Bot: Here's another installment of "Tobi Has a Question"!

Ruth: Sweet! This is the one that we both came up with right?

Bot: Mwahahahaha yes it isssss D

Ruth: Yes! -runs in circles-

Bot: o.o Ok, lets get started.


It was about a month or two after the whole 'Baby' incident and the hideout was pretty much back to normal.

Well, almost.

Deidara was still pissed that Tobi had to be his partner, Zetsu was now a lone ranger, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Kisame grimaced almost every time they saw Tobi as they remembered all of the extra chores that were piled on them, Itachi was … well Itachi, and everyone decided to watch what they said around the little orange masked boy from now on.

At least they tried.

There was, however, a few occasions they let a few, not so Tobi friendly words, slip.

This story, my fiction-reading friends, is about one of them.

It was a rainy day; Pein had a cold and was, obviously from the crashing thunder, not happy. Therefore outside was pretty much a giant mud pit. And guess who thought it would be 'Fun' To steal a few things to get his 'Friends' to play in the rain with him?

"TOBI! Give back my clay you little shit, UN!!"

"JASHIN WILL HAVE YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU GOD DAMN, MOTHER FUCKING, HETHAN SON OF A BITCH!!"

"You drop my money in the mud and you are as good as DEAD, YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Tobi, I don't have time for games, give me back my glasses…"

"Tobi. Give. Me. Back. My. Samehada!"

"This isn't funny Tobi… I WANT MY MULCH BACK OR I'M GONNA EAT YOUR ASS!!"

Pein clenched his eyes shut as he heard the calamity going on outside. "Ugh…" He groaned, taking off a thin layer of Konan's arm and blowing his nose, as Konan herself grimaced.

"Do they have to be so loud?"

She asked quietly as she sighed when Pein took some more paper from her arm to get rid of the mucous-ey build-up in his nose,

"I wish they wouldn't get too loud, it's giving me a worse headache." He mumbled. Of cores, in his state it sounded more or less like,

"I wbsh dey bouldn't get doo loubd, is gibing be a worse headdake."

Back outside, Tobi miraculously continued to dodge their attacks. He slipped quite a bit on the mud, so Kakuzu's threads missed almost one hundred percent of the time. Kisame tried to use the water to his advantage but the dirt and mud made it too heavy for him to control. Zetsu's morphing through matter was useless, as Tobi's movements were more erratic than a sugar high Naruto on crack, so he could not pinpoint where he was supposed to pop up. Itachi was puzzled, and extremely pissed off, as his Sharingan was some how not working on the masked wonder. That frustrated him, and was something he cataloged in his mind to find out later. As for Hidan and Deidara, well Tobi had their weapons, so they could do nothing but merely chase after the boy and shout profanities at him.

Pein, tired of the noise, made the lightning strike right in front of Tobi.

This caused another, sad, at least for the chaseies, chain of events.

The crash of lightning scared the living shit out of the fleeing Nin, and he stopped in his tracks in order to not be hit by the deadly strike. He did not count on the mud though. Said mud caused him to slip, flinging the other's precious belongings into the air, and fall to his back. Kakuzu easily stopped and grabbed his money with his threads, but when he stopped, Hidan crashed into his back, as did Deidara and Zetsu, causing them all to fall into the mud pit on top of the poor Tobi. Surprisingly, Itachi, without his glasses and all, managed to stop before he hit the 'train wreck'. Unfortunately for the Uchiha, luck was not on his side, as Kisame barreled into his back, adding two more to the mud and people soup.

Content with the newfound silence, Pein cuddled into the comforter and got some well-deserved sleep, and Konan left the room quietly, shutting off the light and shutting the door.

The pile of people, sharks, plants and immortals groaned, all getting their respective items and off the crushed mystery Nin. Said mystery Nin was brown with mud and his mask was lying in the mud, cracked. Sadly, no one got a look at his face, as it was covered in a thing, gritty mud.

"Wasn't that fun?" Tobi asked happily. "Yea…. fun…." Zetsu, both black and white mumbled. Truly, to them, it was fun. They had gotten their soil and water nutrients for the day in a way that they normally didn't.

The others, however, did not think so.

"I'm covered in mud, and you've got MY clay, all in THIS MUD UN!!" Deidara snapped, before stomping into the hideout to clean off.

All Hidan did was grumble about, 'Dead masked fuckers.' and went to clean his Scythe and himself.

Kakuzu just sighed, "I need to get laid." he mumbled as he went inside for a shower.

"Sex sounds so good right about now," Kisame groaned, following the stitched man.

Itachi just nodded and followed to the large, dorm type bathroom.

Tobi was puzzled, and his face showed it. Zetsu wasn't amazed, or astounded by seeing Tobi's face however, he had been the one to find him. Of course, the plant man knew what Tobi looked like. "Zetsu-sama?" Both sides grimaced, his mind flinging images of Tobi asking him… that question. "What is it Tobi-Chan?" "The fuck do you want?"

"What is, 'Sex'?"

Zetsu did nothing. Then he just materialized into the ground. "Go ask Leader-Sama." Then he was gone. Was it the right course of action? Fuck no, but since the leader had handled it so well last time, he figured he would again. Right?


The filthy boy stood outside the leader's room, wondering if it was all right to knock. He was sick, right? Should he be asking the leader of the Akatsuki questions right now?

"No."

