Barty Crouch, JR: I Am Hamlet
"For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
I silently speak that quote whenever I see my father. To him, his murderings have no consequence, as he does it for the 'greater good' of the people, or some other reasoning like that. It is fine to murder when one has the government backing them up. If I kill, it is a crime. If Father kills, it is a public service. Death is punishable by death, so, if he kills, then he deserves to die; justice has told me that. In fact, Father has taught me that.
He never wanted a family. I am nothing but a force that ruined my mother. Mother could have been someone else. Father made her some kind of queen through his Ministry ladder climbing. People with crowns do not need morals. They can do anything to hide what would ruin their prefect reputation. I am that. I am supposed to be a good son. A good son honours his father. A good son honours his mother. A husband should honour his wife enough to love their son. He is failing my mother. He murders, and is a bad husband and father.
As I walked with Regulus one night, I was affronted by Voldemort, though, he looked like a ghost and younger.
"Murder, " he said, "Is not always wrong. Sometimes, it is the only way to be free."
"My father knows that well," I responded. Regulus stayed behind me with his wand drawn. I do not think he heard what conspired between us, otherwise, he would have said something.
"Your father punishes those who wish to do nothing more than preserve our Pureblood race. In the end, he is dooming us all. Your murder of him would make you a hero."
Heroics were never my forte, but any man who says he does not have illusions of grandeur is a liar.
I ruminated over what the Ghostlike Voldemort had said to me for days. I lost sleep, not that I ever was a decent sleeper; but I lost more sleep than usual. One evening when out by the lake, Narcissa approached me. Little Narcissa Black. I loved her, or so I convinced myself. There had always been a certain Nymph-like quality to her. Perhaps it was her petite stature, or her way of wandering around collecting odd flowers, often without shoes. If it was not for her last name, then the other students in our year would have made her the subject of all their jokes. She did not walk, but floated. She did not 'approach', but 'appeared'. She was my Annabel Lee, if I was able to feel a 'love that was deeper than love', which I was not. I would humour her with it, though. She would always give me flowers. Flowers were so pointless in how they died. In fact, they were corpses. By they time they were picked, they were already dead. Narcissa Black gave me corpses. I kept them all and let them dry in my room. It made her happy, or something like that.
"Sirius doesn't like you," she told me in a hushed tone, as if her estranged cousin was nearby, "Like how he doesn't like Severus."
"Sirius isn't even a real member of your family." I knew it sounded cold, but sometimes I had to talk some sense into her. Sometimes I had to fuck some sense into her. She never minded that, though.
"I know," she replied, resting the little blonde head in my lap. I stroked her hair. I did not deserve her. Really. I treated her terribly. My father treated my mother better, or something.
I think she was pregnant. She was never forward with me on those things, because she knew I would not make a good father. Maybe she told me. I forgot it because there were more important things to worry about.
Like, for example, Sirius. He would stalk after me, reminding me of how I was no good for Narcissa. He did not have to remind me. I would have listened to Regulus, but Sirius was worse than I was. He would corner me after classes. Wands would be drawn.
"You hate your family too," I said, my wand to his throat, "Just because you side with damn rebels who want to destroy all that makes Magic blood sacred, it does not make you any better than me."
"You can never justify anything about yourself, or any of your dealings with my brother or my cousin!"
"Funny." I said, "How you do not care about them unless you can use it as a way to anger me."
Yet, he was the hero at Hogwarts. Go figure. He simply chose the correct family to hate.
