Title: The Fourth Step
Summary: Everyone knows the Waitress isn't into Charlie. At all. But all that's about to change.
A/N: Sweet, Chapter 2. No warm and fuzzies from the Waitress just yet (like, at all), but waiting makes the prize all the sweeter right? She'll come around, I mean, come on! It's Charlie! This chapter has dialogue. Lot's of it. Which is a great way for me to practice characterization; hopefully you guys can tell who's saying what without me spelling it out for you.
PS: I don't own anything.
Chapter 2: The Second 'N'
Dennis Reynolds was tired. Dennis Reynolds was tired and hungover. Dennis Reynolds was tired, hungover and up before noon at the coffee shop. He, quite understandably did not want to be there, in fact, he could think of a million better places to be than 'there'. His bed for instance.
Heck, Dennis didn't even know why the hell he was here in the first place, and he was quick to say as much.
Charlie paused in his (habitual, he swears) scanning for the Waitress to call his friend out on his inattentiveness. "Dude weren't you listening?"
"Charlie, I gave up listening to your words sometime around when you decided to give up on the English language."
"Wow seriously? You mean you haven't been listening to me since the third grade? I don't think you even knew me back then dude."
"What do you mean back in the thir- Look, never mind, just tell me why the crap I'm here alright?"
"Well I don't know if I even want to tell you now that I know you haven't been listening to me since the third grade."
"CHARLIE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME RIGHT NOW SO HELP ME I'LL-"
"Whoa, whoa dude, relax. Let the man tell us why he and your sister dragged two helpless, hungover men out of bed and into a coffee shop at eight fucking thirty in the morning… and then we'll kill him." Mac interjected placing the hand that wasn't massaging his aching head on his irate roommate's shoulder in a calming gesture.
Dee decided it was time to intervene.
"Guys, Charlie's going through a tough transition and needs your support okay?"
Dennis scoffed.
"A 'tough transition'? What is that? A 'tough transition'. I have a hangover, Dee. From drinking. Beer. What could possibly be tougher than that? Did Charlie like finally come out of the closet or some shit?"
"What the hell man? I'm not gay dude, why would you even say that?"
"Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but some of the stuff you do is pretty gay little man."
"Oh really. Really Dennis? Name one thing."
"I think 'The Nightman' pretty much says it all."
"Oh come on! Are you still on about that shit man? 'The Nightman' isn't gay okay? He's just a- just a powerful character is all."
"Oh yeah, because, and I quote: 'pin me down with your strong arms, you pin me down, and I try to fight you, you come inside me' isn't in the least bit rapey or homosexual."
"'Rapey'? Really Dennis?"
"He's not raping me, I'm becom-"
"…Yeah, I'm going to have to side with Dennis on that one. It was pretty gay dude."
"What? Mac, oh come on, Dee, tell them they're crazy."
"Erm… Nope sorry, it was pretty much irrefutably gay."
"You know what? You guys suck, you know that? You really do, I hate you al-"
"Charlie, just tell us why we're here."
Charlie sighed.
"I'm giving up on the Waitress. I mean, it's pretty obvious she hates me, and I just wanted to tell her that I'm going to leave her alone from now on."
Charlie mustered up a heart-wrenching, half-hearted grin for his friends.
"Mm… hmm… right… sure whatever, look, I'm going to go now, so yeah, have fun with that."
"Yeah man, let's go, there's like a Starbucks right across the road from here."
Dennis and Mac were decidedly unphased.
Dee was appalled.
"You guys! Charlie is obviously going through some emotionally rough times; you can't just bail on him. He needs our support."
Dennis was incredulous. Was Dee really that stupid?
"Okay, first of all, I can bail on whoever I want. Second, you don't really expect me to believe that Charlie has given up on the Waitress do you? Because if you do, your puny little female brain is even more defective than I could have possibly imagined."
"You asshole, are you for real? You are a horrible friend. And what does me being female have to do with anything anyway? Look just shut up and stay put you son of a bitch, she's coming over."
Dennis rolled his eyes and sat back in his seat. He'd stay, but only because he was an awesome friend and Dee needed to realise that. He still wasn't entirely convinced that Charlie had given up on the Waitress for real, but if he had, good for him. Dennis had never seen what all the fuss was about anyway. She was a terribly average lay.
The Waitress approached their table; a scowl visibly painted on her face. Charlie started shredding his napkin.
"Great. You assfaces again, why can't you all just leave me the hell alone?"
She glared around the group, lingering noticeably on Dennis.
Dennis thought that sometimes she was so in love with him it was ridiculous.
"Don't worry, I didn't even want to be here, there's a Starbucks right there; just across the road you know."
Dennis smirked as her glare intensified.
Oh yeah, she definitely wanted him.
A sharp pain lanced through his shin suddenly.
"OW! Fuck man! That fucking hurt!"
Charlie glared at him.
"Oh really? Did it really hurt? Oh I'm sorry. My foot must have slipped."
Dennis scowled. He knew Charlie wasn't really sorry.
The Waitress turned her glare onto Charlie. He shrugged sheepishly and attempted an innocent smile in return.
