She was only fifteen when her world changed forever.
A new town, a new school. By now it was routine, packing up to follow her parents' jobs. So had saying goodbye, over and over again. Never time to make real connections, so no single goodbye was meaningful. But they piled up, and the weight of all those shallow partings and forgotten names were crushing sometimes.
Her parents weren't at fault, she knew that by now. They had no more choice than she did. Despite being just past middle-school age, she'd come to understand and accept it, even if she didn't like it.
At least this time she wouldn't be forced to stand at the front of the class as a transfer student, making it obvious that she was an outsider. Coming at the start of the first year of high school, for once she was on equal footing with all the other newcomers.
As expected, the opening address was almost comfortingly dull, giving her a chance to look around at the other girls. By now she was an accomplished people-watcher, and she recognized all the usual types. The sports star, the actor, the top of the class, they were all very familiar. They seemed more mature now; the threshold between middle and high school sparked changes in all of them. But nothing unexpected. Save for two girls in particular.
The first who caught her eye was a petite, dark-haired girl with pigtails, who seemed to fill more space than her body could account for. It was as if she was so charged with electricity that it couldn't be contained. She didn't need intuition to see that this was a girl destined for big things. She had a glint in her eye that Nozomi could almost physically feel, filled with determination.
As to the other girl, she was so striking it was a wonder she didn't spot her first. She was tall, one of the tallest in her grade, and bearing the most arresting blond hair and blue eyes. She could tell at a glance that it was her natural colour. She was the type who would never dye it, even to blend in with the crowd. Not that she could if she did, with her perfect, if slightly rigid, posture and direct gaze. Part Japanese, she thought, I wonder what brought her here? She resolved to learn more if she could.
It was during self introductions that she learned the girl's name was Ayase Eli. She also learned how determined she was to push others away, practically declaring war on her classmates. But the defiance on that face was so beautiful, she couldn't look away. You're an outsider, she thought. Just like me.
At lunch, she took the cards from her bag and began to shuffle. The physical action allowed her to collect her thoughts; ever since she had been introduced to them a couple of years before, they helped whenever she needed clarity. A spiritual child to begin with, she took to them naturally and were in a way her most steadfast friend. No matter where she went, the cards, the stars and the spirits she felt remained with her when no one else did.
Glancing toward Eli, she was surprised to see the blond glancing back. Was it coincidence that they were both looking at the same time? Or the faint stirrings of fate? Either way, Eli didn't give her a chance to ask as she grabbed her lunch and strode boldly out of the room, daring anyone to stop her. On impulse, still watching the door, she drew a card.
X: WHEEL OF FORTUNE
Well, that's hardly a shock, she thought. One of the more straightforward cards, it simply indicated change, for good or ill. On the first day of high school that could apply to literally any of the girls there, including herself, Eli, and the small girl with the flashing eyes. But something seemed wrong about that thought, and Nozomi knew to trust her intuition. There was more to the story, something important, that she was yet to see.
She had no chance to ponder further as she was surrounded by a crowd of girls, eager to know more about the cards. It seemed fortune telling was popular in the area, and she knew the opportunity to get on good terms when she saw it. So she shelved the matter of Ayase Eli for the time being, and began to explain the cards and how she used them.
Over the next few days, she found that she simply couldn't let things be. Eli wouldn't leave her mind, even when she was trying to study. There was something important about her, beyond her beauty and confrontational nature. Although the girl's self-imposed isolation bothered her greatly, there was a deeper issue she couldn't quite identify. At last, when she couldn't hold back any longer, things came to a head.
"Please be friends with me!"
The exclamation surprised her as much as Eli. Both stood on the stairs in shock, just staring at leach other for what seemed like forever.
She must have seen something in Nozomi's eyes at that moment. Whether it was desperation, or conviction, or perhaps something neither of them understood yet, she must have seen it. Maybe she, too, felt there was more to be said between them. Because despite herself, she reached out to accept the friendship that was on offer.
