . . .
there's nothing like that connection. She may not
show it all the time but, she adores you, of that
I have no question." Billy sighed lightly as he
responded, "It would be nice if she could show ,
at least sometimes." They left the conversation
at that, not wanting to bring down the jovial mood
they had been enjoying. Mac, though, then brought
up a topic that would prove to have severe
ramifications. Gladly changing the subject some,
she started in, "So, speaking of Billy's family,
I'm pretty excited about meeting your dad and
brother." Billy smiled, once again, "So am I. They
are going to love you."
"Of that, I am sure, " replied her
mother with her own gentle beam. "I hope so," Mac
finished. Amanda then took the conversation a step
further, asking, "I take it all your family lives
in the same town?" Billy nodded, " Just about, one
of my sisters stays in New York with her family
but everyone else resides in good old, GC, Genoa
City." Amanda had been sipping on her ice tea when
he said the city's name and nearly choked on the
beverage. Billy and Mac noticed and her child
inquired, "Mom, are you alright?" Amanda quickly
wiped at her mouth and attempted to recompose
herself as she retorted, "Yeah . . . my drink just
went down the wrong way. Um . . . Billy this Genoa
City, what state is that in?" "Wisconsin, do you
know it?" he returned. Mac studied her mom as they
both waited for her reply. She, though, never
responded, instead standing abruptly and quietly
stating, "I need to do something. Can you two
clear the table and I'll clean the dishes later?"
Mac could tell something was bothering
her mother and tried to urge her to share, "Mom,
what's the matter?" Again, Amanda put up a front,
pasting on a small smile and replying, "I'm fine,
Sweetheart, really. I just remembered something I
needed to do." Mac still wasn't convinced but
Amanda had already excused herself, leaving Billy
and a very concerned, Mac alone. As the couple
began to silently gather the dishes, Billy could
sense the worry in Mac rising and tried to be
soothing. He sat down the dishes he had already
stacked and took the plate she was holding from
her. Once he garnered her focus, he softly said,
"Hey, don't worry. I'm sure she's just nervous
about you meeting my family too." Mac nodded but
knew there was more, "Yeah . . . maybe."
Billy then leaned in a placed a soft
peck on her forehead before going back to his
dishes, "Come on, busting some suds is sure to
cure some of your ills." This time she couldn't
help but laugh lightly and shake her head, "Yeah,
whatever." The two then put aside their concerns
about Mac's mother, for the moment, and headed
back into the kitchen.
Meanwhile, Amanda found herself alone
in her bedroom rummaging through her sock drawer.
When she found what she was looking for, she
plopped down on the edge of her bed and began
unfolding the bright yellow envelope that housed a
huge part of not only her past but Mackenzie's as
well. She slowly pulled the frail letter from it's
holder and started reading over it like she had so
many times before. She knew this day would come
but had hoped not so soon and not when everything
seemed to be going so right for her daughter.
Amanda, though, knew keeping it from her
any longer was not an option. She couldn't allow
her to be blindsided. "How can I make you
understand, my Sweetheart?" she sighed quietly to
herself.
Chapter 14 . . .
The next couple of days,
Amanda used to observe her daughter. The two of
them had always been so close and could feel and
understand each other better then most. Amanda
could tell her tense mood was affecting her and
knew she had to come clean with her child soon.
Yet she knew the thing she had been carrying since
Mac was conceived, had the capability to severely
damage the bond they have always shared. She
paused her lunch preparation, briefly, and gazed
out the kitchen window at the carefree and
spirited young woman she had raised. As Mac and
Billy hung out near the pen that housed the pig
and rounded up the chickens, she wondered how
different things might have turned out had she not
made the choices she had. She knew Mac would
probably have the same inquiries and though she
had answers, she wasn't sure if Mac would ever
understand them completely. She sighed heavily
before going back to what she was doing. She
prayed she would . . .
Mac, in the meantime, while still a
bit concerned about her mother's sudden
disconnected mood, managed to continue to enjoy
her time with Billy as much as possible. She let a
light thought overtake her, recalling the utter
surprise on his face when she told him they did
not own a TV. He was in complete disbelief until
Mac relayed to him what her mother had told her,
that the great outdoors was it's own
entertainment. It actually took a couple of days
to convince him but after waking up at the crack
of dawn each morning to witness the sunrise over
the country landscape, feeding the animals and
traipsing all over the ranch, Billy finally
relented. He found the leisurely, easygoing nature
of this kind of living somewhat addictive now.