"Well whatever, if you guys aren't ordering anything, I'm leaving."
"Al-righty then, great! Might as well head over to Starbucks then guys."
Mac was already standing up and Dennis was nodding his head in agreement.
The Waitress turned to leave with a roll of her eyes and Charlie stood up in a hurry, scattering shredded bits of napkin all over the floor.
"No no no no, w-wait a second, let's just all calm down. No one's going to head over to Starbucks here." Charlie stammered.
The Waitress turned back exasperatedly.
"Are you going to order something then?"
Charlie cringed.
"Well… I don't... I don't exactly have any money… or anything that I could er... pay with per say..."
His friends all nodded in confirmation. None of them had any money. None of them ever really had any money
"No kidding. I'm outta here."
"Wait. WAIT! I just- I just wanted to say something."
The Waitress sent her eyes heavenward, mentally preparing for another inevitable question to flat out rejection conversation.
"I er… I just… er…"
The Waitress tapped her feet impatiently.
"You just what? Wanted to go out to dinner? Just spit it out Charlie so I can refuse already and get on with my day."
"IjustwantedtotellyouI'mnotstalkingyouanymore." Charlie blurted out.
The Waitress blinked.
"Excuse me?"
"I just, I just wanted you to know that I can take a hint and I'm gonna… I'm gonna leave you alone from now on."
Charlie's shoulders drooped as he said it. It sounded so much more final out loud; like something he couldn't take back.
The Waitress was sceptical.
"Oh really. You're just going to stop, just like that."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"After all those times I've asked you to leave me alone, and you never did. You decide now, out of the blue, for no reason at all, to stop stalking me?"
Charlie nodded, a bit miserably.
"And I'm supposed to believe you? What have you done now? Taken my family hostage? Are you going to use them as ransom to make me marry you? What is your plan exactly?"
Charlie cringed again; this wasn't going exactly the way he planned. Though that suggestion was a good idea now that he'd come to think of it. Not that he'd go through with it now, nope, no way.
"There's no plan! There's no plan okay? You were unhappy with me stalking you, I realise that now, and I'm going to stop. I- I didn't mean to make you unhappy."
"…You mean it? You really mean it."
"No not real- I mean, yeah. Yes! I mean it."
The Waitress blinked again, surprised, but never one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
"Well… good. That's… good."
"I even drew up some legal documents for you to sign… legalising that… verbal contract 'cause you know, I happen to know a fair bit about the law and all."
Charlie pulled them out.
"Charlie, these are pictures. Drawn with crayon."
"No they're words, see this? This says-"
"Look, I'm not signing these, as far as I know, they're attempting to bind me to you as some kind of sex slave or something equally disgusting. Just leave me the hell alone."
"Right. Right, I can do that."
The Waitress turned to leave.
"Can I get a final goodbye hug?"
"NO Charlie! Just leave me the hell alone!"
And with that, the Waitress left the rather shell-shocked group alone.
Dennis was stunned.
"Dude. I can't believe it. You did it, you actually did it."
"Yeah man I told you I would didn't I?"
Charlie sat down, he didn't feel so great. It felt almost as bad as when he finished his pre-sleep ritual of cat food, beer and glue. Dee took his hand, squeezed it and smiled sympathetically at him. Charlie thought she'd be the most awesome friend ever if only she wasn't a girl.
"I just can't believe you actually went through with it. You got all the way to the second 'N' man!"
"I know, I kn- what?"
"The second 'N'! You know; the Fourth step!"
"…What the hell are you talking about bro'?"
"Are you retarded? Don't answer that. The Second 'N'. 'Neglect Emotionally'. The D-E-N-N-I-S system? You pulled it off man!"
"What do you mean I pull- I wasn't trying to pull anything man."
Mac snapped his fingers,
"Oh shit! The D-E-N-N-I-S system! I totally forgot about that, Charlie you sly son of a bitch, nice work man."
"Look dude, I wasn't trying to pull anything man, I just wanted to get out of her life, let her live it, and maybe get on with my own."
"Yeah sure bro', we getcha, we know what you mean, playing the 'innocent card', nice one."
"Innocent car-"
"Man you picked up on that better than I thought, I'm proud of ya buddy, good luck with that. Meanwhile, Mac and I are gonna go grab some real coffee from that Starbucks over there. Wanna come?"
"What? I-"
"You just said you didn't have any mon-"
"No? Too bad, see ya later."
And with that, Mac and Dennis were gone. Charlie was left staring at the empty seats left behind by their abrupt departure.
"What just happened Dee?"
"No idea Charlie, no freaking idea."
Footnote: And that's it folks, chapter 2. I told you there was a lot of dialogue. It was originally meant to be two scenes like the first chapter, but somehow, as I was writing, the coffee shop scene just got longer and longer and eventually became its own chapter. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it though, not much romance, but I warned you it'd be slow going (I promise it'll be continuous and enjoyable though!) and it was an important chapter plot-wise in terms of actually setting up the beginning of a new relationship between Charlie and the Waitress.
Feedback would be much appreciated.