They were quiet the rest of the day, but after class Nozomi sought her out. "How lucky that you and I live fairly close," she said, hoping to break the ice. "Perhaps we could walk home together now and then?"
Eli smiled. "Yes, I think we could. It's an awfully lonely walk, and I still don't know my way around. Perhaps you could show me?"
"Actually, I'm new here myself. My parents move quite often due to work. Was it the same for you?"
Briefly, it seemed as if a shadow passed over Eli's features. The change was subtle, but impossible for an experienced people-watcher to miss. Then it was gone, and her mood returned to normal. "I lived out of the country for a long time. In Russia."
Nozomi let out a slow whistle. "You've got me beat, I was only in another prefecture. Say, I don't know the area too well yet, but I did notice a parfait shop nearby that I've been dying to try. Why don't you come with me?"
It wasn't the must subtle change of subject in the world, but Eli didn't seem to mind. "I suppose I could. Lead the way."
Over the following weeks, the two of them got to know each other better, laying the groundwork for Nozomi's first genuine friendship. Even at this early stage, she was certain that she had found the thing that she'd wanted most, a relationship that would last. Even if, and likely when, she had to leave. Privately she swore that she would stay in touch no matter what.
Their friendship wasn't all one-sided. Eli also began to come out of her shell, softening her resistance to her classmates. Whatever the issues she still kept close to her chest, the other girls weren't at fault, and isolation would only hurt her in the end. It would still be some time before she could really open up, but she had begun to change. For now that was enough.
As weeks turned into months, Nozomi found a chance to volunteer at a nearby shrine. She felt the need for more spiritual experience in her life, and when the opportunity arose she jumped at it. She fit in almost immediately, although Eli didn't understand the attraction. Instead, she began to show an interest in how the school was run, and when they couldn't hang out together she was often in the student council room. As they both found things that interested them, their friendship grew to the point where Nozomi knew that it would be very hard on her when they eventually had to part.
That was when the change she foresaw truly began.
A cool Wednesday in Autumn found her and Eli walking home as usual. Nothing that day was out of the ordinary, not even the all-too-routine surprise quiz that both of them managed to breeze though. They did miss each other at lunch, but only since a pair of second years had abducted her friend for some sort of student council business. Even that wasn't unusual given her growing reputation as "the charming and clever Ayase-san", although she did look forward to their after school time as compensation.
As they made their way down the avenue to the school gates, she noticed something unusual after all. The twin-tailed girl she spotted at the beginning of the year was there, apparently passing out fliers of some sort. Two other girls, who she didn't recognize and who seemed much less comfortable, accompanied her. Nozomi hadn't forgotten her. They passed each other in the hall now and then, although they had never spoken. Since they did not share any classes, there had been no chance to get to know anything but her name.
Catching her eye, she girl bounded over to press a sheet of paper into her hands, then did the same with the much less receptive Eli. She still wasn't used to people getting inside her personal space, despite Nozomi's best efforts.
"Hi!" the girl said brightly. "I'm Yazawa Nizo! My friends and I will be performing a live idol show this Friday after school! I'd love for you to come, don't miss it!" With that, she struck a pose, flashed a brilliant if somewhat childish smile, and bounded off to the next person. It felt like there was a gust of wind as she passed by.
After a moment of staring at her in silence, Nozomi turned her attention to the flier. It basically said the same thing, plus details about the time and place along with a cartoon of three girls in frilly dresses. Nico, of course, was right out in front. It was anything but professional work, but undeniably charming.
"What's this idol thing," Eli asked. There were times when Nozomi would forget that her friend had spent much of her life abroad. Then there were moments like this, where she'd would slip a word of Russian into a sentence, or fail to understand some part of Japanese culture. It was startling, not only the sudden reminder, but how rarely they happened.
"You wouldn't have seen them back in Russia, I suppose. It's a very Japanese sort of thing. Idols are basically young female entertainers. Sometimes they act, but mostly they sing and dance while wearing costumes like the ones on the flier. I imagine they're more popular around here since we're so close to Akihabara. I wonder if they're self-taught..."
