Chapter 2

Sometimes a person can go through only so much, see only so much, do only so much before eventually you have no other choice but to give up, wallow in it, or just simply die. Unfortunately, for the Winchesters, of the Lawrence, Kansas variety that is, the well of endurance for all things masochistic or narcissistic is a deep abyss. As Dean stares at the long dark road ahead of him he remembers back, another dark road, where he was wishing so badly that seat next to him wasn't empty. Now he realizes just how empty that seat can truly be. He looks at Sam and back to the road. He hasn't said much since they left. Dean figures that he knows that a line has been crossed and Dean just can't decide if they've gone too far or what.

"If you can't feel anything, how do you know that you want your soul back? That it would be the "right" thing to get your soul back?" Dean asks Sam, cutting his eyes at him for a second then back to the road. Sam shrugs.

"I don't know." Dean snorted, rolling his eyes. "Really I don't know, it's just the logical conclusion right? I mean I know what Sam would have done, and this is his body. I don't know what I am without a soul, but I definitely don't think I'm your brother, at least not as he was prior to jumping in the pit. If I hadn't come to you when the Djinn were attacking, I probably wouldn't ever have contacted you. Just went on like this forever. And, in a way, I suppose I still could, really. I don't have to be here, neither do you, no matter what strings Crowley wants to pull to get us to bring him alpha's. But my decisions keep me coming back to you Dean." Sam stared hard at Dean this time, who stared hard back at him. "And I think it's because I need to get my soul back. I can't tell you that I truly want it back, because that would imply I actually cared about something and I just don't." Sam looked at Dean, shaking his head. Dean nodded, a slight frown creasing his brow.

"So then the question really is, how far can I push myself to help you, knowing that if we can't get your soul back, I'm stuck with Zombie Sam?" Dean asked.

"You're not stuck with anyone Dean. Being here right now, with me, doing this, it's your choice. You can walk away whenever you want. So can I." Sam stared at him. Dean pulled the car over and looked around, then back at Dean.

"Preferably in a town, if your dumping me off here, of course." Sam said, frowning at Dean. Dean twisted around in his seat, his arm stretching out along the top of the seat, and just looked at him for a long moment.

"So we both chose to stay. You just told me that all your choices pointed you towards me. My choices have kept me with you too. So some part of my brother Sam is in there somewhere, somehow directing you, even if it's small. Right?" he asked. Sam thought it over, a slight look of surprise on his face.

"I suppose so ... yeah. Not emotionally because I don't feel that but .. I can't explain it really. I can make decisions on my own. Some decisions are based on pure instinct at the time, like when I'm hunting. But when I have time to think it over, especially when I'm around you, I tend not to do the things that I would do and more of what Sam might do. Does that make sense?" He looked confused at Dean, who nodded.

"Ok then." Dean turned back to the wheel and pulled the sleek black car onto the road once again. Again they rode in silence for a time.

"So, you don't like me much, do you?" Sam asked, looking at Dean.

"Nope I don't, I don't like you, I don't trust you, and most of all I hate that you wear my brother's body like demon wears a meat suite." Sam nodded. Dean looked at him, did a double take, then sighed.

"Why did you ask me that?" Sam shrugged.

"I was just wondering, if I got my soul back and you hate ME so much, how are you going to feel when your version of "Sam" is back." Dean's face registered shock, anger and pain. None of which Sam could understand, but devastated Dean.

"I don't know." Dean answered, softly, painfully. Sam nodded.

"So, maybe we're back to do you really want to get my soul back?" Sam looked at Dean, who pinned him with a glare. Once again, Dean slammed on the brakes and pulled the car over to the side of the road. Cars honking angrily as they drove past, Dean ignored them and pinned Sam a cold angry glare.

"Listen up you son of a bitch, I find it repulsive that you are what you are. In my mind your like a demon inhabiting my brothers body that I can't get rid of it. But one thing you need to understand, that's a Winchester's body you're in, more importantly MY BROTHER's body, and we're all we had in this fucked up world. He took a swan dive into that cage you sprang from to save me, "Dean stopped for a second, hard to breath, tears forming in his eyes, "to save me and himself and everyone else on this damn planet. And while you're up here defiling EVERYTHING he stood for, he's still in eternal HELL suffering God know's what. So the fact his body has been reduced to some fucking meat suite that breaths and shits makes a difference to me, I GIVE A SHIT. And if there is a way to get my brother back I'll find it and if not I'd run as far from me as you can, because I've had enough." Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean's threat. Dean nodded.

"That's right, I've had enough. I'm nobody's bitch. I'll take you out and follow you straight back to my brother if that what it takes to end this but I will end this. Hell I may just drag that piece of shit Crowley down with me for good measure."