The air was cool and I only needed a light jacket. I left the pile of invitations, left the living room with its comforting fireplace and old furniture. Joey hadn't come downstairs yet and I snuck away, holding onto the edge of the front door before I went, feeling like some new wind was about to blow me away.

I shivered in the slight cold, walking the familiar streets. It wasn't easy being me. Having these type of grand ideas, grand thoughts, having the ability to follow through, it made certain aspects of life difficult. I couldn't be here for Joey and Craig and Angela and still follow my heart. I couldn't be a wife and a mother and a crusader, too. The time had come to choose. I shook my head, my short red hair barely moving with the motion. I didn't want to choose.

I couldn't blame Kevin Smith but his arrival made me see what else there was. The fire in his eyes made me remember my own. I loved Joey, I keep saying that but it's true. I loved him, I love him, I love his gentle spirit and his sense of humor and the way he makes everything feel okay. But it isn't enough. Not for me. I need more.

Every step took me closer to Kevin's trailer. I looked up at the fancy tinsel of Younge Street, the smooth expanse of high rises, the blue glass of the rows of windows reflecting buildings and sky. I went by the Elgin Theatre, remembering the shows I'd seen there all the way back to childhood, the red velvet drapes and the carved dome ceiling. Every step was taking me farther away.

Leaving Joey was one thing. Pushing Craig to go to England when it wasn't the right thing for him, I bit my lip and felt this deep guilt over that. I hadn't done it with maliciousness, I'd thought it would be fine. Craig wasn't a child anymore, after all. I felt bad that I hadn't considered all he'd been through, the bipolar and everything.

I shook my head. It was done. Things were ending, and I was feeling the sadness of that. I could see the trailer, saw the light reflecting dimly off of it's shiny sides. I hugged myself, shivering inside my jacket, and headed up the wooden steps.