Though, Genoa City was no New York, it could get
hectic and fast paced like it at times, causing
him to almost dread going back in a few days.
Things, though, as of right now couldn't seem more
perfect. Mac and Billy were growing even closer,
learning more and more about each other and they
would soon be heading out to meet his family and
hopefully having a similar experience there.
However, the day before the couple was
set to do just that, Mac was given a bit of news
that would forever change what she had always
believed. That afternoon, she and Billy had just
returned from taking another leisurely stroll
around the grounds and were eager to start packing
for the trip to GC in the morning. Amanda, though,
knew she couldn't let her get on that plane before
she knew what she did. When the serene couple came
into view, Amanda took in a deep breath and
stopped swinging on the porch swing. The two soon
approached the bottom of the stairs and she and
Mac locked in a knowing gaze. Billy noticed the
intensity and instantly got the feeling they
needed to be alone. He leaned in and placed a
small kiss on Mac's cheek before softly saying,
"I'm going to go grab a shower and finish up my
packing, alright?"
Mac turned to look into his blazing blue
peepers but didn't have a chance to respond as her
mother graciously stated, "Billy, you don't have
to go." He shook it off as he deposited Mac at her
mother's side and headed for the door, "It's OK, I
think you two need some time alone. I'll be back
shortly." Both woman gave him a warm smile, which
he returned before vanishing inside. This left the
two Browning women to themselves and Mac curious
as to what was really going on with her mother.
"Mom, are you ready to tell me what's got you so
worried? I can see it in your eyes, what's wrong?"
Mac inquired quietly. Amanda, again, gave a small
grin before lowering herself back to the swing and
slowly beginning, "Mackenzie, you know you are my
world . . . that all ever want is for your
happiness and security, right?" Mac furrowed her
brow a little as she watched her mother fidget, a
little, with her house coat pocket, "I know that
mom but that still doesn't explain . . . "
She cut off her daughter, "I'm getting
there, Love. It's just that I love you so much and
I would hate for anything to shake your love for
me." Mac was really becoming concerned with the
path this conversation was taking. Her mother had
always been pretty forward with her when she
needed to say something but this time it seemed to
be a chore. So Mac slowly lowered herself down in
front of her mother, resting her hands on her lap
before asking again, "Mom, I will love you no
matter what, you know that now just tell me . . .
what is this about?" Amanda closed her eyes,
briefly, feeling tears begin to sting them. She
knew this would be hard for both of them but it
had to be done. She had procrastinated all she
could. So with one quick motion, she reached into
her pocket and pulled out a slightly worn piece of
paper and handed to Mac.
Mac took but without opening it, asked,
"What's this?" "Read it and then I'll try to
explain," was Amanda's breathy reply. After a
moment of studying the paper, she finally did as
her mother asked and opened it. As she glanced
over it first, it appeared to be personal letter
to her mother but Mac soon began to read it in
depth and found herself confused at first and then
in disbelief. She took in the penmanship and then
the text as the words simply but powerfully rolled
off the paper :
Dearest Amanda,
I know you had your reasons
for going, which is why I didn't try to stop you.
We all have our own paths we must follow but I
want you to know how much I still care about and
think about you. What we shared was something I
will never forget and hope you don't either.
Please be happy and don't worry about resentment
coming from me, OK? I could never stay mad at you,
my Love. As for the other reason for this letter,
I just want you to know that if you ever need
anything . . . anything, you can always turn to my
mother, Katherine Chancellor in Genoa City, WI,
for help. Just show her this letter and she will
take care of whatever you need like I would if I
was there. I love you, Amanda and though, I know
it my not be in the cards for us to be together,
know that I will always be thinking of you and
what we shared.
