As Ray is not back when I return to our house, I do not have an excuse not to eat dinner at Melina's place. I know there is some risk in getting involved with the rangers, but it might be useful to talk to them. Since they do not suspect I am who I am, maybe I can get some information about current criminal and military threats and what measures they take to counter them.
I wonder what Ray is doing. It has been six days since he left, and he does not usually stay out that long on his hunts.
"What do you think about her, Niko?"
"Well, she's not Daisy O'Mega."
"I can see that. Anything else?"
"She's guarded and not too enthusiastic we're here."
"Do you think she has a criminal background?"
"It's possible. The shopkeeper said she and her boyfriend came here as bounty hunters. But even if they have a criminal background, there's not much we can do. Unless they committed murder or treason, New Chennai like most border planets has some generous amnesties for people who settle here without committing further crimes."
"I just want to make sure she does not shoot us in the back if she comes with us as a scout."
"Wouldn't a scout ride in the front?"
"That's not funny, Niko."
"The border planets don't have many qualified people, Zach. Their sheriffs are either born here, or they have one reason or another to hide. Daisy Miller has an excellent reputation with the surrounding towns both as a skilled shooter as well as someone who doesn't take bribes or lets criminals run. I think it's more than we can ask for."
"I still have an uneasy feeling about her."
"I don't think she is the type who would shoot someone in the back."
"Still, can you try to find out more about her, Niko?"
"I can ask around about her a bit more, but if she doesn't volunteer information, I'm at the limit of what I can morally or legally do."
"Just do what you can."
I hear them talk as I am bringing the maps we are going to use. They are underestimating my range of hearing, as most people do.
Unfortunately, the rangers are not the trusting fools I hoped they would be, but neither am I.
I arrive for dinner at exactly 2030. Apparently, no one told the rangers the time code of this area because they already arrived shortly after 2000.
While Melina's oldest daughter, Debra, is keeping the rangers company and while Melina is doing last minute preparations in the kitchen, Fox is politely asking about Debra's favorite school subject. Niko is listening and otherwise giving a hand in keeping Debra's youngest brother, Aafreen, away from the fuses in the wall.
The rangers somehow look at home here, unlike me.
Melina emerges from the kitchen and sharply claps her hands to assemble everyone at the table for dinner, including us, her husband and her five children.
We get an enormous plate of fresh vegetables in lemon sauce and an even bigger platter of rice and lentils. Fortunately, we do not have to eat everything. They would be quite shocked if we did. It is touching how generously they serve food although they do expect you to reciprocate their hospitality.
Unfortunately for them, I have no intention of doing so.
"So, are our borders safe?" Melina's husband, Wallace, jokes.
"Crown vessels are staying on their side of the border," Fox replies calmly.
I can hear the 'mostly' even if he does not say it.
"We've also been able to conclude peace agreements with the Traash and the Leotides," Niko adds. She is trying to look demure, but from her confident smile, one could almost think she negotiated these herself.
"See, there's no need for you to become soldiers just yet," Melina tells her boys. "The rangers have everything under control."
"So what do you want to be when you grow up?" Captain Fox asks the children.
The boys, Eric and Kamran, say they want to be explorers, but they are too young for anyone to take them seriously. Debra, as oldest daughter, will take over her mother's shop, there is not much discussion there. Tamasi wants to be a teacher, no debate there either.
"I want to be a sheriff," Faizan says defiantly.
Her mother looks disapproving at me, Niko, and Faizan simultaneously.
"I want to help people," Faizan insists.
"People will also need nurses and engineers to help them," I tell her.
I do not see a need to discourage her, but I will not encourage her either. It is a hard life, even if it is the only one I know.
"We'll decide that when you're older," her father says sternly.
After that, the conversation drifts to trade, and Niko manages to give quite a detailed report of which planets are trading which commodities, though unfortunately she cannot give Melina retail prices for spices. Fox lightens the conversation by contributing some anecdotes about smugglers stupid enough to get caught because of mice in their cargo.
When Melina serves dessert, fried dough balls in peach syrup, she turns the conversation back to personal matters.