She trailed off, realizing that Eli had already stopped listening. Her back was straight, just as it was on the first day of school. Her whole body seemed so tense she was quivering. A harsh expression had settled in around her eyes that Nozomi hadn't seen before, although she didn't seem to be looking at anything in particular. Could that angry gaze be directed within? Nozomi didn't know, but it seemed clear that the trigger had something to do with Nico and that flier.
She knew desperate action was needed. Slipping around her friend, who didn't seem to notice, she slipped her hands around her friend's body and gave her chest a good, hard squeeze.
"An opening!" she announced, all but drowned out by Eli's scream. It might have been a crude distraction, but it was undeniably effective. And Nozomi had to admit, it was kind of fun too.
"Wh-wh-what was that for!?" Eli shouted, pulling away and covering her breasts with her arms before noticing that she was attracting all the attention. Her blush was spectacular. All the previous tension was gone however, as if it never happened.
Nozomi slipped in close, calmly placing a finger under Eli's chin. "You may be clever and charming, my dear Elichi, but you'll never get far if you leave yourself wide open like that," she said with the most angelic smile she could muster. "Now we'd best be off. I need to finish my homework before heading off to the shrine."
Before Eli could react, she slipped her arm through her friend's and all but pulled her down the path, setting a jaunty pace. She didn't know what just happened, but she needed to separate Eli and Nico, who by now had stopped gawking and returned to passing out fliers. Something lay buried just under the surface that she hadn't sensed before, and Nico stirred it up. They'd have to deal with it sooner or later, but not now, while things were so raw.
Over the next couple of days however, Eli's issues did not dominate her mind as much as the flier lying on her desk. She couldn't fully tear herself away from it. Even at the shrine, it lingered in the back of her mind. She returned to it again and again, to the point where there wasn't a single detail she hadn't seen and studied, and by Friday it was already frayed at the corners from being handled so much.
She knew she couldn't talk to Eli about it. No sense bringing up matters neither of them were ready to touch on yet. But there was something about the flier, and Nico herself, that tickled like an itch she couldn't quite reach. Even her cards were no help, every result was too vague. Still, the spirits were clear. The only way she would learn more was to attend the idol show.
Of course she went alone. She gave Eli an excuse about needing to stay late and sent her home alone. It didn't feel good to lie to a friend, even to protect them. But there was something about this show she had to see for herself.
For an unofficial school event there was a decent crowd, about half-filling the auditorium. She saw a few familiar faces here and there, but no one she knew very well. That was a relief, at least she'd be able to concentrate on the show, and the unsettling feelings that were even stronger than before. What is it about this show that won't let me go, she thought to herself, eyes fixed on the curtain.
Once it rose and the music began, she knew, or rather felt, the answer. Her intuition was almost shouting in her ear, drowning out the introduction to their song, that this was what her cards had been telling her about at the start of school. Deep within herself, she could feel the Wheel begin to turn. Whatever fate had in store for her, this was the moment where everything began, and she had to watch closely.
For all its personal significance, it wasn't a great performance. Even before they began to dance the mis-matched costumes, probably thrown together with whatever they could buy and scrounge from their own wardrobes, revealed their inexperience. Only Nico looked remotely comfortable, the other two unprepared to be performing in front of an actual crowd. It was likely their first time on stage, and they were understandably scared. Once the lights go up, there's no one to help, and even their leader didn't have the strength to keep all three afloat.
One of the girls could sing at least, but she missed her cue and couldn't get her steps right, throwing them all slightly off balance. The other, although she seemed to be able to do both, was too stricken by nervousness to do either well. As the mistakes mounted, their nerves fed each other to the point where their teamwork totally fell apart. Nozomi felt a strong pang of sympathy for them; this had to be a frightening and embarrassing experience.
Nico, taking the role of centre, was another matter. She may have had no more experience than the others, but her confidence more than made up for it. It was as if the spotlight was her natural environment, and she was truly breathing for the first time. She sang well and danced well, for her level of skill and despite the growing chaos on the stage, making the difference between them even more obvious. To Nozomi, she almost literally shone. Her eyes, which flashed the first two times they met, now fairly blazed, and for a moment she wondered if this girl would blind her. The rest of the audience may not see it, but Nozomi saw the potential for so much more.