With
Sincere Love,
Brock
Mac was temporarily stunned at the
sweet and gentle words written. The person who
wrote was definitely soft on her mother. It took
her a moment, though, to comprehend why her mother
might show her something this private but when she
looked into Amanda's now tear soaked eyes, she got
an inkling of why. She took a few breaths before
shakily asking her next question, "Who's Brock,
mom?" Amanda could see her girl had picked up on
where this was headed and saw no other way to say
other then just to say it, "Mac, honey, he's your
father."
Totally floored, Mac finally rose
and joined her mother on the swing this time
before speaking again. "My father?" Amanda just
nodded, waiting for Mac's true reaction, which
came almost immediately. She glanced back down at
the letter and then her mother, once more, "The
father I thought didn't give a damn about us? The
father I convinced myself was a jerk because he
didn't even stick around to see me born?" Again,
Amanda nodded but also added, "I'm so sorry,
sweetie, that you had to go through those feelings
but your father is a good man." "Then why wasn't
he here? This 'good man'?" Mac retorted, with her
voice betraying some more of her shock.
Amanda reached for her child's hand
and covered it with her own before delivering more
of the story, "Because, baby, he didn't know. Had
he, he would have been here every step of the
way." Mac now couldn't believe her ears. The one
person she always knew she could trust in and
believe had shaken her whole world. "What do you
mean he didn't know about me? You didn't tell
him?" "It was complicated back then. I don't know
if you'll ever understand, totally," her mother
returned through light sobs. Mac was now shaking
her head not wanting to believe what she was
hearing, "You're right I don't understand . . .
why wouldn't you tell him about me?" Amanda
squeezed her child's hand lightly, before
continuing, "It's like I said it was a tough
situation, Honey."
This time Mac removed her hand from her
mother's, which disheartened Amanda some. She then
watched as Mac stood and paced a little before
reading over the letter one more time and then
staring at her as she coolly spoke, "The person
who wrote this letter . . . the person who helped
create me was kept out of my life and all you're
going to say is it was complicated?" Amanda took
in another breath as she now stood as well, "No,
my darling, I will try to explain everything to
you but . . . " Mac interrupted, though, "No, you
know what? There's no explanation for this. How
could you keep something this important from me
for so long, huh?" Her mother reached for her but
Mac avoided the grasp. "Mac, please understand, I
did what I thought was best for everyone at the
time."
She heard her mother's words but all she
could understand and remember at this point were
all the nights she sat alone wondering what she
had done to push her father away. Her thoughts
then turned to how evasive Amanda had always been
about the topic and her emotions flashed with a
hot bit of anger. She icily gazed at her mother and
replied, "What the hell is wrong with you! I mean
really? I have always defended 'your way' to
people, but about this? You had no right to keep
this from me. No right at all!" "Please . . . "
Amanda pleaded, shivering at the very cold
response she was receiving from her daughter for
the first time ever. Mac, though was unmoved as
she started taking steps towards the stairs. "Just
save it mother! . . . I have to get out of here
before I say something we both regret." Then
before Amanda could say another word, she bolted
from the porch and headed out of sight around the
house.
Amanda immediately broke down,
collapsing onto the swing and sobbing profusely.
She knew Mac would be stunned and upset but the
look of disdain she received from her child was
completely unexpected. She remained in a tearful
state of pain until Billy stepped back onto the
porch looking for Mac. He caught sight of Amanda
huddled up on the swing and could hear her muddled
cries. Slowly, he approached her and touched her
lightly. She glanced up hoping Mac had returned
so she could explain but instead finding a quite
concerned Billy towering over her. He noticed Mac
was no where in sight and quickly wondered, out
loud, if that was the reason for this chaotic
scene.
"Amanda, what's the matter and where's
Mac?" he asked patiently. Amanda attempted to clean
herself up some and do what ever she could to
reach her baby. She had witnessed her and Billy's
bond continue to grow and felt he might be the
link she needed right now. In soft, sullen tone,
she finally answered him, patting the seat next to
her, "Sit down, Billy, there's something I need to
tell you." He cautiously did as she asked and
waited for her to begin . . .
Chapter 15A . . .