"So when will your man be back?" Melina asks me. I force myself to smile. I hate discussing my private life with anyone, especially people who gossip as much as the women of the town.
I notice Melina is avoiding to either call Ray my boyfriend or husband. As long as they do not ask whether we are married, they do not have to react to the fact that we are not.
"In a week or so," I lie.
She makes a disapproving noise. "He should take better care of you."
Again I have to suppress an angry laugh. I do not need Ray to take care of me. In fact, it has always been me who took care of him and the other troopers.
Most punishments at Wolf Den were summary, so keeping the others out of trouble was a way of keeping myself out of trouble.
But Ray made me feel wanted. Precious. Gave me a reason why I wanted to live and not just survive. What do these settlers understand about that with their family schemes and dynasty building ambitions?
While Fox compliments Melina on her cooking and coaxes the recipe for it out of her and while Niko tries to give a simplified explanation of hyperdrive travel to the boys, I manage to eat dessert in silence
Not for the first time, I wish I were somewhere else, but I do not know where that would be.
When I come home, I pack what I will need for the next week: camping gear, food, medicine, a change of clothing. It does not take more than ten minutes. I am prepared to travel at short notice, and I have always been able to subsist on little. I leave a note for Ray, telling him to wait for me if he returns before me. The text is non-descriptive; it is just something of my own handwriting to let him know I am okay. I am a bit worried if he comes back to town while I am away, but to risk letting the rangers run into him would be even more foolish.
Even if we argue, I feel better if he is around.
I am the only survivor of my original unit. Diseases and genetic instabilities killed all other light manipulators, one after the other. They transferred me to another unit when I was eight. I did not want to lose anyone else, but life was not about my wishes. I learned to put on a hard face for the other troopers, especially Killbane. Then they transferred yet another boy to our unit, and I could see that he was even more scared than I, although he tried to put on a brave face as well. And I decided that troopers take care of each other no matter what the rules.
I busy myself reviewing the warrants for wanted criminals. Even though I have already committed them to memory, I need to do something.
There is too much time and too little to do in Rani Town. I guess it is one of the reasons why Ray and I argue so much. We both need only five hours of sleep.
At Wolf Den, we had study tasks that would keep us busy until midnight and we would be woken at 0500 to begin our morning exercises.
I am thinking too much of a life that is past.
At Laramie's estate, I would watch humans, learning where they could be dangerous. Anything can be dangerous in numbers. I was studying how to blend in enough if I had to, learning what I could about other species and planets, what I needed to know if we had to run again. The simulations at Wolf Den had left out many details, and despite my training to act as a spy, I had never thought I would learn so much about the habits of criminal low life.
Boredom can kill. I sometimes catch myself thinking about home improvement.
As I am lying in bed alone, the memories come unbidden.
# Wolf Den practice ground.
My team is the blue one, and we have to steal a valuable data crystal from the red team. It is the first time I have been made team leader in a battle simulation, and I am determined to do well. I have my team split up, and we attack the red ones under the cover of night. Our snipers smoothly take out theirs, and I have guards positioned to intercept possible escapees. My team wins; we retrieve the data crystal undamaged from our opponents. Only two troopers from the blue team have been taken out. Commander Negata commends me and makes some suggestions on how to improve strategy. Commander Walsh just stares at me icily, and I realize he expected me to bring back all of my team. Then he proceeds to give a detailed critique of each person's moves to everyone, and I, feeling empty and cold inside, have to look down.
I awake with a start. There is no one in the room with me. Only ordinary night sounds of Rani Town reach my ear. I am not in the barracks at Wolf Den.
My heart is beating fast. Battle ready but there is no one to fight.
I try to calm myself. Why should I care what Walsh, who sacrificed all of us, thinks of me?
Stealth is what I need. The rangers suspect I am a former outlaw, but they have no idea what I am. It is a pity New Chennai's amnesty does not extend to government property on the run. I do not like criminals, so I will help the rangers catch whoever is abducting trappers and miners, but I will not regret it either if they perish in the course of duty. They are only humans.
Why then do I feel like the 12-year old girl who failed to bring her team back?