He jumped sky high as Konan magically appeared by him and answered his unasked question. "No one is able to ask the leader anything right now, he just got to sleep." In his haste, all Tobi could find to cover his face was a masquerade type mask, with one eyehole. It was feathery, sparkly, and orange. He opened his mouth to ask her the question, and yet again, she answered it for him, "And no, I will not answer your question, go ask Deidara, if he questions it, tell him it was on MY order." Scared, Tobi nodded, and fled to find his Sempai.


Deidara shut his room door, toiletries in hand, as he walked to the showers, only to be tackled by a muddy Tobi. "Sempai!" Deidara pounded him on the head and stood picking up his bath things, "What the hell do you want, un?" He grumbled. Tobi smiled, some how going to his room and getting his shampoo and such in the time it took Deidara to stand. How the masked boy did it, Deidara would never know.

"Sempai, what's 'Sex'?"

The abused cleaning objects went to the floor, again, and Deidara turned beet red. 'Why the fuck am I one of the ones that he has to ask?!' he thought franticly.

The befuddled man was not good with these types of questions and in an attempt to hide his embarrassment; he bent down to pick up his things.

"S-sex," he stuttered his hand landing on a bottle, "Is when you bathe with this!" he yelped, lifting up the bottle in his grasp. "Axe?" Tobi asked. Indeed, the bottle Deidara held was that of the Axe body wash variety. "Yup!" he snipped, hoping Tobi would stop talking, "That's what sex is, un!" Tobi nodded, a grin on his face, as he followed his Sempai to the large bathroom, and Deidara was convinced that the boy had dropped the subject.

Wrong.


The Bathhouse of sorts was large and had ten showerheads and curtains, sort of like the ones you would find at a YMCA. Each curtain was different, and they showed whose shower it was. One had small mushroom cloud explosions on it, one had a beautiful jungles cape, one had Jashin pendants on it, one had the Uchiha crest on it, one had fish, one had paper cranes, one was just orange with spirals on it, one whales on it, one had the Japanese yen sign on it, and one was black with the Akatsuki cloud insignia printed on it.

A few showers were already on, Kisame's, Itachi's, Hidan's and Kakuzu's to be exact. Konan would always wait for the males to be done, that take a shower, and Zetsu didn't feel as though he needed one. Deidara slipped into his shower, and turned on the steaming hot water, letting it slide down and calm his naked body before he got his shampoo and lathered it on his head, making sure to keep his hands mouth's shut. Everyone could hear Tobi's humming to himself, but since it was there every time they took a shower, it sort of gave them a sense of normality, and calmness. The next thing they heard didn't.

"Tobi is having SEX!"

A loud, 'Thunk!' and then a 'Crack!' came next.

Startled from the random, and rather disturbing outburst, Kisame faltered and bashed his forehead on the showerhead, and made it snap off the wall. Now, in a normal house, they could just shut it off, right? Well, in order to help the large man and his extremely tight muscles, his water pressure was turned on extremely high. High enough to blast Kisame in the face with hot water, causing him to fall. The water went through the divider behind him, hitting Hidan, causing him to curse like the sailor he was.

Both came out of their showers, towels around their waists, to join Deidara, Itachi, and Kakuzu to see what was going on. Tobi was oblivious, however, and continued with his shower. "The hell was that, un?!" Water from Kisame's shower began to slowly, but surely, rise from the floor, enough to cover their feet. Deidara, intrigued, simply pulled back Tobi's shower curtain. Tobi yelped, and turned from them, covered his face and shouted, "Why are you all looking at Tobi?!" Deidara was horrified. What did he see at the bottom of the shower?

A bottle of Axe.


A little girl was screaming for her life, the large plant man about to ingest her whole.

But Zetsu had somehow heard Tobi's outburst.

And he was outraged.

Dropping the small child, who scampered off, free to live another day, Zetsu immediately morphed into the bathroom in front of the boy, startling all who where in it. Zetsu looked to Tobi, who was unscathed, but shaking and scared from the intrusion. Zetsu let out an animalistic growl and turned forebodingly to Deidara, the water up to their ankles, "You've scarred him…." "I'M GONNA EAT YOU ALIVE!" Deidara shrieked and fled, and Zetsu followed, hot on his heels.

Tobi had ran to his room, Kakuzu had bitched about the broken showerhead, and Itachi Hidan and Kisame left the bathroom massacre. The chase lasted quite a while, and abruptly ended when a shout of 'Katsu!' was heard, but not for the reason you'd think. Because there was another shout right after him, that really ended it.

Pein actually smiled as he saw the blue sky from the outside of the base. He stood in the doorframe, looking over the muddy yard and water dripping trees. Apparently a nap was all he needed to be back in his tip top condition. Konan had reported the commotion, and Deidara had gotten what he had deserved in his opinion. "Alls well that ends well!" He said surprisingly cheerfully. Alas, it didn't last. Konan walked behind him, about to just enjoy the view with him, then they both heard the shout of Deidara's explosive Jutsu detonation. The only thing was, they didn't feel a rumble, or explosion behind them.

The mud puddle that Pein was looking at began to bubble, then it erupted like a Geyser.

Konan blinked, "P-pein-sama?" She questioned. His back looked fine, but when he turned to her, his entire front was covered in near scalding mud. The Blue haired missing Nin wisely stepped backward as Pein's hands clenched into fists and his shoulders shook with rage. Do you know what comes next?

"DEIDARA!!"

"Fuck, un."

End


Bot: Oh that was so much fun to write :D

Ruth: -Laughing- Oh dear god that was awesome.

Bot: You think? Should I make another chapter?

Ruth: Oh hells yes!

Bot: Alrighty then! Next chapter will be up… when I feel like it! -bricked-