Billy now stood in the doorway of the barn staring at a completely disheartened and lost Mackenzie. After talking to her mother and finding out the reason for her dismay and also Mac's absence, he figured where she might have taken off to and went after her. She, though, had only made it as far as Star's stale before, seemingly, breaking down right beside it. Her knees were pulled up to her chest with her head resting upon them and her hand still clutching the letter her mother had shown her. While Billy didn't know the particulars of what was in the letter, Amanda did enlighten him about the revelation of Mac's father. He knew this news would be tough on Mac, having been privy to a lot of her insecurities and concerns about him not being there. Now she had discovered he never even knew about her and that had he, he mostly likely would have been around.
He slowly started towards her and wonder to himself what he could really do to help ease her pain and confusion some. Mac still hadn't made a move, though, Billy's feet rustling in the hay was making more than enough noise. When he finally made it to her, he cautiously, gazed down at her sullen frame for a long moment trying to think of the perfect thing to say or do but drawing a blank until Star nudged him in the arm. He turned, momentarily, and studied the gentle animal. It was as though she was feeling Mac's pain and wanted to help. That's when Billy got his idea and placed his focus, briefly, completely on the horse. He started by opening the stale, and guiding the midnight colored beast out of her housing. He then stepped inside to retrieve her saddle and proceeded to prepare her for a ride. Mac, had finally looked up, watching through half open eyes as Billy tenderly handle her baby and had her ready to go in no time. However, when he finally placed his attention back on her she closed her eyes once more and returned to her somber solitude. She definitely in no mood for a ride and would tell him so if he mentioned it.
Yet much to her surprise, he never said a word as he leaned down next to her and slowly began to lift her from her perch nearby. He now cradled a stunned but still unresponsive Mac in his arms and went on to place her upon her horse, side saddle, before joining her. Then remembering the things she had been teaching him about riding over their time together, he began to steer Star out the barn and towards a familiar trail. The ride was pretty quiet, at first, but as they got closer and closer to their final destination, Mac managed to utter his name lightly, which garnered a response that put her at some ease.
"I'm taking you where you can think," was his gentle reply near her ear. She gave him a small smile before leaning against his chest and sighing quietly. Their bond had grown so much in their, relatively, short time together, to the point they both could just feel what the other was going through and almost instinctively knew what they needed. Both were often amazed but also very grateful for such a gift and reveled in it. They finally came to a stop at the pathway that lead to her haven and Billy dismounted and helped Mac to do the same before going to tie up the horse. While he did that, Mac began her trek down the path alone. By the time Billy caught up with her, she was already seated as she had been before in the barn, this time though, gazing out on the pond.
Billy, again, stood watching her and feeling his heart break right along with hers. Though, his family life had been anything but perfect and his relationship with his mother was shaky at best, he still couldn't imagine not ever knowing her or thinking she had totally abandoned him. It would have tortured him much like it was now doing to Mac. He still, though, didn't know he could help her through this. He thought bringing her here was a start but wasn't sure how much good it would do. Eventually, he went to her and settled in behind her like was now always the case when they came back there. Mac, as usual, leaned back into him and they pair just sat in silence for a long while. Billy held her securely in her arms while Mac continued grasping onto the note and staring off into space. Soon the quiet began to take it's toll, as Billy, while feeling her pain, couldn't help but wonder what else was going on inside her right now. She had just been handed a big shock yet hadn't said a word or even shed a tear, from what he could see, and it worried him. He needed to get her to open up and finally asked the first question that came to his mind.
In soft, boarding on emotional tone, he inquired, "Mac . . . what can I do?" She slowly turned in his hold this time and looked him directly in the eyes for the first time since this started. There she saw all the concern he had for her and her plight etched in his bright blue peepers and it pushed her over the edge she'd been dangling on since her mother drop her bomb. Her eyes began stinging then glistening with tears and still without a words being spoken, she simply reached out and wrapped her arms around him. When she did this, Billy immediately felt her let go and begin to break completely down. He tightened his own hold on the distraught beauty as her sobs increased and her embrace became more desperate. Each body racking sob shot through Billy as well as Mac. He knew, at the moment, the thing he hated most in the world was to see her so upset. The only thing that kept him from joining her was the knowledge that when she got out all her emotions, she would need him . . . and he intended to be the strength she needed to get through this when she was ready . . .