To their credit, none of the three gave up. It would have been so easy to run but none of them did. Nico never would, of course, it wasn't in her nature. But the other two played their parts as best they could until the end, which was impressive in its own way. She wondered if she was even that brave.
When they finally took their bows and accepted the applause, there was no joy in it. There was no enthusiasm in the audience, merely a polite recognition that they tried. It was ironic that Nico, who stood out so much, was the cause of their defeat. If she had been experienced enough to fit in with and support her group mates, they may not have failed at all, or at least their performance might have been charming. Instead it was a tragedy.
That should have been the end of it for Nozomi. But something about the show, something she couldn't quite identify, persisted just past the reach of her consciousness. Simply attending the show wasn't enough. Whatever impulse drove her to the auditorium that night wasn't finished with her yet; there was more of the story yet to come.
Stopping under a streetlight, she felt a strong urge to consult her cards. Perhaps now that she'd followed her instincts they would we more forthcoming. She gave a quick shuffle, letting the fresh impressions play across the surface of her mind, and drew a single card. She hardly had to glance at it to know what it meant.
XII. THE TOWER
Like the Wheel of Fortune, this was a card that promised change. But not gentle change. Ambition dashed, works destroyed, disappointment and ruin, the Tower spelled nothing less than catastrophe. In all its terrible beauty, was that not what she witnessed that night? She knew the trio would not survive. It was almost unthinkable any of them would return to the stage again.
So why does it feel like this is speaking of the future, she thought.
It wasn't like Nozomi to doubt her intuition. But she felt she had to, for fear of what toll an even bigger disaster would take on that hopeful, promising girl. But the more she tried to deny it, the more certain she was that worse was yet to come. Returning home, something stayed her hand from throwing away the flier that still remained on her desk.
That night she dreamt of idols.
There were not three girls on stage, but instead a large group whose faces she could not see. They moved with confident energy, singing and dancing as one before a mighty crowd who loved them. Even though she couldn't make out their features, somehow all of them felt close to her, like a family should. She woke with a smile, still feeling the thrill of being in the heart of such a show.
The next day, she passed Nico in the hallway as they changed classes. She was petite to start with, but somehow she felt even smaller, her presence diminished. Nozomi had the strangest feeling she was seeing her from a great distance, despite being only a couple of metres apart. Yet the girl kept her head high and pace steady, this time with an oddly familiar look in her eye. Something in that look troubled her, but she had no time to dwell on it.
"I heard what happened," Eli said when they arrived at class. There seemed to be an unusual note of sympathy in her voice. "Do you think she'll be all right?"
Nozomi shook her head. "I don't know. It was certainly a blow, but she seems pretty tough. Have you heard about the other girls?"
"Just that they were both absent today. I imagine they'll be changing clubs once they come back."
As expected, a few days later the news filtered down to the two of them that both girls had handed in their resignation together, once they felt they could show their faces again. As to Nico, she never let her feelings about it show. She simply came to class just as before and said nothing about it.
Nozomi didn't speak further with Eli about it. She still had a sore spot, which had something to do with idols. It was still too early to talk about it, even though sooner or later she knew they would have to deal with it. Her attitude toward Nico herself seemed to have changed, but that was all. Besides, Nozomi's own feelings remained unsettled. She still sensed that there was more to come, along with a growing conviction that she, Eli and Nico were all connected in a way she could not fathom.
The days rolled on, with their routine events and trivial concerns, and she did her best to put such thoughts to the side. She'd managed to stop dwelling on it at least, even though thoughts of the wanna-be idol still haunted her at times. The days passed as days do, until one rainy afternoon almost a month later.
She and Eli had just left school for their familiar walk home, and their familiar discussion of whether to stop for parfaits, when they both were confronted with a sight that made them stop in their tracks. It was as if time had been rolled back, for once again before them was a girl passing out fliers, moving from person to person as they headed toward the street.