It was nearing sunset before Mac had finally calmed down enough to loosen her hold on Billy. Her crying had subsided while Billy stroked her hair lightly and rocked her gently in his arms and the couple now sat in another penetrating silence. This one would be short lived, however, as Mac was now ready to try and make sense out of this. Her voice was shaky and child like as she finally let the first words, in a long while, slip from her lips. "How could she keep this from me . . . how?" Billy closed his eyes, briefly and tried to avoid reacting to the small crack that was in her voice as she questioned. Billy wasn't sure how to respond either. Again, Amanda, hadn't told him everything but did give a few reasons for her decision not to included Mac's father in her life. Billy, though, wasn't sure it was his place to point out these reason, so he instead, attempted to guide her towards the person who could explain to her why things happened as they did.
After placing a soft peck on her forehead, he spoke in a calming voice and replied, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this and I wish to God I could answer that question for you but I think we both know there's only one person who can truly do that." Mac pulled away from him slightly, and studied his handsome face for a short moment before dropping her eyes and faintly retorting, "My mother." Billy lifted her face back up and nodded, "I know you're upset with her and I don't blame you at all but don't you think you deserve to know why you were denied your father?" The way he worded that last phrase got to Mac immensely. Where as anyone else probably would have said doesn't your mother deserve the right to explain herself, Billy made it clear that it was about what she was entitled to that was relevant and important. She was again moved by just how much what she was feeling meant to him.
Mac, though, was not sure how she would fair in a conversation with her mother at this point and relayed that to him. "Yes, I want to know why but I'm not sure I can do this . . . if I'm ready to hear the answer," she returned emotionally. Billy took her face into his strong but gentle hands as he confidently responded, "I know you can, Mac. The only way you can deal with this is to know everything behind it and like I always say, there's no time like the present, right?" She gave him a half smile, "Yeah I guess . . . " "Then what do you say we get you back so you can get your answers?" he cut in, hoping to prevent a but from slipping in. Mac didn't reply right away, instead, watching him slowly begin to rise. It constantly blew her mind to think someone so handsome, sweet and caring had taken an interest in her but having him here with her now, she felt so blessed that he did genuinely care about her. She finally rose to join him but before he could start back towards the trail she stopped him by reaching up and taking his face into both her hands now.
The two then maintained deep eye contact as she quietly finished, "Thank you . . . for just being here for me and showing me just how much you care." He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers as he softly replied, "I do care about you . . . so much. We will get through this together." "Promise?" Mac questioned, quietly. Billy gave her a blazing version of that killer smile while concluding, with gesture and all, "Cross my heart." That garnered the first genuine smile out of Mac in a while before the duo shared in a tender peck and lingering hug. They then went off to face her past and, as it would turn out, a part of Billy's present . . .
Chapter 15B . . .
The pair, eventually, arrived back at the house after sunset and stood on the porch, momentarily, while Mac composed herself some more. Once she prepared to move forward, Billy held her up briefly and reassured said, "You'll be fine. Just listen and hear each other out, OK?" "OK," was her simple response. He nodded and gave her one more grin before finishing, "I'm going to go make sure I have everything ready for tomorrow while you and your mom talk." That statement caused Mac to react instantly and some what out of character. She emotional replied to his words, "No! I want you there. I can't do this alone . . . please say you'll stay with me." Billy wasn't expecting that kind of reaction anymore then Mac. She was always so calm cool and collected. Mac, though, wasn't sure she could contain herself without having him near. So Billy took it in stride and without a thought, pulled her into another tight embrace and quietly stated, "Of course, I'll stay. Whatever you need . . . I'm here." She shook her head in his hold before slowly retreating from it, "Thank you." He kissed her hand that was now holding on to his and allowed her to lead him into the house.
They quickly found Amanda sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea. She immediately sucked in her breath when she saw her child enter the room, followed by her beau. The look of pure contempt had vanished, but left was appearances of deep seated hurt and confusion. Mac and Billy soon joined her at the table both sitting across from the troubled mother. She knew once she explained everything to Mac, no matter how sensible she had always been, her daughter would probably have trouble understanding all of her reasoning. Mac finally broke the unwavering silence with the question simple enough to open the floodgates, "Why?"
Amanda looked from her child to Billy, who had listened to her and conceded there were some valid reasons she had done what she done, though, still clearly on Mac's side, and then back to the penetrating chocolate gaze of Mac, praying she, too, would be able to see that, as well. Amanda began in softly, "Mackenzie, sweetheart, I'm sorry for this . . . for causing you this kind of pain. I never meant to . . . " Mac cut off her apology, though, and went back to her question, "Then why . . . why did you keep this from me? Why didn't you tell me about him or him about me? Why would you keep me away from the one thing I have been craving my whole life . . . a father? I don't understand that, not at all." Her mother closed her eyes, briefly, trying to keep her emotions in check before continuing on, "You have to understand, darling, that when I got pregnant with you, I was so young. I had no idea what my life was going to be about back then. I was basically going through the motions when I met your father." She paused and smiled lightly as she went on to explain more, "He was such a sweet, gentle man, which at first I thought came with what he did, missionary work, but I soon found out he was just that kind of person at heart . . . you have allot of him in you, baby. That compassion and willingness to do for others is all him."
Mac broke in again, as she lightly commented, "He's a missionary?" Amanda nodded, "Yeah, he traveled all over the world helping those less fortunate. He was truly a great man." Her admissions were only serving to add to Mac's confusion, "So why did you leave him and why didn't you tell him about me?" "Because, I was still a kid when I became involved with him, barely eighteen. I knew he would want a commitment and to take care of me if he found out about you and I just wasn't ready back then for that. I still wasn't sure what I wanted and I didn't think it was fair to pull him into my uncertainty. So I did the only thing I could think of at the time . . . I left. I told him I needed some space and I left," Amanda returned, with emotion obviously seeping into her words.
Billy remained a quiet observer to the exchange and could see how much this topic was getting to both women. This man she spoke of seemed to be a find by anyone's standards yet Amanda chose to leave him behind and keep him and Mac apart. Like he told her, he could understand her not being ready to settled down, but he still understood Mac's hurt more. She was denied a relationship with her father her whole life. Why couldn't she have let him in when Mac was old enough to understand? That turned out to be the next question from Mac herself.
"But that doesn't explain why you never told me all of this before now. Why was I kept in the dark, even after I asked you about him?" Amanda let out a small breath as she continued, "I worked so hard to make you life carefree and uncomplicated , Honey, and I just didn't think introducing him in your life would have served any purpose but to upset that and besides that I didn't really know where he was once you started asking about him. He was always on the move and I had no clue how to find him, so I just decided to let it lay." Mac shook her head at her mother's logic as she coolly chimed in, "What gave you the right to make a decision that affected me so deeply without letting me have a say. You knew how desperate I was to have him in my life but you stayed quiet . . . Let me ask you this, had Billy never mentioned Genoa City, would you have ever told me?" Amanda immediately dropped her head, giving Mac the answer she suspected. She was now racking her brain, trying to figure out how to deal with all of this.
Her attention soon turned back to the letter she had been carrying since she read it, prompting her to then asked yet another poignant question, "You said you had no idea where he was, did you ever even attempt to contact his mother . . . my grandmother to find out?" Her mother's eyes darted to the letter Mac held and then sadly came back, "No. I didn't know what I would say to her. We had never met. I wasn't sure she even knew about me. What was I suppose to do, call her up one day and say is you son around I'm the mother of his child, your grandchild that you didn't know existed? I just thought it best to not interrupt everyone's lives. We were doing fine and I'm sure wherever he was he was, as well."
"This is unbelievable . . . all this time, I could have known, maybe even had some contact with him but you kept that from happening. How am I suppose to deal with that, huh?" Amanda again, shied away from her child's less then hospitable gaze and quietly added, "I'm so sorry, baby but I only did what I thought was best at the time. You have to believe that." Mac, this time, just rolled her eyes, and didn't reply, instead reading over the note once more before quietly uttering her grandmother's name, "Katherine Chancellor . . . I wonder if she's still even there?" The moment he heard that name, Billy silence was ended. He glanced over at his beau and repeated the name himself, "Katherine Chancellor?"