The difference was that this time Nico was alone. By herself, she did her best to catch every single girl who passed by, doing her best to keep a stack of fliers dry under the large pink umbrella she carried. She found few willing to accept and some went so far as to dodge out of the way, averting their eyes as they passed. But the smile on her face never faltered, just moving on to the next as if nothing had happened. It made Nozomi want to cry.
Eli started walking with a start, refusing to even acknowledge Nico's presence. Her back was once again stiff and straight, but there was a sadness about it as well. Following behind, Nozomi wordlessly accepted a flier and tucked it into her bag without looking. They did not speak of the matter afterwards.
Safely at home, she retrieved the flier for a closer look. Like the first, the new playbill had a cartoon of an idol, although much more crudely drawn. Clearly Nico had not been the artist of the group. But once again, it carried the feeling that something important would happen if she went, together with a slight sense of dread. It didn't take a psychic to see how the performance would go.
Only a handful of people were in the auditorium that Friday night. It was a wonder there were any at all, and even the stagehands did their best to keep out of sight. Those that did come were not fans. They were merely curiosity seekers, satisfying a morbid urge to see her fail for real. In a way, Nozomi felt as if she were here for the same purpose, although she wished success were possible.
Nico took the stage precisely on time, wearing a slightly altered version of her original costume. She stood there silently for several seconds, until Nozomi began to wonder if the crew had abandoned her. She probably would have done her number even if that were true, and even if the room were dark and empty. It was the bravest act she had ever seen.
But the music did begin, and she launched herself into her number. This time she truly was alone on the stage, and without anyone to help her look good, her lack of training was even more obvious. Yet she moved forward out of sheer defiance, refusing to cut her act short even though she had nothing left to work with. She wasn't an idol putting smiles on people's faces that night. She was merely a girl, dancing along before a few people who didn't care. Plus one who knew this was a tragedy even worse than before, and a hot, wet feeling running down both cheeks.
At the end there was no applause. But Nico went through the motions as if she had received an ovation, bowing to the backs of the people who had already begun to leave. This had to be what the cards told her about. The moment where one girl's dreams were crushed, right before her eyes. But why? Why was it so important to see this happen?
The answer came at the very last second, before the curtain fully closed. As the only one who remained in her seat, she was also the only one to see. In Nico's eyes, in that instant before she was alone and the tears came, was a look of proud defiance. It was only a momentary flash, but it shone like a searchlight to Nozomi. It was much the same look she saw in Eli's eyes the day they met, the look of a girl defeated by the world yet not willing to ever surrender.
Those eyes, more than the performance itself, were what remained with her on the way home that night. There was no way she could help yet, she was sure of that. But maybe someday. Sitting at her desk later that night, she again looked at the two fliers and thought of those eyes. What is it fate wants me to do, she asked herself.
Once again, she dreamt of idols. She saw the same group as before, and the same enthusiastic crowd singing along. They were radiant and happy, just what Nico must have aspired to be. And yet...among the girls, whose faces she still could not see, was Nico herself, dancing with much greater skill than she had at either show. It was incredible to watch her, absolutely in her element under the spotlight. But not alone this time, beside her was another familiar face which came as a greater shock.
On that stage was Eli, who had twice gone cold at the very mention of idols. Her confidence was that of a professional, almost playfully matching her skill with those around her. Her steps were a joy to see, and in a moment of realization she saw that she was dancing them as well, taking her place between the two girls as if had always been there. It was an image as clear as looking into a mirror, but more than that it was a feeling. One of certainty, tinged with fate. This moment needed to be protected, one way or another.
Waking the next morning, the dream remained with Nozomi. She knew with every ounce of spiritual power she possessed, that what she saw was no dream, but a vision. She, Nico and Eli had all experienced hardships, but she had found the path to happiness for all of them. No one else could take them there.
That very day, she gathered up her courage and insisted to her parents that she remain in Otonokizaka, no matter what.