Mac looked up and noticed the surprise on his face, "Yeah . . . " She then paused briefly and let the look click in her head before finally inquiring, "Do you know her?" Amanda was once again focused in on the pair and waited, along with Mac, for his response. " Yes, she's actually a close friend of my family." Mac's eyes brightened at his admission, while Amanda questioned, "Are you sure it's the same person, Billy?" "To my knowledge, there's only one Katherine Chancellor in Genoa City and I've know her since I was a child." A new air quickly overtook the room as Mac's excitement was quiet evident. She gave Billy her full attention now as she began to bombard him with questions, "I can't believe this! You know her. Tell me what is she like? Is she smart, fun . . . ? Have you ever met my father?" Neither Billy or Amanda had seen her this hyped in a long while and he quickly tried to answer some of her inquires. "Well, let's just say Mrs. Chancellor has, since I can remember, always danced to her own drummer but she's really a nice lady. She has always been good to me and my family. She's really intelligent and has a offbeat sense of humor. She's always very real and straight forward with people and while I know she has a son, I have never met him personally."
That heavenly glow had returned to Mac's face and made Billy extremely happy that he could help bring it there. Amanda, though, knowing her daughter, became quite weary. She was pretty sure where this was headed and she wasn't sure Mac could handle that right now. So she again spoke up, cutting into her daughter's exuberance, "Honey, I know this is exciting for you but please tell me you you're not thinking of taking this any further?" Mac looked over at her mom and furrowed her brow, "Meaning?" "Meaning, while you're there with Billy, that you're not going to seek this woman out . . . spring yourself on her because I have to tell you, I don't think that would be such a good idea," she returned. Mac was in no mood to hide her irritation with her mother at the moment and let her words relay as much, "And why is that, mother? Because she might actually want to get to know me? That she might know where my father is? Why would you have a problem in me meeting the rest of my family, now?"
Amanda could see Mac was taking this all wrong and moved to try and soothe the tension some. She reached across the table and cover her child's hand, which, much to her relief, Mac didn't rebut, and softly explained her point, "It's not that, Sweetheart, it's just that you don't know how you'll be accepted there and I don't want you to get hurt anymore then you already are. What if you do this and she's not as accepting of who you are? Can you honestly say that wouldn't devastate you all over again?" Mac remained quiet this time mulling over her mother's logic. With this, she knew Amanda might be right. After all the only thing she had as proof was her mother's story and an old letter from her father. What if that wasn't enough? Billy thought of sounding off but he wasn't really sure how Mrs. C would react to this type of news. She was quite eccentric and might think Mac was out for something other than finding her family. He definitely didn't want Mac walking into a situation like that either.
Mac, though, had come to her own conclusion and felt it was the best way to address the whole situation, "What if I just want to see her . . . in person and know what she's like? I don't even have to tell her who I am. I think that's fair to her and to me." Amanda knew how stubborn her daughter could be when she set her mind to something so she relented, feeling how much she really needed this right now, "All right, I won't interfere if this is what you really want." "It is," Mac broke in firmly. "Ok, but just promise me you'll be careful. I don't want to see you hurt again." Mac felt the genuine sentiment behind those words but was still a bit upset with her mother, though not as much as before, so she lightly pulled her hand away from her and replied, "Don't worry. I'll be fine." Her mother closed her eyes, once more, and prayed she was right. Mac then turned to Billy and gave him a soft kiss on the lips before softly saying, "Thank you for coming into my life and also giving me this opportunity." He gave her a small smile as he playfully replied, "It's destiny, right?" She returned his grin before slowly rising and announcing, "I'm going to head to my room and finish packing for tomorrow."
She then vanished leaving Billy alone with Amanda. There was then a long silence that Billy finally broke by deciding make sure he was ready, as well. He made it as far as the door before Amanda stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He turned in looked into the mature version of those warm mocha orbs and waited for her to say what was on her mind. Then with all the conviction she could muster, she obliged, "Billy, can you please do something for me?" "If I can." "Please take care of my girl," she concluded. Billy searched her face, briefly, and could see all the worry etched there, so he gave her that trademark grin and shook his head gently as he responded, "You never have to ask me to do that." She reciprocated his warm glow, then tenderly caressed his handsome face before both parted for their rooms